Danger Close

Acknowledging how angry the silently fuming Buffy looked took Xander a minute. Even in the vast amount of his Old Man memories, it was rare for Buffy to glare at him with such contempt. Standing ten feet from her, he could see the unnatural wrinkles of skin on her young, angered face. For the girl he cares about to direct her rage at him, hurt more than he thought it would. His chest felt tight and his skin was breaking out into a sweat, and he knew it wasn’t from his run. Xander could barely breathe under her glare, but he maintained eye contact, difficult as it was.

When he got lightheaded from not breathing properly, he walked forward as he greeted, “Buffy.”

Her tight fists were shaking, and the heartbroken slayer looked as if she was restraining herself from taking out her righteous condemnation on him. For his betrayal, she growled, “How could you?”

Xander stopped walking and deflated at her accusation. Looking like a sad puppy, he asked, “You really want me to answer that?”

“If you think you were doing something noble, or heroic, or some shred of good, then you were wrong!” she hotly declared. Taking a threatening step closer, she proclaimed, “We both know the only reason you did this was to break us up because… because I love him…”

It was hard to refute when he did want to break them up and did have feelings for her. Though, with Cordelia more romantically involved in his life, he felt his feelings for the blonde won’t always be the case. He felt confident he could move on, even if his mind always reminds him of future-Buffy confessing feelings for him.

Xander sighed before saying, “I’m sorry, Buffy-”

“No, you’re not!” She yelled, taking another threatening step forward. She truly appears to be holding herself back. Her fists were still balled and for the first time, he actually wondered if she would strike him. Instead, she continued yelling, “You’re not! You’re only sorry I found out it was you.”

Shaking his head, he replied, “That’s not it-”

“He even tried to defend you,” she interrupted again. “But you don’t deserve it!”

“Buffy-”

“We’re done!” she yelled with finality. “You’re out! No more Scooby Gang. No more plucky sidekick. Don’t come by the library. I never want to see you again!”

Buffy turned to leave, and though Xander had a nice joke lined up about seeing her in class, he expected it would only make this worse. So, the defeated teen said the only other thing he cared about. “Take care of Willow.” Her angry blue-green eyes turned to him as he continued, “Joint custody would stress her out too much and her magic can help you. Tell her I’ll miss her.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt his eyes heat with moisture and his face stiffen, like his sinuses swelled. Buffy cutting him off was tough, but to willingly cut himself off from Willow hurt sharply more than he expected. His chest was tight, his heart was pounding faster, and he couldn’t breathe normally. The edges of his vision closed in as if he were getting tunnel vision and Xander thought he would pass out. Breathing heavily, Xander wanted to take back his words, but he also knew Buffy would need a friend in Willow. And at the very least, he had Cordelia.

‘I have Cordy. I have Cordy. You’re fine. I have Cordy,’ he repeated to calm himself down.

Buffy left before he could say another word, then Xander struggled to his room. Gripping his chest, he wondered how this could physically hurt more than he was expecting. He expected Buffy would be angry, but when he walked into his room and saw the Excalibur he forged for her—plugged into the mattress of his made bed—he knew it was worse than he feared.

His window was open, and it appeared she climbed through while he was running. Moving closer to the sharp weapon he forged stabbed all the way through his bed like the sword in the stone. This almost felt like a declaration of war. Immediately, Xander felt panic rise through his body, as if the world was suddenly upside down. Buffy would always hate him, he’d never see Willow again, and nothing he did could change that.

Xander just jumped in the shower and let the cool water calm his overheated body and wash away his tears. Still fully clothed, he stayed under the showerhead for an hour before he felt frozen numb and drained enough to endure a grueling day of school. The walls of the hallways and classes seemed suffocating, like being locked in a casket. It took everything Xander had not to think some terrible calamity was about to happen.

Even Cordelia was worried by how silent and miserable Xander looked and didn’t even bother insulting him. It was obvious to the observant cheerleader in all the classes the four shared. Xander now sat as far away from his friends as possible. While Willow was sorrowfully looking between Xander and Buffy—like the friend stuck between two friends fighting—Buffy was angry at just being in the same room as him. The entire situation made him regret being the one to break them up. It’s only been a few hours, and already he couldn’t handle it.

For most of their class, Xander only wondered if looping back wasn’t better. Then Cordelia had enough of the elephant in the room and challenged the irate Slayer after classes let out for the day. Xander saw her stomping toward an irate Buffy and the conflicted Willow in the hallway, and he rushed to stop her.

Buffy ignored Cordelia, who managed to call out, “Uh, hello, Cutthroat-Buffy-” Xander tried to cover her mouth but the blunt princess still yelled, “What the hell’s her damage this tim-”

Despite all the students walking and watching them, Xander lifted Cordelia by her waist and led her away. He set her down when they were far enough, then led her to an empty storeroom. He barely closed the door before she demanded to know, “Okay! Jeez, what’s going on?”

Glumly, Xander took his time to explain everything that had happened; from his worries about Angel to getting Jenny’s help, to telling Angel about his curse. He leaned against the wall to hold himself up when he described how angry Buffy was at him that morning. Cordelia was silent while he explained everything. He might’ve assumed she would be empathetic to their collective circumstances since this situation sucked for everyone involved.

However, Xander was taken aback when Cordelia frustratingly disputed, “So she’s pissed at you because you learned what she should’ve known this entire time? Isn’t she the Vampire Slayer or whatever? How could she not know something that important? What if he turned and started killing people, like, for revenge? I’m one of the people associated with that little vampire butcher. He could come after me!”

In the darker storeroom, Xander could see her clearly, and more importantly, he gravitated to the support she was offering. Unable to laugh, Xander huffed in relief and slight amusement. The high-strung teenager felt like he could finally take a breath and relief flooded his tense body. Xander took a deep breath before calmly voicing, “That doesn’t mean she loves him any less.”

Eying him like he was crazy, Cordelia clapped back, “That should totally mean she should love him less! That’s what sane people do!”

“Last I checked, love doesn’t make a whole lot of sense,” Xander replied, clearly indicating their unique entanglement. Though he hated to admit it, considering the rapist Buffy has a relationship with in her future, Xander grimly asserted, “She loves who she loves.”

Cordelia snorted before pointing out, “And what are you? Chopped liver? I guess her love doesn’t extend to friends. Forget about them. You don’t need them, anyway.”

Taking a step closer to her, he asked, “Because I got you?”

“...Among other things,” she teased. Moving closer to him, she seductively asked, “Do you want to come over tonight? Mom won’t be back for another few days.”

Wrapping his arms around her lower back, he playfully asked, “Are you finally going to watch Star Wars with me?”

“Ugh!” her throat immediately regurgitated.

“Oh, come on,” he appealed, swaying her in his embrace. He played the wounded boyfriend as he asked, “Can’t you see I’m hurting here? I could use a pick-me-up.”

Her hands wrapped around his neck as she temptingly asked, “Wouldn’t you rather do something else with me? …That also takes place in the dark?”

Smiling, he assured her, “That was scheduled for after the movie.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes, but she held him as she replied, “Oh, fine! But only because seeing you like this is making me feel gross and empathetic.”

“Heaven forbid,” he jested, rubbing up and down her curvaceous waist and hips. Massaging her sides tickled her thrill, and she leaned in as he commented, “You know, that sounds dangerously close to girlfriend material. When are you going to tell your friends about me?”

“Can we not with the labels?” she asked, pulling back a little. She reminded him, “You already promised I’d say when and where. What we have is already pretty nutso, insane, and… and a-amazing, right?”

“Yeah, but you said we’d tell people,” Xander returned, letting her go and stepping back.

Crossing her arms, Cordelia proclaimed, “What’s the rush? We can still do everything couples do. Just not in public.”

Upset, Xander scoffed, backing away farther as he tells her, “And here I thought you were a girl who didn’t beat around the bush and said it like it is. If you’re too embarrassed to be with me, just say so.”

“…No- Hey, Xander. That’s not-”

Whatever remained of her comment died on her lips as an upset Xander left the storeroom.

Passing the library all day and being unable to enter his home away from home was just as tough as everything else. He walked by the second home no less than seven times, even when he didn’t have to. Leaving school to head to Dinks, Xander passed by one last time to get a glimpse of anyone when Giles happened to walk out of the double doors. The adult stopped abruptly and looked back inside before walking up to Xander.

He seemed nervous and sympathetic as he approached and said, “Xander, I… I just wanted to say that you did the right thing. Buffy might not be capable of seeing that at the moment, but give her time. I’m certain she’ll come around.”

Xander nodded in appreciation. The caring adult’s words made him feel better, and gratefully replied, “Thanks, Giles. Just, keep ‘em safe.”

“I will-” Giles stopped talking to look behind him. When Xander followed his eye line, he spotted Ms. Calendar walking down the hall toward them. She completely ignored Giles as he tried to voice, “Jenny-”

“Xander, in my office,” she sternly stated as she kept walking past them. Giles looked defeated and guilty, and Xander raised his eyebrows at the thick awkwardness in the air. Though he noticed the odd reversal of their positions. They were both having problems with women. Xander could hang out with Jenny while Giles got to hang out with Buffy and Willow.

Pointing with his thumbs, Xander muttered, “I’d better…”

“Of course,” Giles hastily replied.

Before Xander left the watcher, he snapped his fingers and informed Giles, “Oh, and Spike and Drusilla are still alive- or undead? They’re not dust. So, be careful.”

Perturbed by the information, Giles took his glasses off and began polishing them as he asked, “They- They- What do you mean they’re alive?”

Hooking his thumbs on the straps of his backpack, he answered, “I went back for the Du Lac Cross. You know, to use the gold in my smithing; the sword I made for Bu- Anyway, the rubble they were supposed to be mixed in was actually dug out, like, from within.”

Giles’ concentrated face asked, “You’re certain?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you, Xander,” he said before he took a step toward the library. He abruptly turned to add, “And again, just give her time. You’re a valuable member of this group, and I’m certain she’ll come around to seeing that.”

He nodded, however, he also felt skeptical about how needed he actually was. Xander had future memories that showed—other than a handful of moments—he wasn’t a very valuable member of the group. Shaking his head of depressing thoughts, Xander rushed into Jenny’s empty classroom. Her outfit was mostly black and dark purple. Her black skirt seemed slightly high for a teacher and her sheen purple blouse possibly had one too many buttons undone. He could almost see her black lacy bra and Xander wondered if she was dressed this provocatively all day. She sat at her desk cross-legged and going through papers as she waited for him.

The first thing she said was, “If he told you to say anything to me on his behalf, save it.”

“No,” Xander quickly assured her, sitting on the desk in front of the teacher’s table. “He hadn’t. But it was a little awkward,” Xander downplayed. “And by little, I mean drowning in it.”

“Mn, awkward like when your parents walk in right when the sex scene in a movie starts,” the sexy teacher joked.

The ordinary, yet sensual way she eyed him confused Xander. He didn’t know if she was trying for something or if he was reading too much into her demeanor. He kept it light and joked back, “More like that sex scene that came in on is of your parents.”

Jenny snorted and shook her head before bluntly asking, “So, you told her? I noticed some tension there.”

“Some tension?” Xander repeated in emphatic disbelief. “Some tension is reserved for the family meeting called after catching siblings kissing… all five of them.” Jenny shook her head, but listened when Xander asserted, “Buffy’s full-on nuclear meltdown right now.”

“What happened?”

“I told Angel,” Xander slowly answered. “He broke it off with her.”

“And Buffy’s angry with you,” Jenny voiced the obvious.

Xander clarified, “She looked like she wanted to cut my body in half with the edge of a penny.”

“She’s a young girl in love,” Jenny explained. “I imagine she’ll be angry for some time, but not forever. I’m sure she’ll eventually realize you don’t deserve to be frozen out.”

“We’ll see,” he glumly acknowledged. Before she could continue, he asked, “How are you?”

Looking up at him, she saw in his eyes what he meant. “I… don’t want to talk about it,” she sadly said. “We’re in school.” The sexy teacher swayed her attention to her papers as she offered, “But if you want to come over tonight, we can talk about it then… as friends.”

A cautious Xander was serious when he asked, “Just friends?”

“Xander,” she said with amusement.

He was lost about their interaction, but he wasn’t going to Cordelia’s and so answered, “Okay.”

At Wild Dinks, Xander began working on a second weapon; something for himself that’ll cheer him up; something exactly like Mjölnir. While using the nazel power hammer to square up the white-hot stock of round steel, Xander was a little worried about wielding the mystical weapon. He was using 4140 Chromoly steel to keep it tough yet durable. However, if his calculations were correct—eleven inches long, five inches high, four inches wide—the final construct would weigh close to two hundred pounds. It would be far too much weight for him to swing around in battle if magic didn’t enter the vessel and give him the strength to lift it.

After a long yet satisfying day hammering at the anvil, Xander showered at Wild Dinks before making his way to Jenny’s. When the beautiful teacher let him in, Xander couldn’t help noting how provocatively she dressed; comfy gray short-shorts, a white tank top, and a light sweater. She led him to her soft leather couch in the living room, then from the kitchen, offered him a glass of soda. She poured herself a glass of wine before turning on the TV and sitting next to him, crossing her toned and appealing legs. With drinks in their hands, they ignored what was on the television.

In her blunt way, she asked, “So, do you want to dance around what we really want to talk about for the next hour, or do we just want to say it right now?”

After taking a sip of his soda, he asked, “And what would that be?”

“You love Buffy,” Jenny flatly stated, and Xander hated how he couldn’t deny it without feeling like a liar.

With a sigh, he opened up and asked, “Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?”

“Of course she will,” Jenny emphatically answered, skirting closer to him. “At that age, it hurts like the world just ended and nothing exists but darkness and pain. Buffy just needs someone to blame, so she doesn’t hurt as much.”

Xander was feeling worse by the second, and didn’t want to talk about Buffy hating him. Changing topics, he asked her, “Would you forgive Giles?” Jenny instantly scoffed before taking a long swallow of wine. She looked angry, but he challenged, “Are we here to just talk about how my life imploded, or are we in the circle of trust?”

Jenny finished her glass of wine with the next swallow. After setting the empty glass on the coffee table, she turned to him, leaning her sexy frame on the couch as she gazed at him alluringly. She softly hinted, “We… don’t have to talk at all.”

‘She really was trying for something,’ he thought. Xander didn’t need Casanova to tell him what the sensual teacher wanted, and he couldn’t deny there was a strong desire to reach for such an amazing comfort; to forget about Buffy, Willow, and all his troubles. However, at the thought of Cordelia and his future self’s infidelity, Xander thought once was already too many, and slowly answered, “…We can’t.”

Placing her palms in the space between them, the flirtatious woman leaned dangerously close to look into his brown eyes as she sweetly asked, “Why? It’s nothing we haven’t done before.”

Xander couldn’t ignore how her short-shorts and low neckline tank top exposed a lot of sexy and warm flesh. However, at the thought of Cordelia, Xander shook his head of the arousal building and voiced, “That was different. It wasn’t because you were hurting-”

“Betrayed, Xander,” she hotly corrected, leaning back. With a heavy amount of irritation, she explained, “Giles didn’t just give me a boo-boo that a small band-aide can fix. He betrayed me. He stabbed me in the heart, which I don’t have to tell you hurts like hell… like you’ll never feel anything else.” Jenny stopped a moment to settle her overwhelming emotions, then, to his surprise, she straddled his lap. She caressed his face, neck, and chest as she confessed, “And, yes, I may want to sleep with you because it’ll feel infinitely better than this- this poison inside of me. But is that so wrong? We work together! And every time I see him, I remember all over again! I just want to stop thinking about it for one merciful minute out of the day.”

The pain and desperation on her face, Xander quite simply felt terrible for her. He wasn’t the only one hurting, feeling betrayed, and he could empathize with the noxious gas suffocating his lungs. He’d want just as much comfort as Jenny. Xander thought he’d get that comfort from Cordelia, which only stung more to know how embarrassed she was of him. But he’s already cheated on her once, and he can’t do that again. He may not have liked Old Man Xander’s trajectory in life, but his mistakes were Xander’s lessons as well.

Xander peered her in her sad eyes and confessed, “I’m… sort of dating… Cordelia.” From her confused expression, it almost appeared as if she couldn’t visualize the concept of Cordelia and Xander in a romantic relationship. Slowly, Jenny grew to look shocked, and he answered her stunned expression. “Yeah,” he said in understanding. “She doesn’t want anyone to know because, well, she’s Cordelia-”

“And you’re Xander,” Jenny pieced together.

“Right.”

Her sharp mind made connections and Jenny quickly stated, “She lives in that rich neighborhood I picked you up from, doesn’t she? I can’t believe I hadn’t put it together!”

Snorting, he reminded her, “You’re not a mind reader.”

“Wow, Cordelia!” she called out. “That’s… she’s very pretty.”

“She is,” he said with long nodding. “And not really the sharing type.”

Recalling their position, Jenny hesitated, then quickly got off his lap. “Oh, yeah, I understand.” She sat farther away than before and covered up more of her exposed skin as she affirmed, “The last thing I want to do is pass this stage four cancer onto another girl. I’m, uh, actually sorry I put you in this position.”

“It’s okay,” Xander assured her as he sat up. There was an uncomfortable silence for nearly ten seconds when the teen said, “I think I should go.”

“Yeah. O-Okay,” she agreed as they both stood. Xander grabbed his bag, and she escorted him to her door.

“Hey, if I could, you know I would, right?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” she quickly agreed, however, her eyes appeared distant; vacant.

“I really care about you,” he reminded her, then hugged her. It took her a moment before she hugged him back. When Xander felt the embrace go a little longer than it should, he pulled away. “Night.”

She said nothing, and before he closed the door behind him, he could’ve sworn she was tearing up. It almost made him reconsider everything he’s done up to that moment; telling Buffy, starting anything with Cordelia, taking the Jenny route instead of the Old Man Xander route. Leaving her apartment complex, he then recalled that it was destroying Ted and leaving Joyce with no explanation that triggered this entire sequence of events, to begin with.

Rather than head to Cordelia’s, Xander went home and eyed his alarm clock all the way to 3:01 AM; the time when he could finally sleep. The next day, Xander was glumly walking the crowded hallway until a hand grabbed his arm and started pulling him. Cordelia pulled the dejected teenager into an empty classroom and closed the door behind them before she yelled, “It’s not like what we’re doing can even be called dating!”

Taken by her frantic behavior, Xander replied with, “No, ‘hello,’ ‘good morning,’ ‘you look nice today.’”

“Oh, please, I see you so much it’s like one continuous day,” she hotly retorted. “And your fashion can never be described as nice.” Xander was a step in turning away when Cordelia grabbed his arm and genuinely asked him, “Why didn’t you come over last night? I was even willing to suffer your nerd movie and everything.”

The determination in her lovely brown eyes made him face her and reason, “Look, despite our better judgment, we have this thing. And it’s amazing-” “It better be,” she interrupted. He breathed in for tolerance, then contested, “In no small part due to my unbelievable amount of patience.”

“Your patience?” she scoffed to repeat. “Do you know how impossible it is for me not to burn those clothes from existence?”

Smirking, he teased, “Someone’s eager to get my clothes off.”

She leveled her glare at him but her whole expression was sexy when she blushed and bit her lip before she heatedly clapped back, “Oh, please, if anyone’s eager here…” She cleared her throat before suddenly asking, “Are you coming over or not? I’ll watch your stupid movie.”

It wasn’t easy for Xander to let go of how embarrassed the popular cheerleader was being with him, and he promptly asked, “Isn’t that just more of the non-dating thing we’ve been doing?”

“Actively going out and meeting for fun,” Cordelia began. “Flowers, restaurants, dancing, the movies, a night out; that’s dating. Why should I be the one to assume you want that when you’ve never even asked me out on a date?”

Looking at her with confused eyes, he reminded her, “You’re the one who wanted to be the one to tell people!”

“And what exactly am I supposed to tell people when they ask how this sheer lunacy between us happened, genius?” she asked through her raised voice. “That a Latvian assassin made of bugs kept us hostage in a basement and the thought of dying made us kiss?! Just ask me out already!”

“…You’re right,” Xander gasped as he suddenly considered her position. In all of his experiences with Casanova and the other Gods of love, not a single one of them had the goal of dating a single girl regularly. All their speech and flirtations were for the express purposes of experiencing pleasures with many girls; not getting to know them as people. Casanova rarely did the dating thing, and when he was, he was always unfaithful, making it effortless for Xander to realize where he went wrong.

“Holy shit,” the teen boy gasped before dropping to one knee as he took her hand. Immediately, his brown eyes went wide as saucers when he recalled the relevance of getting on one knee. He sprung back up on his feet as he berated himself. “The hell am I doing? Way, way, way too early for that.”

“Uh, yeah!” the stunned cheerleader categorically agreed.

He shook his head before he stumbled to say, “I just meant-” Still holding her hand, Xander took a breath before he gently asked, “Cordelia Chase, would you go out with me?”

Cordelia softened and smiled a moment before restraining it. The amused girl cleared her throat, then finally asked, “Can I dress you?”

With a quirked brow, he asked, “For the date?”

“Pretty much for every day,” she blatantly answered. Though it was a joke at his expense, he loved that this frustrating beauty was the one making it and nodded. “Then yes, I’ll go out with you,” she answered. “But you better wow me!”

She turned to walk away when he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her flat to him, peppering little kisses on her neck to her joyous squeal.