《I'm Just the Guard!》Wednesday Recap #1
Advertisement
You stand before a round oak door, nervous as you're working up the courage to enter the study. You pace back and forth, arguing on whether or not you should knock on the door. 36% of you say no, 20% say yes, and a worryingly 44% picked the funny-but-unhelpful option!
Finally, after griping with your inner self for so long, you give up and turn away from the door. But you hear someone clear their throat from inside the study.
"Oh, dear," says a youthful but elegant voice. "There's quite a bit of turmoil in you, young - or old, I'm not ageist - reader. Why don't you come inside for some tea?"
You freak out for a moment, wondering how the beautiful voice from behind the door could possibly be reading your mind. The voice laughs.
"I'm writing you, my dear!" it quipped. "Of course, I can read your mind! Now, come! I don't have all day, you know? I have stories to read myself."
Sighing, you shrug your shoulders. What's the worst that could happen? Your fate is in the voice's hands after all. You open the door with closed eyes, trying to wrangle in a sudden bout of existential dread. Trembling, you blindly walk over the threshold and into the study. You hear a crackling fireplace somewhere off to your left and the soft breathing of the study's only occupant.
"Finally," the voice grumbles pleasantly. You hear the sound of a cup clinking against a table and whisper-quiet footsteps padding towards you.
You freeze up, terrified that whatever approaches will end you right where you stand. You consider running, escaping down the hall where you might have a chance of leaving this dreadful place with your breath still in your body. Before you can move a muscle, however, you feel a small paw slap your leg, and the voice cry, "How do you do, reader?"
Advertisement
Jolting backward, you open your eyes in surprise not to see some ferocious beast of an author but...a small felt mouse with a fake totally real and super-duper handsome mustache and a big black K on its chest. The mouse wiggles its large, round ears at you in greeting, gesturing toward a table with two chairs on either side. "Shall we sit and have a cuppa?" it asked politely.
"Uh, er, sure," you mumble, unsure of how or why this...thing is a sapient being capable of producing some of the best work you've ever seen. You watch, intrigued, as the mouse skips over to a chair and, with one jump and a bit of a scramble, plops onto the seat.
"Well? What are you waiting for?"
"Ah, nothing..."
You quickly make your way to the other chair, sneakers loudly slapping against the dark wood floors. The mouse grimaces at the dirt you track into the room but says nothing, patiently pouring another cup of tea.
"I'm not English, you know. I just like impersonating them and their tea-addicted habits," it says, pushing the cup towards you. You take it, gratefully, and take a hesitant sip. It's good, you have to admit. No sign of any poisoning yet...
The mouse chuckles. "Relax! I'm not here to kill you; I promise!"
The words of reassurance did little to calm your anxiety but, for the moment, you force yourself to relax and wait for the mouse to finish taking a particularly big gulp of tea. You hold back a snort as the creature lets out a startled gasp when it spilled the tea, covering your mouth with your hand as it glared at you. It whipped a handkerchief out of the air and dabbed at its fluffy chest before tossing it back into nonexistence.
Advertisement
"So!" it finally begins. "What can I help you with?"
"I, um, I'm struggling a bit to keep up with your story," you begin shyly, twiddling your thumbs. "You kind of...jump all over the place and it's...difficult to follow-"
"Your bloodline is weak," the mouse deadpanned.
"Um...what?"
"Hm? Oh, the story structure is confusing? Deary me, that's unfortunate!"
"Y-yeah, so if you could limit the number of interludes-"
"You bring shame to your entire clan," the creature hissed.
"I, ack, what?"
"Pardon? Cut down on the interludes? I quite like the amount we have. They're sporadic, you know. I think maybe there's a different solution to this problem, don't you?"
"Um...no?"
The mouse laughed, throwing its head back. "Of course, you don't, silly reader. Did you even read the title?"
You look up, straining to see through the lines of text before your eyes see the words WEDNESDAY RECAP #1. "Oh...So then...Why's it taking you so long to get to the recap?"
"I got distracted," the mouse sighed. "Already 788 words in and I've gotten off-topic..."
"...Why don't you start now?"
The author perked up. "Oh, since you asked so nicely, why not? I suppose we'll start with Thursday's chapters. And by we, I mean me. You have no part in this."
"I-er, yeah, I guess..."
Thursday
We check back in on Crystal in chapter C.3 (I changed Interlude: Crystal to Crystal.1 so it makes a bit more sense that way.) and find she's lost her magic progress just as Flake has while re-gaining the class {Mage}. She then meets a Player in disguise going by the name 'Jerome' who agrees to help her find civilization. Meanwhile, in chapter 41, Flake is struggling to cope with the loss of his classes. He finds closure by practicing his skills only to further anger an irate NPC called Prisoner Jamarco, a political prisoner who's spent a decade in Elden Keep's dungeon.
Friday
We take yet another break from our scheduled programming to get a sneak peek at the exclusive content available to all patrons on my Patreon! There, we meet a young Myconid {Lady} going by the name of Liu Rijal who's been kidnapped by {Pirates} led by their fearsome captain, an Apeman called Kurt. This story is, of course, part of the extended Raidscape universe and will have no direct impact on Flake's story. Heading back to chapter 42, Flake nearly has yet another mental breakdown when he unknowingly triggers the responses to even more unnamed NPC prisoners.
"Well," the mouse says, brushing imaginary dirt off of its legs. It hops out of its chair and waddles over to you. "It's been fun recapping with you, readers, but I'm afraid our time together must end."
You protest as it grabs you with strength unbefitting its size and drags you towards the exit. "Ah, wait! Isn't there any more you can tell-"
The mouse kicks you in the butt, punting you out of existence.
Advertisement
- In Serial73 Chapters
The Verant Chronicles - Book One
The once powerful Verant Empire had been brought to its knees after seven years of civil war. The war maybe over, a new emperor maybe at the helm, but the empire remains broken. Deadly plagues, encroaching monsters, divided political loyalties only scratch the surface of the problems the empire now faces. Highwaymen make the roads unsafe, powerful wizards go unchecked and goblin hordes threaten local towns and villages. Elwin doesn’t want to spend his days as a farmer and dreams of adventure. He, his brother Rith, best friend Emerson and adopted cousin Anna, decide to go out into this world as adventurers hoping to seek fame and fortune just like in the books they read. The empire is at a crossroads as Elwin and his friends experience the aftermath of the war, they must come to terms with what it means to live in the Verant Empire as one of it's citizens. It all begins with an intriguing map sewn into cloth, written in a strange language and depicting a place that doesn’t seem to exist. Elwin and his friends decide to go to the capital city to join the adventurer’s guild and find someone who can translate the map and hopeful recognize the locations depicted. Along the way they encounter lizard creatures, goblins, former soldiers, a bard, druid and a powerful wizard who has his own eye on the map. They meet new friends and create deadly enemies. From great plains to a bustling metropolis, to a town devastated by an earthquake, their world of Gaia has a gritty realism to it and the empire is only a small part of a much large realm. It is a Romanesque world teetering on a renaissance in which Gods, gunpowder, armored knights, griffin riders and magic coexist uneasily. Elwin and his companions drink, they swear, they have sexual encounters, they make mistakes and face serious moral dilemmas at every turn. Planned out to be 30+ chapters in total including a prologue and epilogue. Chapters will be released about twice a week when possible.
8 335 - In Serial40 Chapters
Spiral of Light
Spiral of Light is a pulp fiction novel set in a futuristic grimdark world that is beset by magic, monsters and evil. This character driven story follows Centurion Moloch as he journeys across the world of Maja in his duty to protect the citizens of the Republic. New Chapters on Sunday Original Story art by VoliverB
8 114 - In Serial15 Chapters
God of all system
What will you do if you got the strongest system? The power to stand above everyone.The power to get whatever you desire?Thats the story of the guywho enjoy his life in all kind of ways with the power of the strongest god.
8 128 - In Serial18 Chapters
I won't hurt you (huggy wuggy x reader)
as a child, you remember going to playtime co. factory since your mother work there but after 10 years of getting closed down you get a package in the mail it was weird coming from the company but there was something else that was going on then you expected
8 148 - In Serial58 Chapters
Tippy's Notebook
This notebook contains some extra chapters and scenes for various characters throughout The Fated Chronicles and The Mated Series.It'll also contain various information about the characters and their species as well as some random fun shit. I also make my announcements and stuff here, lol - I need to change the nameEnjoy
8 429 - In Serial48 Chapters
Daughter of Stars and Nightmares (The Eternal Bond Saga book 1)
Secrets can be Powerful....But they can also be Deadly.Unable to weld magic dooms Julia to a life of servitude and drudgery. Desperate to break free from that misery Julia runs away. In her quest to figure out why she's the only one in her family who can't use magic. She uncovers a dark secret entangling not only her family's past, but herself. This exposes her and her friends to danger and catches the eye of Thorsen, the sadistic leader of a vicious Dark Faerie clan. On that same fateful night she meets Alex, an obnoxious Dark Faerie warrior who is hell-bent on protecting her even if it's the last thing she wants. Thorsen, knows Julia's biggest secret-one she doesn't even know. And he's hell bent on capturing her before the truth surfaces-if it means killing everyone she loves to possess her, so be it. If Julia wants to survive and save those she loves, she must uncover the truth surrounding her existence and embrace the mysterious bond tied to her soul. Yet in this world of secrets, lies, and ancient history, nothing's as it seems and some truths WILL destroy her.
8 85

