《Dark Jokes》Chapter 34 - The living god

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“It’s been such a long while since I celebrated my birthday. I think the last time was when I turned 15 years old… Not that I could really call this a celebration, ha, ha, ha.”

I was currently talking to myself, while eating in the middle of a giant room that used to be the Orc High General’s dinner hall in the capital. He was the highest ranked Orc in the world and also one of the Orcs I crushed last. Despite this, his personal rooms were far less luxurious than what the Emperor probably had.

That and the fact that there was no standing wall left around me, as I was in the middle of a destroyed battlefield.

After allying myself with Spades, the war had become pretty one sided. Unlike my Magic, the Orcs weapons were unable to take down a dragon and his raw power combined with my Creative Magic allowed me to erase some entire Orc cities at once.

Large scale mass destruction Magic was obviously the one I used most often. It could be an Earthquake, a massive Tornado or a rain of fire. They would usually leave me exhausted but after resting and taking in my daily dose of potion, I would feel ready to continue.

The Orc capital was the last one to fall. Despite the heavy guard of the city, I entered very easily by riding Spades. He started decimating the Orcs with his tremendous firepower while I used Earth Creative Magic to literally make the city collapse on itself. No survivor.

By moving towards the capital, I had been progressing towards the north of the Klug continent and now that I had reached it, only the vast sea was separating me from the Dorua continent and my salvation.

Although the potion had indeed slowed down the effects of my sickness, I could feel it becoming much more of a burden than when I left Aldenaf. I was now coughing blood and had some regular nosebleeds after exhausting myself.

It looked like Spades had come to respect me as his comrade and was showing concern about my health. His attitude was still generally cold but he no longer treated me as an inferior organism.

At first, I was thinking of going back to the Dwarf capital to take my toll but I quickly realised that if I were to take such a detour, I may very well run out of time before I could make it to the Dorua continent. I would have all the time I needed to make sure to have the Dwarves Elders keep their promise after I got healed by the Elves.

Rather than going there by boat, it was now fast to just ride Spades to Dorua. I could have done it from the moment I allied myself with him but if I had delayed the Orc’s extermination, that would have meant the cancellation of the deal I had with them, which, I had to admit, was disadvantageous to me.

Thus, after finishing my 20th birthday meal, I flew to the Dorua continent on Spades’ back.

***

The first thing that came to sight when approaching the Dorua continent was its extreme vegetation. Trees that were taller than anything I had seen before were standing in front of me, emitting a sacred feeling.

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I had indeed read in books that Elves were creatures that lived in harmony with the nature so such a scenery was something to be predicted. What lied beyond however, betrayed all my expectations. An enormous amount of buildings made of steel and stone hid in the back, behind the disguise of the forest.

The sky, which was deep blue where I was, looked more grayish than anything else around those buildings. Skyscrapers reached out to the clouds while the activity on the ground was surprisingly active. I could see hundreds of Elves walking in the streets with a busy look on the face of each of them. Their clothes did not match the ones the Healers wore in the Sill continent. They had a weird feel to them but it was definitely something that I was seeing for the very first time. These clothes were made out of tissue; most of them were grey or black, covering a white shirt and the men were wearing a tie while the women walked with black high heels.

Smoke came out of thicker buildings as well as a noisy sound. This noise was enough to cover the sound of me approaching on a giant black dragon, fending the skies.

I had strictly no idea where to go now that I had arrived in what I had guessed to be the Elven capital. I jumped off Spade’s back and told him to wait for my signal. I landed on top of a building which I proceeded to exit by going through it.

I did not spend any time visiting it but I did see that many Elves were working on their own desk, all coordinated like an army of ants. When I finally reached the ground, I decided to interrogate a passing woman Elf.

“Excuse me, what can you tell me about the Sages ? I’m a tourist so I don’t quite know but I heard about them and I am interested..”

“Get out of the way.”

The woman pushed me aside and carried on walking, paying no further attention to me. This annoyed me quite a bit so I decided to change my course of action.

“Ha, ha, ha…Getting ignored is the worst for a joker. Change of plans.”

I fell on the ground, feigning me fainting, as if the woman was the cause for my fall. I stopped moving after doing so and waited. Despite how busy she looked, the Elf noticed me falling and came back to check on me.

“Hey, are you alright ? I didn’t push you that strongly… Come on wake up… oohh… at this rate I’ll be late for the meeting… but if I let this guy die I’ll be sent in jail. Someone, please call a healer !”

A few minutes later, a Healer wearing a white blouse came to check on me. When he noticed my burns after removing my mask, the Healer and a few other Elves carried me to a room. The Healer slapped me and I opened my right eye.

“Come on, stay with me. Stay awake. Do your best to stay awake. You’re suffering from very grave burns that I cannot treat with my Magic due to how long you’ve had them for.”

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“It… burns… Haaa…”

To be honest, the pain had become something I was used to and it was bearable, for now at least. But I did my best to act as if I was in a maximum amount of pain.

“Don’t move. I’ll have to call one of the Sages.”

“Where… am I ?”

“You don’t even know that ? Well talking with you is the best way to keep you awake so asking me questions is fine. You are currently in Glavopolis, the Elven main city.”

“Why would… someone like a Sage… bother wasting time just to… heal a stranger like me ?”

“Believe it or not but the Sages are actually working as heads of the Healers. When we get patients we can’t cure, it’s part of their job to cure these patients themselves.”

“Arcadeus… as well ?”

“Yes, although we only ever call him for life and death situations, which almost never happens. Elves can self-regenerate so healers in this city only exist for the tourists. I didn’t know we still had some tourists though, I thought the port of the Dorua continent was closed…”

So the port was closed ? Not surprising, considering that the Orcs had probably also threatened the Elves as only the sea was separating them from each other.

“Well, do your best to hold on. One of the Sages should be here soon.”

I waited for about ten more minutes and an Elf wearing traditional clothing finally showed up, followed by two others. They seemed about twenty years old each. As they approached, the Healer – who also looked to be in his twenties – bowed down respectfully.

“Here you are, Sages. Sorry to call you on such short notice but this patient is a human and has got very grave burns that need immediate healing.”

“I will take over from here, Klaus. Hi sir, I am Irslan, the 4th Sage. Behind me stand the 3rd and 2nd Sages.”

The three Elves looked at me. They seemed so young that I would not have believed they were Sages had the Healer not bowed down.

The Healer bowed once more and left the room, leaving me alone with the three men.

“It’s just as Lord Arcadeus had predicted. This is the cursed kid. Kill him.”

I must thank my training that allowed me to react fast enough to the 『Wind Razor』and 『Earth Spikes』that were cast on me.

Had I not used『Dragonfly』, I would have been either impaled or cut in half before being able to do anything.

I readied myself for battle and cast three『Phantom Fireballs』at them. Even Elves that were skilled in handling Cindril could not protect against a spell that ignored shields and armors.

The three of them erected an『Earth Shield』each and as expected the blue fireballs went through them. But they got stopped before reaching their targets. Or rather, they disappeared into nothingness. A second after, a shock wave was emitted from each place where the fireballs disappeared and the three Elves were knocked back. They still stood still though. They didn’t look surprised though, as if they had planned all this.

“Lord Arcadeus, you saved us” the 4th Sage shouted.

Behind the three of them, a fourth Elf wearing grey traditional clothing appeared. Unlike the other three however, he was wearing golden earrings and a golden pendant. He also looked young but his hair was white despite having no apparent wrinkle.

“Irslan, Kalagos, Grisis, stand aside. This opponent is too powerful for you.”

“With all due respect, Lord Arcadeus, are you sure about your claim ? We are 3 Sages and he is a lone wounded kid. Clearly he shouldn’t stand a chance.”

“I am saying that for your sake only. Even lone against the three of you, this human is powerful enough to kill you all without suffering a single injury. Your legendary level spells are nothing in comparison to his power. Only I can defeat him.”

“Do you mean to say that he is a god, like you, Lord Arcadeus ?”

“A god, huh ? He is nothing but a deceiver. Do not insult me by grouping him with me. However powerful he is, he is still nothing before me.”

“Ha, ha, ha. Is your little conversation finished ? I don’t quite know what’s going on but I guess I can say goodbye to you healing me back to full health obediently. Well that’s a shame but I guess I’ll just have to force you to do it once I beat you.”

“Do not overestimate yourself because of your knowledge of Xii, human. I have far more experience and Mana than you. Besides, you are but a wounded animal in front of a god. Let me show you true power.”

I cast several『Phantom Fireballs』but they all disappeared into shock waves like the ones earlier. Arcadeus walked up towards me, and as he approached, the Earth started to crumble. As he got closer, Earthquakes formed around us and a little arena was built from the rest of road crumbling around us.

I tried to take off with『Levitation』but I was pinned down by an intense gravity, just like what I had done to Spades. I was stuck in this arena with Arcadeus.

He was now too close for me to try to shoot him with spells. I dashed up to him and tried to slash him with a blade made of shadow on my left arm. I created an『Earth Spear』and handled it with my right hand. I then managed to slashed Arcadeus multiple times with my weapons before he collapsed.

“…”

The Elf’s body suddenly melted, as if it was made of water and I could hear the sound of meat being stabbed. I had just been stabbed in the stomach from behind by a spear made of ice.

“Pathetic. A weak 20 years-old-human trying to take down a nearly 950 years-old-Elf. How laughable. It’s disappointing that Porcephone didn’t kill you when he could. Yet another useless puppet.”

I fell on the ground and rolled to get a clear sight of the first Sage. Blood was dripping out of my wound and I could feel my vision becoming blurry. Arcadeus lifted his spear in the air and was about to deal the final blow.

He swung his spear towards my head.

And then…

Pitch black.

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