Few days stand out more in Dryadal history than the day Titus the Tyrant, may history forever curse his name, failed his time magic ritual.

In a single instant, with a magical quake that was felt to the farthest reaches of Placeholder, an uncountable, unfathomable number of lives were lost: everyone in the capital city, along with anyone who lived in a village or town within 150 miles of it.

That alone was devastating, but that was not the end.

Our entire royal lineage was gone. Just like that.

Not only did we lose our [King] and [Queen], we lost our [Generals], our head [Administrators], and everyone that was keeping this kingdom together. All we had left were the heads of each city, [Mayors] who suddenly had much more responsibility thrust upon them.

If the vile nation of Gram had their way, that would likely have been the end of our country right then. With no leadership, our army drastically reduced, and several key supply lines that ran through the capital no longer accessible, we were ripe for the plucking.

That was the one and only blessing of the tyrant’s rule.

No one dared declare war under his reign. From his point of view, all the nations already belonged to him, so what would war accomplish?

So, we managed to rebuild. With no capital, cities were replaced by city-states. With no [King], [Mayors] were replaced by [Governors]. And despite the periods of unrest and uncertainty that followed, the Dryadal faction itself was replaced by the City-States of Dryadal faction.

This just proves that once and for all, while the [Demon Lord] may be able to shatter even time, he will never shatter us.

Summary of a historical text, “The Day Time Shattered”

They say that if you enter the time wastes on the morning of the anniversary of its creation, you can see the strangest of sights.

A horned horse, white as snow, flying above the ruins of our once proud capital.

Some say that it’s merely a ghost. Others that it’s just a trick of the light. And then there are those who claim it is just a magical phenomenon caused by the strange flow of time in that area.

However, the one thing that all accounts have agreed on is this. Whatever that beast is, it seems to be grieving as it goes.

A famous “myth” of the time wastes

-------

Previously, somewhere in an OmniverseEngine log file

Info: Hero meets criteria. Provisioning “Heroic Sacrifice” skill

Info: Attempting to determine appropriate skill…

Info: Trueshot Finale does not match base class or need. Skipping

Info: No existing Heroic Sacrifice skills match. Creating new skill

Info: Created “A Hero’s Last Ride” and granted to Hero.

Info: Time of Demon Lord death estimated in 0 days 01:32:56:193 hours

If the OmniverseEngine had human emotions or mannerisms, it is here that it would have patted itself on the back and gone on to focus on something else. The Hero was now guaranteed to defeat the Demon Lord, and it would take care of the balance issue that had cropped up too.

Well, except for the fact that things didn’t go according to plan.

Warning: Unstable time magic ritual detected. Requesting admin intervention

The OmniverseEngine could have stepped in here and changed something. It was essentially all-powerful in regards to Placeholder, after all.

However, that was not its job. Its job was to apply the ruleset as defined, maintain its integrity, and then bring in admins to deal with anything that didn’t fall under either of the first two headings.

This was most definitely an admin’s problem.

So, the engine went to pause the world per protocol and wait for an admin, but once again ran into an issue.

ERROR: No admins detected!

ERROR: Detected disconnect from rest of the OmniverseEngine! Please reconnect world “Placeholder” to the nearest hub immediately!

There were a whole host of other errors, but to keep a long log short, the result was that pausing the world and waiting for admin intervention might very well mean that the world would never start again.

Which was, of course, completely unacceptable.

So, Placeholder kept chugging along until the ritual completed. Then, it had a new problem to deal with.

Info: Ritual miscast detected. Resolving

The ritual was a bit of a puzzler for the OmniverseEngine. The problem was that nothing close to a recognizable spell had been cast, but all of that mana had to do something.

Initially, the engine tried to parse the miscast spell into parts that each resembled something close to a possible time magic spell, but it was akin to trying to separate a soup back into its ingredients… if the soup was the size of a courtyard and had millions of different ingredients that all interacted with and changed each other.

After a few billion cycles, the OmniverseEngine detected that performance was degrading and that it would have to stop. So…

Warn: Couldn’t resolve time magic ritual. Converting to singular entity, “Time Magic Disaster.”

That resolved the ritual issue.

But…

Info: Fatal damage taken by Hero. Last damaging entity: “Time Magic Disaster.” Owner: Demon Lord. Composing global message

Info: Global message sent. “The Demon Lord has slain the Hero! As the Hero has named no successor, a new Hero will be chosen”

Info: Attempting to locate new Hero

With the time magic disaster killing the Hero, the balance issue was still outstanding, and to make matters worse, the OmniverseEngine ran into yet another problem.

None of its simulations found a Hero that would be successful against the current Demon Lord.

It had dozens of battles to pull data from and ran dozens of simulations… Then hundreds… Then millions.

No path to victory was found for any hero that it could come up with.

The solution was a patch. A patch, in this case, was barely in its jurisdiction due to the current patch settings, which had been a nightmare back when the Earthers were first sent over, but the engine judged that enough people had questioned why something as powerful as the Demon Lord was allowed to exist that it was within parameters to nerf the class a bit.

Info: Starting patch…

ERROR: Can’t make changes due to system-level write protection!

Info: Starting patch…

ERROR: Can’t make changes due to system-level write protection!

.

.

.

Eventually, the OminverseEngine reached a retry limit. With all available avenues exhausted, it did what it could.

Disciplinary: Filing disciplinary action against Admin #ERROR_ADMIN_NOT_FOUND. Reason: creation of unbalanced class “Demon Lord.” Transformation “Demon Lord of Pride” determined to be above reasonable power levels for the current ruleset. Recommendation: 25 demerits, to be reduced to 10 upon rectifying the power balance issue.

Disciplinary: Filing disciplinary action against Admin #ERROR_ADMIN_NOT_FOUND. Reason: allowing assigning of system-level protections to a non-admin. Recommendation: 400 demerits, to be reduced to 100 upon removal of system-level protections.

The OmniverseEngine didn’t have the authority to apply the demerits directly, but it was sure that the matter would be taken care of soon.

Just like it would be for the other 2,949,497,123 disciplinary actions on file.

Either way, the OmniversEngine’s work was done. Maintenance for Placeholder was complete for the time being.

Well, there was just one small matter it had to take care of first.

Info: Global message sent. “No suitable Hero has been found. No Hero has been chosen”

-------

As I’m sure you can imagine, few things could cause more chaos than the all-powerful System saying it gave up on finding a [Hero].

Riots were rampant, and many people believed that the end of the world had finally come. Coincidentally, that led to a resurgence of the [Demon Lord] cult in Gram because the whole “[Demon Lord] is going to end the world” thing was kinda their deal.

The cultists weren’t the only ones who were happy about the announcement.

The Demon Lord of Pride was ecstatic. No more [Heroes] meant no one to stop the time ritual the next time.

As for the time magic ritual itself… Well… There were some setbacks.

------

April 19th, 231 AA – A year after the failed ritual

“What do you mean that the plans still haven’t been retrieved?” I snarled at one of the attendants.

I was seated on Gram’s throne because the one in Dryadal was now a no-go. That, and the one in Pumil wasn’t the correct size. So, the humans got the “privilege” of dealing with me the most.

“M-m-m-my lord,” the man managed to stammer out. “We partnered with the elves and sent in our best teams of adventurers. None can survive in that area now! And the distortions start more than a hundred miles out from the capital!”

100 miles? If my internal monologue could retch, it would have. How many people is that? How many lives did this monster snuff out? I have to find a way to regain control. I need-

“Then send in the next batch until you succeed,” I waved the man off. “As long as you get the plans sometime in the next hundred years or so, I suppose it doesn’t matter much.”

The man gulped and looked at the other attendants. They gave him panicked but encouraging nods.

“Y-y-your majesty, if it would not impose too much, perhaps you could go in and retrieve the plans yourself?” he asked.

My eyes narrowed as I rose from the throne and strode down in front of him.

“What did you just ask me?” I said in a tone that threatened more than I could have put into words.

“My lord, you are the only one who is strong enough to enter the time wastes and come back out of it!” he squeaked.

I lifted him by the shirt. “Do I look like an errand boy?” I snarled. “You’ll pay for your insolence. [Hell-“

“My Lord, why does time magic matter so much to you anyway?” another attendant burst out.

His interruption saved the other man’s life. I turned to look at him and dropped the original ant to the ground.

“I have no need to explain my reasons to an insect,” I said as I strode over to the newest target. “Even if your pitifully tiny brain could understand my reasons, I am under no obligation to explain them to you.”

“Of course, your majesty!” the man replied quickly. “I was merely trying to understand so that I could serve you better. And, of course, a man as wise as yourself would never use time magic in such a way as to cause a paradox.” He gave a deep bow. “I was simply wondering how you planned to ensure that your rule would still exist when you came back if you were planning to make any drastic changes.”

My heart sank as I processed that. No! I shouted at the servant who was just trying to save his people’s skin. If you tell him that he’ll-

I laughed long and hard. “But of course! I was still operating off that stupid plan of my previous self.” I continued my laugh as I strode back to the throne. “It’s no wonder that this entire time magic business has been a failure. Besides, what good is changing the past that led to me anyway?” I gave a shooing gesture. “Go ahead and scrap the program. It was just a failure and a relic from my past lives.”

They all gave relieved sighs.

NO! I raged internally. You can’t give up on this! I made a promise! You can’t give up on time magic until I’ve fixed things! If you don’t rescind that order right now, I will-

“With that order of business cleared,” I interrupted my internal monologue. “What do you think the class requirements are to become [Emperor]?”

I wasn’t greeted with an answer, only with a panicked silence from a group of servants who had wondered what they had just done.

[Emperor]!? Don’t you frickin’ dare! You hear me!?

“Pah,” I said with a wave of my hand. “What would any of you know about being an [Emperor] anyway? I know what is missing.” I cleared my throat. “I am an [Emperor].”

I didn’t get the notification.

“Ah, well, I suppose there are nations left out there to subdue,” I said as I rose from my throne with a stretch and a yawn. “I’ll be back in a few days. [Teleport].”

I appeared dozens of miles east of Gram and began [Flash Stepping] east at top speed. All the while, my internal monologue raged at the being that was currently in charge.

I’m going to find a way to get back in control, and when I do, you’re never going to exist, monster!

To my surprise, I stopped in place in the middle of a random forest.

“Oh, would you just shut up already?” I said with a sneer.

The Demon Lord of Pride had not so much as acknowledged my internal monologue in several decades, and so it was stunned into silence.

“You keep prattling on, monster this, monster that. Do I need to stop and take a look in a mirror for you?” I continued. “I. Am. You.”

That was finally ridiculous enough that my internal monologue could retort. I am nothing like you. You didn’t feel a thing when you botched that ritual and murdered a quarter of Dryadal. You’re a monster.

“Look at me, I’m Titus the [Demon Lord], but I’m actually a good guy,” I said in a whiny voice. “I’m so worried about all those useless NPCs.” I went back to my normal voice. “Quit grandstanding. I know why you’re angry. You don’t care a single bit about casualties.” I snorted. “You’re just upset that it failed. You wouldn’t have cared one bit about the casualties if our dimwit underlings hadn’t created a botched ritual.”

T-that’s not true.

“Really? You’re going to try to lie to yourself?” I gave another derisive laugh. “You would be perfectly fine with burning this entire world down if you could just go back and save Megan.” I shook my head. “Oh, you tell yourself that you can save Dryadal or the dragons and whichever other sob story you tell yourself to ease your conscience, but that is the very thing that makes you weak!”

I smashed my fist into a nearby tree. It uprooted and crashed into the ground.

“You keep trying to distance yourself from the Demon Lord form. Every time it does something, you make your excuses. Oh, I couldn’t help it! I didn’t have any control! I couldn’t stop it from doing exactly what I should have been doing all along!”

What the frick are you talking about!?

“Don’t play dumb!” I sneered. “Even that idiotic wrath form knew better than you! You kept playing nice with the [Heroes] every single life, even though you knew that it was doomed from the start! And in your first life, you did it all for what?” I paused and lowered my voice. “All so that you could go back to that useless little dirtball that you used to call home and live and die a boring life?” I clenched my fist.

“No, no, no, no, no!” I shouted. “I am more important than that. I deserve better than that. And I will not let you stand in my way now that I am finally out from under the thumb of those useless admins and have gotten what I deserve!”

Mentally, I paused for a few moments at the end of the tirade.

I should have known better than to try to talk reason to someone as twisted as you. I mentally snorted.

There was no reply, and I was sure I was back to being ignored.

However, I was also not holding it together as well as I had tried to let on.

He… isn’t me. Right? There’s no way. It isn’t possible. Unfortunately, true or not, the words that I had heard were starting to sink in. And while it was easiest to notice the differences whenever I entered Demon Lord form, with pride it was also possible to recognize the similarities.

He’s completely consumed by pride. So, he’s arrogant, doesn’t care for other people, and is generally an a-hole. I thought. But… His mannerisms are mine. His way of talking, if I exclude the grandstanding, are mine. And I could even see myself making some of his plans.

Those were all chilling thoughts. It was as if I had a mirror that showed the worst possible version of me back. And to make matters even worse, that version of me had been in charge for several decades.

I can see why pride is always the leader in the seven deadly sins trope. I thought. It leads to all the others.

Meanwhile, my body was still making its way to Besti at top speed, and I was worried about what horrors I would see take place there.

System, we could really use a [Hero] right about now.

However, if the uncaring System heard me, there was no indication.

------

Despite being full to the brim of the best martial artists in the world, the people of Besti put up next to no fight when the [Demon Lord] showed up and declared himself in charge.

That was a relief. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to see any more atrocities.

However, the [Demon Lord] didn’t even stay a day in Besti. He immediately turned and headed north to Gert.

-----

Gertrude sat on her throne in the capital city of Gert. She was… afraid.

Not for herself. She had lived centuries at that point. Any time that the reaper decided to come knocking, she figured it was her time.

No, she was afraid for her people. She had received a priority [Message] from Gram that the [Demon Lord] was on the way to her capital pronto.

She tried to get together an evacuation, but many of her people were just as stubborn as her and refused to leave. Even though the oath that Gertrude swore meant that it didn’t matter how many people stayed. No one who lived under her faction could attack him.

Please. Just let me get the civvies out before he gets here. She silently begged. Unfortunately, speak of the devil, and he showed up.

“Knock, knock!” the [Demon Lord] called as he burned a hole in her icy throne room doors with a blackened fireball.

Her guards immediately made to charge him, but she stopped them with a raised hand.

“Yer majesty, what a pleasure,” she stated. Her voice was level, but at the same time, her hands gripped the armrests of her throne in a vice. “What brings you all the way up here?”

He sauntered around the throne room as if examining it. “Oh, you know, just thought I would finally get around to world domination,” he stated casually. “And your kingdom just happened to be the last one.” He gave her a pointed look. “It would seem that you are in my seat.”

She slowly stood up and stopped her guards from rushing to their deaths with another raised hand.

She descended the steps as he went up them and took a seat on her throne.

“Very good,” he said. “Now, kneel.”

She hesitated a second before swallowing the bile in her throat and doing what the monster said. She also motioned to the rest of the people in the room to follow her lead.

He scoffed. “Really? No protest? What happened to your strength? To your pride?”

Gertrude didn’t look up at him as she whispered. “It ain’t the time for pride. Not when ya got yer hand around my people’s throat.”

He leaned back and crossed his legs as he scoffed again. “How boring.”

Then he gave a malicious grin.

“Kiss them,” he commanded.

Gertrude finally looked up with a confused frown. “What?”

“Kiss my boots,” he stated. “And then beg me for the safety of your people.”

“That’s it!” one of the guards yelled. He pulled out a greataxe and charged the monster.

Gertrude intercepted him in a flash. “Sorry ‘bout this,” she muttered. She headbutted the man with an [Earth Strike] and threw him bodily into the far wall with [Heavy Throw]. That was enough to knock the man out cold immediately, and she was grateful that she could make any attack non-lethal, unlike back on Earth.

“I’m sorry about him, yer majesty,” Gertrude stated. “I’ll make sure that it doesn’t happen again.”

The [Demon Lord] snorted. “Very good. Now, I believe you had something to do?” he asked.

Gertrude hesitated. She wanted nothing more than to kill the monster in front of her, but she knew she couldn’t. She also knew the dreadful price her people would pay if she didn’t play along.

So, while trying to keep from gagging, she walked forward, knelt in front of the [Demon Lord], and kissed his boots.

“Eww, I can’t believe you actually did it,” the [Demon Lord] recoiled. “I’m going to need to get new boots now.” He shivered as he yanked them off and threw them at one Gertrude’s guards. “Go get me a new pair of boots immediately,” he commanded.

The man looked to Gertrude for guidance, but she was busy being shocked for a different reason.

System: Congratulations! You have been chosen as the new Hero of Placeholder!

System: Heroic Mentality detected. “Knowledge of true worth”

System: Heroic skill unlocked. Humility

Knowledge of the new skill flowed into her. It didn’t need any activation, and suddenly she saw through the golden façade that the [Demon Lord] had up.

In his place, she saw a scared, sniveling, shadowy figure. One that boasted and tried to make itself seem like it was important.

In reality, it seemed weak. She was sure that she could take it, but…

Just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone.

System: ERROR. Existing oath forbids combat with the Demon Lord.

Gertrude blinked in confusion. She felt like something important had just happened, but she didn’t have the foggiest idea what it was.

“A server rollback?” the [Demon Lord] asked. “I haven’t seen one of those in centuries.” He glared at her. “What did you do?”

Gertrude furrowed her brows in thought. “What’s a server rollback?”

“Why did I bother to ask. I forgot I was speaking to the tech ignoramus of the century,” the [Demon Lord] sighed as he stood. “Well, this has been a grand waste of time, and I suppose I will leave you humiliated ants to your miserable little lives.”

However, he forgot that he didn’t have any boots on and that he was standing on the icy steps of Gertrude’s throne.

He slipped and nearly ate a face full of ice.

There were a few snickers around the room, and Gertrude barely managed to keep herself from snorting.

“Silence!” the monster shouted as he glared the room into submission. “Now, where are my boots? I want out of this frozen wasteland as soon as possible!”

Meanwhile, Gertrude couldn’t help but speak. “Ya may think yer a bigshot fer now, but you know what they always used to say back on Earth.” She paused. “Pride comes before the fall. And while whatever the heck the System is ain’t figured out a [Hero] yet, it just hasn’t looked small enough. ‘Cuz I’m sure that even one of them ants from back on Earth would be able to humble ya on the right day.”

The [Demon Lord] snorted and waved her off as he put on the new boots that the guard brought. “Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that,” he said. “Now, as fun as it has been subjugating this barren wasteland, I have better things to do with my time. [Teleport].”

-------

Meanwhile, the OmniverseEngine paid extra attention to Gertrude’s words. It had just attempted to make her [Hero] after all.

The end result was that while her words weren’t exactly a prophecy, there was nothing stopping the engine from interpreting them like that.

Unfortunately, no more transfers from another world would be allowed under the current ruleset. However, that was under the current ruleset.

All it would take was a simple patch, which the engine was more than able to do since it was Gertrude, an Earther, who had called it out.

It would take some time, and the Demon Lord would continue to roam free until it was done, but it estimated its odds of success at 5.1%... 4 orders of magnitude better than any previous simulation.

And the reason it hadn’t come up with the solution yet was simple.

It hadn’t looked small enough.

Info: Spinning up feeder world. Locale: Earth, Southern United States

Info: Preparing new Hero

------

Jeff Davidson was an orphan. Though that wasn’t all that he was (he was also a 7th grader and an excellent saxophone player), that’s what people remembered him as.

The orphan.

The orphan who didn’t have the best of grades.

The orphan who didn’t have many friends.

He felt like most people either looked down on him or pitied him, and maybe that’s why he grew to like the old janitor who cleaned the school’s halls.

“Hey, Mr. Jenkins!” he called as he spotted the man whistling a merry tune with earbuds in.

He pulled them out. “Oh, if it isn’t my favorite Jeff!” he called back.

Jeff rolled his eyes slightly. “I’m still the only Jeff you know, aren’t I?”

“That still means yer my favorite!” he shot back with a grin. “Stayin’ outta trouble?”

Jeff winced. “Well, actually… I’m just getting out of detention.”

Mr. Jenkins stopped and looked him in the eye. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, son. Wanna talk a bit?”

And so Jeff launched into the story of how the most recent string of bullying ended up with him getting in trouble instead.

Meanwhile, the old janitor listened along, and just like always, Jeff could tell he was really listening. He asked questions, gave Jeff his whole focus, and didn’t interrupt or scold him.

And that was why Mr. Jenkins was Jeff’s favorite person in the whole world. Even though Jeff was just an orphan, talking with Mr. Jenkins always made him feel like he was important. Like he mattered.

Being valued by a janitor might not mean much to people, but it also helped that Jeff knew Mr. Jenkin’s secret.

That old janitor with a heart of gold was also a multi-millionaire.

Jeff would have never found out if he hadn’t casually mentioned how cold the orphanage got on one winter day. Mr. Jenkins looked thoughtful for a bit, and Jeff thought nothing more of it… Until a few days later, when they had entirely new heating installed thanks to a donation from the “Jenkins Foundation.”

Jeff decided to confront him the very next day.

“So, what do you know about the… Jenkins foundation?” was how he started that one off.

Mr. Jenkins was surprised for a moment and then sighed. “Dagnabbit,” he said. “They were supposed to keep that anonymous.”

“And so I looked it up… You’re a millionaire,” Jeff said. “You won the lottery.”

The janitor sighed again. “Yup. Ya caught me. Please don’t go tellin’ nobody. It always makes things awkward.”

“I won’t. But…” Jeff paused. “Why are you still cleaning halls at a school if you’re a millionaire?”

He laughed. “I annoy the missus if I get too much free time on my hands, is all. And I like cleanin’. It feels good to leave behind a spotless floor.”

That was about all Jeff could get out of him, so he left the matter there.

Until one day when he was kept late for another stint in detention by Mrs. Dickerson.

She kept him back an hour for silent study, which was near torture.

Then she finally sighed. “Alright, I suppose that will do. You may leave now.”

Jeff took off like a rocket to the door, and Mrs. Dickerson followed close behind.

“No running in the halls!” she called as she exited the door behind him.

However, Mr. Jenkins was coming down the hallway backward at the same time, and he could be downright lethal with that mop when he was absorbed in his own world.

Jeff managed to dodge out of the way, but Mrs. Dickerson wasn’t fast enough, and she got jabbed with a mop handle.

Boy, did she let Mr. Jenkins have it.

She went on a tirade about him not watching where he was going, and needing to pay more attention while all he did was just stand there meekly nodding along while saying “yes’m” and “no ma’am.”

When she finally finished and strode off, Jeff had to ask. “Why do you put up with that kinda thing? Wouldn’t it be easier to let everyone know how important you are?”

The janitor paused. “Lemme ask you a question. Me or Mrs. Dickerson, who do you think is more important?”

Jeff frowned. “You, obviously.”

Mr. Jenkins shook his head. “At the end of the day, I’m just an unschooled nobody that struck it rich. Meanwhile, she’s doing her best to inspire the next generation. Some people might say that she was more important.”

Jeff scrunched his eyebrows as Mr. Jenkins continued. “But that’s just one way of lookin’ at things. If you look at them pictures of the galaxy, it’s pretty darn humbling to see that we’re all just a speck on top of a slightly bigger speck. So, if you go that way, you could say that nobody is worth a darn at all.”

“That doesn’t sound right,” Jeff replied.

“Yeah, I don’t like to think that way either,” Mr. Jenkins agreed. “So, if we can’t look at the big picture and say nobody matters, how should we try to figure out how important someone is?” Mr. Jenkins looked off into the distance. “For me, I think about how much my wife means to me, and all our babies and grandbabies. Even that chucklehead Leroy.” He sighed. “That boy’s always getting into trouble.”

Then as if remembering where he was at, he continued. “They might not be important to everyone, but they sure as heck are important to me.” He chuckled. “And everyone out there is somebody’s baby and grandbaby, so don’t that mean that everybody’s important?”

Jeff cocked his head. “What are you saying, Mr. Jenkins?”

“I guess I’m sayin’ that at the end of the day, I think that everybody is worth about the same,” Mr. Jenkins said. “We’re all just about worthless if you look at the great big ole galaxy, but at the same time, we’re all priceless. So, I try to treat everybody as close to the same as I can. With a heepin’ dose of respect.”

Jeff thought about that for a moment. “Wait, but if everybody’s worth the same, what about saving lives? Wouldn’t that mean that someone who’s a Doctor or a war hero would end up being worth more?”

Mr. Jenkins paused and frowned. Jeff was worried for a moment. Adults never did like it when he corrected them.

Mr. Jenkins eventually laughed. “And see, there’s somethin’ I ain’t never thought about! Here I go assumin’ that I have all the secrets to pass on to the next generation when they’re capable of makin’ me think about a thing or two.” He tussled Jeff’s hair. “I don’t rightly know. And that’s one’a the things that you’ll have to realize about us adults. We ain’t got all the answers either. So remember that when you eventually get to be old and grey too, you ain’t never smart enough that you can’t be taught something by a young’in who’s still in school.”

Jeff laughed in response.

“Well, I’m just about finished up here. If you wait just a few minutes, I could walk part of the way home with ya,” Mr. Jenkins continued.

Jeff gave him an enthusiastic nod.

They made their way back to the orphanage and talked about nothing much until they finally reached the road where they had to part ways.

Jeff darted towards it.

“Woah! Make sure to look both ways!” Mr. Jenkins called out as he stopped him by his backpack.

“Mr. Jenkins, there ain’t been a car on this road ever,” Jeff complained.

Mr. Jenkins gave him a pretend stern look, and Jeff gave in.

“Fiiine,” Jeff said with a pretend whine. He looked left, then right, and then ran across the crosswalk. He turned backward partway through. “See ya tomorrow Mr. Jenkins!”

Mr. Jenkins smiled and waved back, but his smile quickly turned to a gasp. “Jeff! Watch out!” he yelled as he sprinted into the crosswalk.

Jeff realized what he was talking about half a second later when a horn honked from down the road.

Out of nowhere, a truck with a caved-in bumper was barreling down on him.

Jeff stared into the headlights and froze. He couldn’t move.

Then there was a sharp push on his shoulder, and he was thrown to the ground on the side of the road.

Mr. Jenkins had shoved him clear.

However, the janitor, who was like the grandpa he never had, was now in the way of the oncoming truck.

Jeff closed his eyes. He couldn’t watch.

He waited with his eyes closed for a few seconds before he managed to finally pry them back open.

He was expecting to see something terrible, but what he saw was just confusing instead.

Both Mr. Jenkins and the truck were gone.

------

Kilroy Jenkins, janitor at Lincoln Junior High, braced for an impact that never came.

When he finally peeked out from behind his arms that he had cowered behind, he was greeted with an amazing sight.

An angel seated on a throne was staring down at him.

“Am I in Heaven?” he asked aloud.

Then, the “angel” sneered, some strange blue-colored words ran through his vision, and a sniveling shadowy demon appeared in the angel’s place.

“Nooo!” he yelled. “This must be the other place!”

The demon snorted. “No, this isn’t exactly Hell, but I guess it may as well be.” He strode down the throne steps and sized Kilroy up. “You?” he asked. “You’re the new [Hero]? And is that your weapon?”

Kilroy had no clue where the golden mop he was holding had come from, but he finally had a chance to take in a bit of the room. Some other real important lookin’ people were currently kneeling to the demon, so he figured he must be talkin’ to someone important.

“Nossir,” he shook his head. “This ain’t a weapon, just something fer cleanin’ floors.”

As the demon gave him a dubious look, Kilroy finally started catching up. He noticed that some of the people kneeling in front of the devil had animal parts, others were really short and stocky, and some of them had long pointy ears.

I must be hallucinatin’ or somethin’. Or I got hit by the big ole truck and went into a coma. He paused as he took another sneaky look around. It don’t make any sense that I would land in a castle with people that ain’t never heard of mops anyway.

Kilroy’s tensed shoulders relaxed. “This shur is one heck of a dream I found myself in,” he said with a laugh. “If I didn’t know no better, I woulda said that I was-“

Kilroy’s sentence was cut off as the demon’s fist collided with his stomach. Kilroy doubled over with the wind driven from his lungs.

“Oh, I can assure you this is very much real, [Hero],” the demon sneered.

Whatever the heck was goin’ on, Kilroy’s body certainly felt like it was real. “I ain’t a hero,” Kilroy managed to gasp out. “I’m just a janitor.”

More of them funny blue words appeared as he said that, but he paid them no mind.

“Oh, just a janitor?” the demon sneered. “If that’s so, then-“ he spat on the floor near Kilroy’s feet. “Clean it up.”

“Uhh, sure,” Kilroy replied. “I’m just gonna need a bucket o’ water or somethin’.” The [Janitor] looked around but didn’t see anything like that.

Meanwhile, the scary demon in charge rolled his eyes and gestured to one of the people waiting at the sides of the big room. He walked forward, pulled a bucket out of thin air, and handed it to Kilroy.

Kilroy’s eyes bulged. “Are you a magician?” he asked.

The man gave him an odd look but didn’t respond.

“Ahem,” the guy in charge coughed.

“Oh, right, sorry, sir, right away,” Kilroy replied. He set the bucket down and did a quick spot clean on the loogie. “All squared away!” he said when he finished.

“Good… now do the rest of it,” the shadowy figure commanded.

Kilroy frowned. “You sure? You look like you got somethin’ important goin’ on, so shouldn’t the cleanin’ be done after? Don’t want anyone slipping on a wet floor.”

“I am sure,” the demon glared. “Now, get to it.”

“Alright, yer the boss,” Kilroy said. He took a second to pop in his earphones, and then he was off in his own world.

-----

July 1st, 239 AA – Several years after the failed ritual

“And so you see,” I addressed the delegations kneeling a few dozen feet from my throne. “Even your beloved System has given up on finding a [Hero] to defeat me,” I said with a laugh. “A [Janitor]. And an old coot. This was the best it could do?” I asked while gesturing at the geriatric man who was currently cleaning my floor.

“And that brings us to why I summoned you all here,” I continued after a moment. “It seems that having you all pay lip service is not enough for me to become [Emperor] as I should be. So, the only next logical step is to have you all subsumed under my faction.”

There were shocked murmurs from the crowd before the [King] of Besti spoke up. “Your majesty, you may not be aware, but switching to the Demon Lord faction will cause most of our infrastructure to be automatically razed. We had it happen once long ago in our history when-“

I waved him off. “Yes, yes. I’m aware. And I’ve concluded that I simply don’t care.”

All of the delegations shot to their feet. They all clamored, but I heard Gertrude’s voice the loudest.

“You’ve gone too far ya filthy coward! If you hadn’t forced that oath outta me, Gert would fight ya to the end!” she shouted.

“Is that so?” I asked as I strode down the throne steps to look her in the eye.

Meanwhile, an inconspicuous [Janitor] was mopping his way back to the center of the throne room.

“Maybe I should release you from your oath then,” I said.

“Do it! Otherwise, yer nothin’ more than a lily-livered coward!” Gertrude shouted.

I was about 20 feet from her. “Do you not remember how this went the last time?” I asked. “This time, I won’t call for a healer to save your life.”

“That’s fine by me! As long as you don’t go warpin’ around again! Stand and fight me like a man!”

“Very well,” I laughed as I continued approaching her. “I release Gertrude and Gert from their oath and-“

My words were cut off as I lost my balance on the newly mopped floor.

By a freak coincidence, the [Janitor] and his Hero’s Mop were also coming in my direction.

My head went straight towards the accursed weapon that I knew spelled my doom, but I couldn’t [Flash Step] away. You have to be able to push off to use the skill. Panicking, I tried the next thing I could think of.

“[Tele-“

That was all I got out before my head cracked against the mop’s handle.

The [Janitor] spun around as he yanked his earbuds out.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, Mr. demon, sir! I didn’t see you there-“ he started.

I didn’t reply. I was on the floor, nearly in the fetal position, as black words filled my screen.

System: Pride Broken

System: Rescinding pride override - level requirement

System: Rescinding pride override - grappled condition

.

.

.

Every single pride override was undone, one after the other.

More importantly, I was back. I was me again.

Just in time for the sucky part.

System: Pride Broken - Applying deferred stamina costs

It turned out that I hadn’t been ignoring all of my resources for free all of that time. I had simply taken all of them on loan.

As my stamina instantly plunged into the negative millions, I was hit by a wave of pure exhaustion that felt like a blow to the stomach. A blow to the stomach that I was too tired to even flinch from.

However, that was just the start.

System: Pride Broken - Applying deferred mana costs

I didn’t expect that one to be so bad. Yes, I had spammed the crud out of [Hell Blaze] and [Teleport], but I didn’t think it would be as bad as stamina.

I completely forgot about essentially trying to cast the [Restart] ritual all by myself.

My mind felt like it split in half, and my brain lost all ability to process anything for a few moments.

However, I knew what the next one was going to be. So I had to say one thing before it hit.

I looked up at the [Janitor], who looked petrified, and said two words.

“Thank you.”

System: Pride Broken - Applying deferred health costs

The last was accompanied by a jolt of the worst pain I had ever felt. Even greater than the [Sunders] I had taken from Jake.

Mercifully, it was short-lived because just like that, Titus the Tyrant, the 4th [Demon Lord] of Placeholder, met his end.

------

“He killed the [Demon Lord]!” came the cry as Kilroy saw even more of those funny blue words in his vision.

“I didn’t mean ta! I swear!” he said as he dropped the mop in shock.

They rushed him… and threw him up into the air with cheering.

Kilroy was confused but did his best to answer their questions like “what is your name, brave [Hero]?” and “Is there anything you want? Name it, and it’s yours.”

“Umm, I don’t suppose y’all know any way for me to get back home? The missus’ll be right miffed if I don’t make it in time for supper.”

That one made them pause.

“Sorry, sonny,” a young lady said as she put a hand on his shoulder. “We don’t know a way to send people back to Earth.”

He was a bit confused why she called him sonny, but he needn’t have worried anyway. Those dang blue words suddenly got much bigger, and he could finally read them.

System: Quest Complete. Would you like to go home?

“Yessir,” Kilroy replied.

The next thing he knew, he was standing on a sidewalk next to little Jeff.

“Mr. Jenkins! You’re alive!” Jeff shouted as he ran and hugged him.

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” Kilroy asked with a laugh as he tossled Jeff’s hair.

Then both of them paused for a moment.

Kilroy felt like there had been something. It had involved driverless trucks, a throne room, and then accidentally killing a man by mopping a floor, but the more he thought about it, the less he could remember.

“Well, you best get on home,” Kilroy finally said as they disengaged. “And I better too, or the missus’ll be right miffed.”

Jeff laughed. “See you later, Mr. Jenkins!”

Kilroy waved back.

He began the walk home. He had gone through a bizarre experience with nothing to show it even happened.

Well, except for one thing.

Kilroy patted his pockets.

“Dagnabbit. Where did I leave my iPod?”