Dylan's mouth is hanging open in shock. "You're a woman?"

She glares at him fiercely, and he recoils, hastily attempting to mend his words. "Uh, I mean, there's nothing wrong with being a woman. It's just surprising that-"

Alice cuts him off. "Why would that be surprising? Plenty of powerful women exist in the world. The Magelord is a woman, for crying out loud. And I thought you knew all the guards?"

The captain grins at her, the freckles on her face moving upwards as the corners of her mouth crease. "Thanks for the support, but I can fight my own battles." Turning to the terrified Dylan, she opens her mouth and I interrupt.

[Can we not kill Dylan? It would make a bad impression on the guildmaster and I really want to get going.]

They both look at me, surprised. The guardswoman narrows her eyes, clearly suspicious of me. "I still want to kill you, ant. I just know that it'd be a bad idea... for now, that is."

That doesn't sound ominous at all.

Baby slaps a hand on my carapace, startling me. "I really wouldn't advise it, ma'am. Besides, I never did catch your name."

The guard held out a massive gauntleted hand, utterly dwarfing Baby. She's well over a foot taller than he is. "My name's Katrina Couderie. I already know you're the Bruiser of Barabar, and she's the Butcher, but Dylan here has a reputation all his own in Xylphys."

Alice chokes somehow, despite the fact she's not eating anything. "Couderie? As in Francis Couderie? The man who achieved Royal Champion and then quit a year later? That Couderie?"

Katrina's face tightens. "That was his decision to make. I can make more of a difference out here in the middle of nowhere than I can do stuffed in a city training some businessman's daughter with my spare time. He kind of proves my point - threats can come from anywhere." She ends the sentence gesturing at me.

Dylan seems hung up on something else. "Wait, what reputation?"

The guard chuckles heartily, though I notice that her speartip never moves away from my general direction. "Dylan's got a rep for taking messages faster than anyone else in Xylphys, though his bravery leaves a bit to be desired." His cheeks flush angrily as Baby and Alice laugh, and I tilt my head.

[What's funny about it? Running is the best way to stay alive if you have nothing to defend. WIthout a colony, I'm surprised your race doesn't run away from everything.]

They all seem offended, and Alice expresses her annoyance first. "Now hang on a second, we fought those bandits earlier!"

[Yes, but you ran from the stucats, the only one to attack the Kadaialon was Baby, and I think you would have run from me if I hadn't been blocking the entrance at the time. Isn't that why you all have such long legs? I thought that they were so you could run away faster.]

They seem stumped for a moment, thinking about all the good points I made, before Katrina says offhandedly, "Well, humans have colonies too."

She might as well have punched me for all the effect it had on me. Humans had colonies? Why did they attack each other? Why did they not follow orders? How could individuals act on their own?

[Where are your queens? Why do they allow you to do whatever you want?]

Baby sounds surprised, answering, "We don't have a queen. We've got a pretty good council, but the closest thing to a queen you'd get nowadays is the Magelord over at Careolis. As for what we do, you've been doing all right on your own for quite some time, right?"

[That's not the same at all! I'm trying to make it to the Lymphadra colony so I can just stop having to think all the time and follow orders! How can you have a colony without a queen?]

Alice responds to my question much faster than I'd hoped she would. "Well, we've all got a vote in what happens. That way, if we make a wrong decision, then we all share the blame rather than just one of us."

I defend my point fiercely. [Queens cannot make wrong decisions. It's simply not possible.]

Dylan cocks his head, asking curiously, "Well, how did you end up outside your anthill?"

I freeze before turning my head to him, not paying attention to the strands of void rising from my carapace and ignoring Katrina as her grip on her spear tightens. [I ended up outside my old hill, and outside my colony, because Noah wouldn't leave me alone!]

Joule cuts in, her voice carrying her hurt clearly. [I thought you were over that!]

[I'M AN ANT. A colony is everything to me! Of course, I had to deal with it at the time, I wasn't allowed to go back to the colony and I had to survive on my own!]

Baby talks sincerely, hands raised in a placating gesture. "Null, calm down. What about Bubbles? What about Joule? Aren't they a colony?"

I'm starting to panic and Katrina slowly raises her spearpoint. [I mean - yes, I enjoy talking with Joule, and Bubbles is very cute, but-]

Alice joins in, walking towards me with a concerned expression. "Null, if you only dealt with the problem at the time, you didn't deal with it at all."

My mandibles light up with void, and Katrina pulls Dylan behind her, placing one foot in a battle stance.

I focus my confusion and fear and terror and loneliness and all of the feelings that I don't know the names on Katrina, lunging forwards. [Stop asking questions!]

Four hands grab my head and pull hard, somehow halting my momentum despite the fact I'm many times stronger than Baby and Alice. I can see their expressions, and they're indescribable. There's sadness, and certainty, and understanding all mixed into one face. I don't understand it.

"Null. I have no idea how that feels. I really don't. But I used to have a family too. I used to sit inside and do nothing before I died, and then I ended up here. And the only thing I could think about during all of that was how much I wished I could have spent more time with them, because they loved me." Baby's looking me dead in the eye, despite how much his words don't make sense. "All I had was my fists, and you'd better believe I worked on those. I got really strong in a pretty carking short time, but it never felt like I was going anywhere."

I start calming down, though Katrina's nowhere near calm. "Butcher, Brusier, get away from the target so I can end it."

"I figured out why eventually. I never got over the fact that I couldn't go back. I never figured out that I could have a family here, that I could have friends here. I don't know you that well, Null, I really don't. But you saved my life, whether you meant to or not. I almost saved yours from that shell-thing. We got drunk as crap together, and that means a lot for me. So if you want to be in a colony so bad, let me be part of it, for cark's sake."

My body freezes, and everyone is silent for a moment, except the sound of Katrina's wooden spear haft cracking from the force she was exerting on it.

[You... would want to be in a colony of ants?]

He shrugged. "Why not? I already work for Barabar, I'm sure I could work something out. Besides, you don't necessarily have to stay in an ant colony. You don't even know for sure that those Lymphadra ants would let you in their colony, so why not stay here? Become an adventurer. Dig a new hole and live there. Heck, if you want to, try and move in with Noah or something. It's your life, Null. Why don't you do what you want to do with it? Screw the queens."

There's a long silence before Alice and Baby let go of me. I stand there for a moment, simply thinking. Katrina shakes her head, stabbing her spear into the ground. "Well, if that ain't a good invitation I don't know what is."

I take a deep breath, trying to control the feelings raging inside me. I really did prefer it when I didn't need to think for myself, when a spider was an unbeatable opponent, and when I didn't feel as though I just murdered a queen. What would have happened if Noah had never picked me? If Joule hadn't taught me how to improve? If Bubbles hadn't rolled into my hole?

Casting the thoughts into the back of my mind, I relaxed, the void around my mandibles dissipating in a black cloud that floats away along with a lot of worries I hadn't known I had.

[I... need to think about it.]

Baby slaps my carapace, grinning. "Take your time, buddy. There's no rush."

[...Baby?]

"Yeah?"

[Thank you.]