《My Pick Up Artist System》40: Baby in burning building
Advertisement
Two young men walked through New York City's bustling nighttime streets while discussing the intricacies of the modern dating scene.
Smells of cigarettes, street food, and perfumes of passing pedestrians blended together to form the city's natural fragrance--Eau de hot garbage.
"If dinner is a Sarlacc pit trap, then where would you take a girl?" Ben asked.
Antonio answered, "Pretend she broke her jaw gossipin' with her girlfriends and keep her on a liquid diet...Drinks are best. If they don't drink alcohol, then coffee. If nothin' else, you can go for a walk somewhere. Just don't let them stuff their face in front of you, especially on a first date. This ain't Pacman..."
Ben typed a note into his phone: 'Pacmaning...not...allowed."
Antonio continued. "Second issue, when's the last time you spoke with her?"
"…Last night. When we confirmed today's date."
Antonio shook his head with a helpless smile. "You're courting death..."
Ben's right eye twitched. Ever since he introduced his cousin to Asian web novels, he's been picking up random xianxia terms and using them in normal conversation.
Antonio explained. "Bro, you've gotta understand that most chicks have the attention spans of toddlers. If you don't wanna get flaked on, remember this word—confirmation! You need to get confirmation the day of the date, and more than one! It ain't as simple as it sounds. In general, textin' and callin' chicks is like playin' checkers; There are all kinds of errors you can make where any of them will queen her. That'll be game over for you.'
Ben released a stressful sigh. "...So is this lead dead?"
Antonio's face showed a smirk. "Maybe not...I'm gonna teach you how to beat any girl in checkers. You'll use a favored tactic of the greatest strategists of ancient history…" His smirk distorted into a scheming grin. "Cheat!"
Advertisement
...
Some would frown upon that word but Ben wasn't one of them. He loved infinite gold hacks! This was a flavor that matched his appetite! He listened with more focus than in any class since he started college!
Ben's attitude satisfied Antonio, who believed future prospects with women would improve depending on two characteristics: how eager you were to learn, and how little shame you had! In these characteristics, Ben was a top prospect! Antonio needed to take proper care of this baby Yoda...
Antonio said, "If setting up dates is like a checkers game, then all you gotta do is...flip the board around!"
"I'm not following your metaphor."
Antonio chuckled. "Look, society expects guys to pursue chicks, not the other way around, right? In that scenario, she's the prize...That puts you at a natural disadvantage! As any good war game vet knows, the defender has the edge, so if you play by the rules, you'll always be fightin' an uphill battle. Lucky for us, this battlefield is one of perception; The roles of attacker and defender ain't set in stone. So all you gotta do is reverse the roles and...become the prize yourself!"
"So I should become a pinata?"
Antonio shrugged. "If you want…Now that I think about it, a pinata doesn't work a day in its life..."
"So I have to hang from a ceiling while a gang of children beat me into a hate crime victim?"
"...No? Then you can be the candy."
"I'll only end up in a chubster kid's stomach!"
"Shut up! You're ruinin' my metaphor! Look, my point is, you've gotta flip things around so it seems like you ain't the one chasin' her, even though you are. If you play it well, you can even make her chase you..."
Advertisement
"Hmm..." Ben didn't know Antonio was so clever. While his ears filtered out the loud honking cars in the background, he pondered the concept.
Antonio stopped walking and turned to Ben. "She thinks she flaked on you, right? That is, if she even remembers you had a date. I'll show you a move as an example. Give me your phone…"
Ben handed Antonio his phone and Antonio typed a text message.
***
On the other side of town, Katie was at her hair salon getting a trim.
*Beep* Her phone emitted a new message alarm. She picked it up and saw the sender. 'Oh, it's that guy I talked to yesterday, Ben. Wait...didn't we have a date today? I totally forgot...Oh well, guess I flaked on him. Whatev.' Then she read the text.
"my bad I couldn't make it. hope u didn't wait there long. had emergency. baby in burning building"
…
Katie raised an eyebrow. 'Is he saying he saved a baby in a burning building?' She was confused…but intrigued. 'So he flaked on me?' Now she was even more intrigued. A guy has never flaked on her…
***
"Baby in burning building? What am I, Superman?!?" Ben yelled.
"Nah, that's ridiculous...Superman wouldn't care about a single baby. He's economical. If you ain't in a bus or plane, you're going in the river..." Antonio replied.
"You made me sound crazy!"
Antonio laughed. "It was a line that was both funny and interesting. More important is she won't know if were kidding or serious. Confusion is the name of the game. If you can keep a chick confused about you, she'll keep thinking about you, making you the prize. Trust me bro, it'll work. That'll hook her."
*Beep*
The two of them gazed at Ben's phone as it got an alert. It was a text message from Katie…
Ben glanced at Antonio who was still smirking, then he read the message.
"no probs. we can resched. tell me about this baby…"
Ben gasped, before shouting, "BABY IN BURNING BUILDING!" He believed he discovered a hack to the matrix!
"Shut up! You're scarin' away the customers!" The hot dog vendor at the side screamed at Ben.
Ben didn't care. His heartbeat sped up as he repeated the line in his head. He knew what he needed to do now to be popular with women! It was obvious. Even a toddler would get it.
He'd become a superhero!
Advertisement
Metagame
Some people get a second chance, late in life, and jump on it. Other people are on their third before they turn twenty. One was given everything they wanted, and threw it away on principle. One earned their place, but could never afford to pay the price. One never failed, right up until it mattered. One encountered nothing but failure, instead helping others achieve success. One never believed themselves worthy. One is crushed by the past, afraid of what might repeat itself. And the last never had a goal to begin with. But while nobody cared and no one was watching, they each decided to carry on in their own ways, even when that made things worse- and they did, usually, get worse. Arrows Through Reality, often called Arrows or ATR, is the world's first full-immersion Virtual Reality game, a MOBA by Granduon incorporated that didn't blow its competition out of the water, but did provide a new entry point that had millions trying their new game. Two years later, the player base has only grown, and everybody knows the most effective tactics... but while a cutting-edge AI supposedly runs the game's balance, it hasn't patched anything a single time. Well, the most effective way to do anything is subjective, right?
8 195The Dungeon of Miracles
A dungeon story that follows the story of an unfortunate peasant boy doing his best to survive. A combat focused and gritty story that ocassionally introduces magic. I appreciate all feedback! I usually write when I can't sleep.
8 99Anathema
The Prince used to dance — until he discovered the strings moving his legs. The Rebel used to hope — until reality slammed a door in her face. The Spy used to live for nothing but money — until he found himself a family. And the Slave craved freedom more than air — until a small hand reached to her for help. Eskela has known conflict for centuries. War had been engrained into the very soil of every one of the eight kingdoms, and blood has been smeared over history to paint a lie. When young prince Aldric, heir to the Aguki throne, learns his position is nothing but a farce, his world crumbles down around him. As he tries desperately to find power in a world determined to rob him of it, his cousin Rhiann plots to find freedom through more extreme and destructive means. Conflict does not reside in Cinthra alone, though. Erden, newly hired spymaster for the crown prince of Promnir, is tasked with keeping an eye on the kingdom’s council. The job that was supposed to just be about money quickly spirals into a fierce loyalty, one that leads him to the front lines in order to desperately prevent another war from beginning. Azala, a slave bought by the royal family of Azmosir, finds her loyalty is not nearly as solidified as that of Erden’s. But while the prince she serves plots to steal that which does not belong to him and the queen she respects holds on to a lingering desire for revenge, Azala realizes that she must choose whom to save: herself or Azmosir's defenseless and young princess.
8 180The one who walks alone (Xianxia/Wuxia)
Sparrow's grandma doesn't want him to spend life picking turnips, she wants him to be somebody - so she drags him to the best academy in the land and threatens the administrators until they let Sparrow in. But with deranged maniacs running the academy - arrogant, poo throwing young masters, and princesses who kick his ass - Sparrow isn't so sure the academy life is for him. After being kicked out he becomes a hobo - wandering a world full of cultivators and demons - and picking up all the skills the road can teach him. Sure, Sparrow wouldn't mind becoming a god one day, but to start with, he just wants to make his grandma proud.
8 110Army of the Fallen
Over the course of history the nations of Corulant had been facing attacks from creatures of immense strength, powers and wickedness, Monsters; they would rape, pillage, desecrate, and devour all forms of life the world held, however at the end of the last millenium humanity along with a couple other races of Corulant were able to fight back and drive the monsters away from their homeland. And so centuries later of wars between the same allied races that had fought the monsters together, and many civil wars the world had finally attained peace. However this one seemed to be, one which would soon be interrupted by a new contagion that would affect every creature in Corulant.
8 200Glam rock for life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
livin' the Glam life!
8 136