One. Alf took a deep calming breath and let it out slowly. Two. Everything was going to be okay. He and Blix would figure it out. Three. Holy Crap! He could open the minimap just by thinking about it. This was freaking happening—as in real life happening—as in freaking aliens were freaking real, and they had taken over his freaking brain!

“Perhaps I did not make my request clear,” the voice shattered his complete lack of concentration. “You will compete now. If you fail to comply, I will take back control of your interface.”

“I’m trying!” Alf took another calming breath. This was like… a textbook alien first contact situation. If ever there was a time for diplomacy, this was it. “I’m sorry.” He channeled his inner Dali Lama. “Please forgive my frustration. I’m a little overwhelmed right now, but I fully intend to destroy your competitors. Trust me. You came to the right… player. But it would help if I understood the situation. May I ask a few questions?”

“My competitors already have a 192.58 minute head start. You have 3.82 minutes for questions.”

Alf looked up at Blix, pleading with his eyes for understanding. I’m not crazy, he mouthed the words. Seriously, this is really happening.

“I assume you are talking to the Blix human?”

“You could hear that?”

“Of course,” Jane said. “Vocalization is not required for communication.”

“Okay…” Alf stalled. “Um… First question. Why can I understand you? I assume you don’t speak English?”

“That is a correct assumption. Mother translates all verbal and written communications.”

“And who or what is Mother?”

Silence. Just when Alf started to think she hadn’t gotten his question, Jane finally responded. “Mother is Mother.”

“May I ask why it took so long to respond?” Alf asked.

“Mother is too complex for general summary. In order to convey its full scope, a multidimensional explanation is required.”

A mutidimensional explanation? What the heck? Had this Mother thing redacted Jane’s explanation? If so, why? What was she afraid of? Or was she an it? “Is Mother a person or a thing?” he asked.

“I fail to see how these questions give you a competitive advantage. If you do not have any apropos questions, I suggest you dedicate the remaining 1.96 minutes to gaining a strategic advantage over the competition.”

“How can I formulate a strategy if I don’t understand the system?” Alf tried to match the alien’s rational tone. The closer he matched his words to the alien’s thought processes, the more influence he would have. Maybe. “I may be able to exploit the translation mechanism to give us a competitive advantage. For example, I’ll have a huge advantage when it comes to relating to native NPCs like Blix.”

“I agree with your analysis.” Was that reluctance in Jane’s voice. If so, the translator was even better than he’d imagined.

“Second question,” Alf announced. “Who created the rules for this game?”

Another long pause. “Mother created all the games based on exhaustive research into earth history, culture, and extant entertainment systems.”

“So there are other games?”

“Your earth has been divided geographically into 7,235 different entertainment systems.”

“And this game is a—” Alf decided to test Mother’s translation system. “—an MMORPG?”

“Yes.”

“Have any of your people ever played an MMORPG before?”

“The genre is entirely unknown to my people,” Jane said. “Of the 7,235 games created by Mother, the Medieval Earth Fantasy Role-Playing Game is the most opaque.”

“You were smart to enlist our help then.” Alf leaned into Blix’s space to get her attention. “Blix and I are experts at MMORPGs.” He nodded encouragingly.

“Um… Absolutely,” Blix announced. “After my accident I had a lot of time to kill. I’m one of the top players in the world.”

Seriously? Alf raised his eyebrows and sought out her eyes.

Blix nodded her head slowly, a predatory grin spreading across her face.

“I predicted such!” Triumph rang in Jane’s voice. “What is the objective? No one has been able to figure it out.”

“In order to convey its full scope, a multidimensional explanation would be needed.” Alf imitated Jane’s tone.

“But you think you can accomplish the objective?”

“I know we can.” Alf tried to project a sense of cockiness, but wasn’t sure if he’d pulled it off. He had a pretty good sense of how RPGs worked from the mangas he’d read, but he’d never actually played one himself.

“Good,” Jane said. “The time for questions is past. You have 76.34 minutes to prove yourself.”