Epilogue V: Alpine

They say a man is awake before dawn for three reasons: he’s a farmer, he’s a thief, or there is something left unsaid. Al had just discovered he was a cyclical wizard. He had found a mentor to teach him. They had journeyed almost seven hundred miles to a battle where Al had slain the King of Sayen on behalf of his friend Caudin, whose life he had just saved. He was hurt, tired, hungry, grimy, and unnerved, but he couldn’t sleep. So, he finally sat at the desk at Getrifont after hours of lying awake and wrote:

“Dear Ember,

You were wrong.”

He laughed, put his pen down, and fell back into bed, falling asleep immediately.

The following day was the banquet, where he was instated as a baronet of Arvonne, the highest noble ranking a man without god-blood could attain. He still felt a bit embarrassed and odd about the whole ordeal; you don’t sing praises of hammers and looms. He had done his duty, which is what he had always wished he could do.

During the following months, until Vanif and Corrin arrived and accepted the Sayenese regency, Al made many trips across Arvonne in lieu of Caudin. Not always was he treated well. Some principals and dukes saw his skin and assumed he was a servant, not the emrys. A portion of those apologized, and a portion did not, continuing to look down on him. There were really only a few who completely snubbed him, which was a stupid tactic. Al had enough power to deny them whatever they needed, if he chose to, though he didn’t. He did his best to overlook asinine rulers for the voice of the people.

Once Al’s exhaustive tour of Arvonne and duties were trimmed, he made good on his promise to study with Teleure. He was a patient teacher, keen to understand the mind and motivations of his pupil as well as educate him in his abilities.

“Why do you spend so much time picking at my mind?” Al asked one day. They were in Dilvestrar, in a small, private library meant for religious study. Having grown irritable by his line of questioning, he had asked his question and strummed his nails on the table.

“Alswer, my mentor, had an interesting way of looking at things. I’m going to use the phrase he used when I asked him the same question. ‘You don’t want the carrion to be the ones to pick the bones clean’.”

“And that means…?”

“He felt it was our duty to perfect ourselves. Since we’re likely to be educated and we can heal almost anything, it’s our spirit that tends to be the part that’s neglected. I trained with him not long after I finished my education at Wayzant, which was only a little over two years’ time. I was still in a lot pain over my wife and daughter being killed, and of me killing their killers. He saw it immediately, a desire to douse myself on a bonfire. Snippy, cocky, angry. What a waste it would have been to try to teach someone like that equilibrium.

“And so, for a long time, we talked. He was patient and kind, rarely rising to insults I hurled at him when I wasn’t throwing dishes. With just a few questions he laid me bare over and over again. We explored my life, my love, my hatred, my anguish, my regret, my impotence, everything. And once he was satisfied that my carcass had been picked clean, so that nothing could rot or fester and take me over, I was deemed worthy enough to teach. Essentially, he didn’t want me to waste my gift.”

“You think I’m festering?”

“No, I don’t. I think you are in a much calmer place than I was when I began. But, I don’t think all the meat is gone.”

“What shall we talk about, then?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know where your spirit needs healing. You are a good man. Loyal, upstanding, proud without being prideful, a true friend, and intelligent. But, there’s something else.”

“There always will be.”

And so they spoke every day for weeks. Teleure worked backwards from Al’s current position, to the battle, to his training leading up to it, to his friendships and his family. Finally, Teleure asked him about his wife.

“Burdet. Yes, she and I were a relationship that should have lasted only as long as the passion held out, a brief fling, not a marriage.”

“You loved her?”

“I did. We loved each other for a candle’s length, a bright spot in the night that didn’t last very long. I think people’s love for the other changes as they change and grow in life. Once the wax melted, I did my best to scrape the dripping and reform a new candle. She felt it wasn’t worth the hassle.”

“She had an extra-marital affair with your best friend.”

He sipped on his brandy before sighed and slumping into his chair more. “Yes.”

“Yet, you’ve told me before you didn’t care.”

“Aggie didn’t sleep with her and Burdet didn’t sleep with him because of me. They had no idea they had me as a connection. He didn’t betray me. She betrayed a broken marriage.”

“How did you feel when she told you?”

“She told me she was pregnant. We hadn’t had relations in quite some time, so I figured it out quickly. I’ll admit that it was painful, here,” he said, tapping his chest, “but I didn’t feel it for very long.”

“How did you react when she told you?”

“I believe I gave her an angry look. She began to turn it around on me, saying how it was my fault that she strayed. I grabbed my coat and left for a stroll.”

“What did you think on your walk?”

“I thought…It felt like things had changed and I didn’t appreciate it. Like how I always looked at a pot of flowers on the desk at work from the perspective of a client and not from the secretary’s, but now I was forced to. I wondered what the next step would be. Would she want to divorce me?”

“Wait, why wouldn’t you want to divorce her?”

“Not the Br’vani way. Even though I had married a Ghenian woman with some Arvonnese blood, I defaulted to my upbringing and let her make that decision.”

“What if she was expecting it from you and you from her, and that’s why the decision was never made?”

Al shrugged. “Maybe that’s what happened. I think she realized she could have her cake and eat it too if she stayed married to me. I paid most of the bills, I cleaned, I cooked, I took care of her child. She continued to go out with her friends and spend our money on drinks and entertainment. I scrimped for books and spent as little as possible on myself.”

“Why did you do that?”

“I don’t think responsibility looks fair on the responsible one. Someone had to do it. I wasn’t about to kick a pregnant woman and later a baby out on the street.” He sipped. “I felt bad enough when I had to leave them later.”

“It’s interesting that you placed the blame with her. Many men feel it’s the fault of the philandering man.”

“That would mean ignoring all the times she rejected my chances to reconcile our marriage. I knew it was over, but it was easier to just keep walking one step at a time, just as I had. In a way I should be thankful. If she hadn’t help to make my life miserable, then I wouldn’t have started on my journey.”

“Don’t,” Teleure said, shaking his white blond hair. “Making a negative into a positive is a coping mechanism, but you and I are beyond that now. Feel how you should feel about that situation.”

“I don’t feel anything. Marnie is here, being cared for by her step-father. Burdet died, and while I’m sad about my estranged wife’s death, I’m more sad that Marnie doesn’t have a mother. And Aggie…” He waved his hand. “Aggie is likely still cheating on his wife with other women, spending his money on them, working a job that will kill him eventually.”

“You admitted that you called that hard wizard in New Wextif ‘Aggie’ and said you hated him while you beat his face into a pulp.”

“I did,” he said, nodding. Teleure waited until Al spoke again. “I’ve admitted that I no longer feel fondly about him. He used me and continues to this day with me raising his daughter. But, there’s no winning with him. What could I do to feel satisfied? Take him to court? Get him fired? Tell his wife? Caudin was right; he’s a man who makes everyone else take responsibility and shoulder the pain of his actions. I do hate him and every man like him.”

“Was this why you disliked Caudin for so long?” Teleure knew about the chalice and their forced journey, but not about the King’s former life outside the charade they all kept.

“I’m…not sure. I once said that Telbarisk was like Aggie. They’re both big and friendly. I was missing the positives Aggie brought in my life, security and appreciation.” He sighed and swirled his glass. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I hadn’t allowed myself to confront Aggie, so I instead confronted Caudin with similar accusations.” Al would have felt guilty if he hadn’t apologized several times since they had left Gheny, and also had killed the man who had ordered the death of Caudin’s family.

“In a way you were filling a gap from home with someone you were forced to be with constantly.”

“That sounds possible. But, I don’t see Caudin, Anla, and Telbarisk all that much anymore and I don’t feel the need to fill the gaps they left.”

“That’s the ideal. Friends and loves enhance your life. They make it more enjoyable, but you should always be an island unto yourself.”

“That sounds cold.”

“I’m not saying to have no friends, but to be able to survive without them. You’ve done well without a lover for some time.”

“So, have you.”

“No, I’ve had some women in my life since my wife. It’s true that I’ve never married, but I’ve enjoyed companionship now and again.”

Al raised his eyebrows at this revelation. “Well, some men are confirmed bachelors. I have a daughter, a secure career, friends, a mentor. I’m fine the way I am.” Teleure raised an eyebrow. “Well, perhaps not ‘fine’, but if finding someone never works out for me, I won’t be sad.”

They discussed other things over the next few weeks. By the time Teleure needed to leave, Al felt like he had dusted out every cobweb he ever had in his mind and heart. He felt overworked, but better, fuller.

He continued his work for a few more years. He saw off Telbarisk and helped take care of and sometimes tutor Anla and Caudin’s children in between his normal duties of advising Caudin and heading several projects.

His favorite of these was Open Library Day. Once every month, on the first Monday, the Gambesarie Library in the western wing would be open to the public. He had envisioned it as day when anyone could come and use the books in the royal library. It had been trimmed when lines formed and fights broke out and the place was left a mess. Several notable places, including the museum, were given passes. The rest of the openings were from a lottery.

Al went every month he was available. He found that he could exchange help in getting other volumes rotated in for information on their current projects. He was on a first name basis with many people and greeted them when he entered just after lunchtime.

“Calouj is over in the middle, by the maps.” He eyed the older man from the Eri Ranvel Astronomy Society and said, “Don’t worry. I’ll go fetch it for you.”

He hurried over to the tables in the middle. He reached for the book, a rusty brown with gold lettering, and bumped into someone else reaching for the same book.

“Oh, so sorry,” he said. He looked at the arm, smooth and draped with a shawl, then up to its owner.

“No, my fault,” she said, handing him the book.

“Please, take it. You reached it first. And I was really getting it for someone who just needed to confirm a quote. Not a major need.”

“Well, why don’t we help him out, then I can use it after him?”

“A splendid idea.”

He snuck a glance quickly at her while they walked. Her hair was a wavy brown that she piled on her head in the fashion of the day. The curls around her face seemed genuine, not rolled, and he liked that for some reason. She favored an older style of dress still popular in the lower classes, a capped-sleeve bodiced dress with a bustled back and a gathered petticoat in hues of brown linen. Her face was heart-shaped, her mouth small and plump, and her dark brown eyes wide and round, fringed with dark lashes. Though she didn’t have her face powdered and etched nor did she wear anything classy, Al found her monumentally more beautiful than any of the high society ladies he met often.

“Ah, Daminet,” the older man said, eyeing the young woman.

“Oh, you two know each other?” Al asked.

“She is my granddaughter and came to help me with my research today.”

“And here I thought you were interested in astronomy,” he said to her in a genial tone, handing the book to the older man.

“I am!” she retorted, her eyes flashing for a moment. “My grandfather has been teaching me quite a bit about the subject. I’m quite good at plotting the alignments. The mathematics, I admit, are a bit beyond me, but I’m working diligently to understand them.”

“Um” Al said, his eyes wide at her tone. “I didn’t mean to suggest you couldn’t be. I assumed you were only just assisting your grandfather when he revealed your relationship. You have my apology.”

Her eyes widened once more, then she calmed. “Accepted.”

“Were there any other books you needed from the palace? I could make a trip for you.”

“No, thank you, Alpine.”

Daminet perked up. “Alpine? Like, Alpine Gray?”

“That’s me,” he said.

“The Emrys?”

“Yes.”

“Oh,” she said, flushing pink. She curtseyed low.

“Please, you don’t need to do that. I’m not noble. Or, well, I am, I keep forgetting that, but not a god-blooded royal.”

She looked up at him. “You saved our country from Sayen. You killed the King.”

“He had it coming,” he blurted out. She laughed for a moment, before clearing her throat.

The older man was smiling. “Now that you mention it, there is another book I was hoping to look at, Known Heavenly Bodies by Roverund.”

“That’s likely in the Star Room. I can go get it- or, would you like to come with me to fetch it? Daminet, was it?”

She nodded. “You don’t mind being alone for a few minutes, do you, Grapre?”

“Not at all,” he said.

The guards nodded at Al as he escorted Daminet through the palace. “It’s amazing,” she said, her head swiveling to take in all the paintings and furniture of the hallway.

“It’s home. It took some getting used to when I arrived. Now, it feels like it just takes a long time to get to where I need to go.”

“I doubt I could ever get used to this.”

“May I ask a question?” She turned to look at him and nodded. “How is it that you are studying with your grandfather?”

“Why, shouldn’t I be?”

“Well, no, but it’s not common for a woman to be schooling at your age.”

Her mouth hardened. “You’re saying that because I am past the age of acceptable marriage that I should be married, that I should have settled down and cast away my dreams of education in order to raise children and please my husband?”

“That’s normally what women do, but not every woman.”

“And I suppose you must be thinking that I am unappealing to men, and therefore I have selected education to fall back on because of a lack of proposals.”

“I can’t imagine a world where you would be considered unappealing. I am merely confused. I see a beautiful woman before me who is unmarried and I ask questions to clarify her situation, to understand if every man you’ve come across has been blind or if there’s something I am missing.”

The hallway filled with their footfalls for a few moments before she responded. “There have been interests, yes, but none would have allowed me the ability to study what I wish.”

“You would have been yoked.”

“Yes! It’s not that I don’t wish for a family some day, but I have so many things I wish to accomplish before then.”

Al opened the door to the Hall of Ancestors. He heard Daminet sigh quietly and turned to see her astonished face. “There are several scientific rooms to the left. The Star Room is at the end.”

“What is it like living here, m’lord?” she asked him, finally grasping who she was talking about.

“It’s like a ship, really. It takes a bunch of sailors to sail a ship, like it needs many servants to run a palace. But, I get to be not too far from good friends of mine. And my daughter has a room next to mine, so I can keep an eye on her.”

“Oh, you’re married?” she asked, sounding a bit disappointed.

“I’m a widower. My wife died years ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, m’lord.”

“You don’t have to call me that.”

“What should I call you?” Her mouth quirked up a little. He was surprised to find the motion comfortable and endearing, as if he’d seen her every day for years.

He took her hand and kissed her fingers. “You can call me Al.”