Polaris Dark - Arc II Chapter IV

Looks like the caravan is going to be postponed until this event ends and everything is settled down. So the objective is to kill the leader of Varaug, a twisted, corrupted form of the Orc Race in this world. The "corruption" isn't because of some evil energy of magic but rather a mutation that caused them to become extremely bloodthirsty and warmongering. If my hypothesis is true, then the battle will end up in a brutal melee where one side tries to overwhelm the other.

It seems that no matter what level you are, as long as you are in the vicinity of this village, a quest window will show up and show the player what to do. Since my level is not that high, it tasks me to help evacuate the villagers to a hidden shelter outside of the village. At Seraphina and Antheia's level, they are given the event quest to help fend off the incoming raiders. Since there is a Shared Reward as well as the Individual Achievement Reward, the three of us decide to stay in the same party. I argued against using the option since I would not be directly fighting the raiders. Antheia overruled it and says that we are a team; I will be protecting the innocents while they will be eliminating the threat.

I guess the shy and bashful Antheia becomes all-happy but serious in battle mode. We head to a rapidly clustering aggregate of pioneers (players), adventurers and guards in front of the town hall. At the town hall, the village chief splits the adventurers and players into two groups. One group consists of those at level 30 or higher while the other group has the rest that are under level 30. The town guard consists of a separate force with an average level of 43, making them take up the job of acting as vanguards.

For players, there is a substantial difference between Level 29 and Level 30 in power even though there is only single numerical disparity. When a player reaches level 30, the character receives a large boost in abilities and gains their first profession-specific . Unrestricted abilities are special powers that are exclusive to each profession. The name scheme for these abilities is the fact that no external influence will affect the ability.

For example; characters at level 30 with the basic warrior profession will receive the unrestricted ability: . This is a trigger ability that gives the warrior a boost in certain stats for a set duration.

Another example; character at level 30 with the basic mage profession will receive the unrestricted ability: . This is a passive ability that gives the mage increased mana recovery, magic resistance and intelligence.

The players and adventurers form an with each group, giving the members the event-only mini-map. The mini-map shows allied party members as light blue dots, allied teams and people as light green dots, neutral or unassociated individuals as yellow dots while hostile enemies are displayed as red dots. Bosses are displayed as larger, blinking dots with its affiliation being the color previously mentioned.

In essence, there are four regular forms of groups in Ascendancy that can be formed.

The first one that can be formed is the standard . This group has minimum requirements, allowing people to solo party-restricted quests if desired... unless it has a member-requirement of course. The maximum number of people that can join a standard is eight players.

The second group is known as the . This one can only be formed and joined by members of a faction or guild which is collectively known as . The only difference between a faction and a guild is that the former usually has an important group or person it is supported by (sponsored) while guilds are free-lance groups. This group has does not have a minimum requirement, allowing union members to solo union-restricted quests (other than member requirement). This group has a limit of eighteen people.

The third type is known as the , known to many gamers as large dungeon clearing groups. Raids can be formed parallel to standard or collectives, allowing a two-way association between party leaders and the raid captain as well as the party leaders transmitting commands to their members. In this case, only the party leaders and raid captain can use a short range telepathy system to keep in contact with each other. The has a minimum requirement of sixteen people (being in a parallel party is not necessary) with a maximum of seventy two people.

The fourth regular group is known as the , the one that is being used now. This event team does not have an assigned leader and can only be used in Event-Tier quests like the one we received now. Other than having a maximum of a hundred twenty players with no minimum requirements, the allow players to obtain the use of a mini-map, making it easier to see which area needs what kind of assistance. The mini-map display can be called up at any point in time and will enlarge itself to the player's needs. It will disappear, shrink or move to wherever the player desires so it will not hinder gameplay.

With that being said, events are usually a mass of confusion. Luckily, this particular event happens to be a defensive battle led by the stronger NPCs, reducing the amount of confusion by delegating whom is to do what. With the first group heading out to reinforce the guards that are already heading towards the village fringes, the rest of us in the second group start following instructions from the NPC guard in charge of the evacuation assistance group.

The first group has around one hundred and sixty or so adventurers and players while second group consists of eighty two lower level adventurers and players.

The second group leader separates us into sixteen teams of five with one extra in two of the teams. I am placed in a team with four others and sent to evacuate the villagers from on the north-western home complexes.

Fortunately, raiders are coming from the western region where there are stone walls protecting a portion of the village. The emergency shelter, crops and important buildings are all at the south-east of this village, making it safer to evacuate from that region.

We introduce ourselves to each other while on the move, heading towards our destination to start our job.

My temporary companions are as follows; two adventurers named Ezschiel Guines and Sarah Guines, two players with the usernames Altoray2 and Zenophilex.

Ezschiel Guines is a tall man standing at 178cm. With a head of frazzled, greyish-white hair and storm-grey eyes, he looks very sharp and steady, a true veteran adventurer with lots of experience. He is a swordsman with a penchant for defensive maneuvers and counters.

Sarah Guines introduces herself as Ezschiel's daughter. She is 160cm tall, boasting a head of middle-length light brown hair and a pair of storm grey eyes. Following her father's art of the sword, she is learning the defensive abilities of swordplay while training her body.

Altoray2 looks quite familiar; a head of short, orange-red hair and blue eyes. He is about 167cm tall, carrying himself with an imitation aura of authority like he is some sort of noble. He's probably a hardcore role player.... Being brought up by the upper-class allows me to note these minute differences in demeanor quite easily. Altoray2 is a focused on technical swordplay and finesse.

Zenophilex is a short, frail-looking man standing at 158cm... ...he's still taller than me... ...with black hair in a ponytail. His dark-brown eyes makes him look even weaker than he may be. Zenophilex is a focused on lightning magic.

Since I introduced myself as a researcher, the four of them probably thinks that I cannot fight. Unlike Seraphina and Antheia who saw me first hand, these four have no clue of my combat capabilities. We probably won't have to do too much fighting if the defenders do their job properly.

Passing by several sections of the village we can see several groups of villagers huddled together at their emergency gathering locations, waiting for the assigned escort team to arrive. We soon arrive at our assigned area and find a group of twenty or so villagers together. They vary from small children to strong adults to elderly seniors.

"Alright," Ezschiel calls out, "we are the escort team assigned to assist your evacuation."

The evacuees nod and begin following the orders of the senior adventurer. The players in our team and Ezschiel's daughter has no qualms with the man taking the lead since he obviously knows what he is doing. I have no objections either so we follow his instructions, heading towards the emergency shelter outside of the village.

The emergency shelter is about one kilometre away from the village, built into the ground and hidden from sight. Since we are farthest away from the shelter, Ezchiel hastens the pace of the villagers. Fast enough to not lose any time while slow enough so that the elderly and children can follow without moving too quickly. Unlike the seniors of today, the elderly in this era aren't as weak due to their constant field work. Their bodies do not deteriorate as quickly as people of the modern era due to their constant work in the fields.

The first clash of metal and roars of battle resounds through the air, coming directly from the west. Shouts, screams, bellows, metal crashes, thumps and other sounds of battle become ever so prominent as the defense of the village proceeds.

We reach the central market area in five minutes, keeping vigilant just in case. Several other groups of villagers are in the same place, heading towards the designated emergency shelter as quickly as the slowest person can move. At this time, a shrill shriek cuts through the air from behind us. Glancing back, I discover the reason for the shriek: a large, burly creature head appeared from behind a house, chased by two people from the first group.

"Damn it! Don't let it get to the villagers!"

The creature looks like a large, hulking orc with pale, reddish skin. This Varaug can be compared to the standard green-skinned orcs with large lower fangs and a brutish face. True to the fantasy genre, this twisted version of the orc is a bit similar to the physical appearance of orcs in the Tolkien fictions but is much, much bulkier. It's as if a mad scientist crossbred the red version of the Incredible Hulk and an orc, making a giant behemoth of a monster. Despite its terrifying appearance, appearing at this level means it is not too strong and can be defeated by those around level 30 to 40.

This Varaug is wearing only a tattered, dirty loincloth and a leather belt around its waist, making it look even more brutish than it already appears.

The varaug spots the villagers and a wicked gleam appears in the creature's eyes. It roars and charges towards us, raising the large, cracked axe in its hands, readying for a broad slash to slaughter to helpless villagers.

That is when three glowing cyan spheres strike against the bulging head, causing the Varaug to stumble. Yes; that was my doing....

6 Damage dealt to Varaug Plunderer 8 Damage dealt to Varaug Plunderer 7 Damage dealt to Varaug Plunderer Varaug Plunderer Level 34 Health: 967/1680

The two people chasing the Varaug catches up with it and deal two sword blows on to its unprotected back. The Varaug bellows with pain and anger, twisting around with its large axe in tow. The spin creates enough momentum to deal massive damage with the horizontal swing. The twisted Orc has no luck though; its targets have moved away before it was able to spin, causing the broad swing to miss by a long shot.

One of the pursuers start attacking the Varaug at once, using his unique purple-bladed sword to slash at the creature's legs. The pursuer, a man with short, smooth, dark green hair, strikes true and cuts the Varaug's leg. With a glint in his deep green eyes, he slashes again while the mutant orc tries to right itself.

Varaug Plunderer Level 34 Health: 773/1680

A single slash to the legs doing almost 100 damage is quite powerful in my terms. Because I hit the Varaug with an attack, I can now see the status of its health while the others attack it. I estimate that the purple sword wielder is about level 40 to deal that much damage to the Varaug.

The second pursuer takes the opportunity to strike the Varaug's right arm using a sword with a wide, steel-grey blade. This pursuer, a women with long, straight grey hair, slashes upward in an arc to strike the arm with her sword glowing in a dull yellowish light.

Varaug Plunderer Level 34 Health: 697/1680

Impair: -15% Right Arm Mobilty (10s)

The Varaug yells and tries to swat the two pursuers away but stumbles again when three mana spheres hit its back, bursting upon impact. The Varaug's arms flail a little from the impact to his back. While the villagers continue fearly continue to on their way at the urging of the escorts, I move to the back of my group and support the two attackers with my skill. Due to the low damage output and the distance from the Varaug, the creature does not even notice my presence even though my skill causes it to get hit-stunned for a moment.

7 Damage dealt to Varaug Plunderer 7 Damage dealt to Varaug Plunderer 8 Damage dealt to Varaug Plunderer Varaug Plunderer Level 34 Health: 779/1680

Impair: -15% Right Arm Mobilty (6s)

Since the skill's damage is not being visibly reduced, I can assume that the creatures I have fought against (the Asterberry Worms and now the Varauge Plunderer) have little to no magic resistance. With the red-skinned orc mutant momentarily stunned by my skill, the two attackers take advantage of the hitstun.

The first attacker slashes at the Varaug, his sword glowing orange steadily, leaving a glowing trail of yellowish-orange light that indicates the use of a technique. The technique strikes the target's torso, dealing a substantial amount of damage while knocking the Varaug backwards.

Varaug Plunderer Level 34 Health: 603/1680

Imparied: -15% Right Arm Mobilty (4s)

The grey-haired woman quickly sidesteps and unleashes a devastating blow against the creature's exposed side. It is a huge wide horizontal slash similar to what the Varauge tried to do. The difference here is that the sword glows in an orange light, identical to the first attacker's technique.

Varaug Plunderer Level 34 Health: 429/1680

Impaired: -15% Right Arm Mobilty (2s)

Before I am able to launch three more spheres, two windows appear in front of me.

You have received 35 experience points You have received 33 experience points

Looks like Seraphina and Antheia are doing their job properly... I better do my part so that I won't drag them down. I activate my again and send the three mana orbs arcing at the Varuag. Two spheres strike its torso and one bursts on the red-skinned head.

7 Damage dealt to Varaug Plunderer 6 Damage dealt to Varaug Plunderer Fatal Hit! 9 Damage dealt to Varaug Plunderer Varaug Plunderer Level 34 Health: 407/1680 You have received 46 experience points

The Varaug stumbles again from my skill, allowing the man and the women to attack the creature four more times with their swords. This effectively wipes out the rest of the Varaug's health, killing the mutant orc.

"Hm... that went well..."

I muse for a moment as the two pursuers walks over to me. The man speaks to me in a relatively calm voice.

"Thank you for the assistance, that fight was much easier with your support. We must not tarry anymore and head back to the front lines to keep watch for any Varaugs that break away from the defensive lines."

The the green haired man and grey-haired women bow to me before rushing off in the opposite direction. The rest of the villagers and escort teams continue their way with me catching up a moment later. With the Varaug out of the way, the villagers and their escorts leave the vicinity, heading towards the hidden shelter in the south-east.

The din of battle is still quite loud but is steadily reduced as we move away from where the battlefront is. Arriving at the edge of the village, I can see several pairs of adventurerers and players from the first group scattered among this region. They are probably here to make sure the Varaugs that break away from the defensive lines are taken care of.

The last of the villagers are now streaming out of the village, with my team and our charges lagging slightly behind as we are one of the furthest away from the destination. Sarah moves to the back of the group we're escorting, moving beside me and smiling.

"That was cool there Yuki! Those glowing blue spheres are really pretty and they hit hard!"

Sarah compliments me on the help I provided to the pair of pursuers while we continue our journey towards the shelter. Ezschiel, Zenophilex and Altoray2 take a triangular formation, with Sarah's father taking the lead, the lightning mage on the left and the red-headed swordsman on the right.

You have received 32 experience points

The villagers and escorts ahead of us have slowed their pace down a little now that we're out of the village. We follow their lead and also slow down as well. The fields in this area are green and full of life; the grasses here sway with the the soft breeze, soothing and calm. This is unlike the mood of the defenisve battle that is taking placing some distance away. Above us are a couple of white, fluffy clouds strewn across the blue skies.

A moment later, several shouts echo from behind us causing the villagers and the escorts - whom is usus - to turn around. Three red-skinned mutant orcs have escaped the front lines and are running quickly towards the closest group of villagers. This means that our charges are the ones being targeted by the three Varaugs that are bellowing right now.

"Oh no.... Incoming!"

Sarah cries out as the three large, two-meter tall orcs come tearing down the grasslands behind us, clutching their large but badly maintained weapons and bent on tearing the helpless villagers apart.

Two pairs of adventurers and players from some distance away noticed this and hurries over to deal with the three Varaugs. They won't make it in time if we do not do something to delay the three rampaging mutants. Ezschiel quickly runs to the back, signalling for Altoray2 to come with him. Zenophilex stays at the side of the villagers, readying to cast spells on command.

You have received 29 experience points

Ugh... I should close off all notifications unrelated to combat.

System, hide all notifications unrelated to combat.

Hiding all notifications. Exception: Combat Notification.

Ezschiel motions to his daughter to prepare herself for a defensive fight to stall for time. Altoray2 moves to the left of Ezschiel, drawing a straight sword from the sheath of at his left hip. The sword is of a standard length and width but has a silver edge blade with a golden, decorated center. It seems to be imbued with some runic power... possibly a low-level magic inscription from the looks of things. The golden runic designs at the center of the blade glows a soft red, indicating the possibility of a fire-element inscription.

I cannot separate the three mana spheres so I fire them towards the Varaug on the right. Sarah lunges forward to attack the one I just attacked with my mana spheres. Ezschiel rushes forward to deal with the mutant orc in the center while Altoray2 dashes over to the red-skinned mutant orc on the left.

The one in the center raises its warhammer, readying for combat. The Varaug targeted by Altoray2 wields two large axes, making it slower but far more deadly. The one I attacked carries a large, rusty cleaver-like blade that nearly fell out of its hands when my mana spheres struck it.

The mana spheres burst on impact, causing the Varaug struck by the orbs to stumble forward.

6 Damage dealt to Varaug Chopper 6 Damage dealt to Varaug Chopper 8 Damage dealt to Varaug Chopper Varaug Chopper Level 32 Health: 1401/1530

This Varaug has not taken much damage... Sarah and I will have to deal with this one on our own.

Ezschiel's daughter surprises me by lunging at the stumbling mutant orc while partially unsheathing her own sword. Jumping up into the air, her knee connects with the stumbling Varaug's face, slamming its head backwards.

Varaug Chopper Level 32 Health: 1379/1530

Aimed Stigma - Head Strike: Dazed (2s)

While still in the air, Sarah moves past the Varaug after the slamming her right knee into its face, her partially drawn sword glowing in a light blue color. In a single smooth motion, she unsheaths the sword and swings the sword backwards horizontal to her orientation in space. The blade slashes the Varaug's head, dealing a large amount of damage from the fatal hit.

Varaug Chopper Level 32 Health: 1248/1530

Aimed Stigma - Head Strike: Daze (1s)

Aimed Stigma - Critical Drop: Takes +15% Critical Damage (6s)

Sarah lands nimbly on the ground behind that Varaug, twirling around before dealing a regular slash to the Varaug's back before it recovers from the daze.

Varaug Chopper Level 32 Health: 1201/1530

Aimed Stigma - Critical Drop: Takes +15% Critical Damage (5s)

By the time Sarah knees the Varaug in the face, Ezschiel reaches his target and begins his initial assault, deftly parrying the warhammer slamming down on to the ground with a slight flick of the sword. The veteran adventurer uses the hammer's momentum to strafe to the right without wasting any energy. Unsheathing his own normal-looking sword, Ezschiel slashes the mutant orc in the arm, causing it to bellow in pain. The orc tries to swat Ezschiel away but misses when the greyish-white haired adventurer stepped into the Varaug's arm reach and slashes the side of the Varaug, dealing even more damage.

Ezschiel kicks the creature in the face to jump away from the incoming hammer, which smacks right into the Varaug's chest. The red-skinned mutant tried to smash his hammer into Ezschiel's skull; a rather irrational thing to do but is expected of creatures similar to orcs. They clearly don't have enough intelligence to consider logical reasoning in combat.

While Ezschiel avoided the hammer blow, Altoray2 stepped into fray with his unsheathed sword. Without even waiting for the Varaug with the two axes to get closer, Altoray2's sword shines with a strong red light, indicating a technique activation. Suddenly, a sharp orange light ring glints from his body for a moment as he raises his sword up to chest with the blade facing upward. The ring of orange light dissipates quickly after expands a little. Surprised, I glance Altoray2 right when he starts moving. The red-headed player thrusts his sword forward while lunging, leaving behind several red-tinted illusory afterimages of himself.

Altoray2 lunges straight through the Varaug as if he was just a ghost, passing through the Varaug without a hint of a clash. At least, that is only for Altoray2 himself. His body stops one and a half meter away from the Varaug, the red tint and light fading away. When the image of the red-headed player passed through the creature was struck by the sharp energy produced by the tip of the sword. The Varaug is knocked backwards from the blow, causing it to bellow in agony. Altoray2 immediately leaps backwards to deal a powerful slash to the mutant orc's back.

That must have been a special skill taught by a master. This player must have encountered a swordsman that taught him this special technique. The orange glinting ring indicates a special ability outside of the profession system, making it unique and rare to be able to obtain the ability. The fact that Altoray2 acquired a technique unrelated to the profession system under level 100 is already considered one in a million.

Taking a quick glance behind me, I check the situation to see if there are any other changes. Zenophilex is still with the moving villagers, protecting them from any other mishaps. They are about fifteen meters away now and are protected by a second group that slowed down. The second escort group decided to temporarily take over the escort duty until we are relieved from delaying the Varaugs. They slowed down to allow the villagers from our group and Zenophilex to catch up and merge for the moment.

Although the escort team I am in is able to take care of single mutant orcs, a battle with over a hundred on either side is too much for players under the level of 30, much less adventurers.

As five seconds pass, I create another three mana spheres with my skill and hold them in orbit around me.

I turn my attention back to Sarah, Ezschiel and Altoray2. At this time, Ezschiel's daughter is unable to deal much more damage since the first hit she dealt was an unexpected frontal attack. She is able to distract it with small hit-and-run tactics that leave the Varaug enraged and confused. Ezschiel, on the other hand, is fighting a straight up battle of offense and defense, relying on his parrying skill to avoid attacks while striking the Varaug's arms and legs. Altoray2 keeps dancing around the Varaug as if he is toying with it, dealing swift blows that stagger the mutant orc occasionally.

Noting Sarah's struggles, I fire the mana orbs at the Varaug when Sarah backs away from the creature's wide slashing attack. The three orbs shoots towards the Varaug in an arc, two of them striking the Varaug's head while the last one hits its right arm.

Fatal Hit! 8 Damage dealt to Varaug Chopper 7 Damage dealt to Varaug Chopper Fatal Hit! 9 Damage dealt to Varaug Chopper Varaug Chopper Level 32 Health: 1012/1530

"Take this! "

Sarah yells and takes the opportunity to use a technique to cut at the Varaug's lower abdomen.

"Three!"

Her sword glows with a brownish-yellow light, slashing the Varaug's side and belly horizontally from right to left before arcing around. The Varaug flinches from the blow, possibly a hitstun effect from Sarah's technique.

Varaug Chopper Level 32 Health: 969/1530

"Way!"

The sword moves in a small arc, leading to a diagonal slash upwards from left to right. The trail of brownish-yellow light follow the slash before slowly fading as the sword passed through the air and Varaug. The mutant orc is struck with hitstun again, causing it to stagger slightly.

Varaug Chopper Level 32 Health: 921/1530

"Slash!"

I suddenly got the urge to cough as I stared at her, eyes slightly wide in disbelief.

Is it just me... or did she just call out her attack?

Disregarding the rather fictional occurence, I continue to watch as the slash arcs around and ends up slicing downwards diagonally from left to right. The result is a brownish-yellow triangle of light that gradually fades into nothingness. The technique ends up knocking the large, weighty Varaug down on to the ground.

Varaug Chopper Level 32 Health: 878/1530

Three-Way Slash: Knockdown (1s)

At this point, the two pairs of adventurers and players from the first group arrives and takes over the fight. Ezschiel, Sarah and Altoray2 backs off quickly and efficiently to avoid clashing with the new team. Hm... Altoray2 seems to have good critical thinking and logical reasoning skills: he struck the Varaug with one last attack that caused it to stumble, allowing the incoming adventurers and players to attack.

The four of us quickly return to the group we are escorting. The merged villager evacuation group remains merged when Ezschiel and the other team leader decides to allow it to remain this way. After a few minutes of quick walking, I notice the landscape change from short, regular grasslands to a plain of long, yellowish-green grass. There are a couple of hills here full of the long grass, with a few small trees appearing in my line of sight.

Soon, we reach the destination and start filing the villagers one by one through a small doorway hidden by the long grass in this area. I enter the shelter with Sarah to sort out the villagers and allow families and friends to separate from the rest of the villagers. The shelters are large caverns artificially built into rolling hills. The ceiling and pillars of this cavern are crafted from wood and stone. There are multiple caverns like this in the general area hidden from sight, only visible if you actually mean to get to the entrance. I wonder how in the world the shelters have never found by other people....

Screams and loud bellowing shouts outside causes Sarah and I to rush out of the shelter as quickly as possible with hindering the progress of villagers. As we reach the outside, we see Ezschiel, Zenophilex, Altoray2 and four other escorts fighting against five larger-than-usual Varaugs that are equipped with some sort of metal chest plate and armored pants. The five Varaugs each wield a giant double-headed battleaxe that keeps knocking the defenders away, trying to get through and attack the villagers behind the line.

The attacks and magic from the escorts cannot even cause these five mutant orcs to flinch and are having a lot of trouble trying to keep up with the Varaugs' surprisingly quick and powerful attacks. Ezschiel's parrying is not working properly as the battleaxe swings are too powerful for him to fully defend against. Zenophilex's multi-targeting bolts of lightning magic aren't doing much to hinder the Varaug's mobility. The other four are in the same situation; their techniques, spells and skills are unable to seriously injure them.

Where in the world did these three mutant orcs come from?

As if this terrible situation was not enough, I spot three more Varaugs trampling the ground in the distance, obviously rushing to where we are in a linear dash. The two Varaugs to the left and right of the central one are similar to the ones the escorts are fighting against right now, wielding giant double-headed battleaxes and armored. The Varaug in the middle is what concerns me....

This one stands a head taller than the other two beside it. Its body bulges with large, rippling muscles that could probably make Arnold Schwarzenegger green with envy. This Varaug wears only an armor-plated pair of shorts that glints in the sunlight, reflected by the shiny silver plates that contradict its brutish looks. This Varaug dual wields greyish-silver claymores larger than the ones a typical human being would wield with two hands.

*Ding!*

Event Quest: Gro'shshkar the War Chieftan! Difficulty: C-6 Tier: Event Hold off the Varaugs!

Seven and have somehow broken through the defensive lines! They tracked down the evacuated villagers to the hidden shelters! You have to hold on for ten minutes until the town guards are able to get here to take care of the raiders! This is going to be a difficult battle but do your best!

Quest Objectives

- Protect the Villagers!

- Hold on for ten minutes against the incoming Varaugs!

Quest Failure Conditions

- You die or are captured

- The Varaug breaks through and kills the villagers (0/300)

Bonus Objectives

- N/A

Oh, come on...

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