Releasing a deep sigh into the air, I lounge on a polished desk made of dark wood. My eyes gaze around the room, my nostalgia threatens to consume me. It has been many millennia by my reckoning since I’ve been to visit. It’s hard to judge when all I can go by is my sleep cycle. Everything in this world is frozen in time. Everything but me.

I collapse into a laying position on the desk, my hands cover my face. Glowing blue runes pulse on tan hands as I pull down the excess skin of my face. I stare at the ceiling with decades of pent up exasperation. Here in the central office of the main branch of the adventurer’s guild, in the very center of the known universe, the world stopped. Not in this moment mind you, but centuries ago. At least, if you believe my sleep cycle is a 24-hour cycle as it had been when the sun still rose and set.

All those years ago, I, Bodyrk and my team of adventurers had just completed an 'impossible' task with relative ease. We had come back to the adventurer’s guild to find our next task, as people on quests are apt to do. As we approached the desk time had stopped without rhyme nor reason. The only person still moving was the one, the only, the lonely Bodyrk.

Turning to my side I, Mr. Lonely, examine my frozen compatriots with my piercing crystalline blue eyes. A classically handsome Paladin with flowing locks of gold led the way, frozen in midstride, a charming grin on his face. Behind him were two less armored but nonethless brilliant Adventurers. An elven Ranger full of grace and pure beauty, and a beast-kin Rogue full of sass and raunchy curves. Each one of them carries the attractive air of a hero.

The sight is so full of fond memories, I almost regretted drawing mustaches and penises all over their faces. Almost.

A man gets bored when he is alone in the world. Bored enough to take hundreds of years to study the fabric of existence. My results were fascinating.

After all that study, all that blood, sweat, tears, and arranging frozen people into awkward positions. Only one viable conclusion remained. This Universe doesn’t exist. There were too many holes. Blank spaces with nothing there. Turbulent patches of space where things flickered in and out of existence. Even upon reflection, I came to realize that my past made little sense. Nothing did.

With a groan, I roll off the desk, brush myself off, and wave my hand to open a portal into another dimension. Striding through the portal into a massive library, I swipe a book off a stack of haphazardly piled books and plop into a leather-bound sofa.

Here, in this dimension, amongst this virtual forest of books, I had found my proof. Proof that this world was fake. And so am I.

I am nothing but a figment of an imagination. Whose imagination? I don’t know. However, from studying all these books I’ve found a clue about my creator. I now know that whoever it was, wasn’t all that brilliant. I am a cliché, and so were the lives of my companions and everyone in my story.

These books are full of such clichés, Epic quests, damsels in distress, arrogant Dragons. You name it, it is there. I can feel the core of my own story emanating from different pieces of each story. A motley mix and match of other characters, am I. And a strong dose of sarcasm. Very strong. Too strong some might say. If there was anyone around to say it.

Shifting my thoughts back to the task at hand I flip open the book with relish. After tearing apart the fabric of existence with my over powered magic, I had found this library. Over powered in the sense that it allowed me to tear apart the fabric of existence. A bit extreme. This library contains all the thoughts, ideas, and concepts my creator has ever had. A library of memories.

To be honest most of the thoughts and ideas were dull. That’s probably why our story was so fucking generic. Yay band of classical heroes and their stupid quest to save the world. How original, how exciting, how innovative! No wonder they abandoned us.

Ooooh~ The Ancient One is gonna awaken and destroy the world! What bullshit. The guy doesn’t even have a reason to destroy the world. Even if he did, he’d probably just be like me. Tired of living in this god-awful place.

All that aside, there is true treasure among these books. Treasure I have been savoring for so damn long. Memories of books! Manga! Web novels! Man, my creator was a reader. There were even books detailing the laws of their own world. Physics and shit. Kind of interesting. Makes a lot more sense than the half assed world-building he did here. I especially like Physics. Worlds should have laws that govern them, in my opinion.

Pushing these thoughts out of my mind, I concentrate on the book in my hand. I won’t mind admitting that I have an addiction. An addiction to this genre of story. Stories with characters that evolve. I love it when the character gets the chance to break free of their bonds and become something new. I’m always fascinated by their choices. My curiosity boils over as I turn each page, waiting on the edge of my seat for the next evolution and the greater challenges that will push the character towards them.

Thinking these thoughts to myself, a curious event happens with bad timing. In a flash of blinding light, I’m teleported away from my books. To be honest I am upset about it. I was just getting to a good part.

***

Blinding white light and the swirling nausea of displacement fills my senses. A high-pitched whining pierces my skull. It feels like I’m getting a rough and not very fun massage. Like an elephant just developed fingers and ripped off my skull to massage my brain.

Screens with words and numbers flash before my eyes at high speeds. The screens slow before settling on one. I am confronted with a confusing message.

System scan of memories complete. Special skills and experiences categorized. Information sent to host server for analysis.

A bored monotone rudely interrupts my train of puzzled thoughts.

Welcome esteemed character. Our system has recognized you as an Awakened. As such we cordially invite you to our world. You have been given the opportunity to fulfill whatever dreams you may have. There are just a few minor housekeeping issues.

Brilliant flashes of ecstasy war with my miserable condition. Freedom! Finally, away from that frozen world! The floods or relief wash away the doubts clouding my mind. A single rock of mental stability resists the waves. Curiosity.

System? Who is behind this? Why now? What housekeeping? Will I need a broom? The list of questions piles on, turning my rock of curiosity into a mountain, but I quickly suppressed it, along with my lame humor. This is my chance! I’ll get out of that rigid hellhole and DO something.

For the sake of equality, all characters will be subject to a level system. It is mandatory to begin at level one. No unique skills will be given. All power must be earned. However, you will be able to retain a similar class from your previous life, the lowest tier. Are there any questions?

“Um, yeah. I’ve got a real quick question,” I pause for a moment to collect my thoughts, doing my best to contain myself. It probably wouldn’t be good to flood the ‘System’ with questions. I’ll just ask one important one.

“Is there a class that will give me the ability to evolve?” My heart pounds as I imagine all the possibilities before me. The limitless futures of evolution based adventures, just like the book I was reading. Maybe there will even be a dungeon? That could be fun.

The disembodied voice gives a sigh I can only describe as aggravated.

Unfortunately, we do not do class customization. Please state the name of your previous class and we will match it as close as we can to one currently in our system.

No! My mind is set on this. There must be a way! I take a couple seconds to scream internally. My frustration lessens and I try to piece together a plan.

What information do I have? I should have paid more attention. All I can remember is something about a system and fairness. Dammit.

Maybe I can try to manipulate the voice directly? The voice mentions the system, but didn’t claim to be it. Maybe the voice is a separate entity? The voice kind of reminds me of a certain type of person. Hmmm… Alright I guess it is worth a shot. I call upon my knowledge from the Library of Memories, and my personal experience from before time froze.

Taking a deep breath, I put on my most displeased expression. I stare confrontationally out into the nothingness around me I say my piece.

“I’d like to speak with your manager please.”

I continue to stare into the void, waiting for a response. My pulse quickens. My heart feels like it will pound out of my chest! But it doesn’t. As the silence drags on my pulse slows. My blood feels like molasses being pumped through my veins. This kind of silence can’t be good. Feelings of bubble in my stomach. My gaze wavers as time seems to stretch into eternity.

A sudden voice snaps me back to reality. A reply!

I’m sorry but my manager isn’t currently available to speak with you directly. Please state your complaint out loud and your message will be delivered.

The image of the voice as an overworked secretary or waitress of some sort cements in my mind. Not sure why they’re female though. Maybe I just want it to be?

I carefully state the words of my chosen argument.

“Here is the thing. I didn’t have a class in my former world. I think it’s more than fair to give me the ability to evolve. Your system seems so amazing, I’m sure it could do it.”

Hmph. A little white lie. A little emphasis on fairness. A little bit of flattery. The perfect complaint.

With no reply forthcoming, I get the feeling the voice immediately left to convey the message. I wonder if the voice is irritated with me? Leaving without saying you’re going anywhere is a little bit rude. I mean, if they even left. It’s not like I can see them. Maybe they’re just stand there silently, pretending to talk to their boss?

The questions I am asking myself don’t help the pit of dread building in my stomach. Well, I mean, technically they help the pit. If helping the pit means strengthening it.

I chuckle at my little joke and untense a little. Taking a deep breath and releasing it into a heavy sigh, I decide. I leave my fate to fate.

I’m fucking hilarious. Off product of coping with stress using humor, I suppose.

The minutes tick by and I study the landscape around me. If I had to guess, I’d say it is some sort of space between dimensions. There is nothing but white space here. It isn’t even fuzzy. Just blank. I am free to move, but there is nowhere to go. Also, it is hard to move when you’re suspended in nothingness. Can’t walk. Can’t push off anything. Flailing is my best option. The minutes continue to pass as I attempt to entertain myself.

Awoken up from my daze I put my best option to use. I flail. The voice had returned.

*Ahem*

Good to see you finally awake.

I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that my boss decided to humor your request. You’ll be given an in-system way of evolving through specific achievements, levels, titles, and whatnot.

The good news is that to make the game fair we have decided to nerf your character.

“That’s great! But um… What do you mean by fair? And what was that about nerfing?” My excitement peaks and then plummets. This probably will not be good.

We will remove all things that may give you an advantage over other characters. Power must be earned.

You will start from the weakest race. Human.

All stats will be minimal.

Select memories will be erased.

“Wow. Um. This is a lot to take in. Wouldn’t a goblin, slime, or something be the weakest race?” I ask the first question that pops into my head. Born in my world as a proud member of the Demon Lord race, I was none too excited to be a human.

No. Your superior intellect would provide too many advantages when combined with a monster’s superior physical ability.

I have one last piece of amazing news. Because you’ve made my life so difficult for no good reason, I’ve been allowed to return the favor.

Enjoy! And goodbye.

“Wait!” I shout in a panic. “What about my memor-“

I try to complete my thought but the white nothingness around me convulses and whisks me away.