Erin woke with a jolt, surging to his feet, but found no enemies nearby. The only other living things in the cave were the birds merrily chirping, and fluttering between perches. Calming his breathing, Erin looked down at himself; finding that he was covered in goblin brain. Lips curling in disgust, he washed himself off again. This time, he managed to restrain himself enough to avoid injuring himself.

As he finished his shower, Erin felt a sudden plop hit his shoulder. He looked down, and recoiled; spraying water at the offending white mass. Turning to narrow his eyes at the fluttering horde, Erin analyzed a passing bird to confirm they wouldn’t turn into a feathered wave of death Zelda style, if he attacked.

“Pidgits? Who the hell named you pidgits?” Erin muttered, confirming they had no combat skills, or notable stats. Firming his resolve, Erin flicked his wrist, and smirked as a pidgit squawked before crashing to the ground.

“You shit on me, I shit on you.” Erin told the dead pidgit, grinning. Erin quickly moved to pick up the corpse, and carried it into the connecting tunnel to the next cave. Staring down at the pidgit, Erin quickly realized he had no convenient way to bring the corpse with him if he wanted to continue further in. Erin looked back and forth between the bird in his hand, and the tunnel that led to the next cavern indecisively. A loud growl made his decision for him. Resignedly, Erin looked down at his stomach.

“I suppose This was a good test run.” Erin decided out loud. Nodding confirmation to himself, Erin turned back, and wound his way back to the entrance; carrying his pidgit corpse like a trophy. Giving one last glance behind him, Erin walked forward into the square of void. And promptly smacked into it as if it were made of stone.

“I thought you were the goddess of sympathy?” Erin cried at empty air, rubbing his aching nose. “What kind of sadist forces someone to clear an unknown dungeon on their first try!?” Erin glanced down at the corpse in his hand. “How the hell am I supposed to cook this!?” He yelled at the empty air. Praying to Almera to please let him leave, Erin placed a hand on the void.

There was no other response, and Erin sighed; dropping the corpse. Feeling worn down, Erin dropped to the ground, leaning against the solid, obsidian-like substance of the void. Erin pulled his knees in with his hands, and laid his chin against them. He expected to cry, but instead the cold mental space he had found during combat overrode his emotions like a parasite taking over a host. For several minutes, Erin sat that way, disturbed by the sense of emptiness; uncertain whether it was a blessing or a curse. Finally, his stomach growled again.

Wordlessly, Erin pulled himself up, and then plopped down again by the pidgit corpse. He had only a vague idea of how to butcher a corpse, but he did his best; plucking the feathers, and pulling out the guts. He had no idea which were safe, so he simply removed all of them; piling them on the opposite side of the cavern. It was a longer and more laborious process than he expected, and by the time he was done, his hands were shaking. Erin wasn’t sure whether it was from exhaustion, or hunger. He had also been expecting himself to have a more extreme reaction to the harvesting of guts, but the emptiness had proven its worth; allowing him to treat the process with clinical detachment.

Erin sighed at the pile of meat that sat in front of him. He had taken his shirt off to use it like a picnic mat, and the meat now sat on it; slowly seeping blood. As hungry and detached as he was, Erin wasn’t at the point of eating raw meat. Erin smacked his forehead. Every time he encountered a problem, he forgot to use his divinity. It was like having a cheat code.

Focusing his divine energy, Erin created a ball of pure white fire that hovered above his hand. Using earth magic, Erin created a prong similar to the kind used for roasting marshmallows. Using his prong to hold the meat in the fire, Erin watched in fascination as the blood evaporated. Yet, no matter how long he held the meat in the fire, it didn’t cook. Frustrated, Erin cancelled the spell.

“What? What part of my spell made you think I was trying to purify the cave chicken?” Erin groused, dropping the chunk of meat back into the meat pile. Frowning, Erin tried again, and then again. No matter how he envisioned the fire, the end result was a cleansing flame. The upside of this process was that he had now purified the entire meat pile when his frustration had led him to bathe the pile in a flamethrower-like stream of cleansing flame.

Dejected, Erin sighed, and stared at the pile of meat. “Well, I’ve basically removed all the blood, and there shouldn’t be any germs left if purifying flame does what I think it does. Maybe I can treat it like bird sushi?” Erin reached out, and hesitantly grabbed a chunk of meat. Bringing it to his mouth, Erin hesitated again, then took a tentative bite.

“Nope, not bird sushi.” Erin announced, spitting the small piece of meat out, and dropping the main chunk back into the pile. Frustrated, he opened his stat page; looking for something that could help. “Well, I have fire control. Maybe I could leverage that into fire creation?”

An hour passed as Erin strained against his magic. Finally, he had a breakthrough as a tiny candle-sized flame broke out. The burning heat it emitted was a welcome feeling to Erin, despite the pain. Emboldened, Erin almost widened the flame to shoot it at the pile of meat. Realizing his shirt was still acting like a table, Erin frowned, and used earth magic to create a raised surface made of stone set into the floor. Excited by his success, Erin spent the extra mana to coat his makeshift table in the glowing crystal. It was harder to move than regular stone, thus requiring more mana, but Erin nodded in satisfaction when he was done. It was strange to realize how much difference such a small, expensive, and ultimately meaningless flourish made to his state of mind.

Once his mana recovered, Erin placed the meat on his newfound furniture, and finally managed to cook it. By the time it was done, the meat was charred, tough, and unseasoned, but it was thoroughly cooked. Erin had never tasted anything better in his life. Every minute of frustration; every unshed tear involved in the cooking process flavored the meat in a way that transcended flavor. The addition of a cactus fruit to his meal acted like dessert. When he was finally done, Erin patted his stomach in satisfaction. Erin decided this victory outshone any of his successes in combat.

A short nap was all it took to fully renew Erin’s determination. Standing outside the entrance to the first cave, which had fully respawned its occupants, Erin glanced down at his hand. This time, it wasn’t shaking. Nodding in satisfaction, Erin cloaked himself in what he was starting to call his battle mentality. The goblins were dispatched easily, and Erin even managed to dodge their attacks several times when he decided that simply tanking their hits because he could was likely to get him killed as it almost had before. He quickly moved to the next cave, and knowing that the crested pidgit was a threat made the fight much less lethal to him. A quick analysis revealed that it was named a “Pidgit Matriarch” and had the aptly named “Wind Blade” skill.

After passing the second cavern, the cave system began branching; sometimes in as many as three directions at once. Erin was silently grateful that he had created the mapping system, otherwise he would have become hopelessly lost. Progress slowed down as the enemies became stronger. “Wind Goblin Chieftains” were the most notable addition, wielding crude bone swords in addition to their air shot attacks; which were much stronger than the generic goblins, being capable of causing visible damage to Erin’s skin. Erin struggled onward. He was caught off guard when he entered the boss-room, hearing a stone door slide into place behind him. Turning, Erin tried to push against the stone of the door with his magic. Though it felt as though it wouldn’t be impossible if he devoted enough mana, he wasn’t at that point yet.

Erin turned, and surveyed the room. The boss monster wasn’t visible yet, so he allowed himself a moment to fully regenerate his mana before taking a cautious step forward. A high-pitched sound like a combination between a shriek, and a roar shook Erin to his bones; both figuratively, and literally. Looking up, Erin could only catch a flash of green before a wave of force cut a deep gash into his arm. Screaming in pain, Erin reflexively thrust his good arm forward; shooting dozens of stones blindly at the source of the attack. Looking up, he watched several of them strike true while a deep pit of despair manifested in his stomach.

The monster he saw was the largest pidgit he had ever seen. It was similar to the matriarchs, but twice the size. Rather than a single crest of green among the brown, its feathers were a mixture of brown and green all across its body. The beak also had a sharper curve to it where the regular pidgits had straight beaks. Erin distantly identified that hooked beak as the mark of a predator as he analyzed the monster’s stats.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Name: Pidgit Patriarch

Stats:

HP- 150

MP- 95

STR- 10

END- 12

AGI- 22

INT- 5

TGH- 24

REC- 10

SP Drop: 10

Skills:

Wind Blade- 24

Death Knell- 10

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The fact that its raw stats were actually slightly higher than his own made Erin nervous. Even with all of the combat in the other caverns, Erin had only managed to increase his toughness another three points. The impacts from his stone bullets had done very little damage, and Erin knew he was likely to run out of mana before he killed the creature. The possibility of using his divinity against it crossed his mind, but he had yet to confirm a usable attack spell for it. The experience with cleansing flame made him leery of gambling on untested divine abilities.

All of this went through his head over the course of a second. “I’m fucked.” Erin decided out loud as the bird’s wings emitted a flash of green light. Erin threw himself to the side, narrowly avoiding the projectile. Erin coughed as the wind blade created a whumph of dust that invaded his lungs. Using the dust as cover, Erin sprinted to the door, and began shoving mana at it. Trying to shift the dense stone was an incredible strain, but he continued; watching his mana drain quickly. A wind blade slammed into his back, disrupting his concentration as he screamed in pain, but he gritted his teeth, and redoubled his efforts.

Luckily for Erin, it proved to be enough. A perfect circle of stone wide enough that Erin could crawl through fell from the door; landing on the other side with a loud whumpf. Desperately, Erin tried to crawl through, only to find his progress blocked by an invisible wall.

“What the fuck is this hardcore bullshit!?” Erin cried, his cry becoming a scream as another blade of wind slammed into him. Erin could feel his healing slowing down, and a quick glance at his stats confirmed that he was below half HP. Panting, Erin desperately slammed his divinity against the invisible wall. This time, Erin could see the ripple of force as the bright white energy impacted the transparent surface. After a moment, it penetrated; dispersing harmlessly when it reached the other side of the hole Erin had dug in the door.

Seeing his chance, Erin dove into the hole. He didn’t escape completely unscathed. As he pulled himself inside, Erin felt a blade impact his leg; severing the tendon, and shattering his ankle against the hard stone of the door. Crying, desperate, Erin continued to pull at the stone around him; pushing against it with his good leg. Finally, Erin managed to get his entire body through to the other side of the door.

[email protected]^#%&# Retreat @#^@#$#^&>

Erin barely noticed the strange popup as he began pouring holy water on his mangled leg. Slowly, the wound closed.

-----------------------------------------------

Deep below Erin, what had once been a completely clear sphere of crystal had begun glowing with the soft white light of divinity. The dungeon core, what the gods called a “Magical Intelligence” or MI desperately struggled against the breakdown of primary systems.

Every time the core silenced one error notification, another would appear, drawing resources away from the main battle as it fought for even basic survival in the face of extreme system failure. Finally, it was forced to partition the affected systems; performing their functions manually.

Though it wasn’t truly aware of the depths of the changes that had been wrought on it; turning a game-like unaware artificial intelligence into a self-aware entity, it knew exactly who to blame for the sudden near death experience. Every dungeon core had a set of routines built in for the rare occasion that an adventurer managed to locate, and threaten the core. Though he hadn’t intentionally threatened it, that didn’t make the threat any less real.

The core decided it needed a new routine to express its newfound feelings. After several minutes analyzing memories of the visitors it had hosted over the course of millenia, a program was developed, which represented a primary identity.

“Die motherfucker!” It shouted into the stoney void around it.