HEART’S SINCERITY

Standing before something that was more than a man and than a God, Lynne’s heart failed to capture the reverence of the moment, to bask in the overwhelming that he could never hope to match. Rather, that small piece of human anatomy found itself at an impasse; on one side stood a desire to bow and kneel, to acknowledge something that withstood eons upon eons of withering – but, on the other side stood a spark of defiance, basic, human desire to climb over anything, however grand it may be.

It wasn’t hard to discern it from his expression. His knees shook, but he remained standing. He felt fire burn the bridges, his walls and shields, but he didn’t take a single step back. There stood a boy, beneath a mountain of flames, gale blowing back his hair, and he stood there unmoving. Rather than to kneel, he chose to defy; rather than to acknowledge, he chose to challenge. It was a simple change that occurred within him without him even realizing it; for most of his life, he avoided conflicts or at least took side routes in clearing them.

However, he had now become someone who can stand tall even when faced with something far out of his reach. Whether it means dying or living, he realized that, save for that remnant part of him, there was no other that wanted to kneel. He stood before the creature that he owed everything, that is the reason for who he is today, but gratitude is gratitude, nothing more and nothing less.

“Sorry it took me awhile to get here.” Lynne said calmly, smiling.

“Ryuuk spoke highly of you,” the voice carried archaic wisdom even if it spoke plainly and simply, as though it was trying to match Lynne’s understanding. “But, I feel as though he didn’t praise enough still.”

“It seems the ceiling I have to meet is even higher than I thought it would be,” he said, chuckling. “It is an honor to meet you, True Dragon of Flames.”

“Honor is a feeble thing,” the voice replied. “Don’t hinge our meeting on something so frail.”

“…” Lynne continued looking up, his neck somewhat strained, as though he couldn’t break away from that gaze, lest he loses. “It’s just a human saying,” he spoke lightly. “A way to show respect, is all.”

“I forgot that humans are the lords of pleasantries.”

“It is one of our long-lasting talents,” Lynne said. “It’s a good one, if I say so myself, especially for playing games.”

“Did you come here to play games, then?”

“No, I came here seeking help.”

“Help?”

“You definitely know what will transpire in five months,” Lynne said. “I want you to come with me.”

“To come with you? To help Ryuuk?” the voice spoke as though amused and disappointed at the same time.

“Hm,” Lynne nodded, smiling honestly. “I’ve been given many titles, but I still yearn for a rather luxurious one: Dragon Rider.”

“You’re rather upfront about the whole ordeal,” the Dragon said. “Don’t you know that allowing yourself to be ridden is one of the greatest taboos for Dragons?”

“Of course I know.”

“And you still want to ride me?”

“I’m a very selfish person, you see,” Lynne said, smirking. “If there’s something I want, I absolutely have to have it.”

“There are always things in this world you simply cannot have, no matter how much you want them.”

“There’s no doubt about that,” Lynne nodded. “But, I don’t think riding you is one of them.”

“You could have just asked me to accompany you; given time and persistence, I would have most-likely agreed,” the Dragon said. “Why ruin your chance of anything for something so pointless?”

“Aah, but don’t you think I’d look so fucking cool if I just stormed in there, riding this huge Dragon?!” Lynne said as an interesting expression appeared on his face. “Everyone would be like: whoa, who’s that?! Didn’t he just jump off the Dragon?! It’s the ultimate way to show-off!”

“… if you wish to ride me, there ought to be a price, no?”

“… you can’t be asking for my life after we’re done, right?” Lynne asked, somewhat nervous.

“No,” the Dragon said. “However, your memories are another ordeal.”

“… my memories?”

“Hm. If you wish to ride me, after we help Ryuuk, you will forget everything.”

“Oi, isn’t that kind of worse than dying?”

“I will be honest with you, little one,” the Dragon’s tone grew deeper suddenly. “I don’t like your heart. Your front may be illuminating to everyone, but, in the end, it’s just a front. You’re trying to become someone others can rely on, count on and depend on, but, in the end, that is not who you are.”

“Don’t I get to decide who I am?” Lynne asked, frowning.

“Your heart is leaking, left and right, and no amount of patchwork will be enough to bring it back together. A simple truth is… you have a goal in sight. One part of it is done, second is coming, and third will be the last. Past it, you don’t see your life. Living is a precious thing, and billions struggle from day to day to make the best of it, yet here you stand, burning out like an old oil lamp.”

“… well, if you can see my heart, then you can surely see the rest of my body,” Lynne’s light chuckle suddenly turned into a laughter. “What do you say, huh? Everyone keeps chirping about my talents, my future, speed at which I’m climbing the ladder, the things I will be doing in no time… do you think the same?”

“… that’s why I said I don’t like your heart, little one,” the Dragon said. “You’re halfway about everything; close to giving up, yet close to rising above it. You have an enormous amount of people holding your back, but, as though ashamed, you keep pushing their hands away.”

“I made a promise with myself already,” Lynne said, clenching his hands into fists. “I’ve already showed my pathetic self one too many times to the world. I’d appreciate it if you don’t bring it up anymore.”

“… that is your resolve, and I respect it,” the Dragon said. “But, I can’t – nay, I won’t – help someone who’s already given up. You can use your body as an answer, but, in the end, it’s just an excuse.”

“You’re really trying to rev me up here, huh?” Lynne chuckled, sighing. “Say what you will, but, unlike you, humans aren’t blessed from the day they are born. Ah, no, that’s also an excuse, I guess. Maybe you’re right and all I’m doing is just running away, but even running away can be fun. I gotta say, you Dragons really have tons of useful talents. To so easily see past something no one else – not even those living inside my own Soul could… hah, you really are amazing, far more than any book could describe. But, you were wrong in one thing though.”

“Do tell.”

“It’s true I’m ready and willing to give up my life if need be when the time comes to face the final frontier,” he said, smiling bitterly. “But, I’d much rather live on. You said that I have a lot of hands pushing my back, but that I keep pushing them back instead… and, to a degree, it’s true. I’ve relied on others for a great part of my life, and had almost never stood on my own two feet. Now that I’ve finally anchored myself, I can’t stand it when I tilt and see someone trying to straighten me up. I have my own pride, you know, however feeble it is.”

“Is that why you think you’d rather live? For that pride of yours?”

“Ha ha, of course not, that’s dumb. It’s simply because I’ve got something worth living for. My body is scarred to a fucked degree. Only a few actually know that, but they never say anything. Even with that, they believe I will come to heights no one has ever seen. How can I possibly shit over that unconditional faith? It’s true that I think about giving up, of throwing in the towel, of saying goodbye to everything and everyone… but, in the end, which of the humans doesn’t? It’s akin to what really unifies us. I’ve given up many times before and, no doubt, I’ll give up many times in the future. However, if you think I’ll let you shit over all the times I’ve gotten up, I’ll fight you to death here and now.” anger resurfaced on Lynne’s face, clearly surprising the Dragon whose – so far indifferent eyes – widened slightly.

“You’d die. Isn’t that just repeating the same thing over?”

“I’d die? Probably. No, definitely. But, it’s for the same reason I chose not to kneel when I met you. Be it humans, beasts, gods or dragons, to me you’re all the same. If I let just anyone make light of everything I’ve gone through, what was the point of going through it then? So get off your high horse, and let me ride you for fucks sake.”

“… no.”

“… ugh, you’re harder than I expected,” Lynne grunted, scratching his head. “Alright, that price. Name something reasonable, and I’ll do it.”

“Reasonable? What do you quantify as reasonable?”

“Not this shit again. Anything that won’t leave me permanently… well, not me, I guess.”

“Even if it’s for the better?”

“If it’s for the better, then it’s obviously okay!” Lynne exclaimed, giving a thumbs up.

“I’ll give you a choice.” the Dragon said.

“It’s always a damn choice…”

“If you stay here with me for fifty years and train, I’ll let you ride me whenever you want until the day either one of us dies; I’ll obey every single one of your commands, and would do everything in my power to protect you.” Lynne’s jaw suddenly dropped as he stared up. “On the other hand, if you want to ride me even a single time before those fifty years are up, that will be one and only time. However, as to balance out the ordeal, I’ll let you undergo Dragonic Nirvana using my own Soul Flame.”

“… oi, isn’t this just me gaining things? No matter how you look at it, it’s just my win in both cases, right?!”

“Then,” the Dragon said as she finally lowered her head back onto her front legs. “Whichever choice you make, I’ll be allowed one favor from you. Whatever it is. The heavier it is, though, the longer I’ll wait to take you upon it.”

“…”

“Now, choose, Child of Flames” the Dragon said. “For the choice can only be one.”