Chantelle’s warning came just as Gary was approaching the farmhouse, a few minutes too late for him to act on it. All around him he could feel signs of life as the soldiers, Jonathan and Goremaster had spread out in search of him.

“We know what you did, Gary!” Jonathan called out, “You’re sick!”

“We’re going to get you,” Goremaster taunted him from somewhere to his left.

Gary didn’t know what had turned the others against him like this, but he guessed it was his uncle using whatever mindfuckery magic tricks he’d learnt in the meantime.

Distracted for a few precious seconds by the admin Juliet reappearing in his head, one soldier had snuck up on him and pointed a gun in his back.

Gary knew from what had happened to Rain that if the soldier pulled the trigger, he was a goner.

“Don’t shoot!” he said. “This is all a mistake!”

He tried to reach for the Nightblade at his right hip, but a hand knocked it away.

“Hands in the air, now, freak!”

Gary had no choice but to comply as Private Lee called out in the night that he’d captured Gary. The others zeroed in on Gary’s position and within less than a minute, Jonathan, Goremaster, two soldiers, Captain Vaughn and his uncle had surrounded him.

They relieved Gary of the Nightblades and Simon, leaving him with only his claws as a weapon.

The problem was, if he attacked now, he’d be dead in seconds.

“Well, Gary,” his uncle said, “I’m sorry it’s come to this.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet you are,” Gary muttered.

“It’s such a shame your parents let you down, Gary.”

Juliet’s voice appeared in Gary’s mind again.

Gary? Are you still there?

Yes, I’m still here, Juliet. I’m in a bit of a situation here.

Yes, I can see that, Gary. I’m sorry, but we’re not allowed to interfere. It’s against the rules.

Whose bloody rules??? Gary raged. You’re the ones that started all of this! The slugs, the zombies, me being undead, this is all your fault!

Gary, I know this is a very stressful situation, but I’d ask you not to take that tone with me. I’m doing everything I can to resolve this issue. And I’m sorry you feel that way, but we aren’t responsible. It’s just how the system works.

Realising that he was talking to the only person left who might help him, Gary backpedalled fast.

Yes, sorry, look, just hold on for a second okay, I need to see if I can do anything here.

Gary turned his attention back to his uncle.

“What the hell are you talking about, uncle David?”

“Well, I’m sorry that your mum and dad let you down, you know? It’s a pity they didn’t raise you right. Maybe if they had, none of this would have happened. You know, you turning into a serial killer and all that. Very unpleasant business.”

Gary gawped and turned to Jonathan.

“Jonathan, you’re not buying this, are you? I mean, come on, I saved your life. I helped save everyone’s life...”

Jonathan’s eyes were glazed, however.

“You killed all those people, Gary. It makes sense. Your uncle told me...”

“But he’s lying!” Gary shouted in exasperation.

“Now, now, Gary, there’s no point making a fuss. Captain Vaughn, I think it’s best if you and Private Lee escort me and Gary over to...”

David made a theatrical show of considering.

“... hmm, over to that field over there. The one lowest down. This is a family business, after all.”

“Yes sir,” Captain Vaughn nodded.

“What are you going to do with him?” Goremaster asked.

“Look, Gary is a sick animal. And you know what we do with sick animals, don’t you? We put them down. Oh, dear Gary, I am glad your mother isn’t alive to see this. Terrible business.”

He made a pretence of wiping away a tear.

You bastard, Gary thought. I bet you didn’t even try to help my parents in Oxford, did you?

“Let me do it,” Goremaster said, waving his mace, “I need the experience points.”

“I admire your can-do attitude, son, but I think this is something I need to take care of myself. Captain?”

Captain Vaughn gave his men the orders. David, the captain and Private Lee marched Gary towards the field, keeping enough distance between them to give Gary no chance to attack.

“Now what?” Gary asked.

He stood in the field, as the soldiers shone torches on him.

Uncle David dropped Gary’s shovel in front of him.

“I think you know what to do,” he said with a smile.

*

Gary started digging.

Juliet, are you there?

Yes Gary, I’m here.

So there’s nothing you can?

There isn’t, not with your current situation.

Terrific, Gary thought as he dug into the ground and shovelled out another load of earth.

His uncle was standing twenty feet away, observing with a sickly smile on his face. Captain Vaughn and Private Lee were close-by and keeping their weapons trained on Gary.

Now, I’ve been looking into the reason you contacted us, about the administrative error. Gary, I need to ask you a question. You said somebody made a mistake, and an admin decided you were undead. Is that correct?

I’m not sure this matters right now, but yeah, that’s what happened.

Okay, I need you to think really carefully, Gary. Can you remember the admin number of whoever made the decision?

Gary frowned, What? No. Isn’t it in my history or whatever?

That’s just it, Gary. There’s no record of the admin decision. It’s like it’s been erased.

Terrific, Gary thought as he shovelled another load of earth onto the grass. You mean not only did someone make a mistake, it looks like they are now covering their tracks? That’s just brilliant.

Yes, it looks that way, Juliet agreed.

Well, is there anything you can do? Gary asked, I mean, this is a mistake, right? Is there any way the decision can be reversed or something? Look, I’m in a hole here and it’s getting deeper by the minute, you know? I need something, anything, to help me out here. Like, I don’t know, can you reverse this?

I’m sorry Gary it’s too late, the twenty-four-hour limit in which we’re able to change decisions has passed.

Well, for fuck’s sake. That was how long you had me on hold for!

Gary, please don’t use that tone. I am trying to help here...

Trying to help? If you were trying to help, you’d be giving me some options here and right now, I’ve got none. Like, what about an experience award for the hundred odd zombies I killed? Huh?

I can’t do that, Gary. We can’t change the system. All we can do is suggest certain things when conflicts and glitches arise. Besides, it wasn’t quite a hundred, it was seventy-five.

Okay, right, well...how about this? I’ve got this bloody voice in my head, Yarg. He’s some kind of conflict, right? It’s some kind of undead conciousness that I’ve got, like the undead version of me. Is that the kind of conflict you can resolve? At least get rid of that bastard out of my head?

Gary was clutching at straws, but he wanted to see if the admin was capable of doing anything at all. Otherwise, this was all pointless, and he’d need to find another solution to the predicament he was in.

He kept digging. Both literally and figuratively.

Hm, yes, okay, that’s a fair point. There is a minor conflict going on there. Not big enough to throw up a system alert, but definitely there. I can remove ‘Yarg’.

AHA! So you can change some things?

It won’t stop your cravings, Gary, but it will at least get that voice out of your head. Would you like me to do that?

Yes!

What? No, Gary, you bastttaaaaaaaard!!! Yarg piped up, before his voice faded away.

There, done. No more Yarg.

Okay, okay, Gary replied, okay, thanks for that. Okay, so work with me here, Juliet. Is there anything else? I mean, this is the admin’s screw-up, right, so… a little compensation would be in order, right?

I see your point and I feel bad that this has happened to you, Juliet said. Okay, let me see if I can suggest something to the system. It’s unusual at your level as the system randomises undead upgrades until they gain more sapience, but maybe... Yes! Got it! Okay, Gary, good news!

Tell me.

So, if you level up, then you’ll have complete control over which direction your class takes. You’ll have a lot of choices at level 3 and above, some pretty cool ones too, for instance…

Juliet, yeah, that’s brilliant and everything, but right now I’m unlikely to last thirty more minutes, never mind reach level 3. Is there anything else you can do?

Juliet paused.

Let me check something.

Do not put me on hold again!

I’ll be quick.

“You’re very quiet, Gary,” Uncle David smiled. “Nothing to say?”

Gary just glared at his uncle, refusing to give him the satisfaction.

Right, Gary, I’m back. Okay, so this is unusual, but what I can do is give you access to your full character sheet. It’s pruned back for the undead, because they don’t have any real awareness at lower levels, so there’s no point them being able to access all that information. But with your situation, well, there’s no reason not to let you see it all.

Gary checked his character sheet. Whereas before he hadn’t been able to see his basic statistics like Strength, Intelligence, Constitution and so on, they were now included. But apart from that, he couldn’t see any major changes. He was still a level 2 zombie with (45) hit points, a shovel as a special weapon and benefits for eating living or deceased flesh.

Okay, Gary, that’s all I can do. I’m going to shut down your glitch crystal, as you shouldn’t have one so you won’t be able to contact us again.

Wait, what, that’s it? An improved character sheet and I’ll have choices if I get to level 3?

He heard a pause on the other side of the connection.

Juliet sighed in exasperation. It was a sigh Gary had heard before when others considered he was being dim.

For fuck’s sake, Gary, play the game, Juliet hissed. Check your titles!

There was a distinct ‘click’ as the connection between Gary and Juliet went dead.

Gary frowned and returned to his character sheet.

Along with the additional information provided, there was a new line.

Titles: You have unclaimed titles.

Click here to claim your titles!