In a strange way, it brought me great joy to be wanted. Even as trash.

It was a pleasant enough life. I woke when I wished. I was surrounded by books. My chambers, though confining, were comfortable.

My greatest irritation was the suit I was made to wear, and not as one might think, having to refuse my father daily. Refusing him actually brought me joy. He would show up on a holo, always too busy and important to plead in person, and he would demand that I do my duty as his heir and daughter.

And I would take delight in rejecting him again and again. I saw the bags under his eyes grow dark, his hair grow thin and grey. I heard his voice grow weedy and pleading, as the calls stretched longer and his desperation mounted.

Today was different. Not with me -- I was as I ever had been, sitting cross-legged in my strait-jacket-like outfit, my hands and feet entombed in sewn-on mittens, making every turn of the page a chore. When I breathed, it echoed in the mask clamped on my face, which had been added to my outfit when I'd proven that even headbutting a man could allow me to possess his body.

The holo turned on, and showed me the familiar image of my father's desk in his office. A modern, disgusting thing, sleek and glass and suspension, excessively flashy and of no substance; As IkaCo was. The man behind it did not even seem to register that he was broadcasting.

Which suited me fine. I had two more pages left before the end of the chapter, and if he lingered, I might reach it.

Eventually, he stirred. Not to turn to me or to speak, but to drink, taking sake straight from the bottle, at room temperature. Vile.

I finished the chapter, and most of the following before me drew my attention again, this time by throwing the empty bottle towards the camera and missing badly.

"I could kill you anytime I wanted," he slurred, his Japanese coming out in a muddied stream. He did not bother with formalities, and given the content of his sentence, that seemed unsurprising.

"Then do so," I shrugged, flipping a page.

"Ingrateful! Unreliable! You neglect your duty!"

I carefully marked my place and closed the book. "Otousan, did you know, that in America, children are permitted to find their own duty? They are not burdened with obligation from birth, and are certainly not imprisoned until they submit to it. An associate of mine named Karen spurned her family legacy and chose to become a pro hunter instead. And do you know what her father did about it?"

"America, America. Always America," he slurred, ignoring my question. "It was a mistake to send you abroad."

"It was," I agreed. "Did you know I used to revere you? I thought you had given me everything, that I was scum that should never be, and everything I had was through your benevolence?"

"You were right. Impudent. Selfish."

"I was wrong, and being away from you was the only thing which would let me see that. I had once thought I was responsible for Okasan's death. That it was my failures which sent me to America. That every terrible thing which happened there was my fault."

I brushed my hair behind my ear with some effort, working through the mittens. "And then I realized, it was always you. You saw no reason not to change my life however you saw fit, even if it ruined all. I, and my feelings were of no consequence, so why would you care if they broke?"

"American whore. Dutiless. Trash."

"Well I hope you see the consequences now, father. You broke my life too many times, and now you must handle its edges."

He sat upright and stared at me, his eyes watery and bleary. He couldn't even sit without swaying. He was disgusting.

"You should know," he said, adopting a formal tone suddenly "That none of this is because of you. You are meaningless, I want you to fully understand. This company, which has survived for generations, is falling apart, and your refusal to do your duty to it and to your family is nothing. I am alive, and I will be for many more years--"

"Doubt it."

He stared at me. "You dare interrupt me?"

"I do dare. And I do doubt. You have made a dangerous enemy, Otousan."

"Those punks that you call friends?" he laughed. "They were chased out of Japan! They fled when they realized your rescue was beyond them. We sent a private army to destroy them where they hid like cowards in the glasslands."

"You underestimate them, and for that I cannot fault you. It took me too long to realize how indomitable they are as well. But no, I was referring to myself."

"You?" he laughed, knocking things off his desk as he guffawed. "You?" he repeated, breathlessly. "You are nothing. I told you. I could have you killed any time."

"You say that almost every day and yet never have. I do not think you really could. You are too afraid of losing your legacy."

"You are not my legacy!" he shouted, suddenly red and veiny. "I could have a thousand more children if I wished, with any woman in the world, and any of them would be a better child than you. You are nothing."

"You keep saying that," I mused, picking up my book again. "And I suspect, it is because you hope to convince yourself. You wish that I was nothing, so that you could fill me with yourself, mold me into you. That is why you sent me to schools and places that would keep me locked away from the world, so that I would be nothing at the end of it."

I opened the book and found my place. "Too bad for you, instead I found myself, and a great many other things besides."

"You think I won't do it?" he shouted. "You think I won't have you killed, like I have had many before you? You think yourself better than everyone else? Americans."

"I think," I said without looking up "that what I think doesn't matter. It's as you say, you could kill me anytime. And yet you don't, because you still think yourself stronger than me. You think, that no matter how I am and how defiant I have been, you can always break me. That is the lie you cling to. And that is why, when you call, you speak, but you do not listen."

"I am listening now!" he barked, his face swollen and red, his eyes bulging. "I am hearing you now, and you may wish I didn't!"

"Then kill me," I said, flipping the page.

He hesitated for a few moments, and then picked up the phone at his desk.

"Have Kaori executed, now," he slurred. And then he seethed, teeth bared at it like the thing had bit him. "I don't care. You dare to talk back to me?" He paused again. "How much I drink is no business but my own. Do it, or I will have you killed next."

He slammed the phone down.

"It is done. Hurry up and die, worthless trash," he spat.

"Quiet, Otousan. I'm reading."

He spent the next few minutes berating me even further. He explained in great detail how completely worthless I was, how every credit he had spent on me was wasted due to my selfishness and lack of duty, how I was a complete failure in every conceivable way, a systemic disappointment of improbable degrees.

When that didn't work, he moved on to my mother, telling me how weak she was, how stupid she was, what a whore she was. And though it made my blood boil, I carefully bottled up that fury and refused to let it show.

I heard movement outside of my cell now. Men mobilizing, orders being relayed and relayed again. It looked as though my father was not bluffing -- which was no surprise, I do not think he knew the meaning of the word. I still had eleven chapters to go in this book, and while it was not particularly good, I did not want to move on with regrets.

But that wasn't really for me to decide. The commotion outside grew louder, closer, and more intense. Even Otousan heard it at this point and gloated about what was coming.

Despite myself, I found my mind drifting. If this was the end, and I wanted few regrets, there were still a few things I wished I could have done. Foremost, I wished I could have held hands with Otousan, even once. So that I could rifle through his thoughts and know what he really thought of the world, to add his library of memories of my mother to my own, if nothing else. And then to kill him myself, of course.

After that, I was surprised to think that what I regretted most would be to die alone and unloved. Still a virgin, never so much as kissing a boy. The thought of such didn't particularly excite me, but it seemed a shame to experience it never. I had read so many romances, I knew them to be a critical part of being human, and yet they were never a part of me.

And of course, and...confusingly related...Athan. I should have liked to see what he became. He and I had been many things to each other; adversaries, coworkers, confidants, kindred spirits. Dare I say friends? He thought so, without reservation, though I always had...troubled association with the term.

But he was going places, and I apparently was not. I should have liked to see what blaze of glory he carved out upon humanity, and how the world would ripple with his touch. That was what Otousan misunderstood most of all -- legacy was not in a market share or a sperm cell, it was in one's actions and the change they effected. Athan had taught me that lesson himself, through hard work. Though I was not sure he knew it himself.

There was yelling outside now, which seemed unnecessary, and something banged hard on the door. Several somethings.

"You'll have to come back later. I'm not finished with my book," I called out.

The door opened, and a body fell through it. The sound of it hitting the carpet is what made me look up.

"Joudan?" Athan asked, over the smoking corpse.

Ten-million things went through my mind in a rush. I wanted nothing more but to jump up and hug and kiss the man. I wanted to ask him how this was possible, Otousan had taken great joy in keeping me up-to-date on how distant and useless Athan was, and I had not expected his words to be lies. I wanted to berate him, in confusingly equal parts for his tardiness and for coming at all, to endanger himself to save a worthless thing like me.

As usual, I did none of the things which sprang to mind, and acted with controlled indifference. I snapped my book shut, losing several pages since I last marked it, but what the hell.

"Joudan," I agreed, rising. I had so much more to say, I didn't know how to get any of it out of my head and through my mouth. So much of it seemed like things that words couldn't begin to convey. I found myself flushed as, for the second time, I considered what being in love must feel like. And also kissing.

Which was moronic of course, and now was not the time besides. I found myself uttering stupid words. "Hi. I did not...think you would be coming."

He started to reply, his eyes softening in an instant as he looked at me with some kind of pity or sympathy. But as he ever did, Otousan felt the need to insert himself into my life.

"That's impossible," he shouted, still in Japanese. He picked up his phone and screamed into it, a jumbled series of threats and demands, never bothering to listen to what was on the other end of it.

"So that's Ikeda, eh?" Athan asked, facing the holo. "Yeah he looks like a bastard."

"Unimaginably so," I agreed. We both stood and watched him go for a moment, a dynamo of crass energy which had served him well in his corporate life. After a bit, Athan turned to me and frowned.

"Let me help you out of that thing," he said, reaching for a zipper.

I pulled away. "I would prefer not."

"What? But you're all...bound up and shit."

"I am…" I found my eyes on the ground instead of on his face and corrected it. But doing so made the words harder to force out. I gave myself a single breath to get my emotions back in line. "I am nude underneath, and would prefer to retain my dignity for the time being."

"Oh," he said, flushing as he took a step back. And then, most obviously, gave me a look up and down, almost certainly imagining what was under the outfit.

"On second thought, I think I shall stay and be killed," I said, sitting back down. "I fear for my body's sanctity should I accompany you."

I expected him to laugh, or be further embarrassed at least, but instead he lingered awkwardly, finally sitting down next to me. As the seconds drew on, he at least reached over and unhooked the mask from the back of my face, and I breathed easier as the air was no longer damp with my collected breath.

"Joudan," I explained.

"Yeah I know. I just...kinda...feels super awkward making rapey jokes considering it happened to you." He grinned apologetically, but it faded fast. "Sorry we weren't here sooner."

"Is now truly the time or place for this?" I asked, though I was aware I was the one who'd sat first. Otousan was screaming so hard that a vein on his neck was bulging, and I wondered the possibility that he had a heart attack on the spot and saved me the trouble.

He shrugged. "We kinda found the source of the toads...um...not literal toads, that's just the term Saga made up for these people who she couldn't effect with her powers. Turns out they didn't really think on their own, they were just like...remote bodies operating for Oasis. Which is...man there's a lot I need to catch you up on. But anyway, we kinda got them out of the picture, so Saga's able to run amok up there, and any machines they bring to bear, Karu's got a new toy to disable them. AEGIS is going through files and Tem and Lia are securing us transit out of here."

"Oh, Tem is safe," I said, not sure if that was relief or jealousy which suddenly jumped into my voice.

"Yeah. Sorry."

"As I said, I did not anticipate rescue. Honestly, I was resigned to being locked away and struggling against Otousan, my father, for all eternity."

We went back to watching him scream a while longer. I wondered if the effect was enhanced or harmed by my knowing Japanese. I tried to imagine from Athan's view, yelling unknown words, but with his emotions and intent all-too-clear. He may have had the clearer impression.

"I...I want to keep apologizing," Athan said. "But at the same time--"

"Spare me your words," I told him. "You are here, I am unhurt. The rescue was as timely as necessary."

I saw him staring at me and didn't meet his eyes. Something dark flickered in them.

"I'm not apologizing for that. Well, I am. I did and I am. But something else, too." He sighed heavily and leaned backwards on the bed, and I noticed how very tired he looked. I had taken delight in watching Otousan fall apart as the stress of his work killed him, but seeing the same on Athan was...awful.

"I wanted to apologize...not to you really but...in general...for being selfish. It doesn't make any sense because, I don't think I'm being selfish. But it feels like I am. Like...I know that IkaCo is an awful, terrible company--"

"It is. And it oppresses many." I didn't know why I felt the need to interrupt, except that he was obviously pained.

"Yeah," he nodded. "But even so, even indirectly, they kinda...help the world. Hurting IkaCo feels like killing Blackett again. I'm putting everything at risk, I'm throwing away the easier option just because I don't like it. But there's a big difference between selling guns...most of them even wind up in the right hands, in the XPCA...and between mind-fucking everyone into compliance with a tortured slave. IkaCo is bad, but it's not Blackett levels of bad, right? So...I'm here tearing it apart, I've been out there doing really questionable things to people who might not deserve it, and...and I'm finding I don't even really know why."

He looked at me, with such gravitas that I couldn't look away. His eyes were so intensely focused, despite the dark lines under them.

"And that's why I need to apologize to you. Because...you deserve better than me dragging my feet. You're a good person, Moon...err, Kaori. Better than me by a lot. You deserve someone swinging in here, white charger with its mane blowing in the wind. And instead…"

He looked around, watched my father streaming spittle on the cams. Listened to the panic of death and chaos happening in the floors above us. He sighed enormously.

"Instead you get a guy who's only here as an afterthought. Who doesn't feel justified in rescuing you, and is only doing it for his own selfish reasons. I feel like all of this is just punching a hole in the side of the world for the sake of a friend who wasn't in any danger. And that's crappy of me to say and to think." He shook his head, his brown mane flopping. "And I'm sorry."

"If it makes you feel better, Otousan was about to have me killed."

"Really?" His eyes lit up by degrees. "Well...I'm glad I came then."

"You did not have to. My life is not worth destabilizing the planet."

I spoke without thinking, which was exceedingly abnormal for me, but so was this entire situation. The words which came out were what was in my heart. Truly, I was valueless compared to political stability, and I would make that exchange in a heartbeat. However to say it when it was already weighing on his mind was callous and would serve only to hurt him more. It was a stupid thing to say.

"I apologize. That was thoughtless to say," I added.

He smiled, surprising me. "No, that's why I say you're a better person than me. You don't even have to hesitate on that kind of thing. It helps, actually. Makes me feel like...you're really worth saving. Like the world is gonna be better with you in it, even for the damage I leave by doing so."

Otousan sputtered and coughed, holding his chest, and for a moment, I wondered if he did actually have a heart attack. But after a moment, he recovered, his throat merely raw from the screaming fit he'd prolonged since Athan had arrived.

"You American bastard!" he yelled, his voice getting the English words out with more rasp and less slur now. "Do you even know what you do to IkaCo? What that does to the world?"

"Yeah," Athan said grimly. "We cut off your guns. You dropped a contract with the XPCA. Your private army got completely decimated, leaving you millions or billions out. You have no income, mounting debt, pressure from all the parties which are usually the ones which are sweeping your injustices under the rug, and no allies." He glanced at me. "And no future."

I gave it another agonizing few moments of thought before wrapping my arms around his. No romantic poetry in the world could have moved my heart more than his cynical analysis of IkaCo's holdings. He was a man who knew the consequences of his actions and then did them anyway. A massive swoonboat.

Otousan led off with another tirade of insults in Japanese, before moving back to English with similar content, finally leading up to threats.

"Without us, you will find out what future America has, bastard," he rasp-screamed, in a voice so pained it hurt my throat just to hear it. "Without us, your XPCA cannot function! You will fail and you will fall, and you will regret crossing me!"

Athan stood up, and I thought he would pull his arm from my grasp, but instead held on and pulled me up with him. I swallowed hard again.

"Maybe," he said, with a confident grin. "More than likely I will regret it, to some degree. Things will go to shit, because things always go to shit when they change. But I'll be there to see it through. I'll keep saving lives like hers, and damning those like yours with all the strength I have. And maybe it won't be enough, and maybe I'll ruin everything for everyone."

"Fucking stupid bastard...insolent American--"

"But even if I am taking a step back, I know I'm preparing to take two steps forward. You should be outraged, Mr. Ikeda, because whether I succeed or fail, the world's changing, and whichever way it goes, there won't be room in it for pieces of shit like you to hide any longer."

Otousan raged and sputtered, but his voice was all but lost at this point. Athan hung up the call by saturating the whole system with arcing bolts of lightning.

"Ready then?" he asked me, still hanging off his arm like an obnoxious couple on a date. "We've got a dismal future to attend to."

"When you put it that way, how could I say no?" I said, with a hint of a smile despite myself. And the two of us left the quiet shelter to head out into the death, war, and chaos raging outside.