《An ordinary novel but every 10,000 words the audience kills the least interesting character》Interlude
Advertisement
Voting results
A: Hello and welcome to ‘Everybody’s Gonna Die’, the talk show for dead people, by dead people! I’m your host Alexa Despacito, and no, I still haven’t heard back from the deed poll office. Here with me tonight is Beck Miller! How are you feeling, Beck?
B: Huh? What’s going on here?
A: Well Beck, I’m afraid you’re dead.
B: I know that, you dumbass. What I want to know is why I’m on a talk show.
A: It’s called an exit interview. We like to catch people on the way out, if you follow my drift.
B: Fuck you, fuck your name, and fuck everything you stand for. Let me die, already. The audience is bored enough of my shtick.
A: Dying? Oh, that reminds me! How do you feel about being the second to die?
B: No comment. Suck my incorporeal dick.
A: Sounds like you’re pretty upset.
B: I have a question.
A: I’m the one asking the questions here. Okay, seeing as everybody is quite clear on how you feel about the situation, let’s get on to the reader mail. Do you want to hear why the readers voted for you?
B: Not until you answer my question.
A: If you want to ask a question, then why don’t you just go ahead and ask it? We’ve got a limited timeslot here.
B: Good. Do you want to hear my question?
A: Alright. I suppose we can fit it in.
B: Are you sure you want to hear my question?
A: Shit or get off the pot, Beck.
B: I just want to know if you’re ready to hear my question.
A: I’m ready. Go ahead.
B: Okay. So, why are you such a—
A: Now it’s time for the reader mail! Boy, did people get worked up writing essays about you. In fact, our 25 respondents wrote nearly 1,000 words between them! Isn’t that impressive, Beck?
B: Don’t these people have day jobs? They must lead such sad little lives, if all they do for fun is wank themselves silly over killing some guy they barely know. Alright. I wanna know everything they said about me.
Advertisement
A: Wow, that’s awfully co-operative! Why the sudden change of heart?
B: I can’t cuss them out if I don’t know what they said. See, they’re going to be getting some very personalised insults.
A: Alright. Response 5 said ‘you were off on your own the whole time and didn't really develop much more personality than just being an asshole who swears a lot, not very interesting’.
B: Good going, response 5, you absolute dumbass. Both times I had the wordcount, I had so little personal space I was practically tripping over the fuckers I was stuck with! And once they’d had their fun, they just fucked off somewhere and left me with no time to shine. I was there making things interesting; they just didn’t want any part in it. In conclusion: go back to school and learn how to read, dickwad!
A: He doesn’t mean that, response 5. He’s just venting his frustration. After all, I didn’t go to school and here I am reading and writing like a champ.
B: You’re a presenter. You’re not expected to be intelligent.
A: Thanks for the reassurance, I was starting to feel the pressure. Response 7 said ‘you're mostly kind of a dick. No particular redeeming qualities. Other people become more interesting by their association with you, the ways they interact with your dickitude’.
B: Nice work, 7! Did you paste that in from your autobiography? Furthermore, what kind of moron thinks ‘wow, this guy is slightly different from the others and creates interesting interactions, let’s remove him and homogenise the story because all I want to see is hand-holding and, eventually, unrestrained fucking?’ Wait, I know. This kind of moron!
A: Erotica is actually one of the most popular genres out there at the moment.
B: Well, yeah. I bet Haralda reads it, the spinster. Don’t worry, 7, now that I’m out of the way, nobody can stand in the way of the 10,000 word orgies!
Advertisement
A: Response 20 simply wrote ‘antagonists are overrated’.
B: A lazy message gets a lazy response. 20, your mom is overrated.
A: Don’t worry, audience, this joke isn’t in bad taste. If 20’s mother was dead, I’d know about it.
B: And I’d have fucked her.
A: Easy there, Beck. Think about the implications of what you just said.
B: Oh yeah, I’m thinking about it, alright.
A: ...
A: Anyway, Response 21 wrote ‘Man, come on, if you think that being interesting just boils down to shooting people and being an asshole, then I’m sorry to tell you that you are mistaken.’
B: How many more of these are there?
A: Just the one after this.
B: I’m getting tired of wading through such bullshit. Should have packed my waders. Because I’m seriously tired. Of these dipshits.
A: Why’s that? Have they made you lose your nerve?
B: No, but come on. Look at all the films coming out in the cinema nowadays. Doesn’t matter whether it’s a superhero flick, some banal action shit, hell, they’ve even turned sci-fi into banal action shit now. Let me tell you the plot of those films: one or multiple people shoot other people while being assholes and saying asshole things. Shit like, ‘dodge this!’, or ‘Remember me?’. People can’t get enough of that! You think they’re not assholes just because you see them get a cat out of a tree in the opening sequence? I’m the only one conforming to genre expectations here.
A: I wouldn’t know. I get turned away from cinemas on account of having no ID.
B: You’re not missing out. Next?
A: Finally (and mercifully), response 23 wrote “You’re a one-dimensional character with extremely simple motivations. If you’re going to be a villain, at least be an interesting villain.”
B: Give me a break. I had big plans, motherfucker. It’s pretty hard to act on your plans when people keep walking off while you’re speaking. But why should I waste time trying to convince some dickwad who never sets a foot outside?
A: Uh… do you keep up with current events, much, Beck?
B: People who have time to read the news have time to do something productive. If you read the news every day, you’re getting your mind poisoned.
A: Okay, we’ll just let that irony hang over your head, then. Who would you like to ultimately see win the challenge?
B: Me.
A: I… don’t think that’s possible. Could you choose someone else?
B: I don’t know. Haralda. She’s a bitch, but like, a good one. A good old bitch. I can see her taking on my legacy of stopping people from doing boring shit.
A: Right. I can reveal that Haralda was actually second in line to be killed, with 16% of the vote share to your 28%. It doesn’t seem like she’s a fan favourite.
B: What do you want me to fucking say? I hope she pulls through? I don’t really care, Alexa Despacito.
A: The character the audience currently finds the most interesting is… Faust, with a 0% vote share.
B: The one that always looks like he’s about to cry? Yeah, from having read these responses, I can see why the audience would relate to him. Enjoy your beta male, dipshits! Try not to jizz too hard when he spends a whole chapter writing poetry! Are they actually serious here?
A: What do I know? I’m just a foetus. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, that’s all we’ve got time for tonight. I’ve been Alexa Despacito, this was my guest Beck Miller, and this has been ‘Everybody’s Gonna Die!’ See you in a week!
Advertisement
Strangers: A Tale of Two Souls
The ancient name of Blackwood is one steeped in myth and legend. Suddenly appearing at the end of the age of the mad gods—shortly before the war that tore the world asunder and heralded the end of the era—and is said to have belonged to the greatest warriors of the old world. Old tomes, found within the depths of the hidden city Amagani, tells of their bravery and valor, more than any mortal could have held. These warriors are said to have stood at the forefront of the great war, to have led every battle, and orchestrated every victory. But just as suddenly as they appeared, they vanished from history. The last mention of their presence, is within a speech of encouragement, given by the first empress of the empire of the seven stars, ahead of the last battle against the old gods. What might have happened to these brave souls at the battle for the holy mountain we can only speculate. But one thing we can say for sure: Whether these legends are true or not, they have given us strength and a beacon of light in even the darkest of times, and through us—the people that live on a world given salvation—they have become truly immortal. Map of the Kingdom of Nydawin Map of the Kingdom of Aelia
8 151Evolution to GOD
["So miss System, how can I become awesome""Host you cannot become awesome"]Success was surrounding me all the time, I was Rich, Handsome, and a Playboy. And you know what, I was always surrounded by beauties.Then one day, my life took a nightmarish turn."What the fuck" I shouted with all I can.I was in a body of a monkey. Bloody GOD had me incarnated in a body of Monkey!!! Where is my Handsomeness and...At least he should have me incarnated in a body of Fox or a Peacock. I should have shown my awesomeness, a cute Panda is also fine.Follow the journey of a self-centered narcissist man, who wanted to become awesome but became a GOD.
8 88Borderlines
Eighteen year old Fawn Simmons is living in post apocalyptic America. She is the overseer of Section 2, a portion of the US that she is governing over under orders of the King Marcus and Queen Lily. America is divided in half, the East and the West. When the King and Queen are tragically killed in a fire, Fawn is thrown into a competition with the other 15 overseers. A two week period is given to the overseers. They must fall in love with someone during this time and prepare themselves for the throne. With danger of Western rebellion on the rise, everyone is desperate for a new king and queen. Does Fawn have the peoples vote for the next queen or can she even survive the next sunrise? She has two weeks to fall in love. Two weeks to change her life forever.
8 185Sick - An Irondad Story
"I looked over at my usually gallant father, who had dried tears streaking his face. I felt awful, not because I was in pain, but because I made my father heartbroken. I never wanted him to feel this pain." Or, Peter's battle with a terminal illness that will destroy so much more than himself. This was a school project, so I had to cut some real MCU things out, but other then that the names stay the same. 06/20/2022 AN: Hey guys. This story is five years old at this point. That's pretty crazy. While I have moved on to other fandoms in that time, it's great to see people interacting with this. I'm not sure how well it holds up, especially with Creep by Radiohead being in it (idk what I was thinking lmfaoo), but I'm glad to see that some people still enjoy it. Have a good one. :)
8 254House Cazador: Kingdom of the Lion
*** Warning ***-Reader discretion advised.-Descriptive battle scenes and Mature elementsEver wondered what you would do to save another? One young man found out what he was capable of to save his sister from a group of invaders. In a lesson of blood and pain he discovered the kind of man he was and what he was willing to do in a moment of dire need. For his sacrifice an ethereal being rewarded him with an afterlife in the realm of the living.Reborn, he found himself a prince and in a life of comfort and luxury.He lived a meager life of mediocrity and seclusion on earth, going through the motions of life in a ritualistic manner. He would not make the same mistake here, with his given second chance he would make his life one worth having lived. Having been a recluse he studied many broad subjects, in the world he was in now he knew that he could change it. Influence it with his knowledge, but he wouldn't do it stupidly, he would do it right so that he may be a boon to the world and not its catalyst for its own destruction.
8 154One Sided Love
18+Casey moves schools with her life planned out. But what will happen when someone quickly develops a unwanted obsession with her?This is a 'darklove' story.A story about an extreme obsession that is one sided.It is disturbing and not to be desired. It will contain swearing, suspense, violence, manipulative and sexual scenes, depression and selfharm.But...It will also contain building friendships, a love story, caring and companionate people and healing.Has been #1 in-CaptiveForcedTakenDarkloveAbductedHorrorStalkedAgegapKidnappedDarkMaturePossessiveAbusiveInsaneObsessionCreepyTwistedPsychoTeenStalkerHighschoolManipulatedStudentTeacherReaders reviews💜@LowKeyBadd"I've read dark teacherxstudent books on here beforebut yours was different and stood up to me. How itwas written and how you wrote so well her emotionsand thought process through out the book.loved it"@jazminexoxo_"This is probably one of the best books i've ever read on Wattpad. The way you managed to capture every little detail perfectly really sets it for me"@melaninm03"I literally love this book like author you did a good thing on this book. Keep writing cause this book was over the top amazing"@mrsktesfaye"I loved how you have taken time to make the plot more specific and realistic rather than rushing everything"@isaidwhatisaidstfu"i love this book its by far my favourite Wattpad book Ive ever read. This was my third time reading it (and i never reread Wattpad so this says a lot) yet it was still amazing. A sad story but its written beautifully"@RaltliaDeVoir"This book is wonderfully written! I could see your dedication as you described Caseys emotions and the added descriptions only made it more realistic"@summerlyne_"Im.f-cking.following. This was somehow the most heatfilled story I have EVER read. Made me cry, laugh, scream into my damn pillow, made me want to kill some of the characters, and it was just fucking amazing"
8 74