《Demons Don't Lie》Chapter 35 - A deal in a deal
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The demons guarding the Junction were in a state of commotion. Several had fled into the surrounding greenery and more were ducking into an arched opening beneath the tapered steel tower. The party guarding the Junction were likely trying to flank our position, expecting the rest of our party to be waiting behind. One demon, female in appearance, wearing a well-fitted two-piece suit and matching black tie, marched out with her arms folded, drumming her painted fingernails impatiently on her triceps.
“Well, I guess the element of surprise is lost,” Markus leaned in to speak in my ear. The gesture was meaningless given he’d talked loud enough to be heard by anyone in the vicinity.
Which wasn’t too much of an issue. We never intended to remain hidden. Though we’d approached somewhat stealthily—somewhat being the key word here, as Markus hadn’t bothered to check his footing and had crunched every twig and leaf on his way here—the attempt to remain hidden was nothing but a ruse. The rest of our party was hidden away using Toll’s knife rabdos, Myst. The balaam had revealed that it could spread its affect to others so long as they were touching the wielder, using the help of a bit of ash, of course.
Ash which I’d had to bully Markus into surrendering under the threat of sabotaging this deal. Even so, I was suspicious about how little resistance he’d offered over giving up his possessions, instead shrugging it off with a resigned, “Well, I suppose it’ll help me as well.”
“It would have been nice if we’d been a little more cautious,” I said. “We could have caught more of their movements in the meantime.”
“Oh, trust me, Algier,” Markus said, grinning at the demon who was waiting for us to leave the cover of the trees. “This is going to go brilliantly for us.”
With that, the haures strolled casually out from behind the bush we’d ducked behind and called out to the waiting demon.
“Well, if it isn’t my old partner in war crimes. Rin Sweet Riddle! How are you?” Markus made sure to emphasise the demon’s last two names.
When Rin caught sight of Markus, her face dropped. I got the distinct impression from her that, if she were human, she would have taken a nice long swig out of a hip flask.
“Oh, fuck me!” Rin spat. “I knew I’d run into your stubby horns sooner or later, Markus.”
Markus’ mouth snapped open in mock offense. “Why, there’s no need to be so rude, Rin Sweet Riddle.”
“Oh, fuck you. You’re the bastard who gave me those names in the first place. After everything I did to secure a swift victory during the Invasion, I deserved a place on the Council of Ones. But instead, they gave the role to you, and you then used your authority to give me three names. Three! And aside from the first, they’re fucking terrible.”
Markus raised his hands defensively. “In fairness, there were talks to give you four. If not for me, you would have received even more names.”
“Hah!” Rin spat. “Look at you, flaunting your sarcasm now that you’re a one name. I bet those talks were all led by you, and you probably suggested five to begin with.” She dipped her head and her lush pink lips thinned into a line. “Please. We practically climbed out of the Pit together. I know exactly what kind of word tricks you like to play.”
I buried my head in my hands. “Do we seriously have to do this?” I grumbled. “Right now?”
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“Yes!” both haureses said in unison.
“Alright, fine.” I threw my hands up then sought out a log to sit on.
The area looked like it had been hastily cleared by demons during the events of the Culling, so thin branches lined with leaves still in the process of shrivelling up dotted the earth. A number of thick logs had been lined up to form a many pointed star, which acted as defensive walls. I sat on the log just in front of us—Markus and I were waiting behind it, keeping a safe distance from the Tower itself.
Rin turned to me and furrowed her brows, as though finally noticing me. She was conventionally pretty and her foul mouth only added to her charms. She had uncannily large irises that were dark as dusk, offset only by the faint red glow of her pupils. Her nose was small, her face was round, and she had long, straight, brown hair tied in a ponytail behind her. If not for the haphazard colours spotting her fingernails and the rainbow tips of her hair, she would have been the spitting image of a casual businesswoman. Oh. That, and the two slender horns that protruded sideways from each side of her head. I always forget about those.
“Hey, aren’t you that human that erased the estray?” she said.
I cocked an eyebrow at her. I had no idea how she found that out but wasn’t going to make out like I did.
“Right,” she continued, a smile stretching onto her face. Two fangs were revealed—the clearest sign that one was a haures, if it weren’t so obvious given the fact that she was spearheading this… deal. “The message said your name is Algier. No last name, so of no significance. Poor bastard.”
I shot Markus a death glare. The one name gave a slight shrug in response. It appeared everyone had received a message about me slaying the estray and none of my oh-so-considerate party members bothered to tell me. Saying that I was pissed would be an understatement.
“Still, it is impressive.” Rin dipped her head sideways. “Not just erasing the estray, but also cucking a one name out of that many of points. Mind doing me the pleasure of telling me how badly you fucked him over?”
She was trying to fish for information by appealing to the perceived fractures in the relationship between Markus and I. Although, given Markus’ personality, I assumed he had no unfractured relationships. The point is, she was good. She understood humans and how to pander to their feelings. Compared to struggling against Markus’ gunboat diplomacy, this haures seemed more reasonable to tangle with.
“I didn’t screw him over at all, since we’re about to form a party,” I told her.
Rin stared at me deadpan. “Well that’s boring. Anyway.”
The three name snapped her fingers and a laptop poofed into her hands. The device was tinted in rose gold—at least, I assumed it was, but it was hard to say given that it was plastered top to bottom with stickers of anime characters. Pre-Invasion, of course. Entertainment these days was exceptionally dull and highly regulated, so humans seeking decent entertainment sought out the “classics”. To top off the look, a number of stuffed chibi and Pokémon characters were dangling from the USB sockets. Yeah, this demon had a weird side to her.
“Shall we get this show on the road?” Rin asked, exposing her fangs.
In similar fashion, Markus materialised his red-backed tablet. “Let’s.”
Rin was the first on the attack. “If you’re familiar with SCRP, we’ll accept five hundred points worth of identified rabdoses.”
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“I am,” Markus replied, “but for a supposed haggler, you haven’t even told me what you’ll give in return. Seems to me like we’re already off to a rocky start.”
“In exchange for the right to party up safely.”
“Oh, please, that price is far too steep. We’re getting almost nothing in—”
“Each,” Rin cut him off, punctuating the word. “Five hundred SCRP points of rabdoses for each member of your planned party.”
Markus shot her a blank stare, then raised his tablet and it poofed away. “It’ll be faster if you told me to go fuck myself with Buzzkill.”
The side of Rin’s mouth ticked up. “Not quite. You’d have to convince Carnage to use it on you first.”
“I wouldn’t even have to finish asking the question before he’d have sawed my form into a million bits. Of course, if you were on the Council of Ones, you’d know that.”
I clapped my hands to get both the demons’ attentions. “Okay, children. That’s enough.”
They both stared at me with amused expressions on their faces. Markus’ eyebrows were raised while Rin was barely suppressing a snicker.
I let out a long sigh. “It hasn’t even been a minute since we began and you’ve both managed to regress to the maturity of toddlers.”
Markus’ mouth gaped open in mock offense. “Well don’t blame me. She started it.” He thrust a finger at Rin.
“And I’ll finish it too,” Rin chuckled.
The one name threw both his hands in Rin’s direction. “See? See?”
Oh, if only I had a better rabdos, I would have murdered Markus on the spot. “You know what, Markus?” I deadpanned. “Sometimes I feel like I’m becoming a demon, because every time I say something outrageous about you, you go and prove me right.”
Rin ripped a line of tape off the back of her laptop to reveal a camera. She held the laptop up to get us both in frame. “Hang on, I need to record this. It’s going to look great next to the clause about Markus reciting a Hail Lilith’s worth of apologies to me.”
Scrap what I said earlier. If I had a decent rabdos, I’d have murdered them both. I took a deep breath to calm myself down.
“Rin,” I spoke slowly, trying to keep the anger out of my voice. “Do you intend to cut a deal with us?”
The three name stared at me for a long while before finally answering, “I do.”
Before I continue telling this story, I think a few explanations are in order. First, let me explain SCRP.
Generally pronounced “scrap”, it stands for Standard Culling Retail Price. It’s a supposedly objective price list of all rabdoses that appear in the Culling, employed by all shops (which won’t be seen until the next Ring). “Supposedly” is the key word here, because as is the case with demons, all relative things are diminished into some objective measurement until a better measurement comes along. Then that next measurement is adopted and is, once again, called objective. It’s stupid, but demons don’t exactly do subjectivity so they bounce rapidly from one consensus to another. Humans refer to this as truth hopping and find it wholly idiotic. Not that our opinions matter to demons.
Sure, there aren’t any shops in the Ring of Betrayal, but there’s nothing saying you can’t use SCRPs outside of shops. So long as you know the price of each rabdos, that is, and demons have fantastic memories.
Next is Buzzkill. This Class U rabdos is used exclusively by Carnage, a bunè on the Council of Ones. It’s Class U because nobody knows much about it, mainly because everyone who’s ever seen it has subsequently ended up dead or erased.
Carnage, er, lives up to the name. He’s a demon that deals exclusively in violence. When there’s a war to be had or an execution to be performed—in Hell, of course, because crimes carried out on Earth are usually under the jurisdiction of the Marquises—Carnage shows up, does his thing, and leaves an ocean of ash and blood behind him. Unlike other one names, he doesn’t have a home of sorts. Markus has a skyscraper—a whole skyscraper, because of course he does—and Synaesthesia, a deuce one name, apparently has a whole dimension made of sound—don’t ask; it’s just what I’ve heard. Carnage, on the other hand, is a vagabond in the purest sense. He roams from place to place seeking out battles to fight and things to slaughter. Sometimes he’ll take a job to save a human family’s child from a demon Hellbent on causing wanton terror. Sometimes he’ll kill the whole family after the fact.
Markus flashed a fanged grin my way. “See, this is why it was a good idea to bring the human along. He can be quite clever at times. Or perhaps you’re truly deserving of your three names, for having been played by a measly human.”
“Oh, please,” Rin scoffed, rolling her eyes. “You’re not exactly making an effort here.”
Markus summoned his tablet back. “And why would I? Should I have dragged on a conversation where your intent was clearly to fish information out of me? Even after a hundred years, you still haven’t learned subtlety, Rin.”
“And after one hundred years,” Rin shot back, “you still don’t understand anyone but yourself, Markus.”
“And why would I when I’m so damned amazing? Now. Let’s discuss price.”
“Hold your horns!” Rin groaned. “First we need to figure out how the trade will be conducted. I think it goes without saying that the manner in which we deliver the goods will also factor into their price.”
Markus rolled his eyes. “Fine!”
“Firstly, I only want the two of us present.”
“Already we have a problem.”
“Secondly, I want you to withdraw the payment from your inventory in the order I specify and dump them at a series of drop sites. I’ll also be charging an extra one hundred points for the inconvenience of…”
It got dry from that point on. Each and every aspect of the exchange was argued back and forth in mind-numbingly excruciating detail. To be clear, that was just the details of the exchange itself. They hadn’t even started on the price! Needless to say, I wasn’t getting involved in that.
Though I put on an air of indifference, I was paying very close attention to my surroundings. There was little for me to do while they slugged each other with insinuations and misdirections, so that provided an opportunity for me to get a full understanding of the broader situation.
Nobody other than Rin was visible, but judging from the frequent creaks and cracks coming from the woods around us, it was clear that other members of her party were on the move. No doubt they were trying to find the rest of our party. If there were an iuda amongst them, they could have sent a message back to Rin informing them of our party composition. For sure, there was someone capable of communication within the tower itself. Communication between Junctions was vital and thus they wouldn’t have been left to scout due to the risk of getting attacked by hidden party members on my side or a hidden digresser.
Not that any of that mattered. They would never find Toll, Enzi, and Volce to begin with. They were looking in the wrong direction.
The better question was, where was their balaam? Toll had made it clear they had one, so I was waiting for them to show their face. I highly doubted they’d let the balaam scout as well. Being able to shoot questions to a balaam in the middle of a negotiation offered an enormous advantage. It meant you could never be at an information loss, and therefore the other party would have trouble deceiving you by omission. Yes, demons don’t lie, but nothing stops them from leading others to make assumptions based upon incomplete information.
From some basic deduction, I concluded there were at least two of Rin’s party hiding in the tower, plus a few more to guard them in case the messengers decided to try their hands at assassination.
Negotiations progressed at a snail’s pace and I was getting rather bored after watching the same few acres for two hours. Then Markus finally made a declaration.
“Alright, with that settled, for payment I was thinking of a pretty sweet deal for you. How about—”
“We’re nowhere near settled,” Rin butted in. “We need to determine how we get the signatures from your allies to begin with.”
“Oh, please!” Markus said, rolling his eyes. “I’ll speak on their behalf.”
“And create an unenforceable contract? No matter how powerful you are, a haures can’t force someone to do anything without a contract.”
Okay, it was time to step in. I fixed a frustrated glare on Rin and said loudly, “Is this really necessary?”
She turned to me startled, as though she’d just remembered I was there. “Of course!” she replied, seeming offended. “You can’t ever conduct a deal with a haures without patching up every possible loophole.”
Well, that wasn’t correct. I’d demonstrated that myself when I’d swindled Markus out of a Patch-me-up a couple days back. Sometimes you just needed to blindside them. I wasn’t about to say that, though. I was trying to hurry Rin up.
“Let’s just get this janky business done,” Markus said. “I’ll send the human to collect the signatures and—”
“Terrible idea,” I said. Markus cocked an eyebrow at me, probably annoyed that I’d interrupted his brilliant suggestion. Sure, perhaps he planned to use it as a starting point in a longer chain of haggles, but he was missing an important detail. “Their party is dispersed in the forest. If I go out there, they’ll probably pick me off. Or worse, they’ll follow me back to our team’s hiding spot and catch us at once.”
“Well observed,” Rin said with a grin. “How about we call your party members here with our iuda and we can do the signing together?”
“And that will undermine clause three hundred and forty-two A,” Markus pointed out. “Which states that I will be the one to make the delivery. One of us will need to meet them in order to adhere to that clause.”
“Not at all. You can have them pass you the rabdoses right here.”
Markus rolled his eyes. “Oh, and I’m sure you’ll love to have us all bunched up for your convenience.”
“And like I’m going to let you plot behind my horns. I haven’t forgotten how you screwed me out of a contract with a human resistance cell in 2031 and tried to indoctrinate them into your little demon loving cult.”
I arched an eyebrow at Markus. “Cult?”
Rin butted in before Markus could respond. “Oh, you didn’t know?” A wicked smile split her face. “Your ally Markus started that whole church thing. What do they call it? Satanic Order of something or other?”
“SOHINORA,” I supplied.
“Right, that one. He figured it would be a great way to get the humans we’d just conquered to accept their new demon overlords.”
Markus shrugged. “It was either that or genocide.”
“Yes, that was the opinion of some demons. Certainly not mine.” Rin gave her head a toss and her long hair settled behind her. “Well, that’s neither here nor there. Afterwards, the Marquises popped up out of nowhere and rendered the whole thing irrelevant anyway. Strange that he keeps it going but—well, how am I supposed to understand the inner machination of the Council of Ones? Anyway, no deal’s going to happen until we can get all your allies here.”
She was good. Rather than trying to tackle with Markus, she was talking shit about him to get me to mistrust him, then attempting to use my mistrust to side with her and call my party out from hiding. No doubt, Rin’s understanding of humans was an exceptional talent of hers that she exploited to the fullest.
However, this situation was ridiculous. They still weren’t arguing price. I considered that this might have been a delay tactic on Rin’s part. She was probably waiting for the location of our teammates to be revealed—or perhaps she was waiting for news of their disposal. No, that was highly unlikely. She knew Markus. She knew exactly how strong the bastard was. We needed to hurry things along.
Fortunately, Markus seemed to have come to the same conclusion. He dumped his tablet onto me without so much as asking then poofed another one into existence.
“Since you’re being such a stubborn little shite, let’s settle this the haures way. We’ll sign a contract detailing the collection of signatures. I’ll sweeten the deal from the beginning and send the human to do the collecting.”
Rin tipped her head to the side and her upper lip curled. “As charming as usual, I see. Septo!”
From within the tower, a demon peaked their head out. Their entire upper body was covered in mangy fur that thickened at its neck, where their head formed into the muzzle of an unidentifiable mutt. The animal head was a clear sign they were a balaam.
After a nervous glance to either side, they emerged from the Tower’s gaping entrance and slinked forward. Their deep set and harrowed eyes were constantly on the swivel as though expecting someone would leap from the cut grass and stab them at any moment. They stopped a few steps behind Rin and stood with a hunch.
Rin held the laptop towards Septo. The mutt-faced balaam slinked forward. From within their hessian rags, two scrawny, furless arms poked out and reached gingerly for the laptop. When Septo’s hands finally clasped around the laptop, they snatched it from Rin and drew it in close, practically embracing the device. Their eyes darted about frantically.
Once her laptop was taken, Rin snapped her fingers—Septo flinched at suddenness of it—and another laptop appeared in her hand. “Alright, link up with me. I have a number of clauses I’d like to add.”
This whole thing was getting ridiculous. Rin was either stalling or just trying to one-up Markus. Fortunately, I’d just come up with a great plan to cut through all the muck.
I leaned forward and addressed the balaam. “You’re Septo, right?”
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