On most occasions, Iree’s mind would be narrowly focused on a singular goal. Careful plans would dominate her thoughts and keep her up at night. How to defend, who to post where and with whom, how best to safely transport supplies, how to reassure the Sacerian citizens of eventual victory despite lack of results. In a brief respite, none of these matters currently plagued her.

The time had finally come; the Sacerians were going to win the war. Sure, it would mean keeping Dorothea happy in the process, being careful not to push her too hard in every sense, but she seemed like an amiable, naive, and very predictable young woman. Her guilt made her pliable, so what Iree said would go without question. It was good to know that.

That was why she’d sent Rhys with her on their private tour two days prior, wanting his assessment of her after some isolated time. He’d agreed with her that Dorothea was a bit spacey, could and would lose herself in her own nerves, and was, well, a big pushover who was easy to please, though he’d mostly just sung her praises like a fool. Any of that, Iree could make use of if needed. Rhys himself had no clue how calculated she was in asking all about the girl and answered all of her questions with annoying little smiles and laughs.

“Iree. Iree. Hey.” A tired sigh just barely reached the edges of Iree’s perception, she was so lost in thought. And then her nose was pinched, hard.

“Fuck!” She was yanked back into the space of her office. All of the candles had been lit, and they were the only source of light. The room felt thick with the almost overbearing scent, but Iree found it restful. The more mellow and serene the environment, the better she was able to think.

Rhys effortlessly blocked the punch she lashed out with by catching it against his palm. “Welcome back. I lost you there for a minute.” He smirked for an instant, then laughed.

“Asshole,” Iree grumbled.

Because of the promise of Atlin’s magic, Iree was more free to fantasize about what a future without war would hold. One question wouldn’t stop being begged: how did Rhys Tamlin see her? He always looked into her eyes when she spoke and not at her chest, which she both appreciated and loathed entirely. Would it really be so bad for him to notice some of her appeal? He didn’t even react when she went as far as to ask him what kind of underwear she should buy. He gave everyone the same smile, the same generalized niceness. The few halfhearted dates he’d been on since the war had started hardly compared to Iree getting engaged over the course of it. That was over now, though, because Dale was…

“And I’ve lost you again.” Rhys’ sigh brought her back to the real world once more, the one where her desire for love was lost in a haze of battle and bloodshed.

“You haven’t,” Iree said gruffly. “I just don’t know what else you want. You approved my plan, and so did Hollyhock.” Hollyhock had left to go home for a family dinner a while ago, in fact, just as soon as things had looked spick and span. Iree and Rhys had been sitting in silence for a while now.

Rhys slowly went through a few more pages of the book on tactics he’d been poring over before he eased it closed, keeping his place with a finger. “Can I talk to you about something?”

Iree’s heart skipped a beat, and she found herself short of breath. “Yes?”

“It’s Dorothea.”

Right. Of course. “What about her?” Iree spoke too cheerfully. She felt like a fucking idiot, getting excited over nothing.

“You meant what you said, right? That you’ll try to safeguard her life through this?”

“What, did I look like I was lying?”

“No, no. I didn’t phrase that right. I know you meant it.” He crossed his arms and smiled sheepishly. “Maybe I just wanted you to reassure me.”

“Rhys, it’s not like I want her to die. Of course I’m going to save every life I can.”

He looked relieved. “I admire you for that.”

Her heart fluttered once more, and she detested it. There was no use in overanalyzing the potential meaning of every little thing. Being admired didn’t mean she was loved. There was no point in thinking about him this way, no point in wanting to be with the person who understood her heart and its griefs most… She and Rhys had shared so much, their minds, bodies and souls, yet his love was out of reach.

“Since you brought her up, what else do you think of her besides what we already talked about?” She just wanted him to say something, anything, negative about her.

“She seems honest, maybe to a fault.” A smile twitched across his lips, and he chuckled.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing.”

She was feeling angry now despite knowing it was baseless. “Seriously, tell me! You’re being weird.”

“Fine, but you’re the one making a big deal of it. She’s, uh…” Rhys covered his mouth with his hand, as it had spread into a big, stupid grin. “She’s really cute. Like, in the awkward way she acts.” He dropped his hand and shook his head when he noticed Iree staring. “I don’t mean it like that. I just think it’ll be interesting to work with her. I’m looking forward to it.”

“But how much are you looking forward to it?”

“Now who’s being weird, Iree?”

“What, no I’m not. Fuck you, I’m not.”

“You are. But I should go if you feel fine with what you want to do next. We both need sleep.”

Yeah. She needed to just let him go. But you know what? Screw it. Going for broke was better than moping around. The end of the war was attainable, so there could be room for a future between her and Rhys if they didn’t have to worry about losing one another. “Rhys?”

“Hm?” He was moving like he was more than ready to leave, shifting about and wiping his hands on his jacket restlessly.

“Zeal’s Web is coming up soon.” Of the five yearly festivals spread throughout the calendar year in dedication to the Gods of the Pantheon of Old, Zeal’s Web was Iree’s favorite. It was the favorite of all those, young and old, with ambitions or lost moments in love held close to their hearts.

“So it is.” He didn’t sound excited, but at least he hadn’t forgotten about the event completely.

“Any plans?”

“Pending any attacks from Ghuria,” he said dryly, “it will just be a regular day.” He paused, looking thoughtful. “Maybe I’ll remember him at the chapel. Just for a little while.”

Iree was surprised he’d given voice to it. Rhys’ remembrance of their mutual friend, a boy dead for less than a year at this point, was usually silent and unseen. She saw his hand in his pocket often, though, petting at the pin he’d given as protection that served as a final memento of the departed.

Iree’s own hand went to the golden clover pinned to her scarf without thought. “Do you still feel the same way about him?” What a tragedy of its own it would be for her affections to be rejected on behalf of the dead.

Rhys smiled gently at her. “No, I don’t. Do you?”

“You know I’ll always love Dale. I agreed to marry him.” She had to say it now, lest she curse herself always for not having the balls to do so before the topic strayed too far off. “But Rhys, how do you feel about me?”

Of all possible responses, his was the worst. He laughed. “Like I feel about all of my close friends. What’s this all of a sudden? Feeling sentimental?”

If she pushed and got more specific, maybe she could drag a straightforward answer out of him. But that response was his version of a clear answer. Rhys wasn’t stupid. He’d just decided to play dumb to let her down easy, and that was… It was infuriating.

“You know, you could at least have the fucking decency to take this seriously,” Iree snapped. “I’m telling you I love you, asshole.”

His face fell. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I just don’t—”

“Just leave. This discussion never happened.” Though she knew how hypocritical it was, she also didn’t want to hear his plain answer. No need to drive a nail in.

He departed without another word. Iree would stay true to what she said. By the morning, it would be as if she’d never made the blunder. If Rhys wanted something from her, he’d have made it clear long before now, but still she had hoped and hoped… Why did Iree have to be so impatient and stubborn instead of just letting things go when it was clear there was no point? Why… Why did everyone have to go?

Laughing softly and helplessly, she dropped her face into her hands. “Oh, Dale…”