1-9 E

The first thing she showed me had been easy. It was like what Scully had me do to reactivate everything. All I had to do was bring mana or whatever it was that powered everything up close to my skin without letting it out then move the bright spot that showed up in my Sight around. My skin got itchy if I left it in one spot too long, but that was it.

The second one was harder. It was the manipulatory aspect that I’d started working on recently. Pushing out a thread of my own mana and then bending it into various shapes. That one gave me a bit of a headache even though I thought I did ok on it.

The third one I completely failed. It was basically combining the first two to either other people’s or environmental mana. I couldn’t get the haze in the bottom of the pool – which was absolutely magical to soak my feet in – to move no matter how hard I tried, much less a ball of unformed power that Alyssa made that hovered in front of me. When trying to mess with that didn’t work, I turned to the bracelet. It was magic – obviously – and was at least supposed to be mine. So I tried to poke it.

That was a mistake.

The little bit of my own magic I’d reached out to it with vanished. A wave of cool tingling spread out from it, numbness following on its heels as it pulled in more and more of my magic. The entire arm was insensate by the time it stopped and the cursed piece of jewelry sat on my arm with a distinct sense of smugness. It felt more alive – or active, maybe – than it had been since the meeting.

Alyssa gave me a break after that. Small talk while I poked around at the suddenly painless brand on my hand, with Alyssa suggesting that I could bring a swimsuit over next time and swim as a cooldown.

I wasn’t sure about doing that. I wasn’t usually shy, especially not around cute girls, but some of the Sphinxes here had looked at me like I was something edible. Plus looking too closely at them left me thinking of Alara at the meeting and how it had felt to answer her questions. I really didn’t know how to process that.

Once my arm had recovered, we moved on to the fourth exercise.

“The other three are all important skills, but this one is probably the most essential thing to know, by Mom’s standards. Think of it as a way to measure your familiarity with magic in general, or to see how fast you can react. Almost anyone with the gift can get basic effects going with enough time and focus, but quick reactions are important for anything more than the bare bones of magic. Mom’s specific baseline for going past the fundamentals like this is at least a mediocre grasp of the first three and then one reflexive maneuver like what I’m about to show you.”

We were kneeling across from each other on the sand for this one. She’d dropped the illusion and her wings and fur appeared as she held a palm out toward me, facing up. “What I’m doing here is a mnemonic, basically. Uh – it’s like hard-wiring yourself to do something by reflex after some sort of trigger. In a perfect world, Mom would insist that it had to be either a thought or a subvocalization to avoid outward signaling. Realistically, people at our level are going to focus on either words or movements. The flashier the better.”

She curled her left pinkie finger up, then straightened it in a jerky motion. Strands of light rose up under the skin of her hand, twisting themselves into a shape I couldn’t quite follow from this angle, and then burst up to form a miniature tornado just above her palm. Visible winds complete with a tiny thundercloud and drizzling mist.

“This one, obviously, is a practice tool. It’s not practical, but it’s easy to visualize and more than complex enough to see any mistakes in the implementation. Now imagine that with that gesture, I’d thrown out a blade of wind strong enough to cut through rocks. That’s where this is important. In something like combat, being able to raise a barrier and attack quickly is the difference between life and death, according to Mom. It’s also a good way to train the other skills – you have to be able to both visualize and recreate the paths your mana takes to make something take effect. That kind of understanding is why Mom gates off the advanced lessons – where a mistake can be lethal – behind it.”

She repeated the motion two more times, dismissing the previous storm each time with a wave of her other hand.

“Now, you try. Since your simplest affinity is for Fire, maybe try to make a flame above your palm. It should be a bit harder to do than something from your fingers, but still simple enough. You push out before the magic splits into your fingers. Just try not to make the trigger something too common, since if you stick with it it’ll be instinctive for a looooong time and the Council bitches at you if something goes off in public.” She flashed me a grin that made her teeth all too obvious. “I wasn’t that dumbass, but one of the Belmont kids got chewed out when I was first allowed to mingle because he tied a spell to scratching his nose. The Council had to have Lord Blackleaf wipe the memory of the idiot setting his own hair on fire from five teenagers and three paramedics.”

I watched the magic flowing through my hand while I thought about what to do. She picked up the conversation again before I’d decided.

“Don’t worry if you can’t get it right the first time; this isn’t something most apprentices get taught. Mom’s a bit bigger on a solid understanding of the fundamentals than most teachers and I’ve gotta stick to her methods. It’s safer for everyone to understand why and how something works before trying to adjust it; with more complicated spells, apparently one different syllable or errant thread of mana can change the entire thing. Haven’t gotten to see that firsthand yet since I keep getting babied. Anyway, my suggestion on getting started is to channel the effect – that’s what doing it normally is called by the way – and keep a close eye on how it starts. It’s a bit different for everybody, but the mana itself will usually make a certain shape as it goes. Try to memorize and then recreate that. Give it, uh, five or so tries. Then we can go on, see what you have of your own so I can mark it down for Mom later, and have you repeat this and the foreign control trials until you feel like you’re gonna throw up!”

The cheerful tone she used to finish that had no place being used in that context.

Her suggestion sounded fine, I guess. I needed to learn how to do more with the fire than what came naturally anyway. If it would help me get to where I could learn something to help Teresa, that was all the reason I needed.

Getting the Sight up to where I could pick out the individual strands of power was unpleasant. It put everything into too much detail and made my headache worse when I focused on anything for too long. It wasn’t as bad as the first few times I’d tried to watch magic in action – it looked like it was something I could actually adjust to. Unpleasant as it was, since it usually made me lose focus and nearly burn myself

It was worth it for Teresa. Everything would be.

The first two tries were failures. The fire just shot out above my fingertips. The third stung a but as the flame flared along my skin before stabilizing into a burning wisp above my palm. It was half the normal size and flickering, but it was a success and something to study. The magical light flowed around under my skin, not really tracing the veins so much as mimicking them. Thicker strands that branched out into finer and finer ones. When it got to my hand and the spell, it twisted. Strands dipped out of view only to pop out at a distant remove as the power writhed into a knot that seemed deliberately hard to watch. It stabilizing into a pulsing tangle after a few seconds, once I stabilized the fire. There were five spots that it spit out mana from, each just underneath my skin.

…honestly, it looked like the spots that started each fingertip fire had just moved down a few inches onto my palm. There was no way that was efficient, but I had no idea how to optimize it. Yet, anyway.

Enough time looking. I let the flame fade away, held what I’d seen in my mind, then flicked my wrist out. There was…

Nothing. Literally nothing, until I went through the whole process of memorizing it again. This time, I closed my eyes. The place was calming, but it was too colorful. Especially with how Alyssa had started combing through the feathers on one of her wings while she watched me.

Something happened this time. I could feel the heat on my hand. It was worse than what I felt on my fingers but not like the sting from last time. Still, it was there. And growing hotter…

“No!” Two pinpricks of pain shot through my knee just before something slapped my palm hard enough to break my focus. “You can’t force it like that.”

I saw a knot of light break up under my skin as she pulled back. Parts of it dripped down onto the sand, but a string of it connected back to the Sphinx even while the rest flowed backwards, going deeper into me. There were two spots of blood welling out of my knee, on either side of the kneecap.

“Ow.” I kept my tone neutral, but that had hurt. Hopefully the question of why was implied enough for her to get.

“Sorry, sorry. You weren’t listening and that was a sneeze away from you losing a few fingers.” She waved toward the still glittering specks of mana clumped on the sand. “That was what I think of as a magical blood clot. You shoved a ton of mana into a single spot and didn’t give it an outlet or let it reabsorb, so it was just clumping up under there. When magic can’t disperse, weird stuff happens. Basically, you turned your hand into a magic IED that was one funny look away from going off.”

“So I guess I screwed this up too.”

“Not really, no! Getting even a partial mnemonic response in only about an hour of practicing is amazing. Usually it takes about a week for people that practice five or six hours a day to get that far, and a month or so to get something simple down.” She grinned. “Sure, those people are usually amateurs and you’re an Aufrey. Still, though - if you pick stuff up this fast with a teacher, we’re gonna get into the fun stuff a lot sooner than I thought. We’re probably just two or three weeks from getting you into introductory stuff on runework and intermediate channeling. I think we’ll stick with the fire theme once we get there, teach you a basic impact-delayed fireball by hand and by mana dies.”

Fireball? That sounded like something Teresa had complained about in some game once.

“Ignore me, sorry. Just thinking ahead, but this is a couple weeks away at best and not exactly helpful for you now. The only major affinity I have to play around with is Air. It’s a given for any Sphinx, honestly, and I’m not even that great at it. I wish I’d gotten Fire, or, better yet, Ice. But no, I’ve gotta half-ass my illusions.” Her brows crinkled for a second and she sighed. “Anyway, let’s see the rest of what you can do.”

The pressure in my head and heavy feeling in my bones started to set in as I showed her the fingertip flames that had started it all.

~-~-~-~

My head was pounding when I got through describing the little ritual that had made one of my basil plants bloom overnight. Technically, it had been pounding since my last demonstration

“I think that’s about it. We read a few more things but couldn’t get any of them to work before…”

I couldn’t finish the sentence.

“For someone that learned magic around three weeks ago, that’s really impressive. Especially without an actual teacher.”

Alyssa was barely in sight as she commented, only the top of her head and the tips of her wings visible from where I was sprawled in some of the ridiculously warm sunlight that filtered through the hole in the roof. There was no way Oregon’s sun was like this normally, so it had to be more magic.

“If the things you read were from Lord Blackleaf’s personal study, I’m surprised you got anything out of them. Older mages tend to keep dangerously advanced books, things they wrote, or things they’re editing on hand in places like that. Not training manuals or beginner grimoires. Mom’s desk probably would’ve been worse to start from, but not by much. She’s usually got a treatise of hers, some peer-review papers from the college and from the other Matriarchs, and a trashy romance that she’ll never admit to having.”

Had we been reading first drafts this whole time?

“Well. Fuck. That explains all the times he practically screamed at the authors with notes in the margins.”

Feeling sick like this, I couldn’t help but be hopeless. What was the point, if just a few hours of practice left me too sick to do anything?

“Hey, I know that look. You’re not allowed to be sad while we’re here.”

I didn’t respond. Her head dropped out of sight with a whumph and a cloud of sand.

“Come on, really. I know it seems impossible, but you’ve made it this far. Just because you and your sister screwed up doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world; people have survived the Fae before. You have me and Mom’s help, your own skill, and a full nine months. Like, damn it girl, you’ve even got the entire Alexandrian Initiative at your fingertips. People have killed each other just to get a handful of the books that you can just ask the Archivists for. There’s no way you won’t figure this out.”

“I can’t even get tutored without making myself sick. Teresa was the smart one, I’m just a failure that can’t even keep her fucking mouth shut.”

“Just stop, seriously.” A handful of sand flew into view and floated down to the water. “You have a chance to be the sole heir to one of the greatest mages to ever live, a man who would have actual gods over for dinner on a regular basis. And you’re here tearing yourself up about having to save your sister. That doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you a good person.”

My fists clenched again. The spots I’d broken skin right before the council meeting still hadn’t healed, so it hurt almost enough to drown out the urges that had started coming out of the bracelet again.

“I…”

“Ok, fuck it, that’s enough. I might not be able to smell like an actual lion, but I can still tell that’s fresh blood. Mom said I shouldn’t mess with things outside your lessons – but fuck her. I’m not going to let you hurt yourself over this.”

I started to pull away as she was suddenly by my side and grabbing my arm. Right behind the bracelet. “Mom wanted to be sure what this was doing before she touched it, but I’ve watched it mess with your head since you tried to magic it. I don’t know how to fix it, since Fae stuff is ridiculous, but I’m not going to let you slide down that kind of dark hole because of it. Whatever else it does, it’s obviously meant to screw with your mind. You can’t let it.”

Her hand was surprisingly soft. The palm side looked almost human, until you saw the talons that peeked over the fingertips.

“So, since I can’t fix whatever magic fuckery this thing’s doing to you, I’m just gonna drown it out. We finished everything we needed for today already and now I’m dragging you out for ice cream. Then I’m going to tell you some of the juicy stuff that you missed out on growing up. Gossip, history, whatever you want that you’d have heard if you were raised like me or the Belmonts. I bet hearing about where you came from will get it into your head that if anyone can do this, you can.”

She pulled until I gave in and let myself stand up. Maybe she was right about me being too nihilistic. It couldn’t hurt to go out and do something, right? Sitting here wasn’t going to help Teresa, but getting food might help the headache and let me study more later…

“Fine, but you’re buying it.” She grinned and nodded. When I blinked, her wings were gone and she was back in her humanoid illusion, looking like a relatively normal college girl. “I still don’t get what’s so important about this Initiative. I’ve barely been able to find anything in it or on it.”

The hallway outside the grotto was empty as we got into it, though voices were audible over the distant sounds of water, now. A breeze that probably wasn’t natural picked up as we started to the entrance, blowing sand out of our hair and clothes.

“Well, you’re probably using it wrong then. Or maybe the Archivist is still a bit messed up from what happened to your grandpa. Mom said it was acting weirder than usual before that last council meeting.” She shrugged. “If you know what the Initiative is, though, I don’t see how you’d think it was anything but a big deal. You pretty much own the Blackleaf Archive, Tammy. There are things in there that people fought literal wars over before your grandpa took them. Spellbooks and records that just don’t exist anywhere else. Mix in the other Archives that will just trade you things on faith with how the guardian spirit for your house is one of them and you’ve got enough there that people would be falling all over themselves to get in good with you. The only thing stopping it is that you’re basically an unknown in magical circles. People couldn’t even spy on you when your grandpa was alive, so you’re a total wildcard. Add in the reputation of inheriting from a Blood mage and necromancer and it means that people really, really don’t want to be caught in the fallout if you blow everyone up or get put down by Hunters. Close associations with people that go off that kind of deep end haven’t ended well, historically.”

That was a lot to take in. I slowed down a little as I thought on it. Blood mage? Necromancy? What exactly had grandpa even been doing. Without being able to outright ask it would be hard, but at least she was telling me something.

My eyes had to settle on something as I moved and thought. It just so happened to be her. From a few steps behind, it was clear that her illusion hid the wings and tail perfectly. The fabric where both should’ve been moved like you’d expect. It wasn’t stretched out at all.

Well, not more than you’d expect from…

A cough brought my eyes back to her face. She winked.

“Let me know if something looks off back there! We can do a lot of things, but seeing our own backs to get the movements right for these illusions is a bit rough. Mom just wears enough to cover things up when she needs to, but I’m a bit of a perfectionist. Could always use a fresh pair of eyes. Or someone new to model it off of.”

I didn’t have a response to that except to stare off to the side. Couldn’t think too hard about that without bringing up memories from Mordo’s. That felt like a bad idea with a full pool of Sphinxes watching us from the water and the edge of the pool.

Staring at my car’s mirror was a bad choice though. When the clouds shifted the way the sun hit it made both my head and stomach complain. I barely stayed on my feet when my foot came down wrong on the sand as I tried to blink the spots away.

“Saw that. Don’t worry, food helps. Ice cream is great, but that kind of backlash is hard to deal with at first. I’m honestly surprised you hit it at all, but then again you weren’t in town much growing up. Someone raised entirely in that house would have a lot deeper reserves than you do, even if you’re already way above average for an untrained Human. I’ll show you some exercises at tomorrow’s session that should help.”

“Ok, that would be nice I guess…”

“Nah, it’s just me doing my job right now. Being nice is buying you all the ice cream you want at The Inside Scoop!” Her tone didn’t change when she glared at the Sphinx that she’d called Euanthe earlier, her lower half in the water and eyes still locked straight on me. “I hope you’ve been before! They’re great, but honestly, I’m crossing my fingers that you know where it is. I-uh- don’t know how to drive.”

The Inside Scoop? That sounded familiar. The one on Campus Corner, with the big newspaper over the doors, with that journalist theme, maybe? I did know where it was, at least, even if I didn’t remember ever going in.

“I can drive us, I think. Just – just give me a second.” We were at my car by then, but my stomach was acting up again. That needed to calm down before I trusted myself to drive. The low burn in my arm and the alternating chills and hot flashes were bad enough on their own. I didn’t need the stomach or my branded hand to throw in anything else.

“I probably should’ve stopped you sooner, sorry. You’re the first person I’ve taught but that isn’t an excuse for not noticing mana exhaustion setting in. Most Humans don’t get it this bad. It’s almost like you’re as innately magical as someone like me, where running yourself dry fucks up your body too.” She leaned against the car across from me. The illusion didn’t break, but the way her shoulders were a few inches away from it as she leaned was a bit jarring. She followed my eyes and glanced down with a groan. “Damn it, these wings make blending in hard. Can’t have them out or they’d smack into people that don’t believe in personal space. Can’t wear a backpack or anything with them folded up under there. Can’t even wear a purse without it getting hung up on one of them. So it’s either do it like this with the shirt even…”

She gestured at the back as her illusion rippled and left her torso looking a lot thicker than it actually was. “…or do it like this and leave a bunch of empty space under what looks like my shirt. But a thicker torso to hide the hunchback look from having them bundled up means I’ve gotta shift everything else around to stay proportional and it throws the entire setup off. Extending like that covers up my natural movements and having to fake all the fabric and everything else. It gets unbearable if I wear a dress – I seriously don’t get how Mom does it every day when she’s teaching.”

She paused. It took way too long to realize that she wanted a reply.

“I mean, the first one looks fine to me. I bet it’s less work to hide one or two things than to recreate everything.” My stomach settled a little bit now that I wasn’t walking. The car was nice and warm after sitting in what little sun had been out. Great for the chills, bad for the hot flashes. “Sorry the seat’s a mess. Just throw it in the floor or the back.”

“That’s fine! Sorry if I’m rambling, by the way. I don’t get to talk to people that aren’t family all that often. Usually everyone thinks I’m weird or they just get irritated.”

“Don’t worry about it, you’re not being too weird. I’m just…”

“Yeah, I get it. Like I said, I’m here to help you. We’ve got this!”

Driving felt like a bad idea, but I managed not to hit anything pulling out. That was a start.