After I ate my stew and bread, I dipped into my soulspace while I waited.

“So, you know what’s going on. Is there some way we could fake a band or something so that we could join a party?” I asked her, curiously.

She was shaking her head, “If you give me access to a minor node, like an enhanced skill or a gift or trait, we could probably fake an [inspect] message, but I cannot do it with my own powers. That means fooling part of the band and possibly using it as a way to investigate the system, but we would need to be far more powerful, nearly master mage strength, and have a lot more information in order to convince the bands that you are a qualified adventurer, let alone an immortal or wearing a band.”

I had a plan, but I was not sure it would work. Draconic was an enhanced gift, and I had called Mnemosyne in by accident to help me decode it, but she could still only access concepts I was actively assessing. I needed someone who could help me come up with a Draconic word for what I intended, rather than someone who could give only straight parallels. I trusted her, for the most part, and the quintessence feed into draconic was not terribly strong, so I stated, “Mnemosyne, I am not sure how this works, but I uhh… officially give you permission to fully access the Draconic gift and its essence feed.”

Mnemosyne sparkled, there were actual sparkles that traveled down her body, and then looked at me accusingly, “I thought I warned you about just trusting people with important things like this. This isn’t enough power to really hurt you, but if I were a villain I could cut off a lot of your magical potential by restricting this.”

I nodded to Mnemosyne, “You could, but I have decided to trust you.”

Her eyes lowered and she blushed a little bit as she said “Oh.”

“Besides which, I am pretty sure some of the stuff I am doing might have more information in draconic since I remember some but not all of this from my own world’s legends and there seems to be a lot of parallels. I don’t have the vocabulary to describe what I need in draconic, though, and you do. I need your help, and it’s worth the risk.” I added, and she smirked a little at my revealed ulterior motives.

I waved my hand at my core, which was still slowly losing some of the mass of taint. “Like this. I don’t know what this is doing, but I know I have read something like this, a long time ago. You might be able to figure it out if I unlocked my language nodes from home, but they are not gifts or enhanced and you wouldn’t get much from it. I figure there might be a Draconic term for it, and that might give us a clue as to what it is doing or at least how to use it effectively.”

Mnemosyne flopped over into the looking tree crook where she had been sitting, and then scratched her head. I couldn’t help but notice that where she had been ghostlike before, she now looked considerably more solid. Not solid like my park landscape, but it was more difficult to look completely through her. “I can try and find what you are looking for, now at least, but I will need to focus on setting up a system for fooling, or at least subverting the bands. I am a little concerned about one connecting to us, but I can concentrate better on decoding the draconic impressions once we get the link out of the way.”

She looked somewhat exasperated as she added, “I am used to having to wait for YEARS before someone actually puts me to work, and you owe me for wrecking my vacation.”

I nodded and grinned, “Trust me, I have plans for paying you back with interest for the hard work.” and I returned to the real world, chuckling at her confused and somewhat worried expression as I faded. No, I wasn’t going to get inappropriately attached and try to make a pass at her, despite the temptation, because, despite its appearance, I knew her form was entirely an illusion from my own preconceptions of beauty.

Because of improved essence capacity, would you care for enhanced combat and advancement messages? With more essence available the costs to display them are insignificant.

“Yes”, I said quietly, “And, if you can, I’d like some sort of display of my health, fatigue, and mana levels. Is there some way that you can keep some kind of a log of my advancement or damage so that I can go over it later if I need to?”

Yes. I can maintain a construct easily. As far as a log is concerned, I can try to retain a history, but it will simply be my memory. If you want to create a more advanced log, you will probably have to set up something similar, or part of, your new sheet. I don’t have any special memory gifts, but you do.

“That would be wonderful,” I stated and noticed that she had given me a minor illusion right out at the outskirts of my considerably-expanded peripheral vision. They looked like large beakers filled with bubbling potions of green for health, yellow for fatigue, and blue for mana, with a percentage beneath each one. That would be useful.

In addition, I noticed that the light didn’t seem to be hurting my eyes. Everything was a little dimmed. “What did you do?” I whispered.

I interposed a minor light illusion directly over your lenses. While it probably won’t protect you from a light burst or blindness spell, it should keep the worst of the excess light at bay. You also have very obvious pupils even when you are hiding, this should help them be less visible. These will only exist around bright lights, and probably won’t be enough to protect you from major glare, but you expressed an interest in sunglasses, and this is the best I can do. It’s a minor drain on your mana, so you can turn it off if you need to, but otherwise, the drain shouldn’t even be noticeable.

“Thank you Mnemosyne, that is more than I could have hoped.”

You are quite welcome.

My little reverie of communication was interrupted by a group entering the dining area. I noticed that there was a large wooden board near the entrance, covered with small bits of parchment and possibly even paper with writing on them, but coming through the door first was a lithe, extremely female figure covered head to toe in black skintight leather.

The leather was laced and bound a bit like Catwoman, although the mask around the face was decidedly Ninja styled. She had sort of an amazing body, and I was going to think ‘for a human’ when I realized that she had a thick, foxlike tail waving behind her, foxlike ears, and her mask’s folds and shape suggested a hint of a muzzle. She had a pair of swords on her back, and I had no idea how she was even supposed to draw them. They didn’t have collapsing scabbards and looked like full-length dai-katanas. Did she lean way forward and wait for them to slide out under their own weight? That might be something I’d like to see.

Behind her was another female figure in leather, but this one was clad entirely in green and pale brown patchwork. It looked like the patchwork was perfectly designed to accentuate another slender figure, although her face was visible. It was a face that probably could have launched a singing career with ease, and embraced the term elfin perfectly. Not a bad comparison since her long, light-green hair was flicked out of the way by two thin, pointed ears that extended almost as high as the top of her head. Definitely some kind of elf. She had an unstrung bow attached to the back of her shoulder, but I could clearly see how she was able to get it to her hand and strung in a big hurry, and the quiver at her hip was perfectly positioned for drawing.

The third figure through the door was dressed in shoddy but well-cared-for bronze plate mail, carrying a heavy hammer and a shield on her back, and looking almost masculine except for the broad, female, freckled face and red Chun-li style braids on either side of her head. I had to crane over the table to see her and recognized her instantly.

“Cassie?” I asked a little more loudly than intended, and her head shot up to look over in my direction. After a moment a broad, if tired, smile, crossed her face.“Bran!” she cried, a little more loudly than I had, but attracted even less attention from the room. Apparently, long-separated colleagues reacquainted was not even remotely notable here.

She pointed me out to the last person to enter. The guy was enormous, almost as muscled as Grimalkin but a good foot taller. Unlike most of the people I had seen, His armor was shiny grey, clearly made from some sort of Iron alloy, a breastplate, greaves, and armguards. He had a sword, kind of, but the thing was probably a foot wide, had a chopped-off end instead of a point, and was almost as long as he was tall. Unlike the lady ninja, though, this thing rode exposed on his back, dully gleaming bronze, with just a simple strap around the crossguard to keep it in place across his back.

He was wearing a matching crestless spartan helmet that made his entire face look more intimidating, probably on purpose, and I risked an [observe]. I knew that they could keep track of [inspect], but I wasn’t rewarded with any attention.

Rik6943way (Dangerous)

Northman

Level 2 Warmaster(rare)

(Unknown)

Rik is yo master. I got a rare class and my beaches gonna f you up, when I ain’t fn’ em up. Try that PVP sh, beaches, I will spawn camp you till yo mamas make you stop playing cause of all the crying.

Srsly, not interested in teams unless you are a cute girl IRL. I am a nice guy but not into crossing swords.

Sure he was a nice guy. I would believe that just as soon as I believed every girl in WOW was played by a female. In [observe], however, where Cassie and the Ninja girl both looked like themselves only with strange lines radiating from their bands, Rik looked like he was almost translucent, with a complicated network of lines and glowing skin beneath the band. The elven girl looked similar, but her body shape was essentially blank, almost as if she were one solid sheet of energy held in place by only her band.

Shiana Lightbow (dangerous)

Wood Elf (soulbound)

Level 2 Elven Skirmisher (NPC only class)

Shiana will be the first of your bound companions and will loyally accompany you when you leave the tutorial. You can increase her affection by helping her clear out the kobolds in the gilly gulch and healing her with bright red apples.

Once her affection reaches ‘devoted’, use your ‘Bind Companion’ ability to soulbind with her to increase your power and gain abilities based upon hers.

Remember that the affection levels are hatred, disgust, distrust, neutral, trustful, friendly, devoted, and adored.

Treat your bound companions well. If their affection ever reaches ‘hatred’ they will leave your bind taking their special abilities with them.

Note: adult interaction mode unlocked, hardcore mode unlocked, blood and gore unlocked, realsex DLC purchased. Bodymod DLC purchased. Realsex Plus DLC purchased.

This NPC will change at level 5 to a longbow skirmisher, and this message will alter to standard NPC text. Your tutorial has been enhanced with this character in order to take advantage of the Realsex Plus DLC. You have unlocked the rare classes, ‘Warmaster’, ‘Songmaster’, ‘Healboy’, and ‘Slaveboy’ to enhance your gameplay. Please enjoy your rare classes!

Caution- Realsex DLC will only be available in adults-only areas or outside of safe zones. If you attempt to engage with minors or minors present, you will receive a warning. Minors may only engage in adult interaction with their parent or guardian’s permission.

Realsex Plus: Shiana is currently available for adult interaction

Parents can allow their kids to engage in….ugh. This game was making me sick already. Then again, what is the definition of a minor? If the healthcare industry had its way, it would be 30 years old, but if Hollywood had its druthers they’d probably be raiding nurseries. Ick. What kind of game was this guy playing?

It looked like the Shiana Character existed only to fit this guy’s play profile. Meaning, she was probably an actual NPC and not a real person. She certainly looked like one of those Japanese dolls getting so popular on the ‘angry men’ websites, but then, I would bet that most players looked better than humanly possible if they could choose their appearance with ‘bodymod’.

That meant Rik was likely a player or an immortal. Was that glowing mist he was made of the glow that Megan was talking about? A literal PC glow. His description was laughable, and I had no idea what kind of skills he had that translated into the game. If someone learned to fence in the SCA as I had, would they be able to effectively fence here? Or would the game artificially balance their skills at character creation?

The four of them made their way to our table and Cassie said, “Hah! I knew you were a survivor, I bet you are the kobold our escort clear quest told us to meet!” while flopping down at our table. I took a quick [observe] at her character as well as that of the Ninja girl, who now did NOT look like a Ninja. She had three fox tails and wore a tiny little one piece kimono mini and a pair of slippers, but I could see a translucent overlay of the ninja garb over top of her. Whatever illusion power she used to disguise her appearance did not seem to affect [observe].

Mae Bae Ling (dangerous)

[dictate] Fox Changechild(soulbound)

[dictate] Illusionist

[dictate] Mae is a fox changechild. Changechildren are mistrusted in many places, but make good and loyal companions if you earn their trust. You have currently earned her neutral affection.

Realsex plus: Mae is currently available for adult interaction

You know, her description stated that she was a fox changechild, whatever that was, and yet she had 3 tails and was a mistress of illusions. I may not have been a weeb, but I knew what multiple tails and illusionism meant, and the weird semihidden messages made it obvious that she was probably a kitsune.

Kitsune were known for causing trouble. If this was my party, I would keep my eye on her. In some stories, kitsune were very enchanted spirits, and in others nightmarish demons. Time would tell which she was. Those [dictate] tags in draconic were also very odd, I would have to ask Mnemosyne about them.

Then there was Cassie.

Cassie Stonebender (dangerous)

Dwarf

Level 2 Dwarven shieldmaiden (NPC only class)

Cassie of the Stonebender clan has just started a life of adventure. You have currently earned her trustful affection

Realsex Plus: Cassie is currently NOT available for adult interaction.

I smiled at Cassie, noting that she was pretty straightforward and was apparently not a part of Rik’s personal harem with pleasure. I was not attracted to her, but the idea that simply bribing someone for a while with… apples, and killing my kind for them could earn you some kind of permanent mind-controlled slave was...repulsive.

If you have noticed, I had to export their information as if you were wearing a band. Shiana, however, is a construct, and the only information was sent directly to Rik’s band, thus the unusual text.

The [dictate] tags are very special. They are Draconic verbs that I hope you can learn very soon, as well as the [push] tag which is one of the simplest verbs I could find. Right now, with your node, I can [push] [dictate] tags through to the bands when someone identifies you.

Combat pets do not require bands to interface with the player and the system, and I believe that I can read and use [dictate] to keep the band’s essence out of your aura as well as create returns. Players usually do not receive combat pets until level 20, and they are almost always little more than simple tanks or damage dealers.

I grunted to acknowledge Mnemosyne’s text, and the Rik fellow took that as an invitation to sit down next to Cassie, opposite me, while Shiana and Mae remained standing. He looked at me closely and then removed his helmet, revealing a chiseled face that resembled Colin Farrell with a Kirk Douglas chin, probably designed to quickly remove panties. I suspected strongly that that was not the player’s real face, or he would have had no reason in the slightest to purchase something called a ‘realsex plus’.

Of course, I could just be envious. It’s not like girls were lining up to take a crack at a two-and-a-half-foot-tall kobold, and if I could get girls right now they were most likely not the sort I would want unless I felt strangely attracted to the everglades or the mascots in insurance commercials.

“Goblin. Raid. Quest?” Rik enunciated slowly, and I realized that his voice was higher than expected and that there was a kind of weird undertone to his words. Maybe someone was running a hairdryer or something in the background while he spoke, and the computer interpreted it as being breathy? Cassie rolled her eyes at the careful words and almost snickered.

“Chin. For. Opening. Bottles?” I replied, deadpan, as his eyes widened in confusion for a moment. Well, his avatar appeared well-chosen, as it seemed his mind was as slow as his musclebound appearance suggested.

Cassie tapped his arm and nodded at me, “Rik, Bran isn’t animalistic like most kobolds. Just talk to him as you normally do.” She smiled a little, but I noticed that Mae, standing behind, had her mouth covered while her head and chest convulsed. I am glad she was amused, but it would have helped if the party leader had gotten the joke.

Rik’s brow unfurrowed a little and he nodded. “Are you the kobold that is supposed to lead us to the goblin raiding camp?”

I nodded, “Yeah, I haven’t seen too many other kobolds around here.” I shrugged, “Well, it’s more like I was sort of looking for a party to help me clear them, because they have been raiding human settlements and stealing kids to eat, and I guess the Commander considered it important enough to turn into a quest.”

Rik’s gaze narrowed a little as he looked at me suspiciously. “But you are a kobold. Why would you care what happens to a bunch of humans? And you aren’t even a normal kobold, your skin is white and you have a blue crest. The kobolds I have k… seen have all been green with darker green, brown, or red feathers.”

I smiled and scooted back on the bench a little, letting my tail hang more comfortably behind it. “First off, it’s KIDS. Babies. The Goblins were screaming about how successful their hunt had been and how good they tasted. I don’t care what color my feathers are, anyone that would eat sentient babies has to die. Preferably with a great deal of pain, but just dead would be barely good enough. Secondly, ask Cassie as to why I might care about humans, but when you do, please talk about it in private. It’s just barely possible that I didn’t always look like this.”

I was starting to get a little nervous about the idea of talking about my particular disability in public. What if the people that had dragged my soul here were listening? Was I supposed to die when I got chucked in the trash? What if they wanted to clean up their messes? More importantly, I had gotten hints that there was a lot more to things than I knew, and who knew what these so-called immortals were tied up into? To them, it was just a game, but this was a real place, and except for Shiana, these were real people that could be hurt and die.

Rik looked aggravated, and turned to Mae, “What do you think? We bid on this quest, since, you know, goblins are great experience and you cannot often get raid-level experience at our level. But if it’s a trap, we can ditch it, it’s just a side quest after all.”

I shrugged. My motivations involved getting more information on the bands and stopping a bunch of murderous monsters. I was starting to seriously reconsider these people, except for Cassie, since I didn’t know if I wanted to trust basically some kid playing out adolescent harem fantasies using some kind of binding magic and real people. If I had to, I would try to find someone else. I understood that, if this guy thought it was just a game, he might be leery of risking his valuable playtime on a quest that might not pan out well, but if I were in his shoes I wouldn’t take something like this seriously either.

Mae shrugged, and stated, “Well, this whole situation is unusual. First, we have a guided quest starting at level 2 instead of level 20. We have a kobold that can speak like a person, a goblin raid that could lead to a new quest chain in a previously well-charted area, and you are playing a brand new class and storyline that was just released. I think that maybe this is a new epic questline to bring it all together and I don’t know what it might all lead to, especially since Fey-Gallinian and the new northern lands were just reopened and they changed the quests in Sindaenaway so much. Lots of people are trying to figure out what is going on, and this is all new stuff.”

Rik nodded and said, “Yeah, but escort quests suck so bad. I mean, it’s probably worth it, but it will take at least a full day to get there and I only have six hours of playtime today. What if it has no-logout quests? Should we wait about a week first while I do some grinding to get our levels up?”

I interjected, I knew what escort quests were like, they were one of the reasons I had never really enjoyed playing those types of games. The three basic quest types were to go kill a lot of stuff and bring back proof, go fetch something stupid that some shopkeeper could just as easily fetch themselves, and try to protect some idiot that tried to get themselves killed at every opportunity.

“Well, I am not going to run ahead and get myself killed if that’s what you are worried about. In fact, I was told I could join your party as something called a combat pet, whatever that is. I can fight, sure, but I am just as happy to stay way back at range and use a sling without rushing in to get facepunched by a pack of angry mobs, and I am smart enough to know that you stay behind the gigantic armored walls with legs instead of in the line of fire.” I added.

“And I am sitting right here, perfectly capable of understanding what you are saying. I am also pretty sure that, if I do manage to get myself killed, returning to the Commander will still get you the bounties plus some loot I saw in their cave. I hate escort quests myself, you are trying to protect some idiot that seems determined to scream in terror while running right into the thick of a bunch of monsters that are aiming specifically to kill him. You try to get five seconds of downtime to rest and recover and there he goes, aggroing another pack and trying to cause a party wipe. I get it, I really do.”

Mae and Cassie both looked very interested, and even Rik’s eyebrow had raised at my words. “Wait, you are a combat pet?”

I guess the guy knew his priorities, everything else I had said blew past him, but I guess a combat pet triggered his interests. “Yes, I can be, as far as I know. Why do you ask?” Here fishy fishy fishy. That worm is delicious and tasty and dangling right where you can get to it.

He shook his head, “Dude, are you like a GMPC? I mean, you’re talking about stuff like mobs and aggro and how suck escort quests are, and the new DLCs were just released yesterday for early access. I hear sometimes GMs take over quest NPCs for a while on new events. Is this an event?”

I had to play this pretty cool. I wasn’t sure exactly what GMPCs were, but I had an idea. “If I were starting a new event, would I be able to tell you about it?” I asked him curiously. I didn’t want to burn any bridges, and if combat pets didn’t usually come until level 20, I had to make it look like it would take more effort, like a quest reward. “How about I join as your ally until we complete the quest, and then if we are successful, I can become a full-time combat pet.”

Rik smiled a little, his cleft chin wiggling as he gave me a knowing look, but then he looked nervous, “Wait, before we go any further, Umm… I am set straight with monster girls okay. I know what real plus is about, You aren’t planning on trying to get me involved in furry spear on spear action, are you?”

I quickly shook my head, “How god no!” I exclaimed. “No way. I mean, If that’s your thing, you do you, but me? Uh uh. Consider me a celibate priest or something. What you do with your spear is your business, not mine.”

He grinned, “Great!” and I saw his eyes sort of staring into space for a moment.

Rik’s band has sent an optional link to become an unbound combat pet. Do you wish to accept?

“I accept,” I stated.