“HA HA HA! Who will be the next challenger?” An oddly metallic voice called out.

Belle, May, Lia and Tammy stopped on their way back from school to investigate the noise. They found a crowd gathered in a nearby park. Most of them were staring intently at something, while others knelt in defeat. In the center the commotion was a single sword. With a glittering gold handle and a brilliant white blade, the weapon lay embedded in a concrete walkway that ran through the park.

As the quartet joined the crowd, a musclebound construction worker stepped forward.

“So’z if I can pullz ya’ out, I’ll be loaded?” He asked while cracking his knuckles.

“That is correct.” The metallic voice replied. “The owner of a holy sword is entitled to wealth and power beyond the dreams of mortal men.”

May, Lia and Tammy leaned forward in awe while Belle crossed her arms.

“There…There’s a microphone attached to that sword.” May breathed. “Right Belle?”

Belle merely shook her head as the construction worker placed his hands on the sword. Within one second, the blade was already almost out of the concrete.

“HA, you’re barely wedged in there!” The burly man taunted. “I don’t know what these pansies are standin' around for. Anyone could lift this guy!”

“Samuel Hermanos, huh?” The sword mused. “Well, let’s go with your top five most embarrassing internet searches.”

“Say what?”

“Number five! Am I gay if I like to stick things up my butt?”

The construction worker stopped pulling. “W-Wait how-?”

“Number four! Cheap plastic dil-”

The man suddenly dropped the sword. It fell back into the ground and returned to its original depth.

“Ooh, too bad.” The sword tutted. “Well, I saw a pack of girls join the crowd. Do you ladies want to give it a try?”

“I wouldn’t…” Belle cautioned. “A holy sword can read its wielder’s mind. So long as you’re touching it, that sword will shout out your most embarrassing secrets.”

“Hey, hey! That’s slander, little lady. I would never reveal my owner’s secrets.”

A dark aura seemed to envelop the sword. If a blade could sneer, the crowd was sure that’s what it would have done.

“But a challenger isn’t my owner until they pull me out. You get it?”

May took a deep breath in, and then released it. “So, only a pure person can wield you? Try me.”

The reliable brunette wrapped her hands around the hilt and pulled. Just as it started to become loose, the sword spoke.

“May Lindell. This is cute~. You think the worst thing I’ll reveal is that you have an overdue library book. What about the time when you went camping and got sprayed by a skunk? An attractive guy asked what was wrong and you tried to play it off as perfume. HA! His eyes were watering the whole time!”

May released the sword and buried her head in her hands. “UUuuu…I’d completely blocked that from my memory.”

Lia pat her shoulder. “D-Don’t worry May. No one thinks less of you for it. We can split the money.”

The skittish raven-haired girl gripped the sword.

“Lia Ross. When you were seven, you would dress up and pretend to be a magical princess warrior. Complete with gloves dusted in glitter, a toilet roll wand, and a dollar-store tiara.”

“S-So what?” Lia retorted as she strained to lift the sword. “Everyone does silly stuff when they’re kids.”

“-Is what you tell people. But in reality, you stopped playing magical princess warrior after your thirteenth birthday party.”

Lia’s hands slipped off the sword as she knelt on the ground. Silently, she crawled out of the crowd and joined a group that was sitting off to the side. All of them seemed to be quietly contemplating their lives.

“Grr, I’ll avenge you guys.” Tammy stepped forward with fire in her eyes.

“Tammy McLaren. History: D+, Math: D, English: C, Science: D.” The sword recited gleefully. “That was your report card last semester. Rather than dredge up your past, I think you’ll be more distraught if I predict your future~!”

The usually-peppy blonde slunk over to where Lia sat. May wordlessly joined her while Belle shook her head and sighed. The pink-haired introvert finally approached the sword.

“Hey, Mrs. Easy-to-spot-in-a-crowd. You seem a bit riled up.”

Belle placed her shoe on the sword’s pommel.

“Belle Noh. You act like a cool girl, but you’re actually quite the maiden. Last week you stayed up all night trying to complete Tomoya’s route in Doki-Doki High School-”

*Bang Bang Bang SHHHnnkkK*

Belle stomped the sword until it slid beneath the concrete. Like a hammered in nail, the sword’s pommel was now level with the ground.

“W-Wait a minute!”

*BANG*

Belle delivered a final earth-shattering stomp that drove the holy sword underground. The crowd watched in stunned silence as she filled a bucket from the park’s sandbox.

“Um, hold on now…”

Belle filled the crack with sand, completely burying the holy sword. As she began to walk away, a slow clap started by May turned into a thunderous applause. Men and women cheered while wiping away tears. The trio pounced on her for an impromptu four-person hug.

“Why is everyone acting like she just vanquished a demon!?” The sword’s muffled cry went unheard.