"You're aware," I told Karu as we stared each other down "that I have magnetism in my power set. So I never carry anything magnetic. Cosette worked with me to get my sidearm customized with composite components. Lia did the same with my mobile. I've got like a...brass zipper pull on my uniform. Everything."

I held the choker out to her with one arm extended, and then it jumped into my other hand like a cheap magic trick with a tiny magnetic burst that made the room rattle.

"At first, I was just confused about it, but there's only one explanation. The only time I've taken this off outside a shower is when you took it, Karu. The one you gave me back...it's not the same, is it?"

She said nothing, just stared at me through her visor.

"You already lied to me once. Just now, about visiting your father. So you're not hunting, and you're lying, Karu. I have that thought in mind, and then I see...I see these." I nudged her sneakers with my foot. "And maybe those would just be a coincidence. But now the choker too, and we're starting to get to the point where I don't know what's going on anymore."

I shook my head. "I don't know what to think. I don't want to have the thoughts I'm having. I want you to give me an explanation that make sense and then I go to sleep."

"It is possible the stims and exhaustion are making you paranoid," Karu said, but her tone was utterly unconvincing.

"Yeah maybe. And maybe that's why I'm jumping to conclusions. But there's still facts that aren't lining up, and no excuses forthcoming. Talk, Karu."

She let out a breath slowly as she ran gloved fingers over her head, the guns on her wrist clattering against the back of her visor. After a moment her head snapped to me with pursed lips.

"Do you wish to know the truth, Ashton? Even if it ruins all?"

I shook my head. "I'm no good at living lies, Karu."

"You are no good at living truths either."

"If given a choice, I'd still take the truth anyday."

"Even if you are not prepared to hear it? Even if it would ease your life to ignore it?"

"When we encounter something we don't like in the world, we have the choice to face it or ignore it Karu, and you and me...we're not the ignoring type. We look our problems dead-on, and sometimes our problems are bigger than us and it breaks us. But I'll always take the regret of not being able to do enough over not trying, anyday."

She gave a fleeting smile. "So you say, so it is. But do not say I did not give you an out."

I was blinded as two facefuls of shotgun strobed against my shield, and then blinded in a much more painful way as something solid and armored smashed into my face, sending me reeling backwards into a nightstand with the crash of a fracturing lamp.

I struggled to my feet and saw the door thrown open, Karu's wings deploying as she stepped onto the balcony. Despite the swimming double vision of my blow, I jumped for her, not sure what exactly I was grabbing at, just desperate to seize anything of her.

I caught her by the side awkwardly as the blue tips of her jetpack lit up, sending us hovering, drifting sideways in a erratic suplex down the outdoor hallway as I clung to her and dragged her downwards.

She kicked at me to dislodge me but I held fast, my fingers scrabbling against her smooth armor plates and sinking into folds in her flightsuit, exposed pouches, the edges of her armor and straps, anything.

Both of us rocketed ungainly into the air as she forced the jetpack to engage despite being entangled in me, and for a moment it seemed like we would clear the railing and sail over the parking lot. But then we twisted as I struggled, and she slammed first me into the railing, and then with a twisting spiral, crashed into the wall next to the door with a crack which rattled the windows in their panes.

Her jetpack, sensing a collision, automatically began to retract as Karu reeled and held her forehead, blood dripping over her visor and making it look like the lenses were weeping red.

"Get off me, Ashton!" she yelled, kicking at me ineffectually, too close to get any leverage.

"You shot me! You punched me in the face! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I told you, I do this for your own good. Be gone and leave me!"

"My own good? Why do you get to determine that. Just fucking...tell me!" I grunted as a shoulder was forced into my ribcage.

"Of all the hypocrisy! You of all people--"

"Karu, I already know, okay! I have my suspicions and if you run away now, you're just confirming it. If you have any defense, any rationalization or...or...if you were doing it for me...or ideally, if I'm just wrong, I want you to fucking tell me! You can't hide it, but you can make it better."

She stopped struggling. Just for a second, to get my guard to drop, and then separated us cleanly with a blow to my chin with her elbow.

"Sloppy, leaving yourself open," she said, panting as she wiped blood droplets from her nose and flicked them off her fingertips.

But her pack didn't engage and she didn't fly away. Instead, she stood there, tense as anything. Her guard didn't drop even a fraction.

"I did it for you," she reiterated. "Is that not enough to know?"

"My life has been hell for a month, Karu," I said, holding my jaw. "Every day, I had this worry that the world was ending because I hadn't done enough. Tell me how that's for me?"

"Well," she said, shiftily. "Talon was...a contract. There was nothing personal about him."

"So you did kill him," I said, feeling the last breaths of hope suffocate in my lungs. "And the others? Mini? Even Micaiah?"

"Minerva was driving the Defiant in a dangerous direction. She was outspoken in her use of violence, and encouraged the apocalyptic scenario you feared at every turn. And," she said, her gaze hardening "she had personal stake against you. She assaulted you, and next time, she would employ her powers."

"So you just fucking killed her? Karu, you're not a murderer! We talked about this, it was...it was tearing you up inside."

"I was not a murderer until I took Director Blackett's life. You saw me afterwards. I was torn...broken, even. I felt as though...all of the values, the morals, the justice and purity I had pursued my entire life, that I had devoted my whole being towards...in the act of killing him, I had thrown it all away."

"Karu, listen to me. He was a bad person...a bad Exhuman, even."

"He was. And he needed to die, most likely," she sighed. "And that was the dangerous realization which liberated me. Do you not see?"

I shook my head. Liberated...to killing?

"Morality is meaningless, Ashton. Good and evil are not truths to be discovered, they exist only as we ascribe them value. Director Blackett was an evil man who would do good things by evil means. If he were not, you would not be alive...your exile was only so because he had an interest in your powers to see if you would fit into his nascent dreams of a P-Force. It was even stipulated in my contract in hunting you, I would be paid more if I harried you repeatedly instead of merely killing you. Your life is an ultimate good which came from his evil. Nothing is simple, straightforward, and true."

"No, you're wrong. Karu, don't be like this. You and I know that good and evil exist. We're out there, we're doing it. Day by day and fight by fight, we're making the world better."

"And if we did nothing, and let Director Blackett live, he would be doing it a thousandfold faster, with less pain and death. We could even now salvage his plans -- convince your Code-X friend to dominate any Exhuman you encounter, and world peace is within our grasp."

"No. That's fucked up and wrong, and you know it."

She held out her arms in a frustrated shrug. "And today, how many otherwise innocent Exhumans died because of your weakness?"

"They died because someone who thinks like you're talking right now killed them, Karu."

She scoffed. "They were dead the moment they made their pact. There was nothing survivable about their position. Whether they died this way, or a thousand others, they were too dangerous to live. Just as Director Blackett."

I slammed my fist against the ground painfully. "And then Micaiah? Was he too dangerous to live, too?"

She smiled, her teeth gleaming beneath the slow drip of blood from her visor. "He threatened you with my crimes. He thought plenty, but spoke even more, and that was his undoing. He was a fool in too many ways and paid with his life."

"Karu, that's just straight, fucking murder!"

"I know," she said, he grin increasing. "With each death, I realized I needed fewer reasons to kill. With Director Blackett, I felt as though I were sacrificing everything I had and was. For Talon...it was a matter of national security. Mini was aiming to destabilize the Defiant and had threatened you, and Colonel Teryn, he was merely becoming inconvenient."

"So you're just becoming a psychopath then?" I asked, unable to believe what I was hearing. "It's just easier and easier to kill, so you're gonna do it more and more?"

She shrugged. "Why not?"

"Why...why not?" I gaped at her. "Why fucking not? Karu these are innocent lives! These are people you vowed to protect--"

"Vows I broke for you," she said, advancing on me. "Morals which are meaningless because I broke them for you. Do not explain to me the value of a life in one sentence and then ask me to take them away in another. Lives either have value, or they do not, and your hypocrisy cannot change that."

"Of course they have value," I screamed back. "Which is why stopping bad people is important, because those lives are going to ruin hundreds or thousands or millions of others!"

"And if Colonel Teryn arrested you, scapegoated you for my crimes, had you executed...how many lives do you suppose that would influence? Is not killing him much the same as Director Blackett? How many have you already saved, Ashton? How many more will you, before God claims you to his side?"

"I'm not going to God's side, because I'm going to fucking hell, Karu."

She smiled broadly. "No, Ashton. This is what I have learned. Killing is justice. So long as you are doing it to keep hope alive, God smiles when the blood is spilled."

I staggered to my feet. "I've got a lot of scripture to quote at you right now Karu, but for one, fucking thou shalt not kill."

She levelled her guns at me again. "Tell that to Director Blackett."

"It was wrong, Karu. Of course killing is wrong. There's always a better way, a smarter way, a peaceful solution, if you're just smarter and stronger and more capable than I am. Things can always be done better, and killing people is just a lazy confession that you can't be assed to figure it out, more than you think someone's life is worth. Killing Blackett was wrong, and if I were better, we'd have figured something out and nobody would have to die."

I took a step towards her. "But I'm not better, Karu. I'm just this fucking...weak...immature...scared little child. I'm afraid of losing my friends, because they're all I've got left. I'm afraid of the world, because ever since I woke up one day, the world has decided to fuck me as hard as it could. I don't even have humanity anymore. I'm scared, and angry, and all I want is for things to be better, even if I have no fucking clue how to get it there. Even if everyone hates me, and I have to do evil, horrible things like killing. They are still wrong, and nobody should ever do them. But I will, because I have to, because otherwise the world might just become even worse."

"So you are permitted to kill but not me?"

"No--I…" I growled in frustration at her. "You can't think of killing as okay! You can't talk about God smiling at it! You did something wrong, and...and instead of facing it...instead of realizing that what you did was bad and being able to live with it, you've...you've contorted your whole worldview so that it's not bad anymore. And that's why you're finding it easier and easier to do! And that's so, so fucked up, Karu. And dangerous. And a slippery slope."

"My," she said with a wan smile. "And here I thought myself quite the psychoanalyst."

"It's like I said at the start. You either face reality or you ignore it. I thought we were both the type to face the world. I see the evil things I do and I hate myself for them. But you're...you're just ignoring it, aren't you? You're not willing to stare down your problems and spend the rest of your life in self-loathing like me."

I frowned and my voice fell, despite myself. "But you did find self-loathing, didn't you. You suffered so much for so long. You were cutting yourself and staying away from everyone…"

My shield strobed as another pair of blasts unloaded into it.

"There are a great many things I can abide, Ashton, but your pity is not one of them," she said with contempt. "You asked for an explanation, and this is what I offered. Do not think that yours is the authoritative worldview. All in this universe should not be damning themselves willingly to misery as gleefully as you jump into it."

"Athan?" I heard behind me. I risked a glance and saw Whitney there...as well as several other curious onlookers. In fact, pulling away from my focus on Karu, I realized there were faces pressed in the windows and doors opened a crack the whole length of the motel.

Because of course there would be. We were screaming and firing guns out here. The police would be here soon, I was sure.

I turned back but realized my mistake as blue flashes went off in front of my eyes. The last thing I saw was Karu's confident smile as she rolled backwards over the railing, and then blue streaks traced into the sky.

"Karu!" I screamed up at her, watching the trails growing further and further away. "Damn it, Karu! Don't...don't…"

I felt a sob of all fucking things threatening to course through my body. Even if I couldn't see eye-to-eye with her, even if I disagreed with everything she'd just said, even if I thought she was just...just being a weak shit, or a coward, or twisting the world to suit her own viewpoint in it, there was a fact I couldn't change.

Whoever she was now, whatever her opinions were, whether I had forced her into this or she'd pushed herself down this path, the fact was she was gone. She'd just up and left me, choosing the void of the sky to my presence.

I didn't know why it hurt so much. I hated her right now. Those fucking senseless deaths. And she was everything I hated, everything I told myself I hated. It was hard not to see the terrapath we'd worked so hard to kill together, as she explained her perspective with an unrepentant smile.

But she was my friend. I would have done anything for her. If I had to kill innocent people and become that person I despised...I would probably have done it. Because to me, Karu was someone precious, someone irreplaceable. No matter what we went through, no matter how we argued or fought, from when I beat her in a fight, and she opened her eyes and smiled at me, I thought we'd be together for each other.

And for the first time, I wasn't sure that was true anymore. Even when we'd broken up, it was because our feelings were too strong and growing too fast, and we risked hurting ourselves if we continued.

Here...it was just...she was gone.

I stumbled back into the hotel room in a haze and collapsed on the bed next to Tem, who was wrapped in bandages across her torso, and so loaded with painkillers and antibiotics she'd slept through the entire screaming match.

All I wanted was to join her in sleeping. To put this stupid, broken world away and join in dreams, where anything was possible. Even justice. Even happiness. Even truth. I suddenly sympathized with Whitney's urgency to dive into VR more than I thought possible.

But yeah. Like that was going to happen now. The stims wouldn't be off for another fifteen minutes or so, and until then, my thoughts were as sharp as honed glass.

And lying there, I realized...realized why I wanted to cry. Why Karu's departure hurt me more than it should have. And with that thought, I felt my face contracting painfully as tears forced their way forward, no matter how stubbornly I refused them.

She'd chosen her broken, shitty philosophy over me, I realized. When it came between listening to me or running away, she hadn't hesitated. She knew I'd disagree with her new perspective, and had no interest in hearing me oppose it. It was what she needed, not me, and if she ever realized that…

...well, there'd be no point in her killing for me anymore. She could kill for whatever damn fucking reason she wanted. And then what would she become?

My building tears weren't for me, they weren't even for Karu. They were for the Karu from before, who somehow had survived years of soldiering and hunting, it had only been under my orders that her innocence had finally died, and the woman I knew had died with it.

I sat up and, as I'd meant to before this all started, stripped out of my shoes and socks, lining them up by the door next to the sneakers which had started this whole fucking mess.

Why did I have to notice they were the same ones Micaiah had tracked down? Why did I have to ask about the size? Why couldn't I just have trusted Karu, even as the inconsistencies and circumstantial evidence grew against her? What, I'd kill for her, but couldn't overlook a fucking phone call with her dad?

I was mad at myself, and not certain why. Karu was gone, and I needed someone to blame, I guessed. I didn't know. I was angry. I was exhausted. I was hurt, and impotent, and useless. I'd lost so many people today, and I just had to open my mouth and lose one more.

I looked over and saw myself in the mirror, sitting up on the bed in my street clothes, looking like any other stupid normal person. Just an ordinary fucking person. What was I thinking, trying to save anyone? No wonder they all died, if this was the hero sent for their rescue.

I threw my shoe at the mirror and it cracked. My other shoe splintered it into a rain of glass, cascading across the desk and floor.

They had Karu's credit for the room. May as well trash the place. Fuck her.

I laid back down next to Tem and tried to wait patiently for the stims to wear off. Her breathing was so slow and shallow, when I tried to match it, I found myself suffocating. It was just impossible, I couldn't do it like she did.

So instead I did it like I did, laying there, overwhelmed by my own thoughts and nature and feelings, feeling hot and cold as anger and sadness washed over me and through me.

Minutes later, when the stims were finally wearing off, I felt nothing but exhaustion as I cried myself to sleep.