In the grand total of sentences i'd expected to say over the course of my life, "Can you teach me magic?" was not one I'd have placed at 'very likely'. Nonetheless, that was what I'd asked the next morning. The response of "yes, I think that is a good idea" would have been even more unexpected by said past self.

So, magic exists. Wait, not magic, Magic. Like Science, or Art. It's a little bit of both, apparently. An imprecise science, but a structured sort of art.

Magic, as has been explained to me, was rather new in the grand scheme of things. Nobody seems to know how old the cosmos actually is, but everyone agrees that magic has not been around until a short time ago, cosmologically speaking. I can't fault anyone for that, though, because the 'birth' of magic seems to have been a... hectic time, to say the least. What can be gleaned from historical records and living memory paints a picture of chaos, of broken causality and messy, warped universe-shattering, until suddenly, miraculously, everything stabilized itself. Only, there was something extra, now. Magic.

If that wasn't weird enough already, Magic seemed to not exactly be internally consistent, or even similar across the entirety of the multiverse. All species and worlds either put their own spin on Magic, or magic put the spin on itself, which resulted in a large multitude of vastly different systems and doctrines and "constants". For instance, a world named Fornay, slightly distant from the Nexus, had a limitation to Magic that made the transformation or alteration of any substance into or of pure iron impossible. Ask any rock-shaper (the politically correct term for mages of fornaxi origin), and they will without fail tell you that it is impossible to alter iron in any way, which is why all their magic prisons had cells lined with it. However, just off that world, once you have shifted on a particular dimensional axis about three thirds of a degree, you will stumble upon another world, the plane-realm of the Jell people. For the Jell, shaping iron is not only possible, it is also the very first thing their novices learn, alongside the manipulation, and even creation, of other metals. This has of course caused a great deal of political and social tension between the two peoples, culminating into a magical war every few decades.

Magic also seemed to infuse itself into anything it could, be that physical objects like trees or the ground, metaphysical constructs such as 'the grove in the forest' or 'the lone oak by the crossroads', or more strange and exotic things, like the local laws of physics, and most importantly, the local fauna. Among others, of course, into the local sapients. Said sapients capable of then somewhat guiding it always developed a very haughty attitude, especially when only some of their race were 'blessed by magic', but they seemed to like it across the board.

I know I did.

Now, what happened to me was somewhat of an oddity, a rarity. Ska'an told me in no uncertain terms that the circumstance I had 'aquired my power' under would be judged by others, even if some worlds were more anal than others about that sort of thing. You see, I was not born with power, but gifted with it. And in a classic 'sapient life' moment, people had collectively decided that those sort of mages like myself would be worth less than them.

Fuck them.

I’m a fucking wizard.

***

Among the first things to do for someone with budding magical potential would be to find another mage of their own species, wielding the same kind of power, and ask for advice. Apparently, it was one of the very few constants across the board that magical potential should not be left untrained, for that would result in the person subconsciously training themselves, and causing no shortage of massive problems. Unconscious use of magic was one of the greater dangers, and I agreed. The destruction of the (reinforced, especially against magical interference, because the mind-enterer-inator ran on magic) hospital room readily convinced me of the danger.

However, there was nobody else - or at least, nobody known, to also possess my sort of magic. Ska'an, Ref, Raven and I all agreed it must have been extremely powerful, considering entities like the ice snake and the shadow monster were after it so fervently - and of course what I knew about the Worldstone itself, but there was nobody else known to the general public who wielded anything like it. The few powerful magic users we could find in our research were well documented, perhaps a little too well, and I could see why nobody wanted to make themselves a target for forces beyond our comprehension by admitting to it.

Still, it threw a wrench in our plans, and I couldn't just cast an ad into the Network like - 'Powerful mage wanted, need someone to teach me how to control the power of the Worldstone I absorbed. Weaklings need not apply'. Not only would that be... rather foolish, given who was apparently so interested in me, it also wouldn't do much good at the moment. The Nexus had been devastated, and the numbers we'd seen the next morning were mind-numbing. Entire swathes of land had been carved out in the battle, and tens of thousands were dead by the time that monster had been vanquished. The Agents had apparently declared martial law as they fought to stabilize the panicked populace, and quell those who would use the chaos for their own gain. It was a very slow, very uphill battle for them, and it would likely take months for the Nexus to return to its previous state.

What was now called "The Battle of the Nexus" was shaking up the local worlds, which had previously been in a state of lazy peace, the biggest conflicts being the decennial brawl between the Fornay and the Jell. It somewhat boggled my mind that the local multiverse had experienced relative peace since before humans began walking on two legs. It humbled me somewhat.

In the end, Ska'an decided to teach me the basics as they understood them, as said basics were usually what varied the least when comparing different kinds of Magic. Like so many things, it started with something I knew very well by now. Guided Meditation.

***

"You need to breathe steadily. If need be, force yourself to do so. An uneven rhythm causes an uneven mind. An uneven mind causes uneven magic. Uneven magic causes destruction."

And on Ska'an's voice went, never wavering, never pausing to think, just speaking. It may have been their own form of meditation, I realized.

It was hard to meditate like this. Any other times I'd done something mystical using my mind, I had been desperate, there was something going wrong or untold destruction and death had threatened me. Simply sitting down and doing nothing, without any sort of real-world motivation, was strange. The only time I'd really done it was in the Fey circle back on Earth, but even then, we were desperate.

Still, I persisted. I tried to listen inward, to feel my inner self, to erase the border between me and the universe, to think about nothing, but still, nothing happened.

***

By the third day of this, I stopped listening to Ska'an's words, simply letting the sound wash over me as I sat there, trying not to concentrate on not concentrating.

It was hard.

I knew there was something there, some power, some Magic, and it was extremely frustrating not having access to it.

***

By the seventh day, my legs stopped hurting because of the floor.

"Good. Pain is distraction. Distraction is chaos. Chaos is destruction."

At this point, I'd realized that this was Ska'an's own form of meditation, which is why they weren't really saying anything groundbreaking. Still, I listened, if only subconsciously.

***

By the ninth day, I was growing more and more frustrated.

Frustration tasted bitter.

***

By the thirteenth day, something happened.

I wasn't listening to Ska'an's words, letting their sound drift around me, and simply sat still, thinking of nothing and nobody.

A stillness had slowly settled over my mind, and even though I was aware behind this veil of nothing, there were no words, no images, no memories drawn forth to fill it. It was a gentle void, and I held it as long as I could.

***

By the seventeenth day, I could somewhat consistently call forth this quiet, even though it took a while. I said as much to Ska'an, who nodded sagely.

"Silence is Order in its highest form. If there is nothing, there can be no chaos. This approach will likely not last you forever, but it will make an adequate starting point. Once you can reliably enter this state, we will proceed to the next step.

The next step did not come for quite some time. Indeed, it took over a month, filled with hours of silent meditation, followed by a daily whirlwind of activity courtesy of Ref and Raven. We visited the Nexus a few times, adding to my wardrobe, buying groceries for Neetu's place, and once to help with the reconstruction. Added to this were history lessons courtesy of Neetu's regular patrons, a slightly rowdy group of very experienced individuals.

***

About a month or two after Ska'an and I started my training, it happened.

We'd discussed this moment, both to establish what I was supposed to be doing, and what to do once it was achieved, so I did my best not to panic, and hold on to the sensation for as long as I could.

Because at that moment, in that room filled with thousands of tiny candles, I felt my magic for the first time.

It was indescribable. I did not see anything before my mind's eye, indeed I did not see anything at all, because all my senses had turned inwards, or shut down.

But within the deepest recesses of my mind, as the quiet had spread deeper and further throughout my conscious and subconscious, there it was. Sequestered away, hidden so deep I would likely never have found it again by actively searching, I felt it. It was green, impossibly green - not to my sight, for that wasn't important at that moment, but to every other sense. It tasted green, sounded green. Everything about it could only be described as green, first and foremost. However, as I continued sensing it, it began tasting powerful. Electric, unstoppable, immovable, icy cold and scaldingly hot all at the same time.

The sensation threatened to overtake me, to drown my spirit out and lash into everything to destroy, no, change, the world-

And I snapped out.

I grinned widely at Ska'an, elated and energized, perhaps even a little manic, my hair sticking from my head in every which direction, looking like I'd just touched a live socket.

"I did it!"

I had to do a bit of a lengthy run along some of the Pathways to get the energy out of my system. Once I got home, I fell into my bed like a stone and slept away the next two days.

***

Once my equilibrium was somewhat restored, Ska'an decided it was time for the next step toward magehood. I would begin to learn how to consistently access and then channel my power, without overcharging and then burning out.

Everything was still rather meditation-heavy, but the theory behind it, and the reasoning for it slowly grew in complexity.

"There are three barriers to be overcome, and two resistances to keep in mind," Ska'an had said, gesticulating wildly. "The first of these barriers is in the soul, the second within the body, and the third borders reality. We shall worry about the spiritual and corporeal resistances later."

The first barrier, that of the soul, I had already partially broken. By finding and then evoking (meaning calling forth, I love magic) my power, I had already shattered a few of the preconceptions inherent in my being. I now knew, and accepted, that magic was real, and that I could use it. All that remained now was to repeat the process over and over and over again, pushing it into something like 'spiritual muscle memory' (instinct?), until I could perform the technique without thought.

I was cautious, though. Already, I'd noticed that some of the more mundane benefits of my months-long meditation routine were slipping away, no longer did I have as much calm throughout the day as before. I learned that this would only become worse. As I broke more and more barriers, inhibitions and limiters within myself, the magic would also begin to influence me more.

I learned that most distinct types of magic-user had... tendencies, toward which their personalities are drawn. A Lightningbender from Aval, a small world with low gravity and massive meteorological activity, had a tendency to be incredibly flighty and slightly unstable, a trend which only intensified as their power grew.

Unintentional magic was also a reiterated concern. One evening, Ref regaled us with horror stories about mages whose power had turned upon them in a self-critical moment, complete with dramatic reenactments and realistic voice-impressions. It was moments like this that always shook up the building preconceptions about Ref. Although she looked human, though more and more unlike myself as the weeks passed, she was fundamentally not. She had her own morals, her own principles and interests, which did not always align with my own. She was still a friend, though.

***

Months passed, and the cosmos was suspiciously silent. There were scant few sightings of any cosmic deities, snakes, clouds or otherwise, but I couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't over. The two I had 'met' were petty, violent, and had an immense thirst for revenge. Not even Neetu with his network of 'I know a guy who knows a guy who owes him a favor' heard anything out of the ordinary. It was... quiet. Not calm, but quiet. Like a coiled spring.

I progressed in my magical training, and was now somewhat capable of calling forth my as-of-yet unnamed power. During one drunken evening (who knew aliens could make alcohol(?) this good?) Ska'an ranted and raved about the different sorts of stupid or nonsensical names mages liked to give their energies.

"...And then... there's Mana, and Etherium, and Aethirium... biiiiig difference there, let me tell you! Wars have been started over... this, Amelia! Can you imagine how stupid you’d have to be... to start an honest-to-god war over some... dumb thing like this?"

It took some time, preferably inside a dark, silent room, but I was able to evoke my magic reliably.

Of course, once evoked, I had no way of controlling it, and it dispersed into the environment.

Chaotically.

You see, raw magic is very like an unstable waveform, and likes to collapse randomly, manifesting itself as... chaos, plain and simple. Blasts or infusions of various mundane energies were not uncommon, and many a time I had to dodge flying objects bent on knocking off my head, electric discharges through the air, randomly flash-boiled wood, and similar.

I think the most magical moment was when it manifested a perfect, 5x5x5 inch cube of pure ice. Attempting to touch it had been a mistake, though, as it was barely above zero Kelvin. The Gateway was acting up for months afterward because of the energy that had been siphoned from it to create solid matter.

***

"The second barrier is that of the body. Once evoked from within, the energy needs to be directed. It is possible to do this without moving a muscle, but becomes infinitely easier with them. Some mages use gestures, or move their foci, but those are specialized forms of magic and very different across the varying branches. No, I believe for now, it would be enough for you to attempt to conduct magic through your body along your arms, or perhaps legs, whichever you prefer."

Where the manipulation of magic from within was hard, this step was nearly impossible. I could feel it within me, boiling within my very bones, and directing it took an iron will. One slip, and the magic escaped outwards, causing random discharges or flying objects.

I had more luck directing the magic using my organic arm, rather than my mechanical one, something which Ska'an theorized was a combination of two factors.

"It seems to be a tie between two things, because one alone would not cause that much difficulty." They'd explained over a cup of alien space-tea. Very tasty, if slightly metallic. "At first, I thought it was simply the magical resistance of your cybernetic, and indeed inorganic metal has a higher one than bone or tissue, but the difference seems too extreme. You can barely channel a kilonewtons worth of potential force along your left arm, while the right one channels enough to shake the foundations. No, it has to be connected to the old injury to your arm, from the Pale. It's not widely studied because of its immense corruptive effect, but I theorize that it either hampers or neutralizes magic. Perhaps only specifically your kind of magic, since it is based on a Worldstone and the two appear to be equal opposites. Or something. I can really only make guesses here."

"I wonder what I could do about that. I noticed that the arm doesn't like magical energy at all, the servos become a bit weaker and I swear I saw it sparking once, so I don't know if I even want to channel magic through it at all. Certainly not if too much would fry the arm right off my body."

"That is a common concern among mages, yes. Some energies, such as pure electricity channeled through the body, would wreak havoc on any electronics contained therein. I believe specialized shielding exists for the most common types, but most of us have to make do."

***

Another month passed before I could reliably channel magic through my arm. I'd stopped trying my mechanical one after a momentary lapse of concentration caused it to seize up and spark violently, the energy manifesting as a massive static discharge through the metal. The repair nanites took a few days to get it back to working order. Something about "Lifetime Warranty".

By now, I could stand proudly, arm outstretched, and evoke magic to spew forth from my hand. It still manifested as absolute chaos, was relatively weak and easy to shield against, and took about ten minutes of intense concentration, but it was Magic. Honest to god Magic.

Of course, that was when I hit a roadblock.

"The third barrier to break is Reality. You need to direct the energy once it is outside of your body, force it to bend to your will and then manifest as you want it to. In essence, you need to go outside of yourself and talk to it."

What?