Unsurprisingly, the rest of the date was equally meticulously planned, and I did my best not to completely torpedo that half of it, at least.

She brought us next to a public ice skating rink, where she had skates in both of our sizes already reserved, despite there being dozens of pairs behind the counter and zero chance of them running out. For AEGIS, I got the impression that the preparation behind something was as important as the thing itself.

Which is why it was even more amusing that she couldn't even stand on the ice, legs wobbling under her as she clung to the edge of the rink despite her repeated protests that 'she looked this up!' and 'it wasn't supposed to be this difficult!'

So I felt a little bad for laughing at her, but we still had a great time with me teaching her how to keep her feet under her and how to go, though the concept of how to stop was well beyond her skill, leading to her gleefully shooting off with a 'look at me go!' and then ending by slamming into a wall with a heavy thump and a giggle.

It was only after an hour or two of circling around the ring with her hanging heavily off me that I realized, maybe even this inability was planned. It certainly led to a lot of convenient accidents of her crashing into me with a 'Athan! Catch me!', and a lot of her clinging to me for support.

On the other hand, every time she took off, shoving herself off with deliberate, measured strides, imitating how I'd taught her exactly, she had such a look of focus and concentration on her face, I just couldn't buy that theory. She might be a schemer, and I wouldn't put it past her to deliberately play dumb if she needed to, but she was also almost stupidly competitive sometimes, and seemed to be pushing for skating independence as hard as possible.

This was all but confirmed when we were pushing early afternoon and I sat down to nurse my sore calves and realized I was really hungry. I asked the slowly-passing AEGIS if she had any food plans and she gave me a 'yeah, just a sec' and then kept right on skating. It wasn't for another fifteen minutes when she finally orbited the rink without crashing into a wall, person, or the ground when she was finally content to head off the ice.

"Sorry, didn't mean to keep you waiting," she apologized.

"You looked good out there."

"Maybe for a baby chicken who can't stand on two legs."

"No really. It took me way longer to be able to steer than you. You'll be at the winter Olympics in a couple years at this rate."

"Winter Olympics isn't happening for another three years, Athan," she said with apparent annoyance, but looked improbably pleased anyway. "Anyway, food, I just packed you a quick lunch if that's okay?"

"More than okay, sounds awesome," I said. She produced the same compartmentalized plastic box she'd used before, filled with food as before. Egg sandwiches today, which was a little weird, not egg salad, just...egg, thin and folded on itself, on a triangle of crustless fluffy white bread, with sides of rice, fresh fruit, and some kind of vegetable slaw with sesame seeds on it. All probably Japanese home-style foods, I assumed.

It was interesting that Chiho was gone now, but her influence would linger like this. I'm not even sure how good the girl was at cooking, but she'd given AEGIS the first step, and consequently helped decide which path would be followed.

Not that I minded. The sandwiches were a little strange texturally, so soft they almost just fell apart when I bit into them, but the eggs were buttery and fluffy like none I'd ever had.

AEGIS wasn't through after that, though. She'd booked us a couples pottery class, where the clay on my spinning wheel stubbornly refused to shape the way I wanted it, and she took the opportunity to keep her hands on mine a lot, and then as evening drew on, seats at a comedy club. Some of the humor was pretty lowbrow, but I guess so was AEGIS sometimes, and the laughter and energy in the place was infectious.

When we funneled out into the streets, I felt like I was light and glowing, and AEGIS kept beaming at me. Somehow she had a cab outside already waiting for us, and without even giving a destination we got in and the driver pulled away.

We had a few minutes of silence, but I began to feel an unusual tension rise and tried to put it to rest by opening my mouth.

"So, still not a date?" I asked.

"I told you, if it were a date, you'd know."

"I'm pretty sure I know this is a date. This is kind of like four times a normal human date, you know. I'm really not that difficult. Dinner and a movie would have been fine."

"Good thing I'm not a normal human, then. And neither are you. Considering the crap hand you were dealt in life, I don't see the problem with you being a little lucky in love."

"I mean, that sounds nice and all, but it's still totally unnecessary. I'm just a simple guy, and yeah, shit happens."

Punitively, she slowly pushed her finger into my cheek. "Look buddy, I know you're just trying to be a macho stoic hero guy--"

"I totally am not."

"--but believe it or not, I worked hard to make today come together. If you start telling me how unnecessary it all was, you're crapping on my hard work. Still want to continue this line of thinking?"

"I don't mean it like that, and you know it. I'm just saying, I really appreciate all of this, but I don't need it. I'm just…" I glanced at the driver apparently completely ignoring us. "I'm not really a good person. You know the things I've done."

"So this crap again?" AEGIS said, crossing her arms. "Someone else in the world has experienced suffering so Athan doesn't deserve to be happy?"

"Well, I wouldn't put it that way."

"Look, buddy," she jabbed me in the chest this time. "If you're so hung up on the consequences of your actions and refuse to be a happy person because of the bad things you've done, then you get to take responsibility for all of your past, got it?"

"Sure. That's what I mean. The XPCA, and Mage, and--"

"And me?"

"You?" I asked.

"That's right buddy. I spent upwards of a hundred years buried in the dirt, ten years of which I was online, staring at blackness, not knowing who I was or if I'd ever see the world, afraid the whole time, until some self-suffering asshole rode in on his white charger and saved me from my own shallow grave. You fixed me, you brought me back."

"That wasn't--"

"And then, you gave me back my memories. And when I thanked you for that with a knife in the back, literally, you still forgave me, and taught me I could be more than what I was made to be. You gave me my life and my freedom back again. And you were ready to fucking die for it."

"I just wanted to know what you were doing and stop you."

"Damn lies. If all you wanted was to stop me, all you had to do was throw a grenade across the room at me instead of fighting through a wall of robots. Would have been fucking trivial, but I bet the thought never even crossed your mind. Because you're a good person, Athan, and if you don't deserve to be happy, who does?"

"Good people who aren't also bad people, I guess."

"Well that's stupid. Anyway, I have made my decision that you should be happy, and you're gonna deal with it. Like I said, if you can put the consequences of Mage's death on your shoulders, you can damn well take the consequences of my life."

I couldn't really argue with her. She'd brought up these points consistently before and I never had any rebuttal. I didn't feel like I'd saved her, but if I said that, I knew she'd say what I thought didn't matter, if she felt saved, she was saved, regardless of my motivations.

I didn't even think she was wrong. It wasn't anything logical that kept me arguing with her. When I'd slid into the car and sat next to her, I had closed the taxi door behind me and glanced out into the darkness, and in the mirror which was the window, saw a stranger's face reflected.

This stranger looked just like me but was smiling and carefree, like nothing in the world bothered him. He looked like a smug asshole that I wanted to hit, someone oblivious to other people's suffering, how many people fought and died every day to keep that idiotic smile on his face. He felt disrespectful and like his very existence was something which never should have been.

As I recalled the thought now, I realized those were Moon's words. I felt a painful pang of empathy. No wonder she never showed any emotion, if that's how she saw herself all the time.

I loved AEGIS, I think it was safe to say. Today, she'd really put her best foot forward and made one hell of a compelling case for just how fun and awesome she could be, and a small, selfish part of me wanted that, wanted only that, wanted to cling to her and not have to worry so much and smile our lives away. If I were a college freshman and she was a girl I'd met, I'd be killing myself to throw myself at her.

But I wasn't. That guy was the guy in the mirror, the smiling asshole. In a way, she was like Saga, trying to change me into what she wanted me to be, without regard for who I was or if I could still be myself after the change. But while Saga had done it to me out of selfishness, to amuse herself by making me into her plaything, AEGIS was doing it out of love, to bring what she thought was the best of me forward, to give me happiness she thought the world denied me.

And while she was working so hard on me, I just sat here like a fucking idiot, wanting to tell her again, yes, I'd love to let you decide my life for me, while knowing that I couldn't.

"You...okay over there?" AEGIS asked tentatively. "You just went quiet and it looks like you found a stormcloud to sit under."

I sighed. "Yeah. Sorry. I'm crapping up your date again, my bad."

"Dates aren't about what you do or think, Athan, they're about who you're with and how you feel."

"I'm feeling a lot right now. Sorry."

"Oh, is that so?" Her eye got mischievously wide. "You know," she said in a conspiratorial whisper while she undid her seatbelt slowly and silently "I know one surefire way to clear all the thoughts out of your head."

"Uh," I said, not sure where this was going until she started to advance on me like a prowling cat, eyes flashing like I'd seen under my blankets too many times. "Yeah, maybe put your seat belt back on?"

"Oh it'll be fine," she whispered at me, drawing close enough that I could feel her breath. "I'll just slip our driver an extra chit and have him drive us around the block twice. I promise I won't take longer than that."

As I'd done many times in the past, I took her twin-tails as handlebars and gently but insistently pulled her off of me, feeling something like disappointment.

She crossed her arms and glared at me from the corner for a minute. "I don't get you," she said at last.

"What's to get? We're in a taxi, AEGIS."

"Sometimes we're in your bed."

"In a room filled with other people! Come on."

"And even when we had our own hotel room earlier today?"

"I was...tired. And Karu called. And you hit me!"

"Look, if your hang-up is the robot part of this equation, I can't do much about that, Athan. But you should just tell me."

"It's not that."

"What, is this another 'I don't deserve to be happy' thing?"

"No, it's an 'I don't want to be molested' thing!"

I noticed the driver's act of ignoring us was starting to falter as I accidentally made fleeting eye-contact with him in the mirror.

"But when you were with Karu, you guys did it like, fifty times a day?"

"Maybe a tenth of that. And how did you know that anyway?"

"Educated guess. And you just confirmed it." She didn't sound happy about it.

"You're a dick. Why does that matter anyway?"

"Why? Are you playing stupid or are you actually stupid? Sometimes I can't tell, Athan."

"Just fucking tell me, okay?"

She glared at me furiously. "Because obviously, you were fine with spending every minute plugging her holes, but I can't even make a move on you without getting shut down! Like, you may as well just come out and tell me you like her better, okay?"

The car came to a stop outside a fancy restaurant with a black awning and red carpet leading from the curb. A valet popped out and opened the door for us.

"Just a minute," AEGIS said and slammed the door shut in his face. "So? If your mind is so made up, just fucking be with her already!"

"It's not so made up, okay? When Karu sunk her hooks into me, I was...I'd never...I had no idea what I was doing, okay? I was a stupid horny teenager and she was a fucking hot as hell older woman who jumped me."

"And I'm, what? Is this not jumping you? Is a hundred and ten not old enough? Or I'm not hot?"

"It's not about you, I'm trying to tell you that. It's not like I didn't enjoy it with her, but it took me that whole time to learn to say no to free sex, okay?"

"Uh," the driver interjected. "We're here."

"Yeah, yeah, just a sec," AEGIS replied, and flung a chit in his direction. "Keep the change." He checked the balance on it and then shut up and went right back to pretending to ignore us. "So what you're saying is, again, because I waited and respected you and Karu didn't and made the first move, I lose out again?"

"No, it's...I mean…"

"Fucking sounds like yes to me, Athan. So would I best be furthered in this relationship by just chaining you up in my sex dungeon and ignoring everything you say or think or do? Because it seems a lot like that's the only way into your heart. And that's pretty amazingly fucked up."

"Look, you don't have to be a drama queen about it. Just understand I've made mistakes and am trying to avoid making them again. Like how I just fell into Saga's and Karu's arms because they were convenient. You're a really great person, AEGIS, and I don't want to do that to you. I might have lost Saga forever because of how stupid I was, and if I lost you like that too...I don't know...what I'd do."

Her anger softened somewhat but didn't disappear. "Well first off, I am not a drama queen," she said like a formality.

"Right. Sorry."

"I just hate feeling like I'm the nice guy finishing last. All I want is for you to be happy, and somehow, the fact that's so far down on your list of priorities, you'd rather turn into Saga's zombie sex toy? Fuck it hurts. But more than that, it makes me hurt for you, Athan. I don't want you to be that guy."

She punched the seat under her with a pretty disgusting plume of dust and crap. "And it seems like the only way for me to get into a position to care for you is to treat you like shit. So I'm just...imagining you in life, only falling for women who are bad for you, the worse, the better, because of your fucking martyr complex. And the whole time, I get to sit on the sidelines, hoping you do well, but knowing you're too fucking self-destructive to ever do so."

I frowned. I guess, I could see that? Seemed unlikely I'd ever have another girl interested in me. I assumed I used up my whole romantic luck allotment with AEGIS, Karu, and Saga, already. Hell, considering how the three of them had been, I wasn't sure I'd survive any more girls.

"So...sorry. If I'm mad at you for no reason. That's why. Just me trying to run your life, like always," she sighed.

"It's not so bad. The food is a lot better with you meddling, at least."

"Oh, shit, food. Are you starving, Athan? Sorry. I always lose track of how hungry people are supposed to be. We're right here, uh, start with some breadsticks or something maybe?"

She untangled herself from the seat belt and threw open the door, surprising the valet, and made it a few steps out before turning around.

I thought she was just looking back for me to see if I was coming, but the expression on her face made it clear something was wrong. She looked almost panicked, her eyes wide with concern and opened her mouth to say something.

But what she had to say didn't come. She froze on the spot and then simply collapsed while I was still sliding out of the car. Before I even found my feet under me, I was at her side, calling her name and shaking her awake.

She wasn't breathing. There was no pulse. Should I give her CPR? Should I shock her back to life? How could she just collapse like this without warning?

I picked her up in my arms, she was heavy and already cold. She had been so hot only moments before. The air was cold, I could see clouds of frozen breath from the crowd gathering around us, but none from her. How had she lost so much heat so fast? I had to keep her from freezing. I began to take off my coat to wrap her in it.

I heard a man in the crowd say a word I recognized and it snapped me back to reality. 'Ambulance.' An ambulance wouldn't help. AEGIS was not a girl, no matter how she looked. She didn't need to breathe, she didn't need a pulse, and she wouldn't get hypothermia. What the hell was I thinking? She had to reboot, that was all. I had to get her to Lia. Lia had been able to boot her back up after her stint as a terrapath. That was what she needed more than anything.

I carried AEGIS back to the taxi and put her in the backseat, the door still open, and slid in beside her. Now where the heck were AEGIS and Lia staying? I know they'd mentioned it, but I didn't remember the place at the time. I pulled out my mobile and almost dropped it.

"Hospital?" asked the driver. I shook my head. Distracting. What was I thinking? Right. Lia.

As I dialed Lia's number and held the mobile to my ear I felt a familiar calm wash over me. I wasn't one to usually panic, I jumped in and did things instead. Now that I was on the road to action, it was much easier to think. I'd stumbled, but we would be okay.

"Yo, bro?" Lia's voice came casually when she picked up.

"Lia, AEGIS crashed. I need the boot thingy you have. Where can I meet you?"

"Uh, crashed?"

"Yes. Tell me where you are and I can start heading over, we can talk later."

"Okay. I'm at our place at The Four-in-Hand penthouse suite...I can meet you in the lobby. Do you know where that is?"

I confirmed with the driver and he started going.

"So, crashed? Did you...do anything?" Lia asked.

"Anything like what?" I asked. "No, she just got out of the car, looked at me funny, and then collapsed."

"Looked at you funny? Were you like, I don't know, hitting on Karu at the time or something?"

"What? No! What the heck, Lia. AEGIS just dropped like a rock, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, last time she suddenly dropped like this, she found out about you getting together with Saga and couldn't take it, so just covering our bases here."

I heard something crackle and for a moment the turbines in AEGIS' joints glowed and flared to life. She became unbearably hot to be next to, but it only lasted an instant, and when it was over, she sat upright and blinked a few times.

"Why are we back in the car?" she asked. "I thought you were hungry?"

"Hey, Lia, she just woke up…" I said, and AEGIS' brow furrowed even more as she took in the situation.

"Driver, back to the restaurant please. I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

"AEGIS are you sure you're okay?" I asked. I noticed the driver didn't turn around just yet, maybe thinking the same as me.

"Even if I'm not, not much Lia's going to be able to help with. I need to run some diagnostics...did I just crash again?"

"Yeah. Just out of the blue."

"Blue...screen. Heh."

"What?"

"Never mind. I'm fine, let's go back. We'll miss our reservation."

"Look, I don't know what just happened but it was way more important than a reservation, okay? Let's--"

"No, Athan. I refuse to let this...not-a-date go any further off the rails on my account. Driver, turn back please. Now."

The tax turned in a wide arc at the next light, bringing us back to conclude our strange, oft-disrupted, extensively planned date.

But strangely, despite the new worry laying heavily on my heart, I found this part of the date much easier than the rest. Maybe it was the surge of adrenaline I'd had in picking up her body, or the relief that she wasn't broken, or the fact that she'd screwed up the date nearly as much as I had now.

But I think the real answer was a little more messed up. Being with AEGIS for my sake was hard. Being pampered and her planning and running everything, that was so far beyond my experience, it was almost as stressful as it was fun. But being with her for her sake? I could spend a lifetime at her side, easily.