Alf crept through the silent trees, his footsteps muffled by the thick carpet of redwood duff. The late afternoon sun painted the forest with dusty streaks of golden light. He and Blix had gotten a late start on their hunting trip. Their party members had overwhelmed them with an endless stream of questions. What do we do when we’re injured? How long does it take to recover stamina? How do we acquire a magic skill if we can’t do magic in real life?

Blix, of course, had an answer for everything. She was a natural born leader and seemed to thrive on all that gaming mechanics stuff. He, on the other hand, was less than worthless. All he could do was dole out hugs and mutter a few words of appreciation and encouragement. He felt like a kindergarten teacher in a platoon of marines.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or am I going to have to resort to violence?”

“What?” Alf’s voice was barely a croak. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Blix’s voice was way too soft. Great. Now he’d made her worry.

“No. You were perfect. Better than perfect. If Jeff Bezos had been there, he would have been taking notes.”

“So what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just… The wolves have only been giving forty-five points of EXP. At this rate, it will take forever to get to level seven.”

Blix snuggled against his neck. So soft and warm and mind-numbingly sexy. “And?” She breathed in his ear.

“And I guess I kind of felt useless back there. You’re so good at this stuff, and I just—”

Blix burst out laughing. Painfully loud. Right in his ear.

“What?” Shame burned inside him, short-circuiting his brain. He stood there stupid and dumb, unable to defend himself as the whole school taunted and shoved and jeered. His throat sealed shut. His lungs refused to respond. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t move.

“Alf!” Blix’s voice cut through the shrieks and howls filling his brain. “It’s okay. Calm down. Everything’s fine.” Warmth trailed up his neck and onto cheek. “Alf, listen to me!”

Alf fought to take a breath. He needed to say something. He was freaking her out. He needed to get it together. Now!

“I wasn’t laughing at you. Sweetie, you’ve got to believe me. I was just… They weren’t asking all those questions because they needed the answers. You know that, right?”

The panic started to subside as he focused on her words. She wasn’t laughing at him. She was kissing him. All over his face. He gulped down a greedy breath and let it out slowly. One more breath. Another one…

“Are you okay?” Her tear-streaked voice sounded soft against his cheek. “Alf?”

“Then why all the questions?” he breathed out.

She hissed out another laugh. “Sorry. I just… Okay, imagine the hottest girl you’ve ever seen. Okay?”

“What does…”

“Just do it. The hottest girl you’ve ever seen.”

“Okay, fine…” Not exactly the more difficult assignment she’d ever given him.

“Now imagine that every time you asked her friend a question, she would give you a hug.”

Warmth rushed into his face. She was joking, right? Trying to make him feel better?

“Did that answer your question?” Her voice rang with mocking laughter, but this time it was okay. Even better than okay, it was…

“Alf!”

He looked up at her shout. A huge golden figure appeared through the trees. Over twenty feet long, rearing up like a striking cobra, limned with row upon row of rhythmically sweeping legs, it was a giant centipede.

“Hold on!” Alf drew his sword and braced for the monster’s strike as it lunged straight at him.

Too big… He leaped to the side an instant before the centipede struck. Debris sprayed him in the face as he struck out with the sword, but he was off-balance. The blade glanced harmlessly off the creature’s chitinous exoskeleton.

The centipede’s massive body rolled forward, flipping around like a slow-motion slinky, and then it reared up again for another strike.

Alf stepped to the left and then jumped to the right as the creature gouged a crater into the forest floor. He whipped around, bringing the sword down on the monster’s head with all his strength. The weapon barely left a dent, but the tip of the blade came back wet. It was covered with a milky, glue-like substance. He would have called it brains, but the creature didn’t appear to have any. It kept repeating the same attack pattern. Over and over again until it’s golden exoskeleton was covered with seeping goo.

Finally, over a hundred stamina points later, a dialog filled Alf’s field of vision.

Congratulations! You have defeated the Laopede.

Reward: 300 EXP

“Yes!” Alf searched the area for more centipedes. The think had made way too much noise. “Yes! Three hundred EXP! I’d have to kill eight wolves to get that many points.” He checked his stats. Five more centipedes would be almost enough to get him to level seven.

A thrumming noise rumbled through the trees. Another centipede? He sidestepped to to put his back to a live oak with a particularly wide trunk, but the sound had already faded.

“Blix?” He reached a hand to the arm circling his neck. “Are you okay?”

Her weight shifted with what was either a nod or a shake of her head. Either way, it wasn’t a good sign.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine.” The hollowness of her voice stabbed deep into his chest. “Just watching the dust take away the centipede’s body. Probably to its spawn point.”

Alf slid his hand down her arm and intertwined his fingers with hers, reveling in the warmth of her skin. Even the back of her hand was soft. How was that even possible? It was like she didn’t even have tendons. “I…” He caught himself before he said anything dumb like I like your hand or... Yeah, that was pretty much what he was going to say.

“Yes?” she prompted.

“You know when you had me think of the hottest girl I’ve ever seen? You were the only one I could think of.”

“You’re such a liar!” She slammed her forearm down on his collar bone.

“I’m not lying! Remember when the wolves ripped up your old tunic?” He dodged to the side, as if he could get away. “Hot as hell.”

“Liar!” Another whack on the collar bone.

“Why would I lie? It was an epic moment.”

“Now you’re just being mean.”

“The high point of my life.”

He waited for Blix to hit him again, but they were both laughing too hard. Which was a huge relief.

“Thanks,” he said when he could breathe again. “I needed that. Life or death battles stress me out.”

“You didn’t even get injured.”

“But I could have.”

“And then you could have healed yourself.” She swatted him again. “Stop whining and follow that dust. We have five more centipedes to kill before we can go back to camp.”

They followed the stream of dust to a rocky swell. Hidden behind a stack of giant boulders was the opening of a massive cave.

“A giant centipede burrow?” He eased towards the entrance, crouching behind his extended sword.

“Too many right angles,” she whispered in his ear. “I think it’s supposed to be manmade.”

“Alien-made manmade?” One cautious step at a time, he crept into the cave. “Either it’s not very deep or there’s a light inside. See the way it’s flickering. I think it’s a fire.”

“Finally!” Her exclamation made him jump.

“Shhh!” he hissed. “Something could be in there.”

“I’m counting on it.” Her voice echoed through the cave. “Welcome to your first dungeon.”

Alf stopped and looked back over his shoulder. “You’re saying that like it’s a good thing.”

“Because it is. If the dust follows the rules, it will be a very good thing. Come on. Keep moving. We need to find out what level it is.”

Alf moved deeper into the cave. About a hundred feet in, they came to a pair of lit torches mounted on the walls.

“Classic.” Blix let go of his hand and pointed to a set of wooden braces holding up the walls. “Look at the texture of the wood. See the repeating pattern? The dust even duplicated the feel of a video game—even down to the tiling of the wood textures. Alien-made manmade real-life imitation of video imitation of real life.” Blix giggled like a middle schooler.

Alf nodded, but didn’t take his eyes off the passage. “I think something moved,” he whispered. “Maybe we should head back?” Thirty yards ahead of them, something was definitely moving. Something big.

“Relax,” she whispered. “Dungeon crawling is easier than fighting in a forest. We haven’t hit any branch points so the mobs will all be coming at us from the same direction.”

He nodded again, but the idea of walking into a dark hole full of unknown monsters was beyond crazy. “Are you sure we should be doing this?” Hugging the left wall, he eased his way forward. Something shifted in the shadows. Something large and vaguely human-shaped. “I think it’s an orc,” he whispered. “But it’s about half the size of the one that chased us. Maybe a baby orc?”

Blix leaned over his shoulder. “I think it’s just a regular orc. You said the other one was a high orc, right? They’re probably different species.”

“Think I can handle it?”

“Probably. Do you still have those unspent attribute points?”

Alf nodded. “Three skill points too.”

“If you get into trouble, put all your attribute points into dexterity and run like hell.”

“What about the skill points? I’ve been saving them for healing, but maybe I should put them into swordsmanship?”

“Only if you get into trouble. It’s always good to have a few points in reserve. You never know what kind of emergency you might need them for.”

The orc turned with a gutteral roar and started running towards them, an enormous sword clasped in both hands.

“Fall back about ten steps and wait for it,” Blix said in a calm voice. “It’s slow as a pithed slug. You’ve got this.”

Alf took a couple of steps back, but the monster was too fast. It clambered to a stop, swinging its massive sword.

Alf leaped backwards as the blade bit into the dungeon wall. A spray of stinging grit hit him in the eyes.

“Now!” Blix shouted, but her weight had pulled him off balance. Blinking against the tears, he shuffled backwards as the creature roared and swung again. The blade flashed past his face, a scant few inches away.

“You’ve got this.” Blix’s voice was starting to get frantic. “It’s slow and stupid. Probably a lower level.”

The monster swung again and again. Alf managed to keep clear of the blade, but all it would take was a stumble or more sand in the eyes and he and Blix would both be dead. It was only a matter of time.

The blade whooshed past at chest level.

Alf yelled and charged past the beast, slashing it in the side as he got behind it.

The monster’s roar hit Alf in the chest like a shock wave, but it was too slow turning around. Alf slashed it again and again, circling to keep behind it as it attempted to turn around.

“There you go!” Blix shouted through the roars. “Piece of cake. I told you you had this!”

Congratulations! You have defeated the Orc.

Reward: 150 EXP

It had taken dozens of hits to bring the orc down, but once he’d figured out its its attacks and movements, it hadn’t ben nearly as difficult as he’d imagined.

“Woo-hoo!” Blix was jumping around so much in her harness she almost knocked him off his feet. “Low level dungeon, baby!” she shouted. “This is perfect. Those alien bastards won’t be able to touch us now!”

Alf looked back and forth from the entrance to the depths of the dungeon, but the orc army of his imagination never materialized. Maybe all the monsters were deaf?

“Okay, now for the icky part,” Blix said dramatically. “You get to loot the body.”

Alf’s stomach turned as he looked down at the bloody mess of a corpse stretched out on the floor. The dust had already started flowing into its wounds. “What if the dust doesn’t let me?”

“Relax. It’ll let you. Looting is the best part of the game.”

He picked up the fallen sword, but Blix wouldn’t let him stop there. She kept harassing him until he rolled the body onto it’s back and took the orc’s leather belt, its metal shoulder pad thingy, two steel forearm thingies Blix called vambraces, and a leather pouch filled with copper coins.

He used the belt to tie everything into a bundle. All together, the stuff must have weighed close to twenty pounds. “How am I supposed to fight if I have to carry all this stuff?”

“Are you saying I’m fat?”

“I’m serious.” He held up the bundle. “This stuff is heavy.”

“Alright,” she said in a grudging voice. “You earned your pool party. Let’s go home.”

* * *

Name: Jane

Level: 6

Class: Paladin

Health: 225/225

Stamina: 112/195

Mana: 784/784

Exp: 1401/2800

Attr Points: 3

Skill Points: 3

ST: 13

DX: 14

CN: 15

IQ: 28

CH: 16

Combat Skills:

Faire du Canne 7: (Effective Skill: 9.45, Basis: ST+DX, Enhancement: 28.4%)

Grappling 1: (Effective Skill: 1.33, Basis: 2ST+DX, Enhancement: 4%)

Swordsmanship 2: (Effective Skill: 2.73, Basis: 2DX+ST, Enhancement: 8.2%)

Archery 1: (Effective Skill: 1.37, Basis: 2DX+ST, Enhancement: 4.1%)

Non-Combat Skills:

Woodcrafting 1: (Effective Level: 2.1, Basis: DX+IQ, Enhancement: 6.3%)

Lock Picking 1: (Effective Level: 1.3, Basis: DX, Enhancement: 3.9%)

Command Attention 1: (Effective Level: 2.2, Basis: CH+IQ, Enhancement: 6.6%)

Spells: (Basis IQ)

Minor Healing 5: (EL: 14, Cost: 25, Freq: unlimited, Effect: 42 points)

Major Healing 2: (EL: 5.6, Cost: 35, Freq: 1/hr, Effect: 200cc tissue regen)

Taunt 1: (EL: 1.6, Cost: 5, Freq: 1/min, Effect: 4.8%)