《A Spirit Vein's Guide to Immortality》V1C1: A Sick Joke

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Death…was the last thing to ever pop up in Arthur's mind. Well, that was until he was hit by a frozen banana from someplace high. In fact, he had enough time to move away from it and have someone else fall victim to the banana's wrath. However, as if he felt like his time had come, he didn't.

With that, the frozen banana collided with his head, giving him a great enough concussion that he was instantly knocked out unconscious. Even though he was quickly brought to the hospital after that and the people there were doing their best, Arthur definitely did his best accepting his fate.

'I wonder where I'll end up?' was the last thought he had in mind before everything in his surroundings turned into pitch-black…

Only for it to become colorful once more a few seconds later.

In an instant, Arthur was greeted by the sight of an office, with him being seated in front of an office desk. Behind the office desk was a well-dressed woman in her early thirties. If not for the looming sense of dread prevalent outside the window, Arthur would have thought that he had been reborn on Earth once more as some guy with a white-collar job.

Looking at the only thing resembling normalcy in the place he had arrived in, Arthur mustered up the trace amounts of courage he had and asked the woman, "Where…am I?"

"My office," the woman indifferently replied as her hands moved to and fro across the keyboard, seemingly doing two things at once. "For people like you, you can consider this as Purgatory."

"Purgatory…?" Arthur wasn't really a religious person, but he did have his ideas on what Heaven and Hell were like. For Purgatory to look like the usual office definitely threw him for a loop.

"Ignoring the confusion you're currently feeling right now, tell me if the information I have of you is correct," the woman said as she stopped typing on the keyboard, picking up a paper before looking at him directly.

"Your name is Arthur Arthur…right? It says here that you don't know your parents even since you were born, so you just made your first name your last name. Am I understanding this correctly?"

"Er…yes." Arthur nodded in response, or so it felt like it. After being informed that he was in Purgatory, he took every question from the woman more seriously.

"You lived up to the age of 19 until a frozen banana from a skyscraper fell on top of your head and gave you a concussion, strong enough to basically render you dead on arrival," the woman continued to read what was written on the paper, slowly giving him a weird look.

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After taking in a deep breath to calm herself, she eventually asked him, "Are you suicidal or something? You know you could've avoided that, right?"

"I…am not sure," he responded. "When I saw that banana, it just felt like…my time had come."

"Well, let's go with that reasoning for now," the woman said before typing down a few more things on the keyboard. A few seconds later, she clicked her tongue, giving Arthur the feeling that he had annoyed her somehow.

Sometime later, the woman rotated the monitor she was looking at to allow Arthur what she was seeing. On it were the words, 'Conclusion: Unknown.' Slightly confused, he asked her, "What…does this mean?"

"In short, since you haven't really done a lot of good things to warrant you a better rebirth or a lot of bad things to warrant a worse rebirth, this is the result Purgatory has come up with. Unknown," she told him.

"So…if I'm getting this right, I can't be reborn?" Arthur asked, to which the woman shook her head.

"On the contrary. Purgatory usually receives a few people like you from time to time that don't really have a set path for rebirth," the woman said in response. "With that, we just tend to give these people a second life that they would enjoy…after asking a couple of questions, of course."

Hearing that he was going to be given an ideal rebirth, Arthur made sure that he would answer the questions in a way that ensured he would be reborn the way he wanted to be. After all, things like these relied heavily on the person's word choice. With that in mind, he decided that he was going to respond to her questions with as few words as possible.

"First question." Giving Arthur some time to think about where he would like to be reborn, the woman asked, "Are you an introvert or more of an extrovert?"

"Introvert," Arthur succinctly replied. At first, the woman was expecting some more words to come out of his mouth, but seeing that he only replied with one, a light smile appeared on her face for some reason.

"Next question. What kind of world would you like to be reborn into?"

"Cultivation." If he had to choose between magic and cultivation, Arthur would definitely choose cultivation nine times out of ten. In his mind, magic was only for those with high aptitudes, while cultivation would be available for every person out there. To him, it would more or less assure the fact that he would be able to enjoy his next life to the fullest.

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"Last question. What kind of bonus would you like to have?"

"System." Although it was a common trope in the stories he read, Arthur totally understood why systems were the usual cheat authors chose. Other than the fact that it was simple to create for authors, it gave one the most assistance, as well as the most flexibility. Not to mention the fact that it made the experience feel game-like. To Arthur, treating his rebirth as a game of sorts was definitely his type of ideal.

"And with that, you've answered everything that's needed to be asked," the woman said before rotating the monitor back to her, typing some stuff on her keyboard soon after. After a few seconds of typing sounds, she let out a sigh of relief as she told him, "Fortunately, there's a rebirth slot that fits more or less the requirements I've received from asking you. Would you like to be reborn right now?"

"Yes, please," Arthur replied with great enthusiasm.

"Alright then." The woman nodded as she made a few gestures with her right hand in the air, allowing a few strands of gray energy to manifest. While doing so, she asked him, "Do you have any questions you'd like to ask me before I let you go through rebirth?"

Nodding, Arthur replied, "Once I'm reborn, would the memories from my past life be wiped off?"

"Normally, that would be the case. However, as I've stated before, for people like you with no set direction for rebirth, we're tailoring your next life to become your ideal rebirth. With that said, we would not remove the memories you have from your past life. It's something of a custom for people like you." Noticing the curiosity on Arthur's face, she then asked, "Any other questions?"

"This is my last question." Arthur nodded as he asked, "What's your name?"

"My name…?" Slightly caught off guard, the woman let out a light chuckle.

"You can just call me Theresa."

"Well, it's been nice knowing you, Theresa. Thank you for giving me the ideal rebirth."

"It's a pleasure," Theresa said as the gray strands of energy she had manifested soon enveloped Arthur as his body gradually disappeared from the place.

As the gray strands of energy that carried off Arthur to his ideal rebirth slowly dissipated into thin air, the light smile that was on her face gradually transformed into that of a mischievous grin, muttering to herself, "I wonder how long it'll take for him to lose his mind?"

"Fortunately for him, he chose to take a system. If he chose to have infinite energy, then it would have definitely been ironic! Hahahaha!"

Though, soon after, a hint of panic appeared on her face as she muttered to herself, "Wait a minute... did I make sure to allocate enough power for the system he'll get?"

"Ah, well. At most, it'll just affect his thinking. He wouldn't even notice a thing."

...

After an unknown amount of time, Arthur finally felt like his body had touched ground once more. Just as he was about to open his eyes, he quickly noticed that he had no sense of sight at all. In fact, after he continued to assess his current self, he noticed that he had none of the five basic senses at all. Wondering what had gone wrong, he could not help but recall the question and answer portion from before, regretting the fact that he was too broad in his responses.

However, just as he was about to despair over his current predicament, a voice resounded in his mind. Surprisingly, it was the voice of the woman from before he was reborn.

"Hello there, Arthur. As a special service to those that have chosen their ideal rebirth, I, Theresa, shall explain to you what kind of situation you're currently in."

"After inputting the responses you've given to me, you have been reborn in a world of cultivation that's definitely at the peak of its current era. After some time, the bonus you've asked for, a system, shall be given to you."

"As for your current state…you might be wondering why you don't have any of the basic senses a human should have, right?"

"Well, the fact is that… you're currently a spirit vein. Then again, I'm not even sure if I could consider you a spirit vein, given your current size. In any case, I've fulfilled the requirement of you wanting to be alone more often, right?"

"With all of that said, I hope you enjoy this ideal rebirth of yours!"

"…" Silence. A deafening silence took over Arthur's mind after Theresa's voice stopped explaining his current situation to him. After a while, he couldn't help but curse inwardly.

"Is this some sort of sick joke?"

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