《Songs of Mercy》Chapter 28

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The forest had become something it wasn’t before. The trees had wavered in their sturdiness in the face of Indigo’s powerful resurrection, all of them, even the largest, oldest trees, permanently bent at their trunks. They leaned back, staying away from the intense energy at the center point where the grass was now painted a faint purple hue where Indigo once stood.

Now, within that point, she sat, looking into the eyes of her former face. It wasn’t often that she saw her own reflection. Now, this was something beyond mere distorted image in water or even a mirror. This was clearer than anyone on Nadi had seen their own face. This was the actual experience of looking into her own eyes as if she were someone else.

Her fingers rubbed the scars that painted the pale, cold features. Behind those eyes, within that head, was a brain… her brain… This was her. And the one who sat, staring into those previous eyes was still her as well, simply with a new coat of flesh, bone and even a brain to experience it all.

Except none of it was simple. All of it confused yet humbled her. She had come back to life without killing anyone… she had lost her head and had grown an entirely new one. And had returned all the stronger. Was she still herself? Was this severed head the true corpse of Indigo Scout and the one who sat, breathing, living the luxury of air and thought and love and hate an imposter?

She shivered. Numerous thoughts wouldn’t help. Prayer would grant no answers. She brought her fingertips to her own face, feeling the smoothness, the features free of nasty scars that identified her for so long, the product of reckless violence and hatred against her body. The scars were gone from her face. That alone terrified her before it comforted her… because it truly felt as if she was feeling someone else. It truly felt as if there was someone else controlling this body now.

She was silent, observing the peace of her own corpse. Despite her power and relief of victory, there was confusion and fear. The ember of comfort deep within her belly was this -- She still held the same memories, the same emotions and opinions. That was what she had to hold on to. That was what gave her hope that she was still herself.

The mystery of her power coursed through her mind… this new, refreshed mind of hers… One moment, those Hawks were attacking her, their sharp wings stinging and ripping through the flesh of her neck. The next, she was standing, filled with a power she didn’t recognize, alive as was always the case upon her death.

However, this time there was a moment in-between. A bright warmth and welcoming presence. Indigo squinted her eyes trying to remember it. She remembered there was a choice. Nothing posed to her - rather she knew she could go forward into it or turn away. In that moment she forgot everything… she forgot Zo, forgot herself and forgot the sense of duty and revenge she felt. There was only this comfort.

But then she remembered another warmth. It broke through the new sensation like a crashing wave that sent chills through her at first. Then, the warmth of J’son. Of Kila. Of Zo and Nyle, Warren, Willow and Vivian. The name Usamea. She turned away from the light and followed those memories of herself. And she was alive again.

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Indigo slowly lifted the face of herself off the ground and brought her lips to its forehead. She gave herself a slow, gentle kiss. Whatever the case, whatever the answers were, what she did know was that an old part of herself had been cast aside. En-Maer, as she had always thought of herself was dead. She kept her lips there and a tear slowly dripped down her face.

“Be at rest,” she said slowly. “It’s going to be okay now.”

She closed the eyes of the still face and lowered the head back down to the grass. She would bury it… her... and give as much kindness and gentleness as she could. She lifted her head and looked out at the scene of violence around her and breathed in the stench of death, taking it all in. Though she felt changed, the world hadn’t. And the anger she felt was still inside, smoldering, waiting to be unleashed. There was just something else to keep it in control now.

Indigo went to work, digging with her hands. The ground was soft and she dug her nails in, taking her time, letting this spot of purple-hued grass be her grave. It seemed appropriate. She breathed and worked steadily, putting her heart into the funeral. When it was deep enough for a human head, by her judgement, she lowered her own head into the depths of Nadi and started to push the dirt back in. She took time to pack it tightly. She did not want to find a stone to mark the grave… She wanted the Indigo Scout of the past to rest, to become one with the world, to be let go for good.

Indigo looked down at her dirty palms and then tightened her hands into fists. There was a power deep within herself that she didn’t understand… but she was beginning to learn how to control it. Maybe it wouldn’t always be a source of pain and chaos. Perhaps it could be directed. It could be used as the most powerful defense if she could learn how to perfect its use.

Someone approached from behind, their footsteps careful and slow. The scent that wafted in through the death was the familiar scent of Zo. She crouched down and wrapped her arms around Indigo. There were no words between them for some time, Indigo only leaning her head against Zo as they sat together.

“I’m sorry,” Indigo finally said. They both knew what she meant… the deaths of every one of the Liberators besides them. Despite being among them and growing close, Indigo knew that the loss was bigger for Zo. It was her entire family. Turning to look at her eyes gazing down at the grave she just made, she saw that Zo was exhausted. Her eyes full of sadness. Her expression one of a deep misery that Indigo knew all too well… but certainly not to this degree.

Zo’s embrace tightened. “Nyle has been burying them,” she said, her voice shaking ever so slightly. “I was helping but I--” she paused. “I’ve never felt this weak before. I couldn’t keep digging.”

Indigo moved to place Zo’s hands in her palms. She looked at her intensely. Before, Zo was often the source of strength and support when Indigo needed it. Now, Indigo felt more capable than previous times. She had discovered the true extent of what she held inside and knew she had to use it to support the ones she had left.

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“I will not stop,” she promised Zo. “I won’t stop until the High Priest is dead. I won’t stop until the conflict we face is over. I have the power to do it.” She pressed her head against Zo’s. “But before any of that, I will not stop being here for you both. I have the power to carry you if you need it. For as long as you need it.”

Zo shook and stifled a sob. “I… watched you die. I never thought… I never thought I would see…”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Indigo replied. She took her hands and guided her up. They both gave the head upon the grass a final look. “I’m still me.”

Zo breathed in to say something. She kept looking down at the grave. Maybe she wanted to talk about it… Indigo burying herself. For Zo it must have been a surreal and reality contorting experience.

“We can talk about it later,” Indigo said, squeezing her tight. “Come on, let’s go find Nyle. I will help him. As long as you’re alongside us both, it’ll be enough. Come on.”

Indigo held Zo close as they walked slowly among the corpses, deep into the forest where Nyle was knelt. The large man was silent, before three graves. Indigo knew instantly that they belonged to Ryton, Willow and Vivian. Indigo and Zo moved to either side of him and slowly sat down.

Nyle had always been a man of few words. But he was always a man with a smile and peace of mind. Not in this moment. His eyes were red. Dried tears upon his cheeks. His bottom lip quivered and he kept sniffing in. Indigo and Zo leaned against him and the man’s sobs started low and shaky. Eventually it was a booming cry that spread to his two friends. Their cries echoed far and wide.

The remainder of the day was filled with burying the dead. They found tools among deceased Knights and their own kin, whether they were swords or pieces of armor, to help them dig. Indigo, despite her exhaustion remained at the ready, doing all she could to hold on to that feeling from earlier, that feeling of power, in case any of their enemies felt brave enough to return.

As the sun touched the treetops, their hands were caked with dirt and dried blood. They had buried the members of the Liberators as best they could and they now sat in silence, holding one another. It would become even colder soon. They had no shelter to go to and their hearts were too heavy for their legs to carry forward.

After a time, Indigo released Zo’s hand and stepped forward, before the fresh graves they had just made. She knelt down and ran her fingers through the loose dirt, grabbing a handful and squeezing the soft Nadian soil. She stood before the buried dead then, standing tall and proud. The grief was palpable in the air… but her respect and admiration for the fallen was even stronger.

“Before you all,” she said slowly, “I was nobody.” She paused, smiling to herself. “Actually that’s not true. I was somebody. I was the wandering death, the walking pile of scars and danger. I was a shadow of who I thought I would grow up to be as a young girl. I never thought I would meet people who would die for me. Who would fight alongside me. Who would accept me as I was. Thank you for fighting. Thank you for being my friend and teaching me how to fight.” She tossed the soil forward and it sprinkled down among the graves in the soft breeze.

She turned to Zo and Nyle and took them in for a moment. Only looking, admiring, being present with their sadness.

“Thank you for teaching me how to never stop fighting,” she said. “I’m still here. We are still here. Nothing is over.” She looked to Zo, then. “‘Failure is never the end of the road’. You told me that once.” Indigo gave a soft smile. Zo looked up, her eyes glistening. The hint of hope in her expression.

Flashes of how Indigo felt before that army and her resurrection rang through her mind. “I don’t understand what happened to me… or why I’m still standing here. But none of it matters. I will figure it out. We will figure this out.”

They both looked up and met her eyes.

“Indigo…” Nyle’s deep voice arrived. “I’m sorry. But Task’s army alone… whatever awaits us in Shieldhome… Unless the Republic chooses to wage a war, there is nothing we can do.”

Zo sniffed and stood up. “The Republic won’t fight the Kingdom,” she said resolutely. “They fear the Kingdom’s armies. Their control over Alchemy.” She nodded her head. “It’s over, Usamea.” She approached Indigo and gently took her hand with a sad look in her eye. “We can still live a life somewhere.” She smiled. “We can run away. Like you suggested before.”

Indigo stared into the eyes of her lover and knew she had to be strong for them. No more running. No more blind revenge. Things have changed and they had to adapt to it. And she knew where they had to go… a place she had heard of only a few times before. A place she was too afraid and ashamed to go to. But now it was clear it was all they had left.

“You’re right,” she said. “There is a place we can go. Somewhere you can both be safe and where I can learn what I need to in order to become stronger. Matrun.” She looked between them both. “The country to the west. The home of the Gifted.”

“But,” Nyle said, standing, “We can’t go there. We’re not… you know.”

Indigo shook her head. “It’s the only option. I need to keep moving forward. If you both want to return to the Republic I respect your decision. But... as much as I love you both I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to follow you back south. No, I need to keep going. I need to learn more about my Gift. And I have to believe that they will take you both in if you’re alongside me.”

Zo looked back at Nyle and they held each other’s looks for a moment. Then, they both nodded.

“Indigo,” Zo said, “We won’t go anywhere without you.”

“That’s right,” Nyle said, sniffing and wiping his eyes, walking over to them. “After everything… everything that’s happened… I can’t bear to lose more of my family.”

Indigo smiled and held them both. Together, they stood, the living among the dead, still fighting, even if it was simply for a reason to keep moving forward.

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