《My Pick Up Artist System》6: We're stuck in caveman bodies
Advertisement
Beluga was giving Ben his first lecture. "Benjamin, I'll tell you this. Mastering the art of seduction is a long pursuit, but it isn't as hard as you think to get started. Ok, lesson one. Stand up and repeat after me. 'I'm the best looking and most charming man you've ever seen.'"
Ben was hesitant but followed his instructions. "I'm the best loo—"
"No! Say it to me..." Beluga interrupted.
…
Ben tried again. "…You're...the best looking and most charming man I've ever seen?"
Beluga looked into a mirror he had hanging on the wall to his side. "I know. Ok, good. You've got potential."
…
Ben leaned over to Antonio and whispered, "Some of the stuff he said was interesting, but is this guy serious? Or is he only fishing for compliments?"
Antonio replied with confidence, "Trust me, he's no joke. He's a legend in our community. His rep on the forums is top-tier."
Ben's eyebrows knitted. 'Did he say forums? Is this an epic 4chan troll? I don't know what that means, but it doesn't sound reliable at all…'
When Beluga finished admiring his reflection, he continued speaking. "Benjamin, we're having a nice banter here, but you can't just walk in here and become my disciple. You need to prove yourself first. Only the bravest of men are qualified to become true pick up artists. I need you to show me you're willing to do what it takes."
Benjamin glanced at him. "Was wearing a thong not enough?"
Beluga answered, "No, that was my gift to you. A free style tip. Next comes the proper test in the field."
Ben thought, 'Keep your damn gifts next time! ...Is he going to make me wear the thong in public?' Ben wasn't excited about this test but decided to see what Beluga proposed first.
Advertisement
***
The three went to a public shopping mall nearby. Being midday, it was loaded with people. They were near the food court which had many cafes and people sitting down eating. Ben looked around. There were many women in the vicinity.
As people passed them, some would point at Beluga. It wasn't a surprise. He hadn't changed at all. He wore his purple pimp hat and bathrobe with pride.
Ben wanted to run far away from him, but he was also wearing a thong underneath, so he wasn't holding the moral high ground either.
Beluga put his hand on Ben's shoulder. "Ok. Here's what you'll do. You see that female sitting down? Approach her and say this…" He gave Ben his version of a divine line.
Ben's eyes widened in shock. "Are you serious?"
Beluga gazed into his eyes. "I've never told a joke in my life."
…
Ben gulped. He gazed at the woman Beluga told him to approach as his heart sped up and his hands became clammy. It wasn't the line that made him nervous. It was the idea of approaching a woman...
"You're worried, right? Afraid?" Beluga asked.
Ben hesitated but nodded.
Beluga said, "Look. Think of it this way. What's the worst that can happen? Say you open her and she rejects you. Then you'll be in the same place you are right now. Isn't that the worst case scenario? Why should you care about that? Why should that stop you?"
Ben blinked a few times while processing the information. "But…"
Beluga interrupted him. "No buts. You know why you're scared? It's because your body is still programmed from the caveman days. Human society has advanced but our bodies have lagged behind. It's not surprising. It takes thousands or even hundreds of thousands of years for significant evolution to occur. In caveman times, if you approached a female, you may have had to fight some man to the death for the opportunity to mate with her. Now? Nothing. There's no such negative consequence…"
Advertisement
Beluga continued. "We live in a country full of police where even fighting can get you sent to jail and sued. People are civil. There's nothing to be afraid of, yet your body is still hard-wired to be nervous about an impending deathmatch against a caveman. That's why despite your mind knowing you have nothing to lose, your body is resisting,"
These words were a shock to Ben's mind. 'Is that true? …Why am I so nervous?' He stood there for a minute as he visualized what could happen if he approached the woman and failed. A while later, he realized...there wasn't anything that bad! Most likely, she would say no and that was it.
'He's right...' Ben understood the truth and his nerves eased a little. He looked down and clenched his fists. So what if she rejected him? Hasn't he been getting rejected by everyone his entire life?
*Exhale*
When Ben looked up, his eyes changed. They were filled with determination. He took a deep breath, glanced at the woman, and walked towards her.
"Excuse me, miss…"
The woman was surprised an unknown teenager was speaking to her, but was cordial in her reply. "Yes?"
Ben recalled the line Beluga gave him. He didn't know if it would work, but Antonio said Beluga was a legendary master. He chose to trust him for now. Still, his nerves were shaking and he had to calm himself down. 'You can do this. Remember, there's nothing to lose. What's the worst that can happen? She'll say no and you'll walk away. No Big deal.'
The woman observed Ben. Here was a nice boy with an honest face. He seemed like a dependable student, the future of America.
Wearing his sincere expression, Ben gazed at the woman. He radiated righteousness. With bright eyes and a clear heart, he told her his best line.
"I love your tits."
…
Ben walked back to Beluga with a red palm print on his face.
Advertisement
- In Serial8 Chapters
Fractured World
Two different people, years apart in age, in experience, and in life, but both have been caught up in an extraordinary event. A place of business has been dragged to another world and now they must figure out what they're doing there and how to survive a world filled with magic, monsters, and non-humans.
8 186 - In Serial7 Chapters
A Battle of Eyes Against the Gods
What happens when an Entity of unknown power, who happens to get bored and entertained easily, decides to make his own entertainment? Our unlucky (Lucky?) protagonist doesn't even get to find out as he finds himself in a world of cultivators with a "Golden Ring" of a system inside his head. Under normal circumstances, finding yourself in another world would be the fantasy of an otaku but when it's the world of Against the Gods, Jin can't help but remember the lead character and frown. "Against the Gods? That means Yun Che should be here... If I run into that psycho who knows what might happen. On the other hand, he is a prick so it would be a fun idea to mess with him and keep those girls safe. Might even see if Qingyue is all the book made her out to be~ Not like he deserves her." Follow Jin as he tears up the plot, trolls the would be MC, and grows in power with the help of his snarky system. (I don't own the art, found it online)
8 100 - In Serial47 Chapters
Sweet Minds
"No one can see it, some can feel it, and only the few can use it. We belong to the few." Marith Merryfield felt anything but merry that morning. She found herself waiting for a delayed train on a deserted platform, in the freezing cold of the Dutch autumn. Just when the strangeness is making her consider turning around and going back home an empty train rolls into the station. For reasons unclear to this day she decides to get onboard. An unlikely, and quite impossible, train accident is about to hurtle her into a world she had always suspected existed. It was a dark and absurd place she had rejected and suppressed when she was young. Now she would need that dormant part of herself to survive. After a brief hospitalization she must choose between two continents and finds herself reluctantly boarding a plane to Oregon to be reunited with her shadows. She returns to the town she grew up in, which is where her father still lives and her childhood memories linger. By the end of the week the mysterious train accident turns out to be the least of her problems. Her life was never supposed to become this serious this fast. Through an improbable and unfortunate series of events she is soon introduced to a motley crew of characters that appear to be carrying the same struggles through life. They possess a familiar sense of inadequacy and insecurity. Marith realizes that for the first time in her life she has found herself a tribe, or, as they prefer to call it, a Chain. She is introduced to a world of Prophets, Runners and Mages led by an Oracle and a Watchmaker. Over the course of several weeks Marith learns that, together with her Chain, she is expected to save this fabric of reality, by fighting a mysterious and immortal creature and his aggressive pet. In order to have a chance at overcoming this force of nature she has to revisit the darkest and most desolate corners of her mind. ***** The total word count of the first 12 chapters amounts to about 85.000 words. The total word count of the first 30 chapters will amount to about 225.000 words. My chapters range, roughly, from 5.000 to 10.000 words. I post with irregular intervals, on random days and at different times. I hope you will enjoy the story! English is not my first language and I am very much open to constructive criticism. Disclaimer: I regularly use impressionistic or abstract language on purpuse, when I think it might benefit the story.
8 155 - In Serial58 Chapters
The Year Before Eternity
A retelling of the classic tale, Beauty and the Beast. After 100 years, Kieran Pietre Erik, Crown Prince of Gaerin, has lost his chance to break the curse that befell his kingdom. Now, he lives for all eternity as the beast. The only people left alive in the abandoned castle to keep him at bay are a maid, her child, and the Prince's guard. Stuck in an endless cycle, they've lost all hope of freedom. Until someone resets the curse. Astrid Delacroix is beautiful and intelligent - and vain. She longs to be free of her boring life in her small hometown, where she has to put up with the small-minded. She toys with the people around her; she knows she doesn't belong in their world. The only things keeping her from running are her ill father and their crippling finances. When her father, in a desperate attempt to steal a rose made of solid gold from an abandoned castle, is held captive by a beast, Astrid switches one form of captivity for another. But her attempts to gain her freedom trap her into the curse that imprisons the castle's inhabitants. Now, with a new addition to the curse, they are given one, final year to free themselves from this neverending nightmare.
8 229 - In Serial9 Chapters
The Planes of Mil'Tish
The planes of Mil'Tish are plagued by the constant cycle of war, the gods who are supposed to guard the mortals are selfish, malicious, and greedy. entities in the chaos are constant threats who wish to enslave all life in the planes to do their bidding. James a denize of earth is reborn in this hopeless universe as a lowly goblin who are synonymous with the word cannon fodder. watch how james tries to break free from that cycle, how he elevates the goblin species, and more. *This is my first story, and sorry for the sypnosis i'm pretty bad at writting one*
8 172 - In Serial10 Chapters
The Assignment Of a Demon
Lena Firth is being stalked by some strange, creepy figure and she suspects that he has connection with the crimes that happened in the past, involving the murder of a family and a missing child. After the Oswalt family massacre she meets the deputy who shares the information with her and agrees to help. Little does she know what she will have to deal with after these events...
8 334

