Hahaha! You let me out! You actually let me out!

“HEI, WHAT’S WRONG!”

I can’t react to Suzy’s scream. Only backpedal as I feel my heart seize. Once, twice, it beats, and then stops as I crumple. I have seconds, mere seconds before the Gray is in control. All the blood in my body is freezing to ice.

I’m losing control!

“Suzy! Listen to me, I will come back! One day, I’ll break the limit and find a way to free you!” I gasp out as my arms begin to reach forward. Already, black veins twist and bulge from my skin as the Gray takes over and tries to drag me over to consume the confused girl. Suzy’s dress gets caught in twigs as she tries to rush over to me, but I force my arms back, away from her. “Don’t come close! Kill me! It’s breaking free!”

“Hei…? What’s happening? We just met. We still have time…” Suzy whispers as she tries to understand why I’ve suddenly begun to jerk around like a fish out of water. I gasp for breath on the ground, desperate to finish this.

“No…time…! Kill…me!” I beg her to help me die before it’s too late. Her face twists as she realizes the truth. That the thing she predicted has come early.

“But, you’re my friend! I’ll…” Her sad eyes shed red tears as she cries. “I’ll be alone again! I don’t want to be alone! Please stay! Please don’t make me do this!”

“I’ll…” My choking breaths are my last. “Come…back…for you! BE-LIEVE!”

“N-No…” She says but her hand comes up. When it closes into a fist, the air grows heavy. “I don’t want to do this! Damnit why, after I finally found a friend!”

I can’t breathe anymore. My lungs are no longer under my control. All I can do is nod dumbly, and force one of my wildly spasming hands to curl. As she summons the power of the red mist, I give her a thumbs up with a stupid grin on my face. When my skin boils, it’s a lot faster this time. She isn’t playing around. If she applies herself, whatever power is saving me from her Domain is no match. My body begins to melt away just as the Gray tries to get up. I can hear a fiendish voice in my head screaming in frustration. I’m glad that our vocal cords are gone so Suzy doesn’t have to hear me howl. Then there’s a pop as my eardrums explode.

“Please…don’t go. I don’t want to be alone.”

The last thing I see is Suzy’s lonely face before the merciful darkness washes away my pain.

I promise…I’ll come back for you!

#

“Hey, you alive?” Yin’s voice never sounded so sweet. This time, I pull back at the last second before our heads clash. We don’t collide quite as hard. Though Suzy’s poison mist was excruciating, I expected it.

“Mind over matter!” I mutter before the bewildered party in front of me. Looking up, I see Yin’s beautiful brown eyes, and grin. “I’m back.”

“Back?” She stumbles back in confusion, holding her forehead where a small red bruise is forming. Donovan comes behind her and glares at me suspiciously.

“He’s wasted! Look at him! Don’t waste your time with this one.” Sternly, he pulls Yin back with him. I already know what comes next. I suppose I have something of a choice now. If I warn them about the zombies, Yin’s party members might survive. But then I’ll have to deal with their betrayal later on. Honestly, it’s starting to make me uncomfortable knowing so much about the future. Like I’m playing God or something. However, as Suzy told me, I have a privilege. And I need to take responsibility.

In the span of a few seconds, I think it over, all the possibilities, to tell or not to tell, to save or not to save. The answer becomes clear. These bastards, even if it hurts her, Yin is too nice to ever let them go. I feel like scum, or maybe a villain, sentencing them to death, but it has to be done for her sake.

I don’t say anything as they go.

“If you need help, just follow the stars! We’re going North!” Yin calls back to me and I shake my head.

This girl…always the same, always too nice.

When I save her, I make sure to hide between the buildings until the last possible second. That way there’s no way she can know that I let her friends die. It might sound cruel but it’s necessary. Otherwise, she won’t trust me and she’ll run away again. Everything I do, I do it perfectly, playing the perfect hero, the world’s greatest knight. From how I hold her, the loving way I stroke her hair as she rests, to the care I put in teaching her things which I’ve told her many times already, I make sure it’s all flawless. An act, I’m playing out a script, but I can’t afford to mess up. I already knows what happens if I just try to save her without earning her trust.

“This time…it’ll be the last time.” I mutter as I cut off Rui’s head so Yin doesn’t have to. Even though this isn’t the first time, I still kind of enjoy it. This hoe has it coming, every time. Hiding my vicious smirk, I guide Yin through everything, putting Crassia to rest, leveling off the Drowned Ghouls, all the way into the town where I make sure not to seem too familiar with the place. Pretending to look for a weapon for Yin, I pick up the replica sword and ask for directions to an abandoned house. When we arrive, I make a big show of looking around. Despite my diligence, Yin seems to sense something is off. As she walks upstairs to take a shower and I eat my sandwich before bed, she stops at the top of the stairs.

“Hei…are you…okay?” She looks down at me worriedly. Forcing a relaxed smile onto my face, I grin back at her while taking a casual bite out of my sandwich. I’ve had this sandwich so many goddamn times, it’s stopped tasting good. But my smile barely wavers. Everything has to be perfect. Or else she won’t trust me.

“Yea, everything’s great!” I pretend to yawn, and put a hand over my mouth. “Why wouldn’t I be?” To this, Yin seems to grow a bit suspicious. She squints at me but after a while, gives up.

“Okay, I just wanted to check. You seemed…stressed is all.” The innocent girl has no idea how hard I’m working to keep this smile on full brightness. Behind my hand, my expression twitches a bit. I remind myself that this part is almost over. Just a little bit more and we can move on. “Well, I’m going to take a shower. If you need anything…I’ll be in my room, so just let me know.”

“Sure sure.” I wave her off, stuffing the rest of the sandwich in my mouth and closing the door gently behind me. It’s all I can do to keep from slamming it. The goddamn lunch meat has begun to taste rotten and the bread feels like plain cornstarch between my teeth. I spit it out into the trashcan once I hear the shower go on. “Damn…she’s more perceptive than I thought. It’s hard to act like I haven’t done this all before.”

I flop onto the bed without taking my clothes off and try to relax. The thieves are coming tonight, and as long as I don’t kill them, everything should be alright. I just need to think of what to do after that. Unfortunately, my brain is all jumbled. I’ve been wired all day, just running around and nervously acting like this is all new. A couple times, I almost messed up and did something differently, but it seems like thing’s are mostly okay, even if Yin didn’t say the same thing as the timeline I’m trying to emulate. Though I try to brainstorm possibilities for tomorrow, I can’t think straight right now. When I try to sleep, I can’t do that either. I end up just lying there, tensed up with my hand on my blade, waiting for our visitors.

*Scritch*

“Shh…they’ll hear you!” The whisper I’ve been expecting finally comes as the moon rises on high.

“Whatever, just keep a lookout, they’re definitely sleeping by now. Did you see that babe?” The lockpicker jiggles the lock. “Why she’s staying with such a chimp? Dude’s not even tall!”

Listening to their voices, I shake my head, rising silently out of bed. The living room is dark and quiet, broken only by the two intruder’s incompetence as they struggle to get the deadbolt open. I take my spot by the door, waiting for them to enter.

“It’s deadbolted. That’s a problem. These guys sure are cautious!” The lockpicker sighs, reaching into his pocket. “I have a credit card here, maybe I can get it open. Give me a minute.” I remember that’s the cue. A few seconds later, they get the door open. Tensing, I ready my hand on my cleaver. However, much I trust my memories, that surprise rainstorm last time makes me suspect that my previous experiences are not always representative of current timelines. Things can change unexpectedly.

Yin’s door pops open as they fist-bump.

“Hei? Is something wrong?” Her cute head peeks out from the door. “KYAA!”

“Damnit they’re on to us!” The robbers turn around and I smile amusedly from my hiding spot behind the door as I jump out with my butcher in hand. Raising it like I really intend to take their heads off, I wait for Yin to tell me off.

“Don’t kill them!” She shrieks just on time and I pretend to hesitate as the thieves quickly scurry off. After the last of their footsteps fade into the night, I slam the door and lock the deadbolt. To my surprise, Yin has come downstairs already. I had forgotten how bold she can be when she wants to be. The innocent girl peers at me and the butcher’s knife held in my hand.

“Are you okay? Thank you for letting them go.” She subconsciously has the unsharpened katana in her hand. A little bit worried that despite my perfect acting, she might run off again, I point at it.

“Don’t even think about leaving until I sharpen that!” I sternly command. She turns her eyes from me to the sword in confusion for a moment.

“Leave? Who said anything about leaving?”

Crap.

I said something shouldn’t. I forgot that in this timeline she trusts me. Doing my best to cover up my mistake, I just nod.

“Yup, I mean, if you were thinking of going anywhere, at least let me sharpen the sword first. It’s dangerous out there. Without me, you’d be really screwed, you know?” I say more than is necessary and even in the dark, I can see how suspicious she becomes. Looking down to avoid her eyes, I realize that she’s once again only wearing a skimpy t-shirt which barely covers the top of her thighs. Catching the direction of my gaze, she blushes, but isn’t distracted.

“Hei, is something wrong? You’re always so…tense.” She breaths heavily, stepping closer. From this close, I can smell her natural scent. After showering a few hours ago, it stirs up my head and makes it hard to concentrate. “Listen, I don’t know who hurt you in the past, or why you feel the need to protect me, but you’re doing a good job! Honest! I really appreciate everything you’ve done. And I’m definitely not leaving anytime soon!”

“Huh?” I look back into her eyes as she scores a critical hit with her words. “I’m doing a good job?”

“Of course…what did you think saving me was a bad thing?”

The damn girl acts shy all the time when I try to get her to kill zombies but right now, she’s playing with my feelings in the palm of her hand.

“Definitely not!” I blurt out reflexively. She stares hard at me, trying to see into my soul. For a moment, I want to tell her my secret, the reason why I can’t relax around her, all the reasons. But then I remember that horrible pain. I instantly died and worse, that thing took over. If Suzy hadn’t been there to destroy my body I think the world would have had a terrible enemy. “Listen, there are some things I can’t tell you. Some things I’ll never be able to tell you. But can you…just trust me? I’ll always protect you, even if it means I have to die. So just don’t ask too many questions, okay?”

“Hmm…” Yin stares at me suspiciously for a long time. Then suddenly she grins, “Sure, not a problem. Just don’t go around making that stupid face like you’re thinking of something horrible all the time. Besides, didn’t you say that I’m the one who’s going to be doing all the leveling? Pretty soon, I’ll be protecting you!”

“Heh, I can’t wait.” I finally smile genuinely, and some of the stress in my heart disappears as Yin laughs. When she does, her t-shirt hugs her chest and rides up a little bit. My heart shivers as I do my best not to look.

“Well, I’m not a high-level Hunter yet. And there’s perverts trying to break into our house. Plus, this place is creepy, it’s hard to sleep. Why don’t you protect me by keeping watch outside my room? Or maybe…you want to sleep with me tonight?” Yin sticks out her tongue as she teases me. I don’t know what to say. We’ve somehow completely changed the dialogue from last time. Seeing how tongue-tied I am, she laughs, and grabs my elbow. “I’m just kidding! I wouldn’t make you sleep on the couch. Come on, you were so bold, hugging me after you saved me from those zombies. What happened to your confidence?”

“Uhm…” I can’t do anything but stow my cleaver and let Yin drag me to her room. While I try to maintain my cool on the outside, inside fireworks are going off. It’s finally happening again! She doesn’t hate me anymore! After I close the door, Yin hops into bed under the blankets before I can react. This part, I remember.

“Aren’t you going to come to bed?” She pats the spot next to her coyly, and I gulp. If anything, this Yin is even more dangerous than the last time I was in her room. However, if she wants to play games with me, who has traveled through time and all manner of hell to get here, she’s in for a rude surprise. I won’t be taken advantage of this time!

“I’ll just sleep on the floor.” I say smoothly. “We’re in the same room, so I can protect you right?” Then I bend down as if I’m really planning on just spending the night on the ground. Yin tries to hide it but I can see her eyes popping out.

Gotcha!

“Y-You’re seriously?” The incredibly beautiful girl is at a loss for words and I smirk as I take off my shoes. There shouldn’t be any threats so I should be okay undressing. “Hey you know the ground is pretty hard, right? I won’t think you’re a weirdo or anything so just sleep here with-“

“Sure.” I hop onto the bed and into the blankets without giving her a chance to react. Turning away from her, I stare at the wall and try to keep a straight face. For a second, there’s just silence, and all I can hear is Yin’s heavy breathing. Then I can’t hold it anymore and I let out a snicker. Instantly, a cold foot kicks me in the butt.

“You bastard! You were messing with me!” Yin growls as she tries to knock me off. “Get out of my bed! Scumbag! Lecher!”

“What? The ground’s too hard! You said it not me!” I give up trying to keep the act up and just laugh. Eventually Yin starts to laugh too-

“Okay, okay, you win. Here’s your prize.” She whispers. There’s a rustle in the blankets and then a cold arm goes around me. A chilly leg slips in-between mine. I shiver uncontrollable as she wraps herself around me tightly. But in a moment, our bodies begin to warm up together. Her hair tickles the back of my neck as she holds me from behind. “You get to be little spoon tonight. But don’t get used to it! Hopefully you can get some rest tonight. You always shift around at night. Do you have bad dreams?”

I don’t answer, remembering all the nightmares I’ve begun to have recently. The strain of holding it together, it was really getting to me. Though during the day I’m distracted, when we sleep, my brain can’t stop thinking about it. I guess dying isn’t healthy for your mind. Feeling me tense, Yin harrumphs.

“Hey! No thinking bad thoughts!” Suddenly a pair of small teeth nibbles at the back of my neck. I squirm uncontrollably. “There, see? Now you’re not thinking about things you shouldn’t. Not that you should be thinking about me either! T-This is a special event, got it? SPECIAL!”

“Okay…okay!” I give up. She has my back and she’s a high level than me since I had her kill most of the zombies. “No bad dreams tonight. Thank you. I tried to hide it from you, but you’re too good.”

“That’s right! You can’t hide anything from me, so don’t even try in the future. If you need to talk, I’m right here. Just don’t…go leaving me behind without saying goodbye, either. At least leave a note, okay?” Yin’s voice trembles. At her mention of leaving a note, I stiffen slightly. But then I force myself to relax before she bites me again. I sigh, closing my eyes. Settling into her soft embrace, I let myself relax. Little shivers rock through me and the back of my head tingles as her chest presses against my naked back. “Hei? You wouldn’t go if I was too weak? You’re not that kind of person, right? Even if I’m not the person you think I am, you’d still stay here with me, right?”

Like an idiot, I don’t think about her words. All I hear is her need. I think I know everything about her already. I don’t even consider what Yin’s really saying.

“I’ll never leave. Even if it looks like I’m gone, I’ll come back. Every single time, I’ll come back.”