September, 2000

Highschool hadn’t been the big change Adrian had hoped for.

The first two weeks had been up in the air. There was that feeling of newness—of possible change. The school was brand new; the paint still smelled. A lot of new kids had been thrown into the mix, and now he even had some classes with Sophomores and Juniors in them.

And yet, on the very first day at lunch, when he’d resolved to not fall into old habits, the fear had struck him. He’d looked at that huge cafeteria full of strangers. The new possibilities had become terrifying. What was he going to do? Sit at a random table and introduce himself?

Just when he’d thought of sitting alone, he’d spotted two of his old friends, Stefan and Connor. Connor waved to him, and they grinned in expectation of Adrian sitting down with them.

He told himself he wouldn’t, but he did. He sat with them, and as they talked about optimizing their Necromancer builds, Adrian knew that very little was going to change for him in high school.

It didn’t, not for the first few weeks at least.

“Dress out!” The coach shouted. “Five minutes!”

This was the stupidest class Adrian had ever been in. PE was mandatory as per state guidelines, but the school’s gym wasn’t finished being built yet. The fields were full of construction equipment. The sod wouldn’t be laid for months.

So what did they do? They were given grades for putting their PE clothes on, then going into a classroom and watching movies about sports. They had to learn the rules for a sport, then take a test that a 2nd grader could probably pass. As far as Adrian could tell, the only way you could fail the class was not dressing out. It was very important to wear workout clothes to sit in a classroom and watch movies.

“Yinz are gonna have class in the cafeteria from now on,” Coach Mickley said. “They’re combining yinz with another class so that I can go teach Geography. I was looking forward to watching Air Bud with ya, but…”

He took everyone to the cafeteria, and they shuffled in and sat at lunch tables while the new “Coach” wheeled in a TV and fumbled with the power outlet and VCR.

Adrian sat at a table alone. He had no friends in this class, and the absolute pointlessness of the whole thing had meant that very few students who hadn’t already been friends had become friends. A lot of people were sitting alone, all spread out around the cafeteria. Adrian doubted many could even see the TV.

He was doing homework for another class while the new coach struggled to get the TV working. The students from the other class filtered into the cafeteria, and Adrian did a quick glance to see if any hot girls were there.

As he was eyeing them, someone sat down across from him.

He looked up and saw Hunter.

“Hey,” Hunter said.

“Hey.”

Adrian had never hung out with him in Middle School. Hunter had “dated” Laura on and off. He didn’t think they were ever together for more than a month at a time, but a month was long in Middle School. Adrian had found his own group of friends, all much less cool and popular than him, and Hunter and Adrian both more or less had just pretended they didn’t know each other again.

“You play Diablo II?” Hunter asked.

He looked up at him. “Yeah.”

Hunter nodded, as if he’d already known the answer without asking.

“You ever LAN?” he asked.

* * *

He’d been to LAN parties. He’d even hosted them, but Hunter’s LAN party was different.

At Adrian’s LAN parties, his mom would order pizza for everyone. His friends’ moms or dads would pick them up, helping them carry their computers and bulky CRT monitors into their cars. Sometimes one of his friend’s moms would even break brownies for the whole LAN party.

When Adrian walked into Hunter’s basement, a Junior or Senior was smoking weed out of a huge, glow-in-the-dark bong with a skull on it. One guy had porn playing on two separate monitors: one was a nun being punished, the other was a pizza delivery guy who had cut a hole in the middle of the pizza for his dick to go through.

Adrian followed Hunter down into Hunter’s basement, his monitor in his hands. Hauling his giant monitor to LAN parties was the most “weight lifting” Adrian ever did, and it showed. He could barely hold onto it, as he’d just carried it all the way from his house. He’d have to make a second trip for his tower, but that weighed a lot less and was easier to carry.

“You can set up there,” Hunter said, clearing a bunch of chip crumbs off of a filthy fold-out table. The crumbs hit the carpet, and Hunter’s dog snarfed them up.

“Cool,” Adrian said, “I’ll be back with the rest.”

He told his parents he was going to Connor’s, the only other friend whose house was close enough to walk yo. He didn’t even know if his mom remembered Hunter, but he wasn’t going to risk it. He hoped he didn’t smell like Marijuana smoke. If he did, his Mom didn’t notice.

When Adrian got back and had everything set up, Hunter clapped his hands. “Alright, boys! Let’s go!”

Hunter hadn’t bothered to introduce him to anyone. Bong guy was red-eyed, and at hearing Hunter, he shoved half of his remaining Snicker’s bar into his mouth, threw the wrapper onto the ground, moved his mouse to kill the screensaver, and cracked his knuckles. Porn guy closed the porn on one monitor, then opened Diablo II, but he left the porn on the other monitor running. A woman was giving the pizza delivery guy a blowjob, his dick poking through both the pizza box and the pizza itself.

“Come on, dude,” Hunter said. “Kill that shit. I don’t want to die because I’m distracted by pizza blowjobs. What the fuck is that anyway?”

Porn Guy sighed and closed the window. His desktop wallpaper was also porn, but it was just a still image with no sound.

Adrian was looking forward to showing his character off. He had multiple Stones of Jordan, and a fully decked out Sorceress with Frost Burns.

“So,” Adrian said, “My best character is a Sorceress, what do you guys have?”

They all looked at him, then at Hunter.

“Oh,” Hunter said. “I forgot to tell you how we LAN. We all start fresh characters. Hardcore mode.”

Hardcore mode. That meant permadeath. If your character died, it was gone for good. You could never get it back. If you started a character in hardcore mode, you could never switch it to regular.

“What if someone dies?” Adrian asked. “What do they do?”

Hunter shrugged. “Go jack off, I guess?”

They all laughed.

He was glad he didn’t invite Connor or Stefan. This was a much cooler version of a LAN party, one where older kids smoked weed and watched porn. Connor was one of the best Necromancers on the US East server, but outside of the game he was a total wet blanket.

Adrian chose a Sorceress, as it was the class he had re-rolled the most times. He felt he was least likely to die this way. Hunter chose Barbarian.

The guy with the bong was Seth, though in-game he was “WeedHealer69.” He was a Paladin. The porn guy, Matt, was a Necromancer.

In Blood Moor, the first zone in the game, they all just ran around slaughtering monsters. Adrian specced Ice Bolt, figuring that the ice skill tree would give him the most survivability in hardcore mode.

“Get that Might Aura back on me, Seth!” Matt shouted. “My character is just an old man with a stick, he needs a boost!”

“You’ll address me as WeedHealer69, or I won’t share my concoctions with you.”

“Dude,” Matt shouted, “come on! It’s taking me like five seconds to kill a single zombie without the buff.”

“Who is ‘Dude?’” Seth asked, snickering through a bad British accent.

“WeedHealer69,” Matt said. “Please stand near me so I can get your aura.”

“Ah, but of course! Now that you’ve addressed me properly!”

Seth’s Paladin moved next to Matt, and they both starting snickering as they slaughtered the zombies together with underpowered melee attacks

“Come on,” Hunter said, glaring at them. “Cut that shit out. I want to kill Diablo tonight. We’ll be in this zone for an hour at this rate.”

“Chill, dude,” Seth said, “It’s just roleplaying.”

“It’s gay as shit,” Hunter said. “You’re not doing damage because you got fucking bone armor as your first skill. What did you think would happen?”

“I thought I’d take less damage,” Seth said. “I don’t wanna die, man! Not yet!”

Matt laughed.

“You had a choice between fucking bone armor,” Hunter said, “And a skill that is literally called ‘Amplify Damage’ and now you’re bitching that you don’t have enough damage? You sure you’re not retarded?”

Hunter and Adrian caught each other’s eyes over their screens—Hunter was across from him—and Adrian realized that they were on the same wavelength in this game.

“Adrian’s like two levels higher than both of you,” Hunter said, “he’s just hunched all over and power leveling the shit out of himself. He hasn’t said a word. That’s how you play this game.”

“Real fun,” Seth said.

“Yo, Seth, I mean WeedHealer69,” Matt said. “I don’t mind buffing you. We’re a party of adventurers, and we got all kinds of sick synergies and shit. I got auras, so…”

“This is the fucking Blood Moor,” Hunter said. “We will synergize and shit when we get to Duriel, but these are fucking level 2 zombies. Just run them over as fast as you can so we can finish the runthrough before dawn.”

They played for hours. Adrian got lost in it. He’d been afraid of playing hardcore mode at first, but it was a rush. There had been a few close calls where mostly Seth or Matt almost died, and Hunter’s barbarian would leap across the screen and bail them out, or Adrian would have to frost nova and carve out a path for them.

When he played with Connor and Stefan, it was more about just completely min-maxing their characters. Could this weapon or piece of armor increase the overall damage output by 2%? If they died trying to figure it out, it was no big deal, they’d just resurrect and try again.

Duriel was one of the hardest bosses, even though he was only the second main boss of the game. You fought him in a small room, and he rushed you down, often cornering you. Adrian had remembered the fight being pretty hard in non-hardcore mode, but he’d never actually cared if he died.

“I’m gonna go eat something,” Hunter said. “We’re taking Duriel on in fifteen. Get your heads clear and don’t fuck this up!”

Hunter went upstairs, not offering anyone else a snack or drink. It was understood—Adrian had realized—that you bring your own drinks and food. Not that Adrian had brought anything.

“Hurry up, dude,” Seth said to Matt, who was fumbling with the bong.

“You smoke, dude?” Seth asked Adrian.

“Uh,” he said. “Yeah, normally, but I’m good for now.”

They both shrugged.

He wanted to smoke. If only to tell Connor and Stefan that he’d done it. To tell him he’d smoked weed while playing Diablo II. He was afraid he’d mess it up. That he’d cough, that he’d freak out, that his mom would storm down the stairs the minute he got his hands on the bong, just like she’d caught him with the SNES controller the first time he’d touched it. Then again, if she caught him in here with other people smoking, saying “I didn’t smoke, just watched,” wouldn’t have gotten him in much less trouble.

Seth lit the bowl, and the water bubbled as the chamber filled. Seth sucked it all in, held it with his cheeks puffed out, then let it all out in Matt’s face.

“Dude, come on, hurry,” Matt said. “Give me it!”

Adrian wasn’t sure why they were rushing so much, but then he realized: They didn’t want Hunter to know. Hunter was upstairs eating a snack so he’d be at maximum performance for the Duriel fight, and they didn’t want him to know they were just getting high again. He’d yelled at them all through the night for playing like shit.

“Don’t tell Hunter, bro,” Seth said, looking at Adrian, his eyes nearly glazing over.

“I won’t,” Adrian said. “You think we can beat Duriel?”

Matt exploded with laughter, smoke shooting out of him like a broken furnace.

“You gotta hold it longer,” Seth said. “Don’t fucking waste it! Let that THC get in all of your blood. The longer you hold it in, the more blood it can go into or something.”

“Yo, yo,” Matt said, laughing as he exhaled. “A blood golem like in Diablo...but it’s a weed golem!”

They both started cracking up, but then they heard Hunter’s footsteps on the stairs, and they stifled their laughter.

Seth tossed the bong under his table, then threw his backpack on top of it.

“Yeah!” Matt shouted, “it’s time to beat Durien.”

“Duriel,” Hunter said.

Veins bulged out on Matt’s neck as he struggled to hold in the laughter.

“WeedHealer69 will see us through this most trying ordeal,” Seth said. “Duriel will rush me, and my fine plate armor will protect my flesh, and the foul demon’s own blow will work against him as my thorn aura eviscer—”

“Dude,” Hunter said. “Please don’t RP during this fight. You guys can do whatever you want after this, but I don’t want to wipe here. Please, just focus for one fucking fight.”

He shot Adrian a look, almost apologizing to him for his friends.

Adrian’s hands were clammy and shaking as the fight began.

Duriel was a massive demon. He didn’t have legs, just stubby little tentacles that didn’t look big enough to support his fat, cocoon-like torso. His upper body towered upward, and he had two massive claws instead of hands. Duriel smirked with pixelated razor-sharp teeth. He had a horn jutting from his forehead, and more horns all over his back.

WeedHealer69 rushed into a corner. Duriel pinned him.

“Dude!” Hunter shouted, leaping his Barbarian onto Durien’s back and swinging at him. “The fuck you got Holy Freeze on for? Duriel’s resistant to cold damage!”

“I’ve got thorns on—”

“No you don’t dude!” Matt said, wheezing with laughter. “Fuucckkk, dude, what am I supposed to do again?”

“Adrian’s using ice too—”

“He’s specced for ice!” Hunter said. “It offsets the resistances. Switch your fucking aura, come on!”

Many long seconds later, the thorn aura came on. Matt’s golem wandered lazily toward Duriel, but Matt’s necromancer didn’t move.

“Matt!” Hunter said.

“Matt!” Seth said, mocking Hunter’s voice and snickering.

“Just trying to make sure I have the right skills selected,” Matt said. “In case you go all PMS on me too.”

Duriel had Seth’s life down to half.

“I’m out of potions,” Seth said, still snickering. “Forgot to restock before the fight.”

Adrian went into one of his gaming trances. When the stakes were high, he could shut off everything outside of the game. His shaky hands became steady, and if this were Chess, he could read dozens of moves ahead without even thinking about it.

Seth was going to die that was certain. Matt might not die, but he’d do almost no damage relative to Adrian and Hunter. The monsters in Diablo scaled up based on how many players were in the game, but even if both Seth and Matt died—since Duriel had already spawned—he wouldn’t become any easier.

“As soon as Seth dies, leap behind me,” Adrian said, his voice calm and collected.

“I’m the tank,” Hunter said.

“Not without Seth and Matt doing any damage,” Adrian said. “Assume it’s only the two of us doing anything. Duriel is scaled for 4-players. We need physical damage from you to kill him. If you tank, you’ll die before I can get the damage through.”

Seth died. Hunter hesitated, but then used his Barbarian’s “leap” ability to jump behind Adrian.

Adrian hadn’t put many points in Frost Armor, but he activated it to reduce some of the damage. He kited Duriel with frost novas, moving back again as soon as Duriel hit him one time. Each hit chunked his life total by almost 20%, but he chugged a potion, novaed, and moved back without losing his cool.

Hunter hit Duriel from behind with Whirlwind attacks, the biggest damage ability for Hunter’s build. Matt’s Golem hit Duriel for some extra damage, but Matt himself was fumbling around and barely getting any attacks in.

“Matt, dude, your go—”

“Forget Matt,” Adrian said. “When I hit the corner, I need you to pull aggro long enough for me to get clear of the corner, then jump behind me again so I can kite him back again and you can get damage in.”

You couldn’t see a boss’s health total in Diablo 2. If you’d fought a boss a lot, and if you had a good idea of how much damage you were putting out, you could generally have a good feel for how close to dead the boss was. Adrian guessed that Duriel was near 30% life. That was good, but Adrian had used up most of his health and mana potions, and after one more kiting run to the corner, he’d be out of them.

Hunter’s Barbarian jumped behind Adrian’s Sorceress as soon as he pulled aggro. Adrian frost novaed, chugged a potion, and backed up.

“I’m out of pots after this run. Once you pull aggro, just keep it. He’s low enough that we can just dump on him from here.”

Hunter nodded. He didn’t need to say a word; he had the same eyes as Adrian: gamer trance eyes.

Matt managed to keep his golem on Duriel, and he even got his character over to start hitting. “Yeah!” he shouted. “We’ve got this!”

Hunter didn’t even register annoyance, he just stared unblinking at his monitor.

Adrian dumped all his mana into Duriel. He chugged potion after potion, and as his inventory went totally empty, and his mana orb drained completely, his character stopped casting Frost Novas.

Adrian hit Duriel with auto attacks. Hunter’s life total was getting chunked down as Duriel wailed on him with his claws.

“I’m out too,” Hunter said.

Their eyes met. They both knew Duriel was somewhere between 1% and 5% life. There was a chance that Duriel would go down before Hunter did.

Adrian held his breath. Just as the red blood in the orb that indicated Hunter’s life total reached the absolute bottom, Hunter’s Barbarian jumped away.

Duriel switched aggro to Adrian. He’d naturally healed some of his life back, but he had only enough to take three or four hits.

Duriel hit him once. Twice. He had a sliver of sloshing blood left in his orb.

Hunter whirlwinded into Duriel’s back.

Duriel turned around and hit Hunter.

Hunter died.

Adrian frost novaed. He ran out of mana again. He hit Duriel with a basic attack, and Duriel hit him back.

Adrian died.

Matt’s Golem swung. Then Matt’s Necromancer clubbed Duriel with his staff.

Duriel died. Matt was the only one left standing.

“Yeah!” Matt said, bolting upright from his chair and knocking it back onto the ground. “I fucking won!”

“Get out!” Hunter shouted. “Both of you! Out!”

The next several minutes were very awkward, as Seth and Matt got their computers, monitors, tangles of cords, bongs, and all their other stuff packed up as quickly as possible. They brought everything up the stairs and out of the basement and set it in a big pile. Adrian could tell they wanted to be clear of Hunter as fast as they could, and once the last item was up, Seth muttered a “Later, I guess” down the stairs, and shut the door.

Hunter had cooled down a bit by then, and he looked at me, licking his lips. “Now we go real hardcore mode. Just you and me.”