Cerid had watched as Shark carried a slumbering Dorothea all the way from Sunmer to Springen, refusing to hand her off for fear of waking her. He watched now as they tucked her in snugly to Hollyhock Novak’s bed in a room a quarter of the size of one of the Creed house bathrooms. They wiped tracing smears of blood from her face with a sure but delicate touch, brushed hair from her forehead and wiped sweat from her brow. All of this was done with a tender but serious expression that looked odd, almost incorrect when compared to the quirking grins Shark usually displayed.

It all spoke of love, a deep love that made Cerid feel wondrous and despairing. He could only hope for a fraction of a love like that in his lifetime, and, if he were completely honest, the hope in his heart of hearts bore Shark’s name and visage. No, it wasn’t that he was in love. Still, who wouldn’t fall for someone who said the words they had so desperately wanted to hear for so long with full sincerity and a smile on their face? Someone who said that he, pathetic as he was, was worth it?

Shark had accepted Cerid’s flaws, embraced them and him enough to go as far as trying to help him overcome the things about himself he hated. Cerid had been so overcome that he’d done things he’d never have otherwise considered. He’d been angry at himself, at Shark, at the whole world when he really had no one but himself to blame. He’d initiated the kiss, after all. But what Shark had said… As if it could ever be so easy as Cerid dropping everything and living however he pleased! There were people to protect, and that meant giving away ownership of his body and soul.

Still, even the smallest fraction of hope for something more true to himself had thrown his emotions into turbulence. He wanted to hope for the future, and that made him even more scared that he wouldn’t be able to grasp the things he wasn’t allowed to try and see. All of it together scared him almost more than anything else ever had. He hadn’t even been so scared earlier when he’d lost his life.

Cerid, Shark and Ariana had been killed because Cerid and Shark had chosen to stay and argue in the forest. The conversation had gone back and forth continuously between Shark arguing for the group to go into Sunmer against Rhys and Dorothea’s requests and Cerid advocating for them to heed the complexities of the issue as Rhys had put forth and go back to Springen, or, alternatively, to wait until they came back. It devolved from there into a tangent about how long they should wait before intervening, which brought them back around to rehashing the first point of the conversation in an endless cycle. Ariana had ignored them and settled down to sit against a tree and pick idly at blades of grass, ripping them into thin strings or chunks before tossing them into the air in small dispersing batches of confetti.

When Cerid heard the noise approaching them, the crack of trees caving, he’d stood facing the direction he pinpointed the enemies would enter from with a hand outstretched and his sword drawn. Shark and Ariana remained behind him, the former with their hands splayed on the ground and the latter hissing out a pained breath as her blade of magic sliced through her hand in its unsheathing. Carving through the earth as a fish through calm water, the ice came to them. It was dispelled easily enough, and Cerid moved to cut down the Marley girl as she landed awkwardly on her one working foot. However, from behind her, a much smaller and more deadly figure slipped.

Gren Fall was faster than Cerid had anticipated despite the fact that he’d seen his work at Sunmer previously. Though Shark put up pillars of earth to stop his advance, Johanna Marley’s ice cut through in vicious spikes to create narrow openings for her comrade to edge his thin body through. A short knife flashed in his hand, and, as he emerged directly in front of Cerid through a tumbling mass of soil and ice, all Cerid could see was its silver teeth. He had had just enough time to register Shark grabbing him and flipping their positions.

He heard Shark cry out as blade met flesh, and then they fell to the ground dead with a touch from the Fall boy, pinning Cerid beneath their body. Ariana yelled something, a curse followed by Cerid’s name howled with what he almost thought might be concern. But Cerid, with the lightest tap of Wither magic, had died as well. It was frighteningly simple for the Ghurians with a man like that on their side, if Cerid could call the Wither-user a man at all. He hardly seemed human.

In the present, Cerid still had trouble processing what had happened. So, as confusion mixed with gratefulness and fear, this is what emerged from his mouth: “Your behavior was utterly foolish, Shark. You should not have done such a thing.”

Shark laughed, sheepish and not at all offended by Cerid’s choice of words. At least, he thought and hoped so. “Yeah, I know. I think part of me knew I should’ve let you stay in front, but I panicked.”

“I understand. Wither is a fearsome thing. But still, I would have thought—”

“Cerid. Buddy. I’m gonna have to stop you right there. Well first let’s not have this discussion where Thea’s trying to sleep.”

“Right. That she is.” Cerid had been so self-absorbed he’d all but forgotten the girl was snoring a soft purr near them.

Shark chuckled. “C’mon.” They pulled Cerid out into the hallway, shutting the door behind them soundlessly. The next space they ducked into at random was a miniscule bathroom, sink and shower a sparkling white. Tan rugs and a pale yellow shower curtain gave it a homey enough if not rather sterile feel. “I figure this works.” Shark shrugged.

Cerid did not see what particularly worked about it at all. “Perhaps.”

Shark cleared their throat. “Anyways. I didn’t panic because I was scared of the little guy. Though he’s pretty fucking terrifying, I admit. I panicked because you were going to get hurt. And probably die. Which we all did. My fault, I know.”

“I see.” He did not see.

Shark clacked their teeth together twice, looking off to the side. “I, uh… To tell the truth, I really didn’t want either of us to die without you and I having worked things out. I mean, I’d rather not die at all, but you know.”

Cerid’s heart felt like it was melting. “Yes. I, too, would like to come to an understanding.”

Shark smiled, seeming what Cerid thought was relieved. “I really am sorry. I didn’t think properly about the position you’re in or what you’d have to do to blend in. It’s easier said than done to take your life into your own hands.”

Cerid kept his voice at a whisper due to an illogical fear that someone might be listening in on them and go and tell his family everything. “I am sorry as well. I do not want to begrudge you for having the life I wish I could have.”

Shark frowned. “I… I wanna say one thing, even if it makes you hate me.”

Cerid nodded.

They took a deep breath. “Okay. You, well… You keep insisting that you’re powerless, Cerid, but that’s not true,” they insisted.

Cerid’s defenses rose on protective instinct. “But how could I have overcome—”

“I’m not saying it’s easy,” Shark interrupted. “And I don’t think it’s wrong for you to have chosen to protect yourself and blend in to make it bearable and survive. In the end, though, the most important choices are always a matter of giving something up that’s dear to us. Even if you feel like the whole world’s turning against you.” They put a fist over their heart. “That’s what I staked my life on. So I know for a fact that if you decided to give up more and fight harder, your world would change forever.”

“What…” Cerid’s very heart felt to be trembling.

“You don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not. It’d be fucking hard, and you’d lose a lot, but the choice is there. So, it’s like…” They shook their head. “I know. It’s been awful for you already. It hurts. And you have so much more to lose than I did. But at the same time, please don’t say there’s nothing to be done. Own that you choose to stay where you are rather than make those other kinds of sacrifices. You won’t make it otherwise.”

Denials and rage died in Cerid’s throat. Shark was right. No one was forcing him. It was a matter of weighing risk and reward, and he didn’t know what to do with that. “Then what do I do now?” he whispered.

Shark looked thoughtful. “You’re going to be powerful one day, Cerid. I mean, you’ll lead the Creed family and the Sacerian council! What’s stopping you from changing the rules? Changing this whole world if you want! That’s where your choice lies. That’s a potential I know other people, people like Ariana, for instance, would kill for. Uh, literally in her case, probably, but you know what I mean.”

Him? The worthless Cerid Creed, doing something good for others. Did he have the right to say he wanted to fight for others when he was so pathetic by himself? But it wasn’t about that, was it? Even if he had no license, the right thing to do would always be the right thing to do. “Then… Will you help me find a way?” he asked.

Shark’s smile was gentle and excited and so many more strange, beautiful, confusing things at the same time. “Of course. I really do want this world to be better, you know. If the future is going to be one where Sacer stands free of Ghurian threat, then we’ll have major opportunities to look inside the society we’ve created and change it for the better. In a world without war, there will never be anyone else who was rejected like I was, for reasons like that. If we don’t have to breed for the sake of building the army, we’ll be able to love whoever we want. I’d like to make that a reality.”

Cerid caught his breath. “In a world such as that… Even I could…”

Shark cleared their throat, looking what was either nervous or nauseous. “Yeah.”