《Kano's Necromantic Comedy》Renewal - Chapter 10

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Dark clouds, heavy with the residue of toxic waste, disgorged a putrid deluge across the lifeless earth around Kano as she followed the even fouler river.

“This was their favorite spot?” Kano asked, covered in the brownish gunk that fell from the sky. She found it hard to believe that whoever had given Sherp her information would choose to be out here, let alone a necromancer.

“Nearly,” Sherp, faring no better in the rain as she pointed toward a large drain that emptied into the river. “I think that’s what they were talking about.”

Kano sighed. What was it with necromancers and their obsession with these stupid underground lairs? Couldn’t they just live above ground like normal people? “Then I guess let’s go in there and get this over with.”

“Wait, if there is a necromancer living around here, I doubt they’re in there.”

“But you said they got chased out of their favorite spot.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean they’re actually down there. They’re probably just in the area somewhere. Like maybe…” Sherp scanned their surroundings, then pointed at a huge tarp made of some synthetic material. It was stretched over a fence embedded in a wide dirt platform.

It was far from the flashiest accommodation Kano had ever seen, but it did look recently constructed. And for what it lacked in opulence or style, it more than made up for it in how conspicuous it was. The place was practically begging to be destroyed. Normally Kano wasn’t one to entertain such pleas, but this seemed a fine time to start.

She had little sense of civic pride. Indeed, the concept was alien to her, but them messing with the town she lived in meant they were messing with her. And her feelings were clear when it came to that: She hated it. She was growing a little tired of killing necromancers, but hey, what was one more in the grand scheme of things? It was practically a freebie, and this place looked poorly defended at best, so it should be easy pickings.

Kano turned to her followers. “Sherp, Himin, you guys wait here.”

No point dragging the noncombatants along to get shot. She might need them to do that later.

“You mean we’re supposed to wait out here in this horrible rain?” Himin asked. Soaked in the foul-smelling stuff, she looked miserable, though it didn’t seem to bother Sherp.

“Better that than coming with us and getting shot,” Kano said before leaving them there.

Circling around the supposed necromancer’s lair with Nove and Urick at her back, Kano couldn’t see any signs of movement or anything to indicate hidden defenses. It seemed the place was just as defenseless as it looked. Emboldened, Kano strolled right up to the front gate. The fact that no one stopped her or acknowledged her presence only encouraged her view that there was nothing to worry about here.

Pulling the gate open, she was surprised to find that it wasn’t even locked. Happy to get away from the weather, Kano stepped in under the fabric dome. Half a dozen ghouls were milling around and packing what looked like parts of machinery into bags, seemingly oblivious to their intruder’s presence. Seeing that they weren’t armed, Kano ignored them and focused on the black-robed figure standing at the center of it all. It was nice of necromancers to identify themselves so clearly.

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“Hi there,” the necromancer said, her voice full of cheer. Her countenance beamed at them from beneath her hood. “We were just getting ready to leave. Do you need something?”

Kano paused, taken aback by the necromancer’s sunny disposition. This wasn’t what she’d expected at all. Was this the wrong place, after all? But she was clearly a necromancer, and it would be far too much of a coincidence if she were unrelated to all this. “Are you the one who Miusvon is working for?”

“That’s right. How can I help you?”

Despite her admission, Kano still felt the need to seek additional confirmation. “Then you’re the one who’s trying to take over the citadel?”

The necromancer chuckled. “I don’t know if there’s any trying about it at this point, given that we’re just about to move in, but yes, that’s me.”

“Oh. Well, I’m here to kill you.” As odd as the necromancer was acting, there was no particular reason to change the plan. If anything, she felt a little silly for having brought Nove and Urick along. She would’ve just come on her own if she’d known how easy it would be.

“Kill me?” the necromancer asked, their expression changing to one of benign bemusement. “Why would you want to do that?”

“Because the last thing Shorinstown needs is a necromancer living in it.” Wasn’t that obvious? Were necromancers really so self-absorbed that they couldn’t see the sort of impact they had on the rest of the world?

“I’m not sure I understand. Why would that be a bad thing? I’m fairly sure that’s exactly what Shorinstown needs, especially now.”

“Why would we need a necromancer? Why would anyone?”

“Because we’re the only ones who can actually make anything anymore?” She sounded genuinely confused. “Did you not realize that?”

Kano nearly burst out laughing. She’d forgotten just how insane necromancers could be. “You actually think the work of necromancers benefits anyone other than themselves? How do you even function with that level of insanity?” Her accommodation here was rather simplistic, but she must have resources beyond this if she was able to get Miusvon on her side. And yet she seemed completely out of touch with reality. The disparity was maddening.

“I think you have the wrong impression of my work,” said the necromancer. “I realize some of my brethren can be… eccentric in their ways, but I really am trying to change Shorinstown for the better.” She flashed her white teeth in amusement. “I mean, I’d have to try hard to do worse than the previous ruler, wouldn’t you say? Also, I apologize for not bringing it up sooner, but we haven’t introduced ourselves yet. I’m Angakkuq, though you can just call me An.”

It was only after Kano introduced herself and her companions that she wondered what she was doing. Hadn’t she come to kill the necromancer? Despite feeling like she was losing sight of her purpose here and wanting to get back on track, Kano couldn’t bring herself to go from polite conversation to unprovoked violence. It was too much of a leap for her right now. Kano’s desire to do the necromancer harm was fading, for now at least. It was eclipsed by her desire for answers. “What exactly are you going to do once you get to Shorinstown? If your plan for it is so great, I’m sure you don’t mind sharing it.”

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“No, of course not.”

The ghouls brought out four folding chairs, and An gestured for Kano and the others to sit down.

“If you’re willing to hear me out, then I’d be more than happy to explain myself. It’s a rather expansive topic, but I assure you that I’ll try to keep things as short as possible. How much do you know about the fall of mankind? About what exactly brought about their downfall?”

Kano had only the haziest idea, but she was sure necromancers had something to do with it. But somehow that didn’t seem to be the direction An’s explanation was heading in. “Wasn’t it because of you guys? The necromancers?”

“Oh, no, not at all. The decline began before we even existed, as a matter of fact, it was what drove the humans to create us in the first place. Though…” An cleared her throat and glanced away. “I will admit we didn’t exactly provide the assistance they’d hoped for in stopping their extinction. Rather the opposite, in fact.”

Kano scratched her head, thoroughly confused. “So, it wasn’t your war or whatever with the humans that killed them off? What was it, then?”

“It’s quite simple, really: human reproduction stopped working. Which is not to say it was for a lack of trying. I believe they tried pretty much every way they could think of to create viable offspring.”

As An got into the rhythm of explaining, her eyes shone, and she spoke quickly and with confidence. “But nothing worked. No matter how they were born, their offspring were lifeless. Soulless, to be precise. Had they figured that last part out sooner, they might have been able to do something to fix it, but it was only when their civilization had all but withered away that they realized that was the problem. As for the cause… there were theories, but no one was ever able to prove anything, until now. I believe I’m very close to being able to prove that it was the humans’ tampering with themselves and their environment that brought about their fall.”

Kano rolled her eyes. She’d had some trouble following the rest of what An had been saying, but that was clearly ridiculous. “That doesn’t make any sense. Why would whatever they did to themselves stop their children from having souls?”

“I’m afraid that aspect strays a bit into the theological, of which I can claim only a limited understanding, but I think it’s something along the lines of they changed too much. To the point where they were unrecognizable in a sense to… wherever it is these souls come from. Think of it like this: The human body is a vessel, while the soul is…”

She looked upward, where noxious material falling from the sky continued to strike the outside of their enclosure. “Let’s say rain. So if my theory is correct, the human vessel became too malformed or too full of holes, whatever makes more sense to you. Whatever was wrong with it progressed until it was no longer capable of holding a soul, and they just slipped right on through instead of, uh, anchoring themselves. Their form deviated too far from its original state. That was what caused their downfall.”

“How does that make any sense?” Kano asked. “Even ghouls have souls, and they must be even further away from whatever proper form the humans changed too much from.”

“Of course ghouls have souls, albeit artificial ones, but they didn’t gain them naturally like humans once did. Therein lies the problem.”

“Then why couldn’t the necromancers just make new souls for the humans? Like they do when they create ghouls.”

“I believe that was the initial idea. But the thing is, necromancers can’t actually create new souls. All we can do is break up existing ones and make them into lesser but more numerous versions.”

Kano turned to her companions in disbelief. “Did either of you two know about any of this?”

Nove shook her horned head while Urick said, “Fuck no, I had no idea.”

Could the necromancer be lying? She’d gone to a lot of effort to come up with explanations if she was, and what would be the point? Besides, Kano couldn’t believe the happily smiling individual in front of her was lying. If she knew all that and had a plan to do something about it, maybe she was at least worth hearing out.

“What’s your plan, then? You’re going to save humanity somehow?” Kano didn’t care much for humans, but at least it would breathe some new life into the world.

“No, not humanity. Their time has passed. I haven’t decided what to call them yet, but I intend to create a new type of being. One more suited to the new, revived world.” An ended her speech with a flourish and held her hand out to Kano. “That’s the idea, at least. There’re still quite a few problems I need to work out before I get to that stage, but my results so far have been promising.”

“But why Shorinstown? Can’t you just go and do your nonsense somewhere else?”

“Shorinstown is rather unique in that it possesses a great wellspring of necromantic energy, just waiting to be tapped.”

“It does?” It was the first Kano had heard of anything like that.

“As of recently, yes. Though I’m not surprised you’re unaware of it. I doubt anyone other than a necromancer has any idea what’s happening. So, there you are, now you know my plan. Do you still intend to killing me?”

Kano sighed. “I guess not.”

“Then why not join me? I’m sure there’s much good I can accomplish with your help. Miusvon told me about you. I believe she’d also welcome your assistance.”

“No, I won’t join you.” She glanced at Urick and Nove to make sure they had nothing to say before she continued. “But I will come with you. At least I can keep an eye on you that way.”

What the necromancer was saying sounded far too good to be true, and Kano wanted to be there when her lies were exposed for all the world to see. And on the remote chance that she really could do what she was saying… Well, Kano would deal with that when the time came.

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