Ok… I’m a vampire… cool I can get behind that… vampires are badass right? Immortal hunter of the night, striking terror into the hearts of mortals at the mere mention of the name……… Even if garlic, sunlight, holy places, crosses, fire, decapitation, silver, moving water, and any sharp object through my heart will end this fun little adventure Sally sent me on…………………………

Fuck I am soooooooooooo screwed……………… AND FOR THE LOVE OF SALLY WILL THESE PEOPLE STOP STARING AT ME LIKE I’M FUCKING BROWNIES ICED WITH GLITTER AND GRANDMA'S LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even after they finished their… uh… meal, every one still shot glances at me like I was the last slice of pie at fat camp. Then there was Creepy Sexy Lady next to me who didn’t even notice the glass of blood placed in front of her.

She hasn’t broken off that stare she’s given me since we came into this room… actually now that I think about it I haven’t seen her even blink… that gives her another point in favor of the creepy side of her CREEPY/SEXY o’graph. Just ten more and I get a restraining order... and bodyguard.

“Tell me Cellafor Does this little one still have its father? I do not find anyone here that share his… unique… allure…” (Creepy/Sexy lady)

“Oh no, this little one’s father tried to leave when he found out I was expecting. Something about furthering the bloodline, or some nonsense like that… so I took care of him.” (PSYCHO-mom)

“Ah… yes that makes sense. I do believe that we should begin the traditional naming ceremony now.” (Creepy/Sexy lady)

“Very well my queen… I present to all of you my first-born, does any refute his birth?” (mom/Cellafor)

Mom stood up and walked to the middle of the room, then held me up as if I was some cartoon lion or something while everyone watched. I can see some drooling while looking at me, but no one says anything.

“Then I ask if any have a name noble and worthy enough for this little one?” (Cellafor)

“Dartus!” (???)

“Vladimar!” (???)

“Francisco!” (???)

“Mort!” (???)

Everyone starts calling out names, apparently the names that may become my own, and all the while Creepy/Sexy lady who apparently is the queen and the one who is REALLY in charge here… IS STILL STARING AT ME!!!

BY SALLY SHE HASN’T BLINKED FOR SIX MINUTES!!! That is NOT natural… Plus five creepy points!

“I like Mort…” (???)

“Yes a fine name for this little one.” (???)

“Francisco is still better, but Mort is good too I guess….” (???)

……………………………………………………………..NO IT’S NOT!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF SALLY AND ANY/ALL OTHER GODS THAT HAVE POWER IN THIS WORLD DON’T LET THEM NAME ME FUCKING MORT!!!!!!!!!

“He shall be named Altorus… that is final.” (Creepy/Sexy Queen)

Creepy/Sexy…. Errrr…. The queen stood as she said this and began walking towards us. As she walked all other noises in the room seemed to have come to a quick and silent end. She walked with the grace I had noticed in all the Vampires around me, but not the servants with collars for some reason… only she did it BETTER. It looked like the Queen glided to where mom stood and I hung with the same ease I could count to 10,000, and after the Void and the Place-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named that is damn impressive…

“Cellafor, come this ceremony is over and I have matters I wish to discuss with you.” (Queen)

She just turned and left the hall with full confidence that mom would follow her. I looked back at the other Vamps still seated at the table, but it seems that they just easily accepted all this and moved on to talking, drinking, and giving me the GET IN MY BELLY! eyes…

Mom began following the queen out and looked down at me.

“Looks like Queen Natasha has taken a liking to you little one. To get a name personal from the Queen is an unimaginable honor! I’m so proud of you!” (Cellafor)

Ok… maybe I was to quick to judge Psycho…… I mean mom. She does seem to love me in her own weird… borderline cannibalistic… way, but all the vampires I have seen so far are like that so maybe that’s just a weird quirk of the race. I’ll give her another shot. We can move past her weird… TASTING… habits and start over. I’ll be the perfect son and she can teach me to rule the night, turn into animals and stuff, and drink blood from the source without it getting all over the place. You know, vampire family bonding stuff. Maybe this won’t be so bad…

I TAKE EVERYTHING BACK!!! THAT PSYCHO SOLD ME!!!!!!!! My own Mother SOLD my ass to the queen! Where was the Motherly bond! Where were all the protective instincts!!!

I am currently lying in my NEW crib, wrapped in my NEW covers, in my NEW room. I’m sure I would be much angrier, but this place is even better than my old room. It has everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, I could need from childhood to late teens, which I know from the queens not so misguided attempt of giving a tour to a one day old baby. There are more cabinets and dressers than I will ever use in my life, two closets filled with all types of clothes and three full length dressing mirrors each…

From which I learned that vampires do in fact have reflections, and even vampire monsters of the night are CUTE AS HELL as little babies. Go figure.

Then there is the bathroom, with the fully equipped large steam bath and more bathing essentials than I knew ever existed. Topped only by my full lounge area with fancy engraved sofas, long couches, tables and an open air veranda overlooking an underground city lit with some sort of fake magic sun…

Apparently not all types of vampires die in sunlight, some even need light to see, or moving water. More things I learned from the Queen’s tour and the awkward “Bonding-With-New-Mommy Bathy Time” thing she did with me… it was the MOST embarrassing thing that has happened to me… EVER… she wouldn’t even stop when I started crying, in fact I think it made her try harder…

And lastly the bedroom with a full king sized bed that is Fluffier than anything I could’ve ever imagined sleeping on could be. Oh and the Viewing crystal that just kinda floats against the far wall and I assume from the Queen’s explanation is some sort of magical version of T.V.

All in all it’s a VAST improvement over my last room, but I can’t DO anything with ANY of this stuff since I am JUST THREE DAYS OLD!!!! This is like torture… show them all they COULD have but then have them UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING WITH IT while keeping it all within view.

At least the queen is better than mom… she hasn’t once tried to eat, lick, or otherwise molest me… exempting the Bath-Time incidents… so there’s that. Although the constant I-AM-YOUR-MOTHER-NOW-SO-LOVE-ME-AS-MUCH-AS-I-LOVE-YOU!!!! conditioning stuff she is doing TO A NEWBORN is beyond weird in a whole new way. She is seriously trying to hard with this, and I think there’s some type of magic camera or something in here she uses to watch me… I almost lost my cool when she talked about how cute I looked while I slept… I am beginning to think this whole “understanding speech while still a baby” is actually a curse…

But all that doesn’t matter now as I can finally practice feeling for my mana, and then using my powers, and then using magic, and THEN… CONCOURING THIS WORLD MUEHAHAHAHAHA…. But seriously I think I will need magic to just SURVIVE and explore this world, I mean who doesn’t want to go on an adventure journey in a new world right? That goes triple for an immortal fiend of the night.

I concentrated really hard and moved my conscious into the inner-mind I found when I was doing math in the Void. I looked for any of this so called ENERGY Sally oh so vaguely described to me.

And I looked…

And looked…

And looked…

Then I got bored and went to sleep…

Then the Queen came in and told me all about her day of ruling the eastern vampire houses, all while continuing Bath-Time-Embarrassment-Hell…

Then I went back to looking…

And looking…

Then imaging Sally’s screen going all blue-screen-of-death for not giving more details…

Then more looking…

And after the eternity that is a day and a half I found it…

My mana was hard to describe, it felt warm and cold at the same time, but strangely comfortable. Also for some reason it felt… well… it felt dark grey, like clouds just before a heavy rain. There wasn’t a whole lot of it, but I started to move it around inside my body anyway.

At first it was really hard and moved SUPER slow, but after two days it moved at a decent speed and seemed to almost move in pathways all by itself. Never one to go against the flow of my own body I stuck to those pathway things and things took off from there.

After a month or so, it got to the point my mana moved at a fast speed constantly and automatically through the pathways, so I tried to pull some out of my body to use…

And tried again…

And again…

Again and again and again…

Then I gave it a day and practiced doing baby stuff, you know giggling at nothing and putting limbs into my mouth for no real reason. It seemed to make the Queen happy and kill off any suspicions she may have about me so there is that…

Then back to trying to pull out mana…

More attempts…

Imagining coding a virus to infect Sally’s Screen to only display Star Wars quotes…

More trying…

And things went on like that for five months…

short chapter i know but i am making another one as you read this, unless it is already out.... than i probably am not.....

anyway i did not expect this to be so popular... or fun to write... or test my pop-culture knowledge... or anything else it is really to this extent. so anouncement time. i am putting F.F.G on official hiatus for now until i can get an editor and a plot outline for the monster that it is becoming, and in the meantime i'll be writing B.B. so everyone can cheer now!!! expect another chapter today and tomorrow, and after that... well... i'll try for at least 9 chapters before i let the laziness, anime, reading, and life take me away from the keyboard... just an update, more on this turn of events on the official site will be posted later.

[th_096_K.gif]

Author out