The Empress was waiting in the gardens below Alistad's office as Anla approached the next morning. Neither were alone; these sorts of things were always done in the company of many servants. But, they could have privacy if they needed it.

Anla curtseyed as Maya bowed her neck. “I thought I was at the King's pleasure today.”

“I asked to speak with you instead of Caudin. I hope you don't mind; he plans on keeping the schedule the same for the rest of the day, and likely for the rest of your visit.”

“That is a relief,” she said with a smirk. “I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to visit the dairy farms of Yulendi today.”

“You jest, but they make an incredible soft cheese that melts into hot bread.”

“My mind has been changed,” she said with a smirk as the two began walking the grounds.

The day was gray and threatened rain, but thus far it was dry. Two valets were at the ready with umbrellas, but they were instructed to stay ten paces behind the two women, as well as the rest of the staff that trailed behind them.

Anla cleared her throat with a lace gloved hand. “I wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I made private, marital matters known to you as well as accused you of untrue things.”

“I'll admit it was an interesting way to meet you, but I think I can understand, considering the circumstances. A few of my maidens have found themselves stretching the title and being with child, so I am not unfamiliar with how women can be when they are expecting.”

“You didn't dismiss them?”

“Kinto isn't as matriarchal as Br'vani is, but we tend to care less about a woman's purity or whether or not her children have known fathers. A handmaiden is a well-paying position and the palace has its own brood of servants' children that keep out of the way. Another one isn't a terrible thing.”

Anla considered her words, or more the rhythm of how she said them. It had been a full minute of thought before Maya spoke again. “I would actually say your outburst made me feel better. Caudin had spent a great deal of time talking about how perfect you were and how happy you were together. My Nacilene is wonderful, but she is tempestuous and forgets her place at times. I was feeling rather jealous until that happened. Is he prone to exaggeration or are you really quite happy?”

She spent a moment silencing the air around them. “I'm happy with Caudin, very much so. But, I can't say I was always very happy with Raulin. That was his name when he was a trirec and how I knew him for almost a year. He was jealous and possessive of me, even though we weren't romantically involved for quite some time. He was pushy. He played a few games with me. There was an incident where he went beyond the pale and I stepped away from him for some time. But, once we reached a point where we both loved each other and knew that, we fought hard to keep it. Since he's become Caudin, our relationship has settled into something I didn't even realize was possible to attain.”

“Why did you suspect him of dallying with one of your maids, then?”

“It's hard for me to shut out conversations I hear from people. People believe gossip and once it's been told as a lie to someone else, it becomes just the same as the truth. So, I hear my maids speak of how he looks at them or how they heard he slept with some other girl and it sounds like the truth to me.”

“You know why they do it, don't you?”

“Jealousy?”

“In part. They are surrounded by us and our lives and our riches. They are a part of it, ever so slightly. But, it's like looking in to a wonderful greenhouse, always a pane of glass between them and us. It frustrates them. So, they try to find ways of seeing their reflection ghosted inside. Pretending they have taken your place is one way of doing that.”

“That's...incredibly insightful. Thank you.”

“You're welcome. My mother is masterful at these things. She's taught me a lot on how to handle people.”

They could see the chapel in the distance. “I had a few reasons why I asked for this walk. It occurred to me that you are in the same position I'm in, yet doing so much better than I. I was wondering if you could help me.”

“Help you to be a queen, you mean? Anla...may I call you Anla?” She nodded. “You need to figure out what kind of queen you want to be. I can tell you how to rule like I do, but I may not get the things you want. I am respected by my people, but not adored. When there are processions, people do not leave their meals or shops to wave at me. They live in comfort and prosperity, but I have passed laws that are unpopular and levy high taxes and therefore I am seen as a cruel mother to my people.

“By proxy, whatever Caudin does you will be wrapped up in, unless you put yourself at odds with his persona. I don't think this will be an issue; he is considered well in the opinion of the Arvonnese.”

“You know this?”

“I've had my people look into things, including his authenticity. I wouldn't have traveled here and tarnished my name if it wasn't certain he was actually Caudin or if he was unpopular. So, yes, I know how your people feel about him, you, your heritage, your status...”

“How do they feel about us?”

“Are you sue you want to know?”

“No, but I think I need to and this will be my one chance to know.”

“Some are irritated that it took Caudin so long to return, but most are thrilled to be out from under the rule of the Kalronists. There is some concern about his lack of training and experience. He's seen as boyish, and some are worried that the country won't turn around, but most feel it's fine that he grows into his role.

“You are mysterious to your people. A woman whose father left the nobility to become a doctor and later married an elf. The western parts adore this; how fantastical. The rest are suspicious. Some feel your blood cheapens the monarchy. Overall, I don't think they know you.”

“I've heard similar things already. Thank you.”

Maya smiled. “At least you're not simpering or an idiot. Your skin has some thickness to it.”

“I grew up on the streets of Hanala,” she said, meeting her gaze. “You have to learn to deflect in order to survive, at least here,” she said, tapping her chest over her heart.

“Yes, I should have figured that from your history. Caudin did tell me that and anyone who can live as an orphan on the streets for five years searching for her missing siblings deserves my respect.”

“Thank you. I wish I could recapture my ability to not care so much.”

“But, that's who you are now. Don't see that as a negative. People love monarchs that see them and understand their plights. It's draining; I honestly couldn't maintain it. If you can, I encourage you to.”

“I'll try.”

“If I may offer something else... Yesterday, and today, you've curtseyed to me. I am an empress, yes, and with that comes a great deal of respect. But, you are the Queen of Arvonne and I am your guest. You and I are equals. There is only one person you bow to here and that is your husband. Did they teach you stations and courtesy?”

“They did. I think I just fall back to making myself smaller to stay hidden.”

“Well, you can't stay hidden in your position. You and I bow from our necks to each other.” They practiced this a few times until they were laughing. “Good. That's the most amount of exercise you should get, other than waving. Is there anything else bothering you?”

“Here and there. I need to figure out how to speak to servants, like my clothing designer.”

“Oh, why him in particular?”

Anla relayed the conversation to Maya as the Empress's mouth slowly hung open. When she finished, Maya said, “Outrageous. I would have never allowed him to say those things in my presence.”

“But, he comes highly recommended and is sought after...”

Maya shook her head. “Doesn't make a lick of difference. You are at the top. If you aren't happy, no one else will seek him out. You are the disappointment that can break his career. Listen, if I impart nothing else to you, then it's this: know your place.”

“My place three years ago was a pauper. Two years ago I was a woman who had managed to make a decent amount of money. Not enough to be a merchant, but I might have been able to buy a home with it and rent a business. A year ago I had barely been accepted by the people I now rule.”

“A large shift, yes, but something you'll have to accept. You are Arvonne. You are beholden to your people, but as the symbol of the land you have the ability to command a lot of dignity and respect. But, there are many ways to be a queen and wield your power. That I can't instruct you in. No one can. You will have to make a decision or interact with someone and reflect, then change or repeat.”

“It will take time, I see that. Thank you,” Anla said.

“You're welcome. What have we here?” Maya gestured to the chapel.

“This is our derelict monument Magrithon. I've been spending a good deal of time here recently. I pray. I don't hear anything in return, but I feel like He's listening.”

“What do you pray for, if I may ask?”

“Help.”

“Hmm. Are you aware of a philosopher named Tichen?”

Anla laughed. “I'll explain later, but, yes. I haven't read anything by him, though.”

“He wrote a book called The Golden Lands. It's about ruling your life as if you were a monarch, even if you're a street beggar. In it he posits that a monarch is essentially the hands and eyes and tongue of Magrithon. So, one might say that He did hear you and sent me in His stead.”

“I appreciate that. I'd like to show you the chapel, alone.” She gave her a knowing look. Maya turned and gave a few commands to her entourage and they were left in peace. “I apologize that it's dangerous. I'm going to ask Caudin to give me the funds to fix it as soon as possible.”

“It's no concern. I'm not a a teacup in a porcelein doll's hand.”

They ducked inside and Anla removed another cushion from a bench, setting it down on the floor next to the other. The two women knelt before the bare altar. “Caudin and I spoke of your request last night,” Anla said.

“Yes?”

“We do plan on having more than two children, Beliforn willing, and in that case any child past our second will be in consideration. We will not force our child into a position they would not want to be in. If we have a daughter who would be best suited to embroidery and bearing children, like her grandmother, then we cannot in good conscience force her to take the throne. But, we assume one of our children will and we will send any born after our first two for you to choose.”

“That puts the risk on me," Maya said, jabbing her spectacles up on the bridge of her nose. " What if none of your children are suited? And will you force your eldest to take the Arvonnese throne if they aren't suited?”

“In the case of our son Aubin, we have little choice. We will groom him to rule even if he'd rather travel the countryside or become a doctor. Caudin mentioned that there's been a few Aubins in history who have absconded the throne immediately to the Caudin, so we at least have the security in knowing that should our eldest be poorly fit to rule, his brother can take over. We will also be training all of our children, despite their gender, in the same role the Caudin usually holds.”

Mayasena nodded slowly. “At least this is a 'yes'. It's not ideal for me, but hopefully one of your children will take to ruling.”

“In return for your risk, we ask that you treat your negotiations as you would normally. We don't ask for anything special in return. Though we appreciate your offers, and we would accept them, we feel that it wouldn't be fair with our request.”

“Is this what you want?” the Empress asked. “You're not relaying a painful message, are you?”

“I argued for this, Maya. I see this as an opportunity my daughter would not normally have. I will try my best to lead her to make the decision to rule the Empire, but in the end I will be her mother and will only want the best for her, not exactly the world.”

“I think that's fair enough,” Mayasena said. “I accept.”

* * *

“You came to visit,” Telbarisk said, beaming. “Welcome!”

“Oh, this is lovely,” Anla said, studying his new home. “Truly, I am amazed. Is this how a home in Ervaskin would look?”

“Somewhat. We prefer natural caves, if possible, though one of my tasks as a kiluid was to grow homes like this.”

Large boulders had been pulled from the forest on the grounds and brought to a side garden. Telbarisk had shaped them into an wide, open cave filled with blankets, paper, pencils, and stone for him to work with. He had already made a dozen small figurines in the shapes of indigenous animals and had sketched the portraits of a large number of willing subjects. Anla had been his first, she remembered, way back in New Wextif.

“May I come in?”

“Please, I hoped you would.”

Anla sat, not caring if her beautiful dress would tear or get dirty. She picked up a few of the figurines and smiled as she examined them. “They're almost life-like. You have such a gift, Tel.”

“Thank you.”

“I realized yesterday that I missed you. I haven't seen you in weeks. You always knew what to say to make me feel safe and happy.”

“I think it comes from not speaking, then choosing my words carefully.”

“However you do it, it's another amazing gift of yours. I wish I could be more like you.”

“But you are wonderful in different ways.”

“I haven't been feeling that way recently.” She told him about almost botching the meeting between Arvonne and the Empire, about her trials as she adapted to motherhood.

“I did well with Maya. I like her and I think we'll grow to be friends in the future. But, I wish I could be like her, powerful and confident.”

“I heard a saying in Gheny that I feel works for you: 'It is a sad day when the pearl wishes it was a diamond'.”

“I'm not a pearl, Tel.”

“It's hard to see your worth when you're so busy looking at others.”

She smiled and nodded at this. “What do you see?”

“I see a woman who is tenacious, who fights for what she wants with every fiber of her being. I see a woman who cares so much about what she loves that she is hurt deeply when she feels she's losing it. But, I also see a woman who carries the weight of her past on her shoulders and cannot see that those two things should embrace each other. You are smart and you are sensible. You know what you should have and what are others. Don't give up so easily. Fight.”

Anla embraced him. “Thank you. I needed to hear that. How are you doing?”

“Well enough. I am still trying to understand my life without kouriya. At times it felt like it was a sensible thing, and at others it seemed pointless.”

“It brought you comfort.”

“But, at what cost? I accepted my defeat before I could allow myself to understand how I felt about it. It brought me to you three, but it also means I am away from Kelouya, my family, and my people.”

“Do you think you can return?”

He sighed and looked away. “That is my crossroads. My brother has been censured. My sentence may have been reversed, but I haven't received word. I could return and fight for it...”

“Or?”

“Or I can follow kouriya and stay.”

She blinked it surprise. “Kouriya is telling you to stay?”

“I don't understand it. I felt at peace when I decided not to follow kouriya, like I had chosen the right thing to do. But, now this feeling haunts me and I no longer feel settled over the matter. I should go home, but...”

“Could it be that kouriya and normal sensibility are not exclusive? Maybe kouriya is best used in doubt or when it feels stronger?”

“This is generally how most of my people use it. My master felt that it would be more powerful if you listened constantly for it.”

“If that's the case, then this would be a loud instance of kouriya. What do you feel you need to do?”

“Stay with Caudin. There's something left for me to do that only I can. That's what I'm feeling.”

“Then I'm glad you're staying.”

* * *

Anla began visiting Tel more frequently as well as Alistad, who recommended increasing visits for her well-being. She found a fast-forming friendship with Maya, who helped her understand her role better. She started attending more events in the city, a few by herself (though technically Isken was always close by as well as several guards).

Still, she felt untested. She knew it was going to happen sooner or later, some instance where her spine was going to need to be steel instead of mica. She'd rather it be on her own terms.

The double doors to her wing were opened quietly by the doorman. Anla moved out of the way and listened to the conversation happening within her room.

There were four girls inside, one sweeping the carpets while the others changed linens, fluffed pillows, and spot cleaned. She thought she might have to wait long for someone to gossip, but they were already in the midst of it.

“Mirella says he gave her a bracelet,” one said.

“Then why isn't she wearing it?” another asked.

“Because she doesn't want it getting dirty. And it was apparently his mother's, so he doesn't want the Queen getting jealous.”

“Why Mirella, though? The Queen seems nice and pretty. And she's with child now, so she's healthy.”

“Mirella says the King likes his women plump. The Queen isn't well-endowed, rather willowy, and he says he'd rather have someone with curves.”

It was still painful to hear, even though she knew by then it wasn't true. She took a deep breath and turned the corner.

“Yes, but Mirella isn't that comely. It seems like he'd rather...” The girl spotted Anla and curtseyed low. The other girl, the one who'd been gossiping harder, turned in the middle of fixing the bed. Her eyes widened in fright and her cheeks reddened deep. She stumbled into a curtsey while the other two girls were more graceful about theirs.

“Who's Mirella?” she asked. When none of the girls were forthcoming, she moved in front of the girl who was blushing furiously. “I asked who is Mirella.”

“'dem, she's...she's a chambermaid in His Radiance's household.”

“And she's told everyone that she's been carousing with my husband?” The room, and also the rooms within earshot, were deathly quiet. “Or is this something you've been making up to do harm to Mirella?”

“N-n-no, 'dem. This...those are things she's said.”

“Do you think it's wise to repeat them?”

“No, 'dem.” Her voice was a hoarse whisper.

“Do you think it's becoming as a member of the Queen's household to take part in idle gossip?”

“No, 'dem,” she said with a shake of her head.

Speaking to everyone, she said, “I trust that we will review the proper decorum of a royal chambermaid and conduct ourselves in that manner in the future.”

“Yes, 'dem,” they said.

“Now, I would like to speak with this Mirella.”

One of the girls quickly ran out of the room. Less than a minute later she returned with a plump, horse-faced girl with black, curly hair. “This is Mirella?” she asked.

“Yes, 'dem,” the girl responded and moved out of the way.

Anla couldn't help but quirk her lips up for a moment. It wasn't because she realized that the girl was homely and that her husband would've chosen every other maid in the whole palace before her, including the older ones. It was because she realized she had been had by the whole situation. If she had only confronted this head-on earlier, she would've seen it for the childish game it was, a way for an ugly girl to boost her ego.

She felt pity for her, even as she curtseyed with a haughty look on her face. She'd never had the intention of letter her go, but she'd wanted to force the girl to confront that what she'd been lying about was hurtful. Now, she didn't even want to rob this girl of what little she likely had in this world.

“Mirella, was it?”

“Yes, 'dem.”

Anla pretended to study her. “I see,” she finally said. “You may return to work.”

She bowed her head while curtseying, then left the room. She might hold her tongue in the future, or she might continue to gossip. It would likely be the latter. Anla no longer cared. It wouldn't affect her, unless she claimed a bastard as her husband's. But, she'd deal with that if it came to it.

Anla walked slowly out of the room. Before she left, she turned and looked at the bed. “Why are you changing the sheets?” she asked. “I don't use it. Tell the headmistress to reduce the changing to once a fortnight.”

“Yes, 'dem,” the blushing girl said.

It was a few days later that Dontreim returned. She entered her apartments and took in all the clothes he had laid out. She'd been unsure of how to stop him once he'd gotten his barbs in, but she needn't have worried. She was herself.

“Your Highness,” he said as he and his ladies bowed. “I've taken some time to-”

“Oh,” she said, walking over to a dress on a mannequin. It was of a slimmer cut with no bustle, no hoop, and no flaring of the skirts. It appeared that there was only two layers to it, the bottom plain dress a cream color and the top a sheer paisley in gold and red. “This is stunning.”

“Well, I think 'dem might find that a dress that helps accentuate her deficiencies-”

“-will only make me look like something I'm not. This is so beautiful, the airiness of it, the way the fabric moves. I think you could change this outside layer to leaves, perhaps take the line of the back up, and pair it with lace gloves.”

She turned to look at him. “Well, I suppose if that's what you want, 'dem, but it doesn't seem austere enough for every day attire.”

“Why did you bring it then for me to fall in love with?”

“You love it, 'dem?”

“I do.”

“I had considered it for private dinners at your estate. I don't forsee the public taking too well to something that appears so...shift-like.”

“You can dress it up, maybe gather the skirt a little in the back for a bustle or do something with the decollatage. I have faith in you, Dontreim.”

“Yes, well, thank you, Your Highness. Let's see how you fit in it.”

She fit into it very well indeed.