Chapter 46: Memories and Letters

In which Fili and Kili learn some hard truths.

"Why were we never told any of this?" said Fili, shoving the door to his, Kili, and Thorin's bedroom behind them. Sara felt Thorin's rough fingers tense around hers as he pulled her to sit on the bed next to him. After Thranduil had left with Legolas, Fili and Kili had burst forth with questions, but Thorin had silenced them, insisting they would talk once they reached the privacy of their chamber. Sara suspected that more than secrecy had been his motive in postponing the conversation. The look on his face told her plainly that he was reeling from Thranduil's words, trying to internalize, process, and make sense of them. He had quickly led them back to their cramped bedroom. Bilbo had excused himself after agreeing to hold his tongue until further notice, stating that he had, "Quite enough to be getting on with thank you very much." Sara agreed with her little friend and had thought briefly about joining Bilbo, leaving the others to sort out the truth of the past, but Thorin's grip on her hand had grown tighter as they approached their rooms, as if he were trying to draw strength from her. She had stayed and now sat beside him. Balin occupied the only chair and Fili and Kili stood, looking to their Uncle, watching him, clearly expecting answers.

"Uncle did you know any of what Thranduil said?" asked Kili, his hands jammed into his pockets as he glared at the night table as though it had bit his leg. Thorin shook his head, his dark hair swaying side-to-side, the metal beads clicking softly.

"I was aware they both suffered from the sickness, but I never imagined it stretched back so far and affected so much. But after what we just heard several things have fallen into place in my memory."

"What do you mean?" asked Fili. "Uncle why were we never informed of any of this?"

"You were made aware," said Balin.

"Yes," said Fili, spinning to look at the old diplomat. "I was informed that Thror and Thrain suffered from Dragon Sickness, but I was never made aware it was so severe or extensive. I didn't realize it impeded their ability to govern our people. You told me and Kili of the signs we should be watchful of in ourselves and uncle, but we never really understood it could be quite so pervasive. Why did you not inform us?"

"You should have told us," said Kili, his glare swinging to Thorin. "Why?"

"You didn't need to know," snapped Thorin, releasing Sara's hand to run his fingers through his hair, agitated. Sara opened and closed her hand, trying to restore the blood flow to her fingertips. "My father and grandfather were indeed very sick. Much sorrow was born of their illness, but it was over long before you two were ever even thought about. By the time you two were born, much had changed and our people enjoyed relative peace. The past was in the past."

"But it affected our future and our present," insisted Kili.

"Uncle what happened? Was Thranduil right? Did Legolas speak the truth?" asked Fili, tugging roughly at the top button of his shirt.

"I can't be sure of anything that far back," said Thorin. "Those days after Smaug attacked are still hazy in my memory to this day. They were filled with fear, uncertainty, and grief. Grief for the ones we lost, so many, including your grandmother." Sara felt a twinge of pain as she saw her own grandmother's face flash before her mind's eye. The last few days before her death had been heart wrenching. "If it is true," continued Thorin, "Then it would be the second tragedy that has befallen our people due to our bloodline's weakness."

"Second?" asked Kili. Balin nodded.

"They were responsible for the war against the orcs. Many were led to their death in that war, including themselves and your uncle Frerin."

"But how can that be?" asked Fili, his voice rising in anger as he rounded on Thorin. "How could such a thing happen? Why was it allowed to happen? Why did you not stop them?"

"You think I did not try," roared Thorin, silencing Fili and making Kili and Sara jump. He stood and began to pace the floor as the silence stretched across the moments into minutes. Finally he stopped. "Sit," he said, pointing to the bed. Obediently Fili and Kili came to sit on either side of Sara, the bed creaking softly under their weight. Balin leaned back in his chair, twisting the end of his beard as they waited for Thorin to speak.

"The war of the dwarves and orcs was not all it seems to be to outsiders," began Thorin. "You will remember that the war began when King Thror was murdered by Azog." Fili and Kili nodded. "Did it never occur to you to ask why Thror entered the mountain on his own?" Fili and Kili looked at each other around Sara.

"I always assumed he wished to know what had become of the mountain," said Fili.

"We already knew the state of Moria," said Balin. "Spies had been sent forth and the few that returned brought ill news."

"Thror was driven into the mountain by his lust for wealth and treasure. He had become obsessed with the idea of obtaining mithril and was foolishly driven to his death because of it."

"Though he was sick, we suspect that he may have had some inkling of his fate, for before he left, he gifted Thrain the Ring of the Kings," said Balin.

"But why was he not stopped?" asked Fili, holding the button in his hand as the top of his tunic fell open.

"He was the king and ordered it thus. To go against him would have been tantamount to treason," said Thorin. "My father tried many times to dissuade him, but soon we were at war to avenge him. At least that was the goal of the war at the onset."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Kili carefully.

"As the war progressed I began to see the same illness grow in my father. It was not enough to simply take our revenge on the orc filth. Soon he was calling for aid from the other dwarf clans. He wanted to take back the mines of Moria. He told them that once the orcs have been driven out, all would share in the wealth of the abandoned mountain. It became his rallying cry, for gold, not for the fallen king or to recover our home of old, but for gold alone. Many times did I and my brother Frerin try to make him see reason. The mines were too vast and difficult to hold and would require too great a sacrifice, but our cries of warning fell on deaf ears. You have been told, though words can do no justice to the devastation that was wrought in that last battle, and among the overwhelming numbers who had fallen was my brother. Your grandfather has not been seen since."

"They say he is dead," whispered Kili, not meeting his uncle's eye. Thorin half growled, half sighed.

"And they may be right, I do not know for we never recovered his body. I only hope that if it is the case that my father died an honorable death."

"Unfortunately when he disappeared so did the Ring of Durin," said Balin mournfully. Thorin stopped his pacing and stood, feet apart, arms folded.

"Had we that ring, we may have had more help from the other clans for this quest. It is the symbol passed from King to King, but now it is lost. I had hoped that the Arkenstone would do the same."

"But what about the tale Thranduil told?" asked Fili, standing and beginning to pace himself. "Was it true? What fell into place in your mind?" Thorin let his arms fall and took Fili's place on the bed, reaching again for Sara's hand. She squeezed it.

How hard this all must be for him. Even she had been surprised by the news. How could someone be so sick as to let their entire people go hungry and without supplies? Was Thorin's fear of the sickness because of how he had seen it affect those before him? Was there a chance that he would also succumb to it? The dragon sickness could explain Thorin's change of character toward the end of the book. Was he fated to experience it as well? Should she share her concerns with him? Yes, she had made a promise to him. Maybe if he knew it was a possibility he would be able to more effectively fight against it. Many mental illnesses were like that, you could fight them much better if you were aware of your own condition. She would tell him but not now. There was already so much to think about at the moment.

Thorin looked at Balin.

"What do you think, is there a chance that the contract was a forgery? A farce?"

"No, I don't believe so," said Balin, leaning forward as he spoke. "I am no authority on document authenticity, but to my eye it is genuine. Indeed it seems unthinkable that any kind of commissioning deal of that magnitude would have been struck without a contract as the one we saw.

"It bore the royal seal," said Thorin, his eyes unfocused as he stared at his knees.

"But what about the Elf King's claims of offering us food and supplies? Did we really refuse their help?" asked Fili, staring at the button in his hand, rubbing a thumb over the metal surface.

"We may never know," said Balin. "There seems to be no proof to substantiate such a claim."

"Then how are we to know if they were lying?" asked Kili.

"We won't," said Thorin, his eyes still glazed. There was a moment of silence before his next words fell on their ears like a box of china to the floor. "But, I do not believe they are lying."

"Why," asked Sara, turning to better see his face. He sat up and let his head fall back, looking at the ceiling.

"A dream... or memory perhaps. I am not sure which, but the more I see the Elf Princess face, the more I am sure I saw it that night. I was indeed sleeping in my father's arms as were my other siblings. We had just received word that our mother was confirmed dead and not missing as we had hoped. We sought mutual comfort from each other, but when we woke in the morning our father was no longer by our side but arguing with my grandfather. I had always thought it was a dream, but now I realize it must have been a memory. Legolas was there in our camp that night, and he did call my father away from our side."

"But that does not prove the elves claims," asserted Fili.

"I fear we shall never have definitive proof," said Thorin, rolling his left shoulder and grimacing. "We shall have to take them at their word."

"If you think about it, it's not so incredibly hard to believe," said Sara, scuffing the toe of her new boot on the floor.

"Why is that?" asked Thorin.

"Well because Thranduil has a track record of sending supplies to those who are attacked by Smaug." The dwarves looked at her as if she had sprouted horns. "He does," she insisted. "Or rather he will… or … oh, I'm not sure, but in the book he rushes to bring supplies to the people of Lake Town after Smaug destroys their homes."

"He also rushes to the mountain to claim treasure," said Thorin scowling at her.

"But now you know he has a legitimate claim to the gems of Lasgalen," countered Sara. "Anyway I think it will come down to how much you want the alliance to happen, rather than proof of the past. I supposed the descendants of Dale could tell whether or not they received his help at the time, but until we get to Lake Town nothing will be certain."

"Your ancestors," breathed Kili.

"I hadn't really thought about it that way, but yes. If our suspicions are correct then they would be my ancestors." She fell silent thinking. Would they be able to find anyone that knew of her or the necklace? Did she have family in the near future? If all went well could she meet her family within the coming weeks? She could only hope and pray she was able to reunite with them, whoever they were, if they were.

"You are right," sighed Thorin, running a hand over his face. "We need to proceed as though we believe them. Much as the Elf King sets my teeth on edge, we will need their aid. So we move forward with this alliance. But I will need your help Balin."

Balin nodded. "I will be by your side every step of the way."

"Fili." Fili looked up. "You should also attend. Someday sooner rather than later you will become king and you will need experience with such things. You should work to understand our allies."

"Yes uncle," said Fili.

"Shall I send word to King Thranduil that we wish to move forward?" asked Balin.

"Not now. I will send word later," said Thorin, slumping a bit. "I have had too much of Thranduil's smug face for today. Let him wonder for once. Let it wait till tomorrow."

"What about the others?" asked Sara. "Are you going to tell them about our talk with the elves? They are no doubt curious what happened."

"I will inform the company later, for now I would just as soon forget the last few hours." Sara squeezed his hand sympathetically.

"I think it went really well. You were very patient even though he was trying to get a rise out of you. Thank you." He did not reply but raised her hand to his mouth, planting a soft kiss on the back of her knuckles. Fili watched them, his arms folded.

"What of the letter from mother," asked Kili.

Thorin's head jerked up and he reached inside his tunic pulling out the tidy envelope. Letting go of her hand he ripped off the side and pulled the crisp paper from within. His eyes began to slide back and forth, various emotions flashing across his face. Sara had no idea what to make of it but as the seconds turned into minutes her guts twisted painfully in anticipation. What had Lady Dis said? The situation had changed drastically since the letters were sent, and much more rode on her reply. Should she accept Sara, as both Fili and Thorin had urged her to, then all would be well. Thorin would be free to disprove Fili's claim and they could begin a real relationship. But should Lady Dis decline due to sheer dwarf stubbornness, then the most likely outcome would be the deadline running out with no challenge to Fili's claim and she would indeed become his true heart sister.

She felt torn by the whole situation. Torn between her affection and love for them both, however different in nature they were. She also felt a twinge of guilt for wishing this whole mess had been avoided to begin with. Fili and Kili would be her brothers no matter what, but she could not help but hope that the claim was broken. Fili could understand that couldn't he? He had proved that time and time again. She smiled as the memories flashed through her mind. It was almost hard to remember the same Fili she had met all those months ago, the same Fili who she had chastised for his dirty boots, who had talked to her in the early days of the quest. The same Fili she had dove into a river to save, who she had fought and argued with, who she had faced the orc scout beside. Funny how much someone could change in a dozen weeks, even if those weeks had been as eventful as theirs had been. She watched, wringing her hands as Thorn finished the letter and handed it to Fili who took it and began to read ravenously. Beside her Kili puffed in irritation and impatience, and Sara's nerves grew more frayed as his knee began to bounce. Sensing her agitation Thorin took her hand once again and she was relieved to see his expression was calm.

Fili finished the letter looking pleased but weary and Kili yanked the paper from him. Sara tried to read over his shoulder but was dismayed to see unfamiliar characters on the page. Of course it would be written dwarvish. Kili flipped the page to read the back.

"Kili, read it out loud," growled Sara, shaking his arm in frustration. "Please!" Grinning he flipped the page and began to read aloud... in dwarvish. That did it.

"Ouch," he cried, rubbing his shoulder.

"In English." The dwarves looked at her confused.

"English?" asked Fili.

"Westron, whatever," said Sara irritably. "Just read so I can understand it!"

"Brother Thorin and my hasty son Fili," began Kili, smirking.

"How many times must you be at odds with one another? Always you find things to disagree on and make me sort the difference between you. What a bind you have gotten yourself into this time my son. How could you be so rash as to offer the title of heart sister to another? And to a human no less! Albeit a most intriguing human. You know your position as Prince and had you stopped to think about your actions you would surely have realized that your offer was completely inappropriate. A human cannot bear the title of Dwarf Princess. It is utterly preposterous and will cause unrest in our people. The reason for the delay in my reply is because I had all the records of the laws pertaining to heart sister and brothers scoured looking for ways to undo what has been done. Unfortunately it has been for naught. Balin was quite right. There is no law against the human, which puts us all in peculiar circumstances.

"Now, before you go off half-cocked and angry my son, know my full mind on the matter. Fili, Kili, and Thorin, you three are more dear and precious to me than all the gold and jewels in this world combined. Would Mahal you would quit this quest and be satisfied with our home in the Blue Mountains. But alas you all feel duty-bound to undertake such a perilous journey and only Mahal himself could turn you from your course. Having stressed how much I treasure you, I cannot simply overlook the fact that this Sara Miller has saved my son's from what would have otherwise been certain death in the river, and also reviving Fili once recovered. For this act alone Sara Miller will forever have my gratitude and thanks. You have told me much about this woman, how she is from another world sent by the Valar to aid you in your quest. I thank Mahal that she has been sent to you, for without her I would be bereft of my son's. Through your descriptions of her it is clear how you have grown to be quite attached to this woman, my sons. I am pleased you have another woman's influence over you. Perhaps she will be able to enforce some sense of caution in you as I have not been able to.

"My dear brother Thorin, what can I say to you except that I am sorry my sons have proved to be so burdensome to you. Please continue to watch over them in their foolish endeavors. I must say that I am at a loss to understand your aversion to this woman. Don't think I missed the disdain in your letter dear brother. I tell you now that if I find you have been mistreating or neglecting this girl in any way, I will be most displeased with you.

"As to the matter of my answer to your requests that I give my blessing for this woman to become Fili's heart sister and my true daughter; I can only say that I wish things were different. Curse my son and his recklessness. Under other circumstances and given the opportunity I would very much like to meet this Sara Miller. From your description my son, she is a most intriguing person and I should like to know her better. If it were not for her race I may even unequivocally give my blessing. As it is I must give my blessing to you if only to clear the path for my brother to challenge you. I will trust in my brother's skills to see that what's best is assured. Know only that I expect you all to care for this girl no matter the undeniable outcome of the challenge. Though she will never be your true heart sister my son, you are quite right to protect and want to see to her care. I hope that sometime in the near future I will be able to meet Sara Miller, girl from Earth, sent of the Valar. Until that time, know that I love you all dearly despite the grief and worry you cause me. Be safe, be well, and return to me.

Your loving mother and sister, Lady Dis."

Killy let his hand drop to his lap. "Better?" he asked Sara. She nodded.

"So she gives us her blessing?" she asked, wanting to be sure she had understood.

"She does," said Thorin. "But only as a means to an end. She knows I will challenge Fili and win."

"You would think my own mother could show at least some faith in me," groused Fili. "It's as if in her mind there was no doubt who would win."

"Because there is none," replied Thorin smugly. Sara nudged him with an elbow.

"Don't take it personally lad," said Balin. "Your mother has seen Thorin fight many battles and she has also watched you grow in skill with your blade since you were a wee lad. There's no point denying it. Thorin is better at swords." Fili scowled, but Sara could not help feel pleased. Her pleasure must have shown, for pain and hurt flashed across Fili's face as he watched her.

"Are you pleased with this?" he asked. "Do you also hope that I will lose?" Guilt washed through her chest like a mild acid.

"It's not like that," said Sara, looking away. "I just... I had no idea heart sister was so formal when you asked me. I thought it was a cute pet name. If I had known it would lead you to fight Thorin or your mother I wouldn't have agreed."

"So you don't wish to my sister?" he asked, pained.

"I didn't say that," she snapped. "I have always felt you to be as close to me as I would hope a brother to be. You are my brother in every way that matters, but if I were to become your true heart sister, a daughter of your mother, it would complicate other matters for me, matters that were non-existent at the time of your offer."

"Your feelings for uncle," said Fili bitterly. "I always expected to have to fight for you, I just never thought I would have to fight against you." His words stung and Thorin's fingers tensed around hers.

"Oh for Mahal's sake," burst Kili standing. "It's not often I have the chance to say this, but brother you're being a dolt. Of course her feelings for uncle trump her feelings for you, just as if by some miracle you find some woman foolish enough to love you, your feelings for her will trump me. That is as it should be. It does not demean her love or affection for you in any way and it should not change the way you feel about her. Though mother does not wish her to inherit the title of princess, and for good and well reasons, it's clear that she wishes us to keep Sara close. Were you not the one to say that no matter the outcome of the challenge you would be a brother to her? If you are to be taken at your word then what does it matter if she's your heart sister on paper or not? She wishes to be with Uncle, he makes her happy, though Mahal only knows why, he's so moody." Kili dodged as Thorin jabbed a finger at him.

"However, if Sara were made our sister in truth, she would be barred from pursuing a relationship with him. If you lose it is for the best for everyone. She still gets us as her brothers, mother is happy, and Sara and uncle have a chance together as well. It has nothing to do with wanting to see you lose, but simply a matter of the heart." It was silent for a moment as Fili stood, surprised by his brothers outburst, and Sara held her breath. Finally Fili moved to stand in front of her. Dropping to one knee he took her hand from Thorin looking into her eyes.

"Is that truly how you feel? Is this what you desire? Will it make you happy?" Sara glanced over at Thorin and felt a wave of heat wash through her, but he made no move, not a muscle in his face so much is twitching to give away his thoughts. She turned back to Fili.

"Yes, I believe it is for the best. Besides my growing feelings for your uncle, I also have absolutely no desire to be a princess of any kind."

"Princess is not good enough? You would rather be Queen?" he teased. She opened and closed her mouth unsure how to respond.

"Its… it's not… I don't want to be either…"

"I know," said Fili grinning and holding up his hands. "I know you don't. I was just teasing you, but I also don't see how you intend to avoid it if you pursue a relationship with my uncle. He is the king in case you hadn't noticed." She looked at Thorin and as he took her hand again.

"If it does come to that I have a solution," he said. Fili raised an eyebrow and got to his feet.

"And what is that?"

"Simple, you will take over as king."

The button fell from Fili's hand and hit the floor clinking softly. "But... but I thought we were not even to discuss that till I reached my hundredth year?"

"Don't look so surprised sister son, have we not been preparing you since a very young age for this eventuality?"

"But I didn't think I was ready. I still have much to learn to prepare. I have little experience and there is so much I don't know."

"Alas that will always be the case. No matter how much you prepare, when it comes to ruling, there is no such thing as ready. There will always be those who know or are more perceptive than you. That is why it is important that you surround yourself with those who you can trust to council you truly. Your mother, Balin, and Dwalin are mine and you will find your own. Many things cannot be taught but rather must be experienced. I do however believe that you have what is most needed to rule over our people."

"A thick skull," said Kili, nodding sagely. Sara elbowed him but Thorn ignored them both.

"You have matured much over the past few months. You have proved your conviction, courage, and loyalty. Most of all you have proved that you care for those under you responsibility even when pressured from all sides. Despite the inconvenience it has caused me, your offer to Sara and how you have followed through with your responsibilities in regards to her has been exemplary. You have learned much from her. More quickly than myself I fear."

"You really do care for her don't you," said Fili, eyeing him. Thorin nodded. "You truly want to court her?"

"I do. I would not have allowed myself to act if I were not convinced it could bear fruit. But there is one thing that stands in my way."

"But if you are so certain that you will best me, how can you expect me to take over as king while you live?"

"I will tutor you in the sword, as will Dwalin, but not until after I have broken your claim on Sara."

"I wish you didn't have to fight at all," said Sara, bending to retrieve the fallen button. "Balin are you sure there's no way for Fili to withdraw his offer, or even fake or through the fight?"

"I'm afraid not lass. Once offered it must be seen through to the end. As for throwing the fight, to put less than one's best effort into a challenge would be dishonorable."

"Even if the parties feelings should change?"

"Even then. A promise that is kept only when convenient is hardly a promise at all."

"Stupid stubborn dwarvish customs," grumbled Sara under her breath. Thorin raised an eyebrow at her but she simply frowned and folded her arms crossly.

"When should we set the challenge for?" asked Fili.

"Soon," said Thorin. "Once we have secured an alliance with the elves."

"No," she said quickly. They all looked at her. "Not yet."

"Why not lass?" asked Balin. Bofur's words to her in the infirmary all those weeks ago swam to the front of her mind. She knew he had been teasing about people dying during a challenge, but she still worried.

"I don't want you fighting. Not before the battle. What if there was an accident and one of you was injured?"

"It's only a fight to first blood," scoffed Fili. She glared at him.

"Can you tell me honestly that no one has ever been severely injured in a challenge?" Fili and Thorin looked at each other and then back at her.

"There are some instances where combatants have been injured," admitted Thorin. "But that is rare and no one has ever been killed. I assure you, Fili and I are…"

"You mean no one has been killed yet," interjected Sara.

"And no one will," said Thorin, trying to reassure her.

"Maybe so, but you can't guarantee that no one will be hurt. I don't want either of you going into battle with an injury. You should be as fit and prepared as possible."

"Even if one of us should be injured," argued Thorin, sitting up straighter. "You forget that we as dwarves heal much faster than you would."

"Tell that to Dwalin."

"He is a special case, and you know it."

"What about you? Don't think I haven't noticed the way you still roll your left shoulder and wince. It didn't heal properly and now it causes you grief." Thorin's lips tightened but he didn't reply. She glanced at Balin, looking for support. He did not disappoint.

"Perhaps Sara is right," said Balin after a moment.

"But you know we are capable," argued Fili.

"It's not necessarily a matter of capability, but of timing. With all that is happening and all that will happen in the next month or two, it may be wise to focus on the matters at hand, what's most important in this moment."

"Sara matters a great deal to me," said Thorin.

"And to me," said Fili.

"Yes, but I won't matter much to either of you if you are dead," shot Sara.

"I agree," said Balin. "Plenty of time after the battle for you two to fight. Besides, there will hardly be much time for courtship in the coming weeks if we are to be as prepared as possible. Fili's offer is still contestable until January 4th of the new year. Not only this, but I believe Lady Dis would also agree with us. She would want you to be as safe as Mahal can make you. We can not afford to lose you. You two are the present and future kings of our people."

"So you would counsel us to wait?" asked Thorin.

Balin nodded. "I would." Thorin was quiet for a moment thinking.

"Please," begged Sara. He looked up at her.

"But I won't be able to court you."

"I know," said Sara. "But what's the difference between courting what we've been doing now?"

"Quite a bit I should hope," said Fili, glancing between them.

"I want to be able to put my bead in your hair," said Thorin.

"Is that the only difference?" she asked.

"No lass, courting is much more formal for drawers. There are some expected customs and the goal is for the couple to wed. That is what is expected when one agrees to court another."

"Wait, so the couple is basically engaged?" she asked. They looked at her confused. "Promised to marry?" she prompted.

"Essentially yes," said Thorin. "While not binding, it is unusual for a party to withdraw without a grievance complaint." Sara drew in a quiet breath, mulling over this new revelation. How could she have misunderstood again? She liked Thorin very much and enjoyed the time she got to spend with him, but she was unsure if she were quite ready to commit to an engagement of sorts. This courting sounded, if anything, even more binding than an engagement. It was reassuring to know that if all went well between them that their feelings could end with matrimony, but if she were honest she was not prepared for that amount of pressure. A steady boyfriend sure. A fiance, well maybe not, not yet anyhow. It occurred to her that while she felt she had a good measure of Thorin's character and the sort of person he was, she had much to learn about him personally. He must have been watching her face.

"You are displeased," said Thorin, disappointed. She blinked up at him and shook her head.

"No not displeased, just a bit surprised and maybe a bit startled. I guess I didn't realize you would be asking me to be your fiance. I thought you were asking me to be your steady girlfriend."

"Are the customs on Earth very different?" asked Kili.

"Sort of," hedged Sara, trying to choose her next words carefully.

"Tell me," said Thorin, watching her earnestly.

"Well I don't know, to me it just seems to be happening very quickly."

"How so?"

"Well I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to something like an engagement, or as you call it courtship. I guess I was expecting something like dating and a steady boyfriend."

"What are those?" asked Kili, leaning forward, genuinely interested now.

"Dating is spending time with someone, discussing each other's likes and dislikes. What you have in common and how you differ. Experiencing a person in many different situations to learn about them and see if you are compatible. On Earth you date someone to see if you are ready to move on to the next step of engagement, which is then a promise to marry. But even then, it's not uncommon for people to break off their engagement for one reason or another."

"What are the consequences of that?" asked Fili.

"There are none," said Sara. "The two parties go their separate ways and try again with someone else."

"And this happens often?" asked Thorin, looking pale. She shrugged.

"Depends on the person I guess. Some people find the one they want to be with on the first go round, others it takes a while, and some don't take it very seriously at all. One of my old roommates has been engaged twice and she is a year younger than me." That shook them up, even Balin was surprised.

"And what of you? Have you been engaged before?" asked Thorin.

"Me? No, of cores not. I can't even seem to keep a steady boyfriend." Thorin looked unsure whether to be relieved or worried.

"How long does all this dating and engagement usually take?" asked Kili.

"Once again it depends on the person. Some people meet and are married a few months later, for others it can be years."

"Years!" exclaimed Fili.

"Sometimes."

"It seems to me one's virtue would be in constant danger dragging out the process that long," commented Balin.

"Ah well, remember where I'm from, it's not uncommon for people to sleep together before they are married. That's another personal choice. Some don't seem to care and others care very much."

"And where do your beliefs fall?" asked Fili, looking a bit uncomfortable as he tugged at another button, not meeting her eye.

"I am one of those who care very much. I think that is something to be shared with one person only and best when shared in marriage. I think it's damaging to be so free with yourself. That is in fact why I could not keep a boyfriend thus far. None of them shared my belief."

"And would it take me years to court you?" asked Thorin, his blue eyes piercing hers.

"I would probably fall somewhere in the middle. I want to spend more time with you before anything else happens."

"Have we not shared the journey thus far together?" asked Thorin confused. "I fail to see where we are lacking."

"Ah well," said Sara, tugging at her hair. "You see, dating is meant to be done as a couple and not so much as a group of 15. Time spent with just your significant other, your boyfriend or girlfriend as the case may be."

"I see," said Thorin, mulling over her words.

"So you do or do not wish to be with my uncle?" asked Fili, confused. Sara sighed and turned to Thorin.

"I do want to be with you." She took his hand again. "But I also want a chance to know you on a more personal level before committing to a courtship. I don't even know your favorite food or color."

"I suppose it must have seemed that I was asking you to put the cart before the horse," he said looking up at her.

"Have I offended or disappointed you?" she asked, biting the inside of her cheek. He shook his head.

"I'm not offended. Perhaps a bit disappointed that I had been so remiss in regards to you and your customs, but you have given me much to think on."

"What of the challenge?" pressed Balin.

"You and Sara are right old friend. The challenge can wait until after the upcoming battle if it will please her."

"It would," she said. "But what about us? How do we proceed from here?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted. "It seems I have some contemplation ahead of me. I must find a way to honor both of our customs. But you should know that my feelings and intentions towards you have not changed in the least bit. Give me some time to come up with a solution."

"In the meantime I have a few concerns," interjected Fili. "Sara it's my duty to see to your safety and ensure that your virtue remains intact, even and especially when my uncle is the party in question."

"Who died and made you king over my relationship," grumbled Sara, flushing slightly.

"You did when you agreed to be my heart sister," he said curtly. "It's literally in the job description so to say."

"Swell," she murdered. "Just what I needed, a chaperone."

"Normally yes," agreed Fili, ignoring her sarcasm. "It is customary."

"That would kind of defeat the point of dating," argued Sara. "Besides you can't make me follow your rules. My brother you may be, even an older one, but that doesn't make you my father and I don't have to listen to you."

"Perhaps not," said Fili, puffing out his cheeks in irritation. "But my uncle does. He is bound by our customs." He jabbed a finger in Thorin's direction.

"But you will spoil everything," she argued, her voice growing in volume. "Don't forget that just because you were older than me doesn't make me a child. I am a legal adult and I can make my own decisions without you interfering."

"I say you are both being stupid," said Kili. They turned to glare at him but he pretended not to notice, flopping back onto the bead and throwing an arm over his eyes. His stomach gurgled loudly in the pursuing silence and he rubbed at it with his free hand.

"Kili is right," said Balin. "Surely nothing can be figured out in anger. There must be a solution. Fili, while it is part of a heart brother's duty to oversee the courting of his sister, you must remember that Sara is an adult even among humans and accustomed to making her own choices. She is no child and were she raised in middle earth a woman her age would be long since married with a child or two by now." Fili deflated slightly and sighed.

"All right but it's still my job to protect you," he said.

"And so you shall," said Thorin standing. "But not against her consent." He pulled Sara up after him. "I will think on what I wish to do and then you and I will come to an agreement. Then we shall present our solution to you Sara. Is that satisfactory?" She hesitated.

"And if I don't like the solution you come up with?" she asked.

"Then we will try again, but remember all good agreements require compromise from all parties."

"All right," she said, relenting a little. It was hard to be grumpy with his arm around her waist making her stomach flip flop.

"Finally," groaned Kili, sitting up and stretching. "Can we go eat now? We missed dinner." Sara reached for a pillow and smacked him with it.