《Endless》Chapter 12. Suffering
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Zortex was overwhelmed by his situation and sat on the floor, eyes vacant looking into the darkness. He would have never guessed that things would have developed this way. Not long ago he was a young teenager eager to enter a Virtual Reality to start the life of his dreams. He wanted to create a stronger version of himself which other people would admire. He thought that his life of isolation would end and finally he would make many friends that would recognize him for what he really was. They would share his passions, they could talk about interesting stuff instead of vain gossip, and they would understand him and praise him. Eventually he would also find the girlfriend of his dreams. Zortex had no illusion for her to be one of those beauties that makes every guy horny and every other girl envious, but he was confident that his average looks would be compensated by all his other talents, so that he would find a cute girl with other nice qualities.
All of his dreams had shattered completely. Not only he had made no friends, but he even lost the only one he already had. He thought about Pravin for a moment, but he was sane enough now to recognize the fact that he was a pet, even if the best one he could have hoped for. He had always laughed at the people that cared more about their cats or dogs rather than other human beings. Now he had become just like them. His isolation had only increased since coming here. Even the simple sound of Endless voice disturbed him because he was not used to hear a stranger’s voice.
How will I be able to talk to other people? The simple idea of interacting with another human being is giving me anxiety. I have trouble to even remember how a human face looks like.
Zortex tried to remember the faces of his family but he couldn’t. He remembered the single characteristic, but he couldn’t picture the whole image put together. It was actually much easier to remember Matthew. The image of his smiling face at the end was branded in his brain. Much more than his own face.
“Mirror” Zortex said to none in particular, even though Endless was still standing close to him.
A mirror appeared in front of him. Exactly like at the beginning of his immortal life, Zortex could see his reflection in front of him. However this time the person looking back was alien to him.
In the back of his mind he could notice the resemblance between the past him and the present Zortex, but so much changed that it was like watching someone else. The lineaments of the eyes, the nose, the mouth and the rest of the face were still the same, but to him they were different at the same time.
He had changed his hair to a dark black, his eyes to light orange and his skin to a tanned color before entering AoL. Now his hairs were still black but they had grown past his shoulders. He didn’t even realize that they kept growing and he didn’t cut them even once. They were getting in front of his eyes often during his time in the dark, but his vision was not impaired because he had no vision. How did I not notice that? Was I so alienated from the world around me that I didn’t even feel the change? Now that I know I cannot stop feeling the touch of them on my skin. Zortex thought.
His skin had changed a lot. The tanned color had remained, but now there was a slight tinge of green in it. Overall it didn’t look bad even though there was a slight feeling as if looking to a dead body. Was that permanent or dependent to the lack of sun and clean air? He supposed that the green color was due to the slime component in his body. The main change was due to the veins of his body. Right now they looked like green tattoos branching on his body skin. ‘Slimes are in your blood’ the AI had said when he got his class.
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Proof of that was found in his eyes. The orange color was now mixed with a deep green color. It was a peculiar sight, but the most disturbing thing was what was around it. The sclera (white part) of the eye looked as if it was bloodshot, however instead of red vessels, there were dozens of black ones that continued even beyond the eyeball and into the skin around it. There was a tinge of dark green also in these black vessels. This must be effect of my darkness element and the prolonged absence of light which has made impossible for me to be into the sunlight surroundings. And now I really look like a villain from old movies. Zortex chuckled and then sighed.
If the Slime Warrior had been a believer he would have thought that God had abandoned him and he was under the curse of the Devil. However, like most of the young population, he had no interest in religions, so he could not blame someone else for his misfortunes. He created this mess and he would have it to solve it by himself.
“I want to send a message to my family outside. Can you change my looks to what they used to be just for the message? I will get them back just after it” Zortex asked.
“It will be done. You can start registering whenever you want” Endless replied.
Zortex made a long video message explaining how much fun he was having and how many friends he had made. To make it more believable he talked about a girl who refused him and a mission he had failed. He went on and on talking about his successes and trying to make his parents proud and happy to have a son like him. It was all a lie, but at least for once he was lying to make someone else happy and not himself.
At the end he could not contain the tears any longer and he cut off the video. Once again he found himself crying alone in the dark even though his old self had believed he would be laughing in the sunshine surrounded by friends. Maybe madness is better than sorrow.
Zortex didn’t return right away to AoL. He didn’t feel like going back would help and right now he didn’t want to be reminded of what happened to him there. At least in his safe room in Endless everything was just at the right level. All his senses felt the same as in the real world because he was conditioning his surrounding to be less ‘detailed’ as to not overload his brain. He furnished the place to look like a five star hotel, then grew bored of it and changed it to a stunningly beautiful beach, then a villa on a snowy mountain and lastly like his old room on Earth. That helped a bit to remember a period where he was still happy. Zortex had thought to be unhappy at the time, but looking back he felt he had been an idiot to discard so easily what he had. If only he could go back in time and punch himself. He tried to watch some movies or read some books, but he could not focus on anything. Nothing really mattered to him.
I cannot go on like this. I must find a solution as soon as possible. Two days in here and I feel like exploding. How can I go on forever in such conditions? Even returning to the real world is not an easy option to take. Renouncing immortality is already a difficult step to take, but even more for someone in my conditions. I already have trouble here In Endless with what I did to my brain, who knows what would happen if I returned to my real body. Even under normal conditions sometime there are repercussions.
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“Endless, can you give me any help without altering my mind?” Zortex inquired.
“No” Endless answered.
“Go fuck yourself then” Zortex said. He didn’t receive a reply.
The two possible solutions have already been explained to me. Dampen senses and train to control all the data entering my brain. I can do that. I just need time to practice and strong willpower to endure it. How long have I been in Endless by the way?
“How long ago I entered Endless?” Zortex inquired.
“278 days 15 hours 49 seconds” Endless replied.
“What!?!?!” Zortex said in a high tone. “How is that possible? I thought that it had only been three months at most”. But Endless could not make mistakes, so it must be true. I have wasted so much time and even now I’m stuck fighting the fucking rats. That asshole Matthew is probably hunting ogres or whatever….I will never catch up. Actually right now I don’t even care as much as before. The wounds he had received were self-inflicted. The main culprit was himself. That would not block him from killing his old ‘friend’ when they will meet again, but it was not anymore his priority. His whole eternity was at stake now. Zortex was lying on his old bed while reflecting. Days after days he brooded and kept thinking and planning. Finally he stood up and with a thought he made Endless appear at his side.
I will go back and solve my problems and become awesome. If fantasy books taught me anything it is that even the lowest of lowest can become great by effort alone. I will show everyone how can a slime rule over dragons. I may be crippled right now, but even a liability can be turned into an advantage with proper strategy.
“Enter Age of Legends” Zortex said looking at the kid.
He found himself in the same position as he left, with Pravin at his side. He left the World with no enemies nearby and without doing any particular action, so he was allowed to respawn in the same position and in the same conditions, otherwise he would be sent to the closest safe zone.
For example if he had left during a fight his body wouldn’t have disappeared from AoL and it would have become easy prey for the enemy while his mind was inside the safe room.
Zortex looked around at his surroundings and didn’t feel particularly bad. He could see well enough, but not that much. Before leaving he had run back to a zone with less light, but he remembered it to be more luminous. Maybe I have already gotten better he thought.
He moved along the tunnel to reach the exit, Pravin following behind looking worried. At least he looked worried to Zortex, any other person would see just the usual slime. Zortex realized that he had still to explain to his pet what had happened. He spent the next five minutes trying to make him understand, but there is a limit to how much can a slime comprehend, so he had to settle by saying that being outside was harming him.
The closer he got to the exit the more light he found, but it was still quite low. He could handle it easily now. This time he passed it and watched the entrance worried about the sensations he had experienced before. Nothing bad happened. There was no sensation of overwhelming details entering his mind. He could watch outside without any issue. He kept moving that way wary of any accident but hoping that his fears were unfunded. He reached the entrance and pocked his head outside watching the sky.
Ah! That’s why. I’m having no issues because it is night. In the sky there was only half a moon covered by a cloudy sky. Still Zortex could see everything around him as if it was sunny. His other senses also responded to the new environment. For eight months he could only smell the repulsive odor of the sewers and he had arrived to the point to ignore it completely as if it was normal air, but now he was assaulted by a myriad of other fragrances. He was still at the entrance of the sewers, so the putrid smell was dominant, but he could already feel smoke, foods, flowers, blood and many other things in the air. A little too much actually, so he would have to reduce somehow the feeling.
Also his hearing was catching many new sounds. There were three buildings nearby and he was able to hear a couple having sex in one of the upper rooms of the farthest house. Those sounds reminded him of something he had almost forgotten during the worst part of his madness. His desires for the opposite sex. He had never been with a girl before and the act was something far away, that could only be seen in porn or heard in the gossip of classmates during his school years. The simple sounds now aroused him as never before, urging him to act, to do something like an animal would, but he tried to control himself.
There will be time for that in the future. Hopefully. I wonder how higher sensitivity will affect my sex life. Higher pleasure or simply premature ejaculation? Probably the second option with my luck. Anyway these are useless thoughts, more probable that I will never touch a woman in all eternity.
He tried to move away from the entrance, but he started to feel dizzy from the power of smells and sounds. Luckily he was not eating or touching anything, but those were probably also the less overpowered senses he had.
I need to dampen the effects. Zortex thought.
He took out the sword and cut a long and wide strip of cloth from his pants which were already reduced to rags. Then he wrapped it around his head to cover his nose, ears and mouth. Finally many of the sensations he was feeling before were excluded to him. The familiar smell of the sewers came back to him and the noises decreased considerably. His vision was still perfect while looking at the ground, but he realized that if even on a cloudy night he could see everything, that meant that in a full moon night with clear sky he would still have problems. Even worse during the light hours of the day. Also, in the distance there were dots of light all around him which were starting to give him an headache. Those were the torches disseminated around the city. He came out in a rather desert area, so no torches nearby made his life difficult. Still he cut another thin strip of cloth and wrapped it around his eyes. It was a little too thick, so he decided to take it out for now. He had to train himself to handle higher and higher levels of light. Only if he could succeed he would turn its disability in an enormous advantage. If he failed he would doom himself to a life of isolation and despair.
Step by step he moved slowly to the first alley in front of him. He needed to get used to the outside world once again. He didn’t know how yet, but he knew that the sewers would just hold him back. They offered sweet safety, but it was through suffering that he would reach his goals.
Through suffering I ruined myself and by suffering I will rise above the others.
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