Chapter 28: Comfort and Secrets

The flight to the eagles aerie took a little over half an hour so swift were the giant birds. Sara and Thorin were the first to reach the enormous nests set into the dark gray cliffs, and by the time their eagle had placed them down into the soft interior of an abandoned nest, Sara's arms ached from holding Thorin's bandage in place. She sat up, not yet daring to let off the pressure on Thorin's shoulder though the bleeding seemed to have stopped. He was still unconscious but breathing shallowly. During the flight through the star speckled night Sara had periodically rested her ear over Thorin's heart but found less comfort and more worry in the faint beat. Gandalf arrived, sliding quickly from the back of an eagle and thanking it before rushing over to where Sara sat beside Thorin.

"Ms. Sara," said the wizard. "I'm very pleased to see you are indeed alive and returned to us but we shall have to speak of your misadventure later. Quickly, tell me what has happened to Thorin."

While she was explaining all she knew of Thorin's injuries some of the others including Bifur, Gloin and Oin arrived and came to look down at their king. Oin pressed close and took over for Sara giving her a much-needed break as he looked over Thorin. When he sat back again there was a look of relief on his wrinkled face.

"I don't know exactly how you did what you did Ms. Sara," he said, drawing his pack closer so he could rummage inside. "But you may have bought us the time we need to save Thorin."

"Will he be okay?" she asked anxiously, her shoulders sagging with fatigue.

"It's too soon to make promises," said Oin beginning to remove Thorin's clothing so he had better access to his shoulder. "He's lost a lot of blood and the cut is quite deep, to say nothing of his lesser injuries."

There was another rush of wind and an eagle landed at the edge of the nest with the two princes on its back.

"Fili! Kili!" cried Sara, relieved to see them…but something was wrong as they slid carefully to the ground. Kili was supporting most of his brother's weight as they stumbled forward.

"Sara," called Kili as she ran to them.

Fili looked up hearing her voice. "Sara," he said, his voice quiet. "You're alive. Thank Mahal." His head fell to his chest and his legs gave out. It was then that Sara noticed the blood stain running down his side and the cuts on Fili's left arm.

"What happened to him?" asked Sara worried, as she pulled Fili's arm over her shoulder.

"That massive white orc happened to him," grunted Kili, hefting Fili higher. Dwalin jumped down from the back of a tawny eagle and quickly came to take over for Sara.

"He took a blow to the side from a winged mace," said Dwalin as they laid Fili down beside Thorin. "Though I think he managed to block a lot of the damage with his arm."

"I had to hold him almost the entire way here or he would have fallen," said Kili, kneeling beside his brother, pulling Sara down to join him. Oin moved to inspect Fili undressing him as Gandalf bent over Thorin, a hand over his face muttering an incantation. Images from Galadriel's mirror flashed through Sara's mind and she fought down the clamoring fear within her at seeing both Thorin and Fili unconscious and covered in their own blood. Sara reached out to move Fili's hair from his face but upon seeing her hand froze.

"Fili will recover with care," pronounced Oin turning his attention back to Thorin. "His wounds are not deep though he is lucky not to have broken his arm blocking a blow like that. I believe his unconscious state is due more to exhaustion, shock, and stress rather than physical trauma."

Sara could not hear him. The events of the last day were sweeping through her mind as she stared glass-eyed at her hands. They were painted red with blood; Fili's blood, Thorin's blood, and her own. Her eyes fell to her torn clothes covered in gore and dirt and her head began to feel light and fuzzy. She needed air… now!

She stood, pushing her way back through the rest of the company who were gathered anxiously around the injured and left through a ruined section of the nest wall. Her mind was buzzing as she let her feet wander, only paying enough attention to her surroundings to be sure she didn't walk into anything or off the edge of the cliff. She fought to push back the terror threatening to overwhelm her as she sat down drawing her knees to her chest. She ignored the throbbing in her arms, relegating the pain to the back of her mind along with all other feelings as she rested her forehead on her arms and began to rock back and forth. She sat there many long minutes trying to concentrate on her breathing and keeping her mind blank. Blank was good. Blank meant she could ignore the emotions trying to swell inside her.

Sara felt the brush of warm feathers surrounding her and she looked up to see one of the giant eagles had come and taken her quite literally under its wing. It lowered its head and she stared back into its round golden eyes before it spoke.

"Hatchlings in distress should be kept warm," it said simply, tucking her further against its side fluffing its feathers for better insulation. Sara opened her mouth to tell the eagle that she was not a child anymore but the words caught somewhere in her throat.

Blank and warm was also good. She sat in the dark, the birds warmth seeping into her for quite some time and did not move when she heard someone calling her name.

"Sara," called Bofur's voice in an even tone. "Sara where are ya lass?"

"Do you seek my little hatchling master dwarf?" asked the bird encircling her.

"If by 'yer little hatchling' ya mean a young human female, then yes, I am. Do ya know where I can find her," he asked.

"She is here," replied the eagle shifting its wings slightly. "She is in distress. Hatchlings in distress should be kept warm," informed the eagle. Sara still did not respond, only listening to the two talk.

"Well, can I see her?" asked Bofur. "She's not only in distress she's injured." The eagle eyed him for a moment and cocked its head to the side.

"You wish to aid her?"

"Well these extra clothes and bandages are not for me," he replied wryly. Several seconds passed in silence and then the eagle lifted its wing allowing Bofur to come and sit in the cocoon of warmth.

"Ya certainly know how to pick a pleasant hiding spot," said Bofur running his fingers over the birds speckled breast. She remained still. "Lass are ya all right?" he asked when she didn't raise her head to look at him. She gave a small shrug and Bofur scooted closer. "Come on, tell me what's bothering ya." She shook her head and he was silent for a while.

"I remember the first time I saw a battle," sighed Bofur. "I was about the same age as Fili and Kili are now. Of course, I had sparred and even been in a few small skirmishes, but nothing... nothing quite like my first battle. Ya see," he said sitting up straighter, "Every couple of years or so, the settlement where me and Bombur lived was raided by orcs, but the mining in the area was so good that no one wanted to leave. Our parents and Bifur's died in a particularly devastating raid when I was about 54 and Bifur took me and Bombur in, himself only being about 87 at the time. There were a few smaller attacks in the following years but never anything too serious and though I was soon considered old enough to be called upon to fight, Bifur always made us promise not to get involved. But, this could not last forever, and in the spring I turned 73 there was a massive invasion from the orcs up north. We had no choice but to fight. It was a fierce and bloody battle and we lost many of our friends and kin before the enemy was driven back. We almost lost Bifur; ya see that's how he got his injury," said Bofur tapping his forehead. Sara had raised her head and was listening as he spoke.

"He's never been quite the same," said Bofur running a hand over his face. "Sometimes he suffers from queer spells and it was a long time till he was able to function fully on his own again. I remember the carnage of the battle, the sickness in the aftermath, and the numbness that would have swallowed me if I hadn't had to step up and take care of Bifur and Bombur. We had already lost too many we cared for and after almost sending Bifur to our ancestors we'd had enough. We left, searching for safer work." He looked at her, smiling. "That's how we came to be in the Blue Mountains and on this quest with Thorin. I only hope we all make it out of the adventure together." He laid a hand on her shoulder. "So lass, I can imagine what's going on in that pretty little head of yers. It's normal; unpleasant but normal. The numbing sickness and panic will eventually pass."

"Are you sure?" she asked uncertainly.

"Aye, it will pass given time. But don't ya keep it locked inside," he warned. "That leads to trouble." She let her legs stretch out in front of her and sat up straighter. "Though it would certainly help to get ya cleaned up," he said his nose wrinkling. "Yer a right mess lass." He stuck his head out from underneath the eagles wing. "Is there a place that this hatchling of yers can bathe or wash?" he asked.

"There is a place," replied the eagle. "But I will have to carry you for it is inaccessible by foot." Bofur ducked back into the featherd cave.

"What do ya say lass? Shall we get ya cleaned up? I have a change of clothes from Ori as yers have seen better days." She looked down at herself and nodded slowly. He bent and helped her out from under the eagles wing and up onto its tawny back, clambering up behind her, wrapping one arm around her waist and clutching his bundle of clothes and bandages in the other. As the massive bird took to the skies Sara looked down and she could see the nest the others were clustered in and a fire beside it that they must have lit.

"Will they be okay?" she asked looking down. Bofur followed her line of sight and smiled softly to himself pulling her closer as the eagle angled itself down, descending into the night.

"Aye lass, they'll be fine after a while. Oin likes to be modest about his healing skills but when it comes to our kind there are few healers better than him. Gandalf is no slouch either. Don't worry, Thorin will be up on his feet and his irritable self soon enough. As for Fili he was regaining consciousness by the time I left to come find you. Dori was tending to him and several of the others were being treated as well. They will all be okay, so let's tend to you for now."

It was a very short flight. They had flown down several hundred feet and landed on a shelf that could have accommodated several of the large eagles. As Sara slid from the bird's back, she was met with the smell of sulfur. Coils of steam looped through the chill air above the generously-sized pool of blue-green water, and she had to admit that the thought of a thorough soaking was extremely inviting. Bofur strode to the edge of the pool and dipped his fingers gingerly in the water. When his fingers came back unharmed he thrust his arm deeper soaking his sleeve to the shoulder.

"What are you doing?" asked Sara, unable to watch idly any longer.

"Checking the temperature," he said, withdrawing his arm and shaking it. "Hot springs can be cool on the surface but reach dangerous temperatures the deeper they are. This one seems safe enough, just stay away from that dark blue spot over there," he added, pointing at the spot near the back where bubbles are rising lazily to the surface. "It's safest here along the edge." He set down the extra clothes keeping the bandages. The eagle made its way over setting itself a few feet from the edge of the pool. "If ya need anything I'll be just on the other side of this here big chicken." The eagle leaned its head down and sharply wrapped his head with its beak.

"Aye," protested Bofur rubbing his skull. Sara smiled faintly as he made his way around the eagle and she stripped off her clothes. Her pants she feared were beyond repair. After so many days of continued use, most of them being days spent entirely outdoors, it was a small wonder they had lasted this long. She placed her shirt and pants in the water a few feet away trying to ignore the pink cloud billowing from the soiled fabric. She remained in her underwear and after removing the few items she could still call hers from her bra and tucking them into her shoe she slipped into the water reveling in the heat seeping into her weary muscles. Unfortunately, the heat only aggravated her burns and it was a very careful and painful process as she worked to clean herself. She splashed her face and the water came away pinked. Her fingers searched for the source of her blood and she winced as she found the raw flesh behind her right ear where the braid had been ripped from her. After a while she was finished and relaxed into the pool, her arms stretched out to the sides on the rock at her back.

"I don't hear anything back there. Do I need to come scrub ya myself lass?" called Bofur after a period of silence. There was the sound of a snapping beak. "Ow!" he cried. "You ruddy overgrown turkey. I only meant to be sure she didn't fall asleep." Another snap and loud protest.

"The hatchling is not asleep," said the eagle in an even tone. "And I am not a turkey, overgrown or otherwise." Sara smiled faintly as she exited the pool dripping, listening to Bofur grumble under his breath. When most of the moisture had evaporated from her skin she pulled on the borrowed clothes. She swam a bit in Ori's gray shirt, for he was a dwarf and built stockier than she. Unfortunately, he was also shorter than her so his tan pants only reached mid-calf for her and she had to hold them up or they would have fallen to the ground.

"You can come back now," she called as she sat trying to wring out her socks. He sat to her left and seeing her pain took her socks and squeezed the water from them and laid them out to dry a bit. Bofur pulled her arms toward him inspecting the burns and hissed out several dwarvish curses, his facing darkening.

"What?" she asked exhausted. It was odd to see her her usually jovial companion angry and upset.

"Azog did this to you, didn't he," said Bofur.

"Azog?" she said sitting up a bit straighter. "I thought he was dead."

"So did we lass, but he is very much alive. He was the giant orc riding the white warg."

"The one with all the scars?" she asked shocked.

"Aye, that's the one," he growled, fishing in his jacket and producing a small container.

"How did you know it was him?" she asked after a moment of quiet. Bofur drew in a deep breath.

"When Azog killed King Thror, he didn't just behead him lass. Before he tossed the king's head at the feet of Thrain, Azog carved his own name in dwarvish runes upon Thror's brow." Sara stiffened. "Sara," said Bofur looking her in eye now. "He's done the same thing to you. Those are not random burns. This is his name in dwarvish runes."

Sara looked down at her arms and tried unsuccessfully to suppress her shutter of revulsion. He had marked her, marked her as his, and in a way that was sure to infuriate her companions, bringing back memories of a bloody past. Bofur sighed heavily and opened the small jar of salve.

"One thing is for sure," he said as he began to coat her burns liberally. "Thorin is going to lay a dragon egg when he sees this." She tried not to squirm but the skin had been burned away leaving extremely sensitive flesh and she could not help her involuntary grunts and hisses of pain as he loosely wrapped her arm.

"Did he hurt you in any other way?" asked Bofur quietly as he began to coat and wrap her other arm. "There is more than one reason why he is called the defiler," he continued. "He didn't…"

"No," said Sara quickly, unwilling to let him speak that out loud. "No he didn't. I think he might have but when he saw the mark on my hand he got very upset and said I was to go to his master in Dol Guldur. Apparently his master has been looking for someone like me for a long time now."

"I'm relieved that ya are alive and returned to us lass," he said drawing her into a tight hug after he had finished with her arms. "We all feared you were dead when Azog showed us yer torn and bloody coat."

"That's why he took my coat?" she asked, pulling away from his embrace.

"Aye lass, he showed us yer torn coat before he threw it into the flames. I think that was what snapped it for Thorin," speculated Bofur standing. "We all thought he'd killed ya."

"He burned my coat?" she asked, her voice quavering, tears stinging her eyes.

"I'm afraid he did," said Bofur, pulling her clothes from the water and wringing them out. He stopped when he heard a soft sob and looked up to see fat tears rolling down Sara's face as she struggled to tug on her wet socks. "Here now. Sara, what's the matter?" he asked, stepping closer.

"He … burned … my … coat," she said between sobs reaching for her shoes. Bofur raised an eyebrow.

"Of all things to have happened recently that's the one that finally gets to ya?" She sobbed all the harder dropping her shoe. Shaking his head and chuckling softly he drew her into his lap. "I'm sorry about yer coat lass," he said rubbing soothing circles on her back. Sara knew she was not crying for just her coat. She was crying for everything, for fear, anger, pain, and grief. Her tears spilled from her eyes and soaked Bofur's shoulder. She startled when something warm and fuzzy settled over her ears.

"You need this more than I do at the moment," he said as he tugged his hat into place on her head.

"No Bofur, I can't," she said reaching up to take it off. He caught her hands gently.

"Keep it till you feel better lass. Till the numb has worn away," he said seriously. "Give it back when you are ready to talk about what happened. No arguments now," he said helping her into her shoes as she sniffled wiping her face on the sleeve of Ori's shirt. He only quirked an eyebrow as she stashed her belongings back in her bra. He cut the waistband from her jeans and she used it as a makeshift belt to hold up Ori's pants. She kept her shirt hoping it was salvageable.

Once they had gathered everything the eagle flew them back to the others who had set up camp outside the abandoned nest. The nests were about 20 feet across and just a bit taller than Sara. The expansive shelf of rock was home to around 40 of the enormous things, many of them filled with eagles, and at the far end Sara could see a waterfall tumbling down the side of the tall cliffs. The eagle landed and Sara carefully slid to the ground Bofur catching and steadying her.

"Thank you for keeping me warm," said Sara giving the eagle a bow as Bofur went to join the others. "And for the bath."

"Think nothing of it little hatchling," said the eagle as it left soaring out over the cliff. "Stay safe. Stay warm."

Sara found Kili and Bilbo sitting together by the fire. The pair had not noticed her yet as she stood looking over their shoulders. The others of the group were quiet, caught up in their own thoughts and ruminations. Bombur and Bofur stood by the fire talking as the cook turned skewers of meat over the fire. Bilbo was worrying over the singed hair on his feet and Kili had a smooth stone in his palm rubbing it between his hands.

"What's that?" she asked, crouching down, a hand on his shoulder. He turned looking up at her.

"There you are," said Kili, pulling her down to sit between he and Bilbo. "Where have you been? You disappeared."

"Sorry," she said. "I had to get away for some fresh air. Bofur came to find me." She told them briefly of her trip to the hot springs.

"I do hope the eagles will take us there tomorrow," said Bilbo wistfully. "Perhaps if we ask nicely."

"Are you two okay?" she asked.

"We are fine," said Kili. "Minor scrapes and bruises. Bilbo seems to have singed the hair off his feet, but we are much better than some of the others." Sara looked around the group. Bomber who was sitting with his brother and cousin had a bandage around his head. Dwalin had several more gashes on his arms that looked like they had been stitched up, and Gloin was being helped around by Dori, limping noticeably. Sara felt her gut twist when Ori turned his face and she saw a nasty cut running the length of his cheek.

"How are Fili and Thorin?" she asked.

"Fili is doing okay," said Kili, tucking the blue green stone into his pocket. "He was awake a while ago and was asking for you, but he fell asleep again. Oin and Gandalf are still working on uncle." He ran his fingers through his hair before resting his head in his hands. Bilbo leaned over to Sara.

"I'm going to go help Bomber with the skewers. It would be a shame to burn the meat the eagles so graciously provided for us," he said, giving a meaningful nod to Kili. She squeezed his hand gratefully before he left. Sara reached out her right hand brushing the hair from Kili's neck and his trembling shoulders, gently massaging and rubbing them. Slowly he began to relax and soon he lay curled on his side with his head in her lap as she ran her fingers through his hair, not sure who was being comforted more. Sometime later Bilbo brought over some of the cooked rabbit meat, but for the first time Sara could remember, Kili did not eat, simply holding the food limply. Her stomach gurgled loudly at the smell of the food but she could not quite bring herself to enjoy it as she nibbled mindlessly, and as she looked around the fire watching the light dance across the features of the others she could tell she and Kili we're not the only ones uninterested in food.

The moon had begun its descent in a sky full of stars before there was news of Thorin. Gandalf stood before them and all eyes were trained on him, hanging on his unspoken words.

"We have done all we can, and though his wounds have knit together well, he has lost much blood and he may always have a hitch in that arm. Only time will tell now. Oin believes that should he regain consciousness he will be out of most danger." He turned to address Sara and Kili. "Fili is awake and wishes to see you two."

When Fili saw them coming he tried to sit up but Oin extended an arm and pushed him back down. Fili grumbled but lay quietly as instructed as Sara and Kili came to kneel to his right. He took her hand in his, frowning when he saw her bandages.

"I thought that perhaps I had only dreamed you were alive," he said quietly.

"And you scared us brother," said Kili. "Making a big fuss over such a small scratch." Oin snorted as he loosely laced up the front of Thorin's tunic and drapped his cloak over him. Fili smiled faintly.

"Sorry to disappoint you little brother, I will still be king some day." he said.

"Like I want to be king," scoffed Kili.

Fili studied Sara's face and frowned. "What happened to your braid?" he asked. She reached down the front of her shirt and pulled out the small braid which had begun to come undone and held it out to him. He took it frowning and after examining it for a moment reached for her. She bent over him as he brushed aside her wavy hair to see the raw spot where the braid had resided. "Who did this to you?" he asked darkly his fingers gently probing. "And what happened to you? Where did you go when we fell into the goblin town? What happened to your arms? Why are they bandaged? How did Azog get your coat? Why…"

"Durin's beard Fili!" said Oin pushing him back down again for he had begun to rise. "How do you expect her to answer if you keep talking, and stay down or you will reopen your wounds. I know you're young and while you may heal quickly it is still too soon to move about. Wait till tomorrow at the very least." Fili relented, settling himself back onto the soft feathers beneath him once again.

"The simple answer," she said grabbing his and Kili's free hands. "And the only one I'm really ready to give right now is Azog. Azog happened to me." He opened his mouth to ask another question but she squeezed his hand. "Please Fili, not tonight. Don't ask me to talk about it just yet. Okay?"

"Just one question," he asked. She sighed and nodded. "Why are you wearing Bofur's hat?" She smiled.

When morning had come and gone and Thorin had still had not stirred, Sara could tell that several of the company were getting worried, herself included. Oin had tried to reassure them, telling them that Thorin's heartbeat had grown stronger through the night, but there were still somber faces around camp. Kili was still not quite himself, only eating half heartedly and staying close to Thorin and Fili who was once again sleeping. Sara itched for something to do, something to distract herself so she asked Oin if she could borrow a needle and thread to try and repair her shirt. She sat attempting to stitch for several minutes but after the fourth time she had accidentally pricked her finger Bilbo had taken over for her, tutting about how uneven her few stitches were.

"I feel so useless," she huffed irritably as he undid her stitches to start again.

"Tell me a story," suggested Bilbo. "It will distract you and entertain me." Several of the others nearby raise their heads.

"Aye lass," called Bofur. "Tell us a story. One of those fairy tales, but one with a happy ending, not one of those fairy tales of that Grimm fellow." The eyes around the circle were all watching her expectantly.

"Alright," she relented and launched into a retelling of The Little Mermaid, Robin Hood and finally Hercules. About the time she had finished the last story Bilbo held up her bedraggled Hogwarts shirt, and though the new seam was clearly visible, it was strong and the garment was wearable once again.

"Thank you Bilbo," she said, taking the needle back from him.

"My pleasure," he said. "Thanks for the stories."

When Sara entered the nest, Fili was sitting up with Kili's help and Oin was checking his bandaging. She sat down beside Thorin to wait. His face was pale, a dark lock of hair tumbling across his face, but his chest rose and fell in a steady reassuring rhythm. Seeing him so vulnerable sat uneasily with her; he was usually such a unrelenting source of strength, perhaps stubborn and moody strength, but strength all the same. He was the unchanging rock that they all looked to for direction. Well maybe not unchangeable, for this Thorin was not quite the same Thorin who had stepped across Bilbo's threshold. But, maybe that was also untrue, perhaps he had been like this before she and Bilbo had thrown a wrench in his plans to reclaim the homeland of his people, and was only now returning to his former self. She wished she knew, but really she just wished he would wake up, even if he had been angry with her the last time he had spoken to her. Hesitantly she reached forward and brushed the hair from his face, tucking it to the side. She was surprised how soft his beard was under her fingers as she allowed them to gently smooth down the hair along his jaw. Muscles in his cheek and eyelid twitched and she paused.

"I believe he will wake sometime today," said Oin sitting beside her, having apparently finished with Fili. Sara snatched her hand away from Thorin's face though she was sure Oin had already seen, if his expression was anything to go by.

"Where is Fili?" she asked, for he and Kili were both gone.

"He went with Kili to find some food." He sighed. "I am reluctant to let him move about quite yet, but he has proven quite as stubborn as Thorin."

"I just hope he is stubborn enough to pull through," said Sara reaching for Thorin's limp hand, deciding she didn't care if Oin saw, so long as Thorin didn't find out.

"He is." There was silence for a while. "Come," said Oin turning to her authoritatively. "Let me see your arms. I have seen to everyone but you." She hastily let go of Thorin's hand and got to her feet, reluctant to let anyone else see her arms. After the way Bofur had reacted she was sure it would only bring up more questions that she didn't want to answer.

"Oh no," she said edgily. "It's okay, really. Bofur took care of it. Besides I need to give Ori back his shirt. I only came to give you these." She handed him the needle and thread before rushing from the nest and back into camp. Switching Ori's shirt for hers she found him and returned it to him thanking the scribe for letting her continue to use his pants. She was looking around for Bilbo when Nori caught her elbow.

"We should talk," said Nori.

"Okay," she said hesitantly. "About what?"

"Not here," he replied. "Too many listening ears. Come with me."

"All right," she said and he turned leading her away from camp. They passed by nest after nest and Sara was careful to step over the large white patches on the ground. Away to the right Sara spied Gandalf talking to the lord of the eagles, and he looked up and made brief eye contact with her as they passed, tilting his head frowning. Nori led her to the very farthest edge of the rocky cliff to stand near the waterfall and as they came around a narrow corner she saw that Bifur was waiting for them. She stopped unsure. What could these two possibly want to talk about with her? They exchanged a few words in dwarvish but when Bifur saw her standing hesitantly he smiled waving her forward. Reluctantly she came closer. Nori turned to face her, his arms folded over his chest, looking at her expectantly.

"You have been keeping secrets," said Nori without preamble. "You know much more about us and our world than you let on." Sara's heart skipped a beat.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, trying to hide her nervousness even as she reached to fiddle with her locket.

"Don't try to bluff me," said Nori. "You are a poor liar. I already know about the story in your phone." Her fingers fumbled the locket and it fell to her chest. "So tell us, Ms. Sara, what pray tell is The Hobbit?"