Rhys couldn’t move. He could barely breathe. He couldn't tell what time it was, but he didn’t remember a point in his life when he’d been allowed to sleep in so late. In his bewilderment, the notion that there wasn’t much point in moving prevailed. If it were possible, it would be nice to rot here and be released.

His deeds at Sunmer. They were all going to be so happy. So proud of him. But those people, what he’d done…

Guilt, sympathy, and shame. A soldier couldn’t give in to these things. It was unforgivable. All weakness was.

The one person he felt he could trust was also the only one he figured might understand. If he could just get to his feet and make it to her, then… But it was so hard to move. Bed was such a safe place.

It was Hollyhock and Shark intruding on his numb solitude that pushed him out. They were screaming with laughter, enjoying themselves. That was what he was supposed to be doing. He was supposed to feel wonderful and accomplished. Okay. Okay, he could do that.

So he clomped down the stairs and strode to them with a sigh. “What’s happened now?” There was always something.

“What hasn’t happened?” Hollyhock waggled his eyebrows.

“Okay?” Rhys frowned. “Are you alright?” Shark looked upset, and the thought of dealing with their emotions was an annoyance. Rhys’ logic told him he’d be happy to help, but his emotions were turbulent and disagreed. He wanted to force everything out.

Hollyhock glanced at Shark, so they answered. “It’s fine. Besides, I’ve been wanting to talk to you anyways.”

Hollyhock languorously spread out his arms and legs. “Yes, Rhys! Lay with us! I wanted to come check on you cuz you had such a long day yesterday.”

“I’m fine.” He settled next to Hollyhock and folded his hands on his stomach. “Did the council give a verdict?”

“No punishment for the fort thing. As all’s well that ends well. Everyone’s celebrating your great deeds, Mister Hero, and all us soldiers got the day off. Iree told everyone to let you and Dorothea sleep, so that’s basically all you missed,” Hollyhock explained.

“Hero,” Rhys scoffed. “Sure.” He sat up to see Shark. “How is she?”

“Resting. It’ll be a while yet, probably, but she’s fine.”

“But other than that, she’s alright? Really?”

Shark laughed and sat up too. “It’s fine, I said.”

“Are… Are visits okay?” He had to sort out yesterday, all of it, before he fell apart.

“No guarantee she’ll be awake, but sure, I guess.” Shark laughed. “Eager, aren’t you?”

In his own way, maybe. “She’s a person you can’t help but worry about.” Her magic made such a mess of her.

“I hear ya. But I’ve never really minded that. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone to fawn over.” Shark yawned and stretched. “Granted, it’s annoying sometimes how she doesn’t take care of herself…”

“Speaking of bothersome things,” Hollyhock interjected, “Rhys, I was asked to remind you that our bi-to-tri-weekly family get-together dinner card game board game extravaganza is coming up again! You better come this time. Your parents aren’t as fun without you there. Come on, cousin. Puh-leeease?”

Rhys felt like his body was sinking into the floor. The thought of having to put on a smile in front of all of them while pretending to enjoy playing cards… “I told you, I was busy. I’m never not busy.”

“Sure, sure, whatever you say. Busy being a broody man of brooding darkness.”

“I still can’t believe you two are related,” Shark noted, snickering at Hollyhock’s assessment.

Hollyhock grinned. “Of course! Don’t you notice the similarities between our dashing good looks?”

“Sure…”

“Why’d you say it like that?!”

Rhys sighed. “You’ll be okay without me, Hollyhock.” It was himself he was worried about. Gods, what was he going to do about Iree? Their relationship would probably never be the same, but was it broken? Was it even worth salvaging, given the games she was playing now?

Hollyhock groaned. “I’m really relying on tonight, though! I need things to go well. Mark my words, you two, this will not be a lonely evening for Hollyhock Novak! Shit, that means I’ve got to get pretty.”

Rhys shrugged. “That’s the price you pay.” Far easier to just stop caring about things like that. Not that he’d actively tried to give up on romance and sex, it was more like… Things that had once been of great interest no longer were.

Hollyhock stuck his tongue out. “Shut up. You’re a total mess, but people still love you. You know none of my pain.” He paused. “No, I take that back. You’ve been able to have your fun, but there’s never been one person you genuinely liked that’s liked you back. That’s harsh.”

“Wow. It’s so kind of you to lay all that out,” Rhys remarked.

“How about you, Shark?” Hollyhock smiled up at them. “Ready to join us lonely bachelors in our misery?”

“I’ll let you know,” Shark laughed.

“Alright!” Hollyhock jumped to his feet. “I’m gonna go start getting ready. Hollyhock feels like being a bit more feminine tonight, and that’s gonna take a while. See you two tonight?”

“If I must,” Rhys muttered.

“You do must!” Hollyhock winked. “It’ll be a great time, I swear. Later, Shark. Lemme know if there’s ever anything I can do.”

Shark smiled. “Sure, thanks.”

Rhys turned to Shark after his cousin’s bouncy exit. “Something going on?”

“Nothing too much worse than the usual amount of fuckery.”

“I’ll take that.” He stood and stretched. “I should clean up too. Maybe.” Facades were important. It was best to continue being as people needed and expected.

“Hey, buddy.” Shark hopped to their feet and looked into Rhys’ eyes while wearing an uncertain frown. “You okay?”

Rhys smiled without thinking because it seemed like the best thing to do. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just…” Shark shook their head. “Never mind. I’ll leave you to it. Later.”

As they walked away, something unknown and fearsome pulled at Rhys. Shark had touched on something he hadn’t put into words, regardless of how deeply they had meant to reach or not. Rhys didn’t know what to do, who to talk to, or how to ask, but… He needed help.

Not that there was a point. The shame of a soldier admitting that he was so lost and weak, much less the fact that there wasn’t even an established person or place to go to with these sorts of illicit concerns, made it all impossible. Maybe Dorothea would… No, even with her, best to keep it all to himself. He would hold himself together with aching stitches, like always.