HEART, MIND AND SOUL DIVINE

Sitting cross-legged at the center of a small room surrounded by formation, Lynne had lost sense of time. To him, it ceased to matter; everything was in the past, present and even future. Ceaseless, enduring, boundless. While five months passed since he entered the seclusion outside, to him it felt both like a second and endless lifetimes. To cross the bridge between the Grand and Divine was difficult. It wasn’t merely a matter of strength, skill, Mana, Spell Arts and knowledge. It was about being acknowledged by the Source itself as a being who had transgressed the binds. To some, it was a short process that would take a mere few hours; to others it would take a while longer, to some a lifetime, and to some it would be a bridge to death.

His body had thinned out somewhat and traces of gray had encroached upon his hair. Yet, despite all, he stood immovable – like a solid wall that would not collapse even if the rest of the world were to fall. Surrounding him was nothing; not a trace of life, Mana, wind or even sound. Yet, inside his mind and soul, chaos reigned supreme.

A serene visage of him, with flesh torn off all throughout his body, stood on the empty, open plains. Although tattered and bloodied beyond recognition, he stood stoic, as though he was completely fine. Surrounding him, a white patch of flame floated gently, its presence nigh undetectable. Lynne followed it closely with his eyes, carefully observing every movement.

“Admit it.” a voice deeply familiar to him – one that had been with him since the day he began ascending – spoke. It was a low, whispery choir, devout, baleful, beautiful and evil all the same.

“Admit what?” Lynne mumbled calmly.

“You know what.”

“I don’t if you won’t tell me.” he said.

“Years and decades have passed outside.” the voice said. “Don’t you miss your friends? Family? Beloved? Don’t you want to know whether they still live?”

“Perhaps.” Lynne said. “What of it?”

“If you just admit it, you can see them all again,” the voice said temptingly. “You can go back home, Lynne. You can have a family, just like you dreamed. All this pain… it will be gone.”

“What am I admitting?” Lynne persisted, his calm remaining.

“You wish to ascend, you wish to become one with Us,” the voice said. “You wish to see the World Divine, the Heart Divine, the Mind Divine and the Soul Divine. But, to see them, you need to have them. Admit it, Lynne. Admit it, and feel better.”

“Is that so?” the plains surrounding him remained still, as though frozen in time completely. He never felt the need to breathe, so he didn’t. He never felt the need to move, so he didn’t. Much like the plains surrounding him, he felt frozen, from bottom up.

“Yes.”

“Tell me what to admit, and I will, then.” he persisted still.

“Admit! Admit that you are broken! Corrupt! Soiled! Defiled! Tainted! Abhorrent! Admit and you can go back home…”

“… do you think I’m all those things?” Lynne said, forcing a faint smile to emerge on his lips. It was playful, almost childish in its innocence.

“No, but you do.” the voice said. “And We can only perceive you as you perceive yourself, Lynne. And you see yourself as a foul, damaged soul. Just admit it. Admit it and feel it all wash away.”

“Well, I’ll admitting to being a bit broken, but who isn’t?” Lynne asked, chuckling. “Even you, in a way, are.”

“You don’t believe that.”

“Oh, but I do.” he said. “All of what is about to transpire outside is because of you. The reason all of your Creation is broken is because, well, the Creators are broken themselves. Makes sense, doesn’t it?”

“You haven’t seen our World,” the voice said. “You haven’t seen our Minds, Hearts and Souls. We know, whereof We say; so admit it Lynne. Admit it, and go home.”

“I don’t want to go home.”

“You do. You want to go home. You want to see her. You want to see her smile, you want to look into her eyes and get lost. You want to touch her, to hold her. We do not say so; you do.”

“Ah, I think I’ve got it.” Lynne said suddenly, smiling.

“You are wrong.”

“Perhaps,” he continued, still following the floating flames with his eyes. “But, I’m not far off the mark, am I? No wonder all those whom I met that ascended seemed so… distant. Here, you rip apart our supposed imperfections, no? Break us down, brick by brick, layer by layer, till we are nothing but infants. Crying. Sobbing. Snot and drool tainting our faces. Is that what you want me to do?”

“No,” the voice said, appearing as calm and as indifferent as ever. “We don’t want anything from you, Lynne. You came to Us. You want something from Us. We are merely showing you the way.”

“… ha ha, I’m inclined to believe you, truly, but… for some reason, I can’t.”

“You are broken, Lynne. We see it. You see it. To trust Us, to believe in Us, would mean admitting it. So admit it. Let it all out.”

“… we’re going to be here until I do that, or until I die, right? Tell me something. Why did you create the World anyway? I mean, you seem sentient. You seem to understand what your World is going through. You probably knew from the start. So… why do it?”

“Are you asking for your purpose?”

“Ah, no, I know my purpose quite well, thank you.”

“Your purpose isn’t to die, Lynne.”

“No, it’s because I have no purpose.”

“Everyone has a purpose.”

“Even you?”

“Even We.”

“Strange that the creators of it would have it.”

“It is because We have it that all our Creation has it.”

“The upcoming War is completely unnecessary, isn’t it?” Lynne asked, chuckling.

“Why do you say that?”

“Just a feeling I’ve got.”

“Do you trust it? This feeling of yours?”

“I do. Was never able to explain why,” he said. “But… it’s kept me alive many, many times in the past.”

“What does this feeling of yours tell you to do now, then?”

“You know what.”

“We do. But it is up to you to say it.”

“It’s telling me to listen to you.” Lynne said. “To listen to every word you say.”

“Will you do it?”

“Hah, no, of course not. I’m here to ascend,” Lynne said. “To gain enough strength to fight back. To protect the same people you tempted me with. I’m just asking for a short amount of time. Just long enough to complete what I set out to do. Then… do with me as you wish.”

“And that is why you have to admit it. We see it all, Lynne. Your Heart, Soul and Mind. There is nothing you can hide from Us.”

“I’m not trying to,” Lynne said. “I wouldn’t even bother. You’ve seen it all, as you said. So let me go. Let me pass. Give me what I need for a little while longer… and, then, well… as they say, whichever way the wind blows.”

“Admit it.”

“Admit what?”

“You know what.”

“I don’t know if you won’t tell me.”

…

* *

Y’se sat downstairs in silence, accompanied by Retch, as the two stared at the stairs leading upward. It has already been five months since Lynne walked up those stairs, and he’s yet to come down, or even voice out a sound. They knew he was still alive, but beyond that they were in complete darkness. Worry had slowly began crawling inside their hearts; they both wished to go up and help, but they knew there was nothing they could do. It was his choice, and he’ll either profit or suffer from it.

“What do you think? What’s keeping him so long?” Y’se asked worryingly.

“Could be anything,” Retch said, sighing. “Knowing Lynne, though? Probably his stubbornness.”

“He won’t submit?” Y’se asked.

“Most-likely. Of all the trials, that one seems the most probable to befall him.” Retch said.

“He’s not an idiot,” Y’se said, frowning. “He knows that the only thing he needs to do is to submit, and it would be over. So why is he resisting?”

“… sometimes, there are special circumstances,” Retch said. “Perhaps he’s one of them.”

“Special circumstances?” Y’se asked, arching her brow as she glanced at Retch.

“… uh, yeah. It’s usually not taught normally as the cases are extremely rare,” Retch explained. “But, sometimes, alongside the normal trial… you’d be requested something else.”

“Like what?”

“It’s different for everyone recorded. It depends on who the person is, we believe.”

“… what do you think would be for Lynne?” Y’se asked. “You’ve known him the shortest, so you probably have the most objective view about him.”

“… I can’t say for sure,” Retch said after a short silence, sighing. “It could be a number of things, if I’m honest. Lynne’s a… good person…”

“… but?”

“… he’s damaged.” Retch said. “Deeply. He left the lower realm never intending to come back.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.” Retch said firmly. “He abandoned everything, yet… he left behind the false hope for others. He’s deceitful, dishonest, evasive… and, above all, he can’t face who he is properly.”

“… wow, that’s harsh.” Y’se said.

“He’s closed off everything he truly feels deep down, and departed on the road of no return, Y’se. If I’m to take a guess, he’s probably facing exactly that. The part of him he abandoned, but the part that’s still there nonetheless. Think back through his life, through everything he endured, and how he came out of it. Just the fact that he killed his own mother – however distant she was – is enough to have left a deep, everlasting scar inside.”

“… and you think he’s stubborn about that? Not wanting to face everything?” Y’se asked. “I don’t know… it’s thin…”

“It’s just a guess. What do you think of him?”

“… I know that he’s damaged,” Y’se said, smiling lightly. “Or, as he says, everyone is. But, he’s strong Retch. Grandfather wouldn’t have chosen him if he wasn’t. Talent… talent is everywhere. Just take a casual stroll through some of the Divine Clans and you can probably find someone just as talented as he is. Since the day I met him… I knew… there was something about him. Something that surpasses our Bloodline, something that surpasses talent and Magic. And that something, just like always, will be the reason he walks down those stairs, healthier and stronger than he ever was.”

“… you value him greatly.” Retch said.

“I do.”

“… I’d thread those roads carefully, Y’se.” Retch added, the tone of his voice somewhat odd. “He’s a flame that is planning to burn out like an oil lamp. Stay too close, and he might burn you with him as well.”

“… perhaps.” Y’se said, smiling lightly.

“…”

The silence surrounded them yet again as the two averted their gazes back on the empty and the silent stairs, awaiting the sound of faint footsteps to echo out and signal his return. Yet, that silence would mark the uncertainty in their hearts; something neither wished to admit, but something that was there nonetheless… and the same something that would spark the already weary heart to collapse eventually.