“Can we leave?” Em said.

“I’m guessing since Haliniel said we’re not allowed to means there’s a way,” I replied.

Haliniel pursed its lips. “Very well. We will adjourn to your realm. Come Shaytan. I wish to get this over with.”

I blinked and found myself in my apartment. Relief washed over me as I could once again see the threads of chance swirling around everything. Haliniel sat on the sofa, and Rockslide stood in the center of the room—right on top of my goddamn coffee table. That son of a bitch had taken hours to put together. It might have taken less time, but the instructions were in Swedish. It didn’t matter now, though. It was little more than a pile of kindling and shards of glass.

“By all means,” I said, “make yourselves at home.”

“Your hospitality is appreciated,” Haliniel said.

“I find thy realm pleasing,” Rockslide said, running its toes through the broken glass.

“Ok,” I said, looking at Haliniel, “before we go any further, why the fuck does the talking rock sound like bad Shakespeare, and you sound like a regular douchebag?”

Em put her hand on my shoulder. “A little less aggressive, dear.”

Oh bullshit, I thought. We were back on my turf, and I had my powers back. Between Jinn, Steven, Beth, Jinn again, and these guys, I was tired of being pushed around. I was not going to take this shit anymore!

“Before you do something you cannot take back,” Haliniel said, “I implore you to reconsider. If you calm yourself, I will answer your question.”

Em’s grip on my shoulder tightened. “Sweetheart, please. Just hear them out. You can always attack them later.”

Rockslide looked up from the broken glass. Its mouth hung open, and its eyes were wide. It looked more hurt than when I’d asked to leave its realm. “Why wouldst thou wish to injure us?”

God damn, the big rock demon looked like I’d just taken away its candy. I felt like a complete shithead. “Uh, sorry big guy. It’s been a really long day.”

Haliniel threw up its hands. “And now you apologize to it?”

I looked around my apartment. The familiar surroundings helped to calm me. I needed to start thinking and stop acting on instinct. Especially since my new instincts were to antagonize absolutely everyone.

“Yes, Haliniel,” I said. “I also apologize to you. Please answer my question.”

“Very well,” Haliniel said, sitting up straighter. “I speak as I do because I am evolved. The Shaytan, however, is a lower being. It merely mimics the last language it was exposed to, and badly at that.”

“You said we were both young,” I said. “What did you mean?”

“You are a new-born Aljaniu, and the Shaytan is but a toddler as our kind are reckoned,” Haliniel said.

“My name is Rockslide!”

The apartment shook, and a few of my tastefully understated pictures fell off the wall. Rockslide stepped toward Haliniel, its fists raised above its head.

“Stop!” Haliniel shouted. “How dare you violate Muqadas Nasi!”

Rockslide stopped and lowered its arms, but I was on its side. I disliked Haliniel’s arrogant ass more and more with each passing moment. Besides, when he said Muqadas Nasi, a little more knowledge trickled into me.

“Look, shithead,” I said, pointing at Haliniel, “if you want me to take you seriously, you’ll stop antagonizing the opposing emissary.”

“Emissary?” Em asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “Haliniel and Rockslide are here to make me some kind of offer.” I raised my voice a little. “And they are required to tell the truth.”

I got up and beckoned to Em. She followed me into the kitchen and gave me a hug when we got there.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” she said.

“Yeah, it’s pretty fucking crazy,” I said, giving her a peck on the cheek. “This Muqadas Nasi is some kind of holy word or law, and I’m the host, so I need to make an offering. Just stay with me for a little longer.”

She looked me in the eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.”

For a long time, I just looked at her. There was no doubt she was braver than me, and I was lucky to have her by my side. Still, I wondered how long I could justify keeping her involved in all this. Jinn may or may not be out to get me, and the two fuckers in my living room wanted something from me. Even still, I could probably handle it if only I could find a way to stop this piecemeal delivery of information.

I pulled a punch bowl from an upper cabinet and slammed it onto the counter. Em jumped back as it shattered.

“What the hell?” she said.

“It’s for Rockslide,” I said. “If he liked the broken glass of my coffee table so much, he should love this colorful shit.”

“What about Haliniel?” Em asked.

“Heh, that asshole gets a glass of water,” I said.

I swept the broken shards of glass onto a serving platter and filled a cup with tap water. I popped a vanilla cappuccino K-Cup into my coffee machine and waited.

“You want one?” I said.

“Oh, I didn’t know you had one of those,” Em said. “You got any hot chocolate?”

I smiled. “You should spend more time outside the bedroom. You want dark chocolate or white?”

She slapped me on the shoulder. “Dark, with whipped cream?”

We carried our drinks and the offerings back into the living room. Haliniel was sitting on the extreme edge of the couch, its back rigid, and Rockslide was back in the broken glass. It ran its feet through the shards like I’d used to run mine through the warm sand when I visited Padre Island.

“Emissaries,” I said, “please accept this humble offering.”

Haliniel waved off the glass of water. He looked like touching it might give him the plague or something. Rockslide was far more accepting. He greedily snatched the platter from my hands and dumped its contents onto the floor. His feet moved in and out of the broken pieces faster and faster; it was damn near sexual.

“Haliniel,” I said, trying to ignore the sounds of pleasure coming from Rockslide. “As you are the eldest, please state your offer.”

Haliniel drew itself up. “It’s about time. My offer is a simple one. Swear yourself to me and ally with the Malak, and we shall confer upon you the mark.”

“The mark?” I said.

“Of course,” Haliniel scoffed, “I forgot you do not know what you should. The mark allows you to shift the Universal Probability upward. You will be able to perform miracles without fear of angering the Zaeim Aljiniy, and with far fewer negative consequences.”

Damn, that sounded pretty fucking good. They say no good deed goes unpunished, but in my case, it should be; every good deed gets punished harshly. If what Haliniel was saying was right, and I knew it had to be, then I could do a lot of good.

“Who would I be allying myself against? And what would you ask in return?” I said.

Haliniel looked shocked. “Why, the Shaytan, of course. As for what you give in return, you would become a vassal of the Malak. When not bound to a mortal, you would be ours.”

So, not so much a string attached as a giant-ass tow cable. I didn’t want to be beholden to anybody, but at least with mortals, when I was done with them, I was my own genie. I earnestly hoped Rockslide had a better offer.

“And you, Rockslide?” I said.

Rockslide stopped playing with his glass. “Mine offer is the same. Thou wouldst become my vassal when not bound. I wouldst bestow upon thee a bane.”

“And let me guess,” I said. “A bane lets me shift the Universal Probability downward.”

“Yes,” Rockslide said.

“Um,” Em said, “What exactly are you fighting over?”

Both Haliniel and Rockside looked at her, but neither spoke. They turned to me a moment later.

“For fuck’s sake,” I said. “What are you dickheads fighting over?”

“Control over the mortal realm, of course,” Haliniel said. “This world rightfully belongs to us. Mortals are interlopers, playing in a sandbox far too great for them.”

“Thy kind dost not belong,” Rockslide agreed.

“Then why not just kick us out?” Em said.

Again both emissaries looked at her and said nothing.

“She’s just gonna keep asking questions,” I said. “You might as well answer her.”

“As you wish, host,” Haliniel said. “We do not kick you out because it is forbidden to harm a mortal. We can influence and cajole, but we cannot hurt.”

More knowledge poured into me. The whole reason genies existed was to foil the Malak and Shaytan and give mortals a fighting chance. The Universal Probability was more about stale-mating these assholes than keeping humans at peace. Goddammit.

“And if I refuse your offers?” I asked, almost sure I knew the answer.

“Well,” Haliniel said, “you’re not a mortal, are you?”

Yeah, I needed to get up to speed on the genie thing real fucking quick. There was no way I could fight divine beings, another genie, and probably the fucking genie counsel all at one time.

“Before I choose,” I said, “do you know how I can get the knowledge everyone seems to think I’m supposed to have?”

“It is rare for one of the Aljiniu to be born ignorant,” Haliniel said. “All I can tell you is to follow that which is you. When you reach the end, you shall have the answers you seek.”

Rockslide plopped down and ran its hands through the glass. It scooped it up and let it fall slowly through its fingers, uninterested in the conversation.

“Do I have to choose now?” I said.

“No,” Haliniel said, a little disappointed. “Now that the offer has been made, you have seven cycles of the sun to make your choice.”

“Very well,” I said, “then depart in peace and return at the appointed time.”

Haliniel and Rockslide disappeared, leaving Em and me alone, staring blankly at one another.