1-14 R

He left.

He didn’t just vanish. There was no missing time or suddenly absent Faerie. He got up, turned, and walked through the door. Seeing that, after everything that had led up to this, felt surreal.

It was so jarring that I spent almost a minute just staring at the slab of wood that barely stood out from the rest of the wall before it finally sank in that I was alone. Nothing was chasing me. Nobody was going to come and run me off. He wasn’t behind me just waiting to shatter my dreams – I looked back and checked three times to be sure. There was an actual floor to lay on, one that wasn’t covered with powder and rocks and crumbly bits of charcoal that made getting comfortable impossible. The air didn’t carry that faint scent of smoke that I hadn’t started to notice until I’d already been deep in that nearly endless corpse of a forest.

It was even cool, as if the room was air conditioned and had some actual humidity instead of the parched stagnation outside. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, savoring the clarity and faint tang of wood as the full body shaking slowly started to fade away.

I didn’t realize that I’d fallen backwards until the tears started trickling into my ears. It wasn’t until I blinked that I realized blankly staring up at the ceiling had burned the light crystals and their cages into my vision. After that, the first conscious move I made was to flip over onto my stomach. Then to wipe the thick paste of ash that was left on the parts of my face that he hadn’t touched away.

I looked around after that. Actually around, not just ahead of me.

The table and door were still there, so were the pegs and the mirror. Thinking ahead enough to turn my head I managed to take in the rest of the room. Three things that caught my eye in the part that used to be behind me. Thinking about them instead of everything else made staying calm easier.

The first one I focused on was a basin in the corner of the room, directly across from the mirror. Height was hard to judge from the ground, but it was probably around waist-level. There were taps in the wall next to it, two of them. Wooden cylinders with curved openings and removable tabs threaded through above them. A few feet away from that – which was obviously a bathtub – a wooden seat was growing out of the wall.

That was – I hoped it was a toilet. Even if it was closer to an outhouse, it would be better than peeing in the woods. At least it wasn’t just a hole in the floor. It being out in the open was not a pleasant thought, though, so I looked away fast.

The second thing was the bed, right behind where I’d started and centered directly across from the door. It wasn’t anything grand or impressive – nothing in here was, except for maybe the mirror – but it looked functional. The mattress was just a thick sack of straw plopped on the ground inside of a frame grown out of the wall. A ragged-looking blanket like what you’d cover a horse with was spread across the top.

The last thing was a chest at the base of it. My backpack was sitting on top, the spear looped through its straps. The gems at and around its point were sparkling even through the blue blood congealed on them.

Well, technically, the grey one at the point was glowing, the black ones below it seemed to be sucking in the light, and the brown ones were reflecting everything. I didn’t think they’d been doing that before, but I hadn’t exactly had time or space to stare at it. There was something new next to it.

It was – or at least had been – one of the boar’s tusks. It was still the same length, with that subtle curve that was probably meant to help rip up undergrowth or rocks or something – probably rocks, going by the thing’s skin. The bottom had leather strips wrapped around it, lashing a dull, silvery metal to it as a handle. It looked like a distorted jawbone.

Were that boar’s bones…

Nope. Thinking about that was confusing and started to make me nauseous. Of course, the Fae’s idea of a ‘reward’ was cutting off part of a living thing that I’d been forced to kill and making it into, well, whatever that was. I wasn’t up to dealing with that, especially since thinking about it was only a little bit less painful than what had just happened.

I went over to the tub instead. Getting to my feet took a few tries, the first handful ending with me collapsing onto either my knees or my hands. The pain of each impact helped to distract me and meant that some of the shaking had a physical cause. I was still a bit unsteady once I finally managed to stay upright, but I made the walk over without any more falls.

The tub was empty, but the two taps were obvious. Take out the tabs and they’d flow, leave them in and it wouldn’t. The drain at the bottom was just a wooden plug, no chain or anything, thicker on one end than the other, obviously meant to plug a hole that was about half the size of my fist. Not a big enough gap to catch my foot on unless I shoved my toes down it.

I pulled the left tab out first and the water started gushing out, crystal clear and cold.

I wasn’t sure if it was drinkable, but I didn’t really care. It was probably better than the stagnant, ash-laced stuff I’d been living off the last few days. I let it flow and drain, checking if it was going to warm up while I rinsed my hands. The blood sluiced off first; it hadn’t even had the chance to fully dry. The ash took some scrubbing, though – it was caked on deeply enough that the water couldn’t do it alone.

After about thirty seconds it hadn’t started to warm yet, so I cupped my hands and started using it to rinse out my mouth. The first few times I spat it came out cloudy and grey. The sooty taste faded a bit after that, but not completely. I wasn’t sure if what I actually swallowed had it or if it was just what was left in my mouth. I drank until my stomach started to hurt, then managed to stop myself.

I left the first spot running as I pulled the next tab out. The water from this one was, right off the bat, hot and steaming. It wasn’t boiling, but touching it was still painful. I drew my hand back after a few seconds to see painfully red skin.

It looked like it would only take a couple minutes with both taps running for it to fill high enough for me to sink into. I’d just put in the plug when I realized that I’d have to take my clothes off for it. In a room where I couldn’t lock the door.

In front of a mirror.

After what had just happened.

I could almost feel the fingers again as my skin started to crawl. The water rising up over my hand, warm enough to hurt, was what knocked me out of that feedback loop of thinking. Feeling it was also enough to drive home that getting clean was more important than the chance I’d get seen naked if someone like him or the servant he mentioned came in. All the ash, the blood, the sweat – everything that was stuck to my body after so long running in the woods. The thought of sinking into hot water and getting it all off – that was more than enough to convince me.

I didn’t know when I’d next get a chance to relax like this. And it wasn’t like there was anything else I could do; I was sure that however long I had left before someone came in wouldn’t be enough time to make a plan or learn some earth-shattering secret magic that would let me fight my way free. I was stuck here and taking care of myself when I had a chance was probably the best thing to do, even if it made my skin itch to think that it was what the Fae wanted me to do.

I kept my back to the mirror, and more importantly the door, as I blocked the waterspouts. The water was high enough and I wanted to spend as little time exposed as possible before I was in it. Shirt first; it sent up a puff of powder as it hit the ground and I wrinkled my nose at the sudden smell of BO. Turns out that ash and sweat mixed together after days of running for your life wasn’t a good deodorant; who would’ve thought? I’d never gotten my bra back after the ritual, so my pants were next. The zipper that apparently the Fae didn’t know how to work stuck for a second before I got it down and then shimmied out of them as quickly as I could.

Underwear joined the pile last and then I jumped in.

Somehow, I didn’t splash any of it out. I did groan, though, the sound escaping as I felt my lower back relax for the first time in days. It was just so warm – nothing like the unclean and tepid heat I’d gotten used to from almost everything in the burnt-out forest. It was closer to sitting in front of a fireplace, or under a nice blanket, or even to cuddling up against something big and warm and soft. Like…

My thoughts started to drift as I let myself loosen up. The thing – the friend, since they’d been ready to help – inside me noticed too and started to pulse with waves of calm and pseudo-contentment that joined me as I sunk even deeper into the water. My nose was just barely above it as I let my legs stretch out.

It couldn’t hurt to just stop thinking and let myself soak, right?

~-~-~-~

The next thing I knew there was a knock on the door.

I was still naked.

The water was cloudy enough at this point that nothing was really visible. That did absolutely nothing to stop the sudden jolt of panic as I realized that I’d lost track of time and someone was here. It probably wasn’t the Fae – they were knocking – but that didn’t make much of a difference. I flailed in a sad attempt at turning to face the door, while simultaneously trying to keep everything important under the rim of the tub.

Predictably, some water splashed out. It hit the wall and ran down in filthy streaks that would be more at home on a building next to a muddy road. Blegh.

The knock came again before I’d managed to settle into my new position and sort out exactly how my knees should work to keep my head at the right height. This time the door creaked open a few inches, the sound sending the same panicked jolt through me again before it stopped and I realized that nobody had barged in. The edge of the door had to be almost six inches thick – that just seemed ridiculous.

Opening it made sense after seeing that, though; it would be hard to hear anything through the door.

“Ma’am? Are you awake?”

It was a woman’s voice. Soft and almost definitely Human, since there were no odd reverberations. No weird weight or presence to the words, either, and none of the other qualities I’d started to associate with the Fae. Nonthreatening in almost every way.

That didn’t stop me from flinching and covering myself with an arm, even with water and a door in the way. My stomach was still trying to untie itself from a knot but answering was probably the best idea.

“Y – yes.”

It was amazing how unsteady that single word was.

“Oh, good! Are you ready for me yet?”

“Ready?” I swallowed hard and gripped the edge of the tub with the hand that wasn’t across my chest until my knuckles turned from the red of flesh soaking in hot water to the pale white of bloodless skin. “Uh, I’m in the bath. Can…”

“Perfect!”

She cut me off and the door swung wide open. I made a noise I couldn’t really describe and ducked down until my eyes were just barely level with the edge.

“I’m glad I caught you now; I’ve got some soaps and oils that will be just wonderful for your skin.”

The woman that stepped in looked almost normal. Maybe a bit old fashioned, at worst. She was wearing a grey dress that was cinched at the waist with a leather cord and her arms were full of various bars, bottles, and things I couldn’t really see from here. She stopped next to the table and started dumping them down, turning into profile so that I could see that her silver-streaked brown hair was tied back into a complex bun. My heart hadn’t slowed down from the surprise yet when she left and came back with a second armload of supplies. It was still pounding in my throat hard enough that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get words out if I tried. So I just watched her carrying things.

She had a face a lot like my boarding school’s headmistress, though with fewer wrinkles and no moles.

She was humming something under her breath as she worked, acting like this was totally normal and she wasn’t in the same room as a naked stranger in some literal fairytale tree. As if this was just another day for her. She went out a third time and came back with a covered dish and a jug that she sat on the other end of the table.

I managed to shove the anxiety and fear at having her this close down enough that my voice was steadier when I said, “Um – I meant not to come in? Because, uh, I’m naked?”

She laughed and draped the fluffiest towel I’d ever seen across the top of the stool.

“Ma’am, I’ve raised six daughters and worked in this House for longer than I even remember. Trust me; whatever you’ve got there, I’ve seen it and worse. You’ve had a rough time I hear, so just relax and let me help.”

“But…”

“No butts Ma’am, unless it’s yours rolling over in that tub so we can get started. That damned ash outside the House is a devil-and-a-half to get out of hair, so just leave that to me and get yourself all scrubbed up. Master Fearghal will be by soon enough for your measurements; he’ll be much nicer if you’re presentable and we don’t make him wait.”

She glanced at the water and wrinkled her nose.

“Might want to drain some of that and refill it, Ma’am. We don’t have time for the House to purify it all up here and we don’t want that gunk getting stuck to you again.”

The water was starting to cool down and would be a lot nicer if I refilled it with something warmer. Plus it was pretty gross looking and I could feel some slime at the bottom that had probably come off of me. On the other hand, I’d be completely uncovered if I drained it far enough to make a difference and then the water would be sort of clear even after I refilled it.

But would not doing it be enough to upset him again?

She must’ve seen something on my face because her smile shrank.

“I’ll be over here while you do it, Ma’am. Just let me know when you’re ready.”

She moved the towel and then sat down on the stool and started sorting through what she’d brought in. After a few seconds of watching her I turned over again and made up my mind. It took effort to pull out the plug. Once I did, it drained fast. It was a lot quieter than I expected – there wasn’t even a rush of bubbles. Just a tangible suction as the water sluiced down to wherever it was going.

The cold air wasn’t quite as welcome as the water dropped under my shoulders. I started shivering by the time it was down to my propped-up knees and decided that, since all the sludge at the bottom was gone, it would be good enough once it was refilled. I pulled out the hot water tab again before I jammed the plug back into place. What poured out burned when it got close to me. So long as it wasn’t splashing straight onto my knees I could bear it, though.

The pain was grounding, in a way. And cleansing – if I was doing what that Faerie wanted, it should hurt.

The woman’s voice chimed in again as the tub refilled. Almost, but not quite, melancholic.

“You shouldn’t keep thinking about whatever hurts you have, Ma’am. Misery brings nothing worth dwelling on, believe you me. Whatever they are, whatever brought you here? It can’t keep you down. You’re an Aufrey, Ma’am; perseverance and poise are in your blood.”

I’d started tuning her out at first – what did she know, right? She lived or worked here or whatever and acted like everything was ok after what had happened? Why should I listen? – but then I heard that last bit and snapped around to look at her. Nothing splashed out this time when I flipped over, though the water sprayed across my back for a few seconds and I almost screamed. I was biting my tongue once I sank back under the surface.

She still had that small smile on her face. But now it looked sad.

I couldn’t bring myself to keep that brief flash of anger I’d had at her going.

“You know who I am?”

“Not specifically, no. But you Aufreys are hard to mistake.” She winked and chuckled a little. “Well, that’s true. Really. It isn’t why though – Master Fearghal told me. Told everyone, in truth; your grandfather was quite a big name around here.”

“Did – did you know him?”

The pain of losing him flared up again and the words caught in my throat.

“Not closely, Ma’am. I’m sorry. I met him, once. He came through her rather often. I even saw your mother come through. His visits were always the talk of the House and well, us servants do love our gossip.”

She picked up the pitcher, a few vials, and a white bar of what was probably soap and started walking over.

“I can tell you more while we work, but you should probably turn over and scooch a bit. I’ll need some space to deal with all of this. Did you roll around on that cursed forest floor?”

The wolf holding my down flashed up in my mind again and I screwed my eyes shut. I scalded my hands trying to slot the stopper back into the tap without looking. The burn drowned out the phantom pain in my shoulder. Once I opened them again, I relaxed. Just a little. The water was cloudy enough that I felt sort of ok with her being this close. Especially if she could tell me anything about this side of Grandpa’s life.

Or about – about Mom.

I couldn’t stop myself from pulling away when she touched me, hunching forward and out of reach. Even though her hand was warm and calloused, I couldn’t feel anything but the smooth, cold, rigid fingers of the invisible ones. The shaking flared up, sending the water rippling. My throat closed and tears suddenly started flowing again.

I didn’t scream. But it was close.

“This is because of the Masters, isn’t it?”

I didn’t answer. Hearing her say it like that – calling the Faeries that – made me sick. I heard the scrape of wood on wood and then the sound of her settling down onto the stool next to me. She didn’t try to touch me.

“I guess you didn’t choose to come here, then. It – there’s nothing I can do to change that, Ma’am. You’re here and that’s that. You must’ve seen the poor sides of our hosts, and I know there’s a lot of them. It must feel like you’re drowning in all of this, right? That the world’s ending and that maybe dying would be better than suffering through it all? I’ve seen it so many times, Ma’am. I promise you; things will get better.”

My nails dug into my arms again, the pain dulled by the heat. I wouldn’t…

She wasn’t wrong though. I would rather die than let it happen again. Rather go back into the Woods and run until they eventually let something kill me.

“Getting through this – it’ll be hard on you. That can’t be helped, but I swear that there is good in this House, and it’s not just in us servants. Master Fearghal and his cabal have claimed you and they are rather exacting, but all you have to do is follow their orders. Meet their standards. Be someone that they can show off as a status symbol and your life will be better. They aren’t cruel for cruelty’s sake – there are some here that are. It’s a dreadful thing, really – so you’re better off than some young things I see come in. I’ll help you figure out what they want and how to meet their standards. I know it’ll be hard after whatever they did – but really, it won’t happen again so long as you play along.”

When I sat in silence during her pause, she sighed.

“You’re physically safe if I remember it right. That deal your grandfather made should guarantee that much, and somehow, he bound an entire Court to it. He must have cared to go that far. I don’t know how you were taken despite it, but just know that they can’t hurt or kill you. Any pain, anything they do – it’ll only hurt you if you let it. If they go too far while I’m here, I’ll stop it. I might just be a servant, but the House has taken a liking to me. The Masters won’t second-guess me lightly.”

Somehow, I doubted that. Faeries couldn’t lie, or at least that’s what everything said. There was nothing about the people they took having the same restrictions. For all I knew she could just be wrong. It wouldn’t be right to assume the worst, though. She was probably just misguided or making stuff up to soothe me.

“You don’t believe me on any of this, do you? I don’t blame you, really. I do think that you’ll see what I mean if you just look. That’s more than enough doom and gloom now, though!” She clapped her hands, the sharp sound jolting me out of my brooding. “I promised to tell you more about your grandfather, and you’ve got to get to scrubbing. You don’t have to talk unless you’re ready to, Ma’am, but could you nod when you’re ready for me to start with your hair?”