I was scared when I woke. That was not a surprise to me. I had been scared every day when I woke up for many weeks now. The XPCA and Moon's dad were good at keeping me scared. Scared and alone and helpless. Maybe not as much as I could have been.

But today, I was not alone, I remembered. It was only the second day since Chariot had saved me, yet again, and it was the first day we were in this city in China, which should not exist.

I spent many long minutes with my eyes open but not moving, forcing myself to think and remember before I made a mistake or hurt someone. When I woke up scared, I sometimes used my powers, but I wanted to make sure I did not do that now. I looked on one side of me and saw Chariot's sister with her eyes closed. On the other side was AEGIS, sitting up and typing to herself in the air. Both were in their own beds, like the one I was in.

Even though I figured out where I was now and remembered, I was still confused. I thought I might be for a long time, until I just forgot about it, because I did not think I'd find an answer.

And what happened yesterday had just made things worse and confused me even more.

"Psst," I heard a voice, and I held very still in case it wasn't talking to me. Which was likely. But then it 'psst'ed again, and this time it said my name, and I felt bad to make them have to do it twice. I looked around, and past AEGIS, who was smiling at me, I saw Chariot in the doorway.

"Tem, you up?" he asked. Even though he had addressed me by name, I still had to check he wasn't talking to someone else. I was unprepared for him to call on me like that. Eventually I nodded at him and sat up. "Get dressed and meet me outside," he said.

And then he left. And I was even more confused. AEGIS was still smiling at me, though I did not understand why. But I could not keep Chariot waiting until I understood, or he would wait all year, so I slipped out of bed as quickly as I could, and did as he asked, putting on my clothes from yesterday and slipping out.

"Have fun, you two," AEGIS said knowingly. I wish I could say things as knowingly as she did, because half the time I couldn't even understand what people were talking about. But wishing didn't work, so I met Chariot and he smiled at me.

"Can you turn visible?" he asked. And I nodded, because I could. And then I realized he was asking and felt stupid as I did so. He smiled at me in a way which made my heart pound uncomfortably. "Isn't that better? Now I can see you," he said.

I didn't know if it was better or not, but he did, so I agreed.

I still wasn't sure what I thought of him though. I had hoped I would have a few days to sit and think and perhaps he would be busy with important things so that I could slowly catch up and figure out what was going on. But instead, he'd called on me right away, on the morning of our first day in Oasis, and I was still unprepared.

Because, of course, I believed in him, and knew he knew best. Of course, nothing could stop him or keep him from his goals. He was Chariot, after all. If something knocked him down, he'd just stand up twice as tall.

But…

I pushed the last word out of my head. It was wrong, awful, blasphemous. I believed in him still. And so he was right when he said it was better. By definition.

"I thought," he said "that we might catch up. We were separated for so long, and I wanted to spend time with you."

"W-with me?" I asked, my voice breaking more than I wanted.

He nodded with that confidence I didn't have. "Of course with you. You're one of my best friends, Tem."

I didn't have anything to say to that. I didn't think that was right, but I couldn't believe he was wrong either. Perhaps it was a joke and I was just misunderstanding. But I didn't ask, I just fell in behind him to follow him for as long as he wanted.

"Not today," he said, and I was confused. He took a step back, and so did I. And then another, but this time he caught me, faster than I could react, and held my hand by his side.

Or at least, that's what happened. What it felt like was...was all the volcanoes in the world blowing up at once, and all of their lava swishing through my blood. His hand was so warm, it was like a concentrated sunny day in my fingers. There was a ringing...a keening noise, like someone was rubbing their finger along a glass...and then I realized that was me, and that noise was coming out of my mouth at his touch.

I tried to tear my hand away and cover my mouth, tried to turn invisible to hide my shame, but he just held on and smiled right at me. I felt so helpless and exposed and...and...and…

And amazing. My stomach flip-flopped like it had wings. My toes wriggled in my shoes without me telling them to, and my throat felt so dry and so choked and so...it felt like his eyes were looking right through me, and I was choking on his gaze. His beautiful, green-brown gaze.

"Can you walk by my side, Tem?" he asked.

I hardly heard him. I'd have agreed to anything in that moment. I nodded with all the strength I had, and more I didn't know I did.

But this is impossible…

I shushed the thought. It wasn't impossible if it was what Chariot wanted. I believed in him.

And as he led me down through the city, through the white buildings and past the wall, I hardly noticed. The gleaming of the stone was black compared to his dark hair. The wide streets were cramped with his body so suffocatingly close. The morning sun cooled my body, in all the places his hand did not touch.

I didn't know how long it was, but we were at the edge of the city by the time he stopped and let me go. I was panting, but not from being tired. He let me catch my breath.

"How've you been, Tem?" he asked.

"S-s-s-so good," I muttered.

"I meant, in more than the last few minutes," he winked at me, and my stomach flipped again.

"Um…" I tried to think of anything other than the last few minutes and came up very blank. I swallowed hard and realized I was ruining his conversation with me. He was expecting me to say something about my life, and having lived it, I should have something. "Um, I was in prison."

"I'm sorry about that."

"NO!" I shrieked, and then clapped my hands to my mouth. Oh no. I'd just screamed at him. I was just trying to...but then...I only--

He smiled, and I was confused. "It's okay, Tem. I really let you down. You were captured, and then held by the XPCA and IkaCo for most of a month. I can't imagine how that must have been or how you felt. That's why I wanted to talk to you."

"I believed!" I said to him in more of a shout than I wanted, but not really shouting. "I knew...that you would come. If...if you wanted to."

He smiled at me, but this one was more sad, and I wondered if I'd made a mistake and hurt him. "So was that it, then?" he asked. "Did you think you weren't worth saving, and that's why I didn't come?"

I shook my head. And then nodded. I didn't know.

My thoughts disappeared as his fingers pushed my chin upwards, his hands calloused but still gentle. I found it harder and harder to breathe and swallow as he turned my chin up until I was facing him directly.

It was like looking into the sun. I couldn't do it. But I couldn't resist his hand either. I felt like I was melting on the spot, and my legs were going weak.

"Tem, I will always come for you," he said, his eyes serious as they bored into mine. "No matter what you think of yourself, know that I think you are someone worth saving."

"B-bu-but, Moon--"

"And I'll save Moon just as soon as I can. I'm not as worried about her, she's with her dad and he's interested in keeping her healthy and together. You...I don't think he cared as much about."

"S-s-so you did...only s-save me because...I was a burden," I said, finding the strength to look away. "Because you had to...because I was weak."

"I never said that."

It was too much. The special treatment. The lovey-dovey looks from a man beyond me...beyond men. I felt like throwing up as guilt and doubt piled high in my heart.

"Spit it out," he said. I shook my head vehemently. It wouldn't do any good. He could see right through me. Except when I was invisible and wanted him to. "Seriously, Tem, just say it."

"I…" I stopped and stammered. "I didn't…"

"You lost faith in me, didn't you?" he asked. And that was enough to make my legs give, finally. I was halfway to the ground before he caught me, his arm in the small of my back. Again, I heard the keening noise, until he set me down gently and sat beside me on the grass.

"H-h-how…?" I stammered.

"Yesterday," he beamed at me and gave himself a playful poke in the cheek. "When I fought that guard, he kicked me square in the cheek. I thought you were going to go ballistic, but instead, you just watched it happen."

I felt like a little bonfire of shame as he looked down at me. Of course he wouldn't miss that. Chariot didn't miss anything.

Except...that he did. That he had. That Moon was still out there, that he'd lost to the XPCA. His own sister, that I knew he loved, a million times more than me, whom I could never doubt he'd do anything for, she was captured. And Moon. And Rito. And me.

He was right there, fighting as hard as he could, and still it wasn't enough. And I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't know how to face the possibility that Chariot could ever not be enough. Because here he was, right now, telling me, showing me how present he was and how unstoppable he could be.

But he wasn't. But he was. And I didn't know what to believe anymore.

All the feelings twisted up inside my heart suddenly lurched and I felt vomit spray out of my mouth as my eyes watered. He rubbed my back as I heaved and cried, humiliated at making him baby me, at being such a waste of time and space for him to look after.

But at the same time, I wanted him to. I wanted his time and attention. His touch was more than I could stand, but I craved it, even as he caressed my spine to ease my stupid, pointless, emotional puking. I wanted to never stop puking so he'd never stop touching me. It was greedy and selfish and wrong and--

And on some level. Some horrible, dark, sick level that I hated, deep inside myself, I felt like...I deserved it.

"I waited so long!" I shouted at him. "I believed in you!"

He just looked through me, his hand still moving on my back.

"I had faith, every day! I fought them with all my s-s-strength, because I knew you'd be there for me!"

His face was more pale, his eyes more empty. I was hurting him, but I couldn't stop now.

"You were s-supposed to be there! You s-said s-s-so!"

His hand stopped, and I found I didn't care. I was set on ruining everything. I had to tell him, it felt like. Even if it was the end of everything, I had to say what I had to say, what had been boiling inside me for weeks, what had been tearing up my heart and making me so scared and alone every morning when I woke.

"You s-said you'd protect me."

"Tem, I'm sorry."

I pushed his hand away. What was I doing?

"I just...I can't believe...this wasn't s-supposed to happen anymore. I found you. I found you." I realized I was crying full-on now. "I s-survived s-so much of the world until I could find you, and then I did, and then it wasn't s-supposed to hurt anymore. And I told myself every day, that you'd just given up on me, and I was garbage you'd left behind. Because that was the only explanation for you leaving me. And I believed it, too...until you rescued me. And now...and now…"

I wiped snot on the back of my wrist and stared at him with bleary, teary eyes. I couldn't see him anymore. I couldn't stand. I couldn't swallow or stop my tears. I couldn't finish my thought, because I didn't know where that thought finished.

But he did, because he always knew. And that was what was most frustrating and confusing about him.

"Now we're just us, Tem. Now it's you and me again, and you have to rethink who you are and who I am to you. You're stronger than you've ever been, even if it doesn't feel like it. You've changed. I've changed. And maybe your previous assessments were wrong. Or maybe they were right and just don't apply anymore. Or maybe they're still right, and there's just something you're missing."

"Can you tell me which it is?" I asked.

Through my tears I saw him smile, and then his arms wrapped around me. Somehow, I didn't fluster or panic at his touch, I just cried and let myself be held.

"Of course not," he said. "It's your life, Tem. And while I'll always be here for you, I can't run it for you. Someday, you're going to have to find what path you want on your own."

"But there's s-so many things to think about, and I'm no good at thinking. I just want you to tell me what's wrong and right."

"That'd be nice, huh?" he laughed. "I'd like that too. So would Karu and AEGIS, I think they both lean on me for that as well, in their own ways. And Saga, too, though she's a lot sneakier about it."

I blinked at him, struggling to get the tears out from between us. Had he honestly...seriously...without mistake just compared lost, stupid, dumb, garbage me to all the strongest women in his life? My mind spun around that thought but refused to land on it.

"Fact is, Tem, you've seen the same things we all have. I've had this talk with Lia, with Karu, and with AEGIS, and I guess even Saga, but the simple fact is, when we see the world and it doesn't make sense, that's because the world in our mind and the world in front of our eyes are different. Something we believe is wrong, somewhere. Things aren't the way we thought they were."

His arms cinched harder around me for a moment and I didn't know how something which felt so tight could feel so good.

"Like this place. Yesterday, I was so confused about it. I didn't believe it could exist, even though the evidence was right in front of my eyes. Everything I'd ever known about China, about Sinos, about Exhumans, all of it told me this wasn't. And yet it was. Do you know what you have to do then?"

I shook my head.

"You either accept you were wrong, and open your mind to new ideas, even if they make you uncomfortable, even if they made you do a lot of hard thinking on your own, without anyone able to help you, until you figure out something that makes the world make sense...or you don't."

"What happens if you don't?"

"Nothing," he shrugged. "You just see the world differently from everyone else. Sometimes, that gets you in a lot of trouble. Sometimes it doesn't. The XPCA believes all Exhumans are dangerous, without exception."

"And they're wrong, right? S-so I shouldn't believe like that."

He smiled. "But I also believe the world can be better than it is, with Exhumans and humans living together in peace, and the world keeps proving me wrong there, too. It's not always better to accept the world as truth, and not always better to keep to your ideas. You have to decide, which world in your head is the best one for you to live in."

"But I want to live in yours," I said. It was a childish thing to say, and it came out of my mouth more pleadingly than I wanted. But I was wrapped in his arms, and if there was a time to beg like a child, it was now.

"Do you, though?" he asked, and I nodded. "No, seriously. Think about it and don't just agree. Think of all the confusion and suffering you've been through recently. All of that misery, that was because you saw me differently than I am. You can change that, though."

"But I don't want to."

"Because it's easier?"

I nodded.

"Suffering and misery are easier?"

I nodded...but slower.

"And you'd rather have self-doubt all the time about me, and what I think, and what my role in your life is, than face doubts about the rest of your life, like other people do? It's easier to spend the rest of your life wondering if I've got it right, rather than wondering what's right on your own?"

My nodding stopped and I had to just sit and wonder.

And it wasn't fair.

Because he was right again. He was always right. Even when he was telling me that he was wrong.

"You don't have to make up your mind on the whole universe today, Tem," he said with a reassuring smile. "You don't have to decide anything ever, in fact. But if you live your life with an open mind and a willingness to answer your own questions, I think you'll find you have more answers than you think."

He was done bashing my brain, and that was good because I felt like mush in his arms anyway. Somehow he let the two of us sit there like that for another few hours before my stomach made noise and he pulled us to our feet.

"You've been doing so much better with your weight and eating. Make sure to keep it up."

"I didn't have a choice. They were forcing me to eat."

"Well you have a choice now. And I know it's best for you to keep it up. But I'd be a big hypocrite if I said you had to listen to me now."

I smiled at him and he laughed and I laughed, too. I had thought it was a joke, and I was glad he laughed first so I knew I wouldn't be mistaken. I also thought, of course, I would listen to him and keep eating. Chariot was always right.

Except...sometimes he wasn't. He could be wrong. I still wasn't sure what to make of that, and just having that thought in my head, unquestioned, felt scandalous and wrong. But he'd said it himself and I couldn't...argue with…

This was even more difficult than I'd thought.

But what I did know was that right now, I could stand on my own two feet again. I was healthier and stronger than I'd been in a long time, and it felt good. I wanted to stay like this. I wanted to not be a burden on everyone. And if I did what he said and ate my food, that was a step in that direction.

I'd do it, I decided. I'd eat breakfast today, like everyone else.

And as I made that decision, he beamed at me, like he could still see right through me and all the thoughts I had. He wasn't smiling for me doing what he wanted, I knew, but because I'd decided at all. Because...of what he'd said, and done, and hadn't done, sometimes, even if it was just breakfast, I could make my own decisions.

And he was right. If I thought about it, I really had the answer already. It wasn't so hard. At least, breakfast wasn't. I wondered how many decisions I'd make before I turned to him, and thought, probably not very many.

But that was okay too. Because whether it was the world in my head or the one in front of my eyes, Chariot was there, too. And I knew he didn't mind if I watched him to see what I should do.

We turned back towards the white buildings, and I took a few steps on my own on the path in front of us before Chariot caught up.