As the finger was leveled at my face, a prompt popped up in front of my eyes.

You have obtained the attention of a higher being. Run you idiot!

Before I could even process that Big Rumpus’s finger had started to flare with a green gold light, energy gathering in a swirling nimbus around the fire and condensing it into a pinpoint of light so bright it burned itself into my retinas like a sunspot. More and more energy poured out of the nothingness condensing into the pinpoint of light until it was so bright I could see the light burning into my eyes even with my eyes slammed shut. I tried to run but without being able to see I tripped and went sprawling face still pointed toward that blazing point of starlight on the end of the demigods finger.

And just as I was sure I was going to die, and no power on this earth could save me, I heard that same energetic, half mad voice say “Although…” Suddenly the flaring blaze of brightness blinked out of existence, and I opened my eyes in surprise, blinking away the brightness and distortions “I don’t know, it might be funnier to watch you struggle.” His voice had that wheedling indecisiveness that people get when they’re trying to convince themselves to buy ice cream when their shopping list says frozen vegetables.

“Ok tell you what, I’ve decided I can let you live. IF you can tell me a joke that will make me laugh. Think carefully now, you only get one chance, if you take the deal and fail I’ll turn your bones to glass and throw you out the window. You can always just take you original death, it was going to be basically instantaneous.” The calm reasonable way he offered this option left me no illusions about whether or not he was going to follow through on either of these courses of action.

You have been offered a quest by [Big Rumpus] “Laughter is the ONLY medicine.” Due to doubled experience this quest offers 500 XP. Do I really need to ask you if you accept this quest?

The feeling of even more blood somehow draining from my already ashen face briefly forced me to worry if my face was going die from blood loss. I shook my head clear it and had to immediately backpedal the action lest the insane demigod in front of me think I was turning him down. “Yes! I mean, I will definitely tell you a joke. I just…need a minute. I’m kind of on the spot here, so I have to think for a minute.” I was desperately wracking my brain for some kind of joke but couldn’t think of anything with the sword of Damocles so close to my head I would scalp myself if I turned around.

Big Rumpus took a puff off an old style Victorian pipe that hadn’t been in his hand a second earlier, and blew stream of shimmering multicolored smoke into my face as he look upward pensively. “Well, ok. How long do I have to wait? Because I am not a patient being, I can probably give you like…thirty? Forty at the most. That’s an amount of time that mortals take to do things, right? Four decades should be plenty of time to come up with a joke.”

“Hold on a minute!” A melodic and ringing voice cut in before I could answer “That is way too long, boss. That’s half a normal humans life span.” I grit my teeth and turned to glare at the beautiful blonde in the skimpy toga from earlier. She returned the stare with a sunny smile. “Sorry cutie, but the boss man relies on those of us who are a bit more in touch with reality to tell him what to do. I mean, I could probably convince him to let me blow you before you die, if that makes you feel any better?”

My glare went blank for a second because holy shit the girl was hot, but my survival instinct kicked my libido in the balls long enough for me to try something I had been wondering about for a while. I thought to myself Observe , for a second I was concerned I had picked the wrong word, but apparently either I didn’t or the system was feeling merciful.

By trying your luck in a risky situation and having the sense god gave a pile of cat shit, you have unlocked the skill Revelation (S): The highest tier of analyze available, reveals information about nearly anything observed with the skill. Higher entities may possess resistance, effectiveness of resistance declines as the level of this skill rises!

You have used Revelation. Astara: Astara is a maenad in service to the demigod Big Rumpus despite her casual flirty demeanor and friendly personality, Astara (she prefers to go by Star) also possesses the blood thirst present in all maenads. Despite being more interested in fucking you than chewing out your still beating heart, Star is absolutely loyal to her patron, and will literally eat you alive if so ordered. She likes daisies and mai tais and like her employer, is a compulsive gambler.

Well…that was informative. Useless, but informative. Also definitely something to keep in mind if we all lived through this especially that last… wait, like her employer? My eyes widened at the incredibly useful bit of info I had stumbled on and I thanked my luck stat for this opportunity. I turned to Big Rumpus, who was nodding an probably about to demand a satisfactory joke before blurting out “I challenge you to a hand of blackjack!”

The heterochromic demigod raised an eyebrow at that “Well, that’s pretty interesting too. I might be willing to do that. But I already have your life, so I have no need to wager it. What do you have worth betting?” I snatched up a fistful of the gold chips cut my wrist and hoping the bowl part was only ceremonial, slashed my wrists and let it spill over the fist full of pure gold. I grinned at the demigod wolfishly before saying in my most confident voice “How about an infernal focus?”