Have you ever heard the legend of the Bandit Emperor, Rex Omnipotens? A man so cruel and clever that not only did he reach the peak of a Bandit King, he drew several other Bandit Kings under his influence and became an emperor. It’s said he could duel dragons, split mountains, and could happily down the deadliest of poisons like they were a good glass of ale. No government could lay a finger on him, and they say he lived a long, happy life, and died old surrounded by gold and women several decades younger than him.

That was my goal. Hearing stories of such a myth like him, I had to achieve it myself. There had been no second Bandit Emperor, the Kings fought amongst each other for the right to lead the others, and after several internal wars, the Empire fell apart. I was going to become that second. I was destined for it since birth, I was sure of it.

I may even go further than Rex reached! He became contented with his life style, but what if he was even stronger? What came after emperor? I was going to be the one to find out. Soon, this pathetic world will tremble at the name of the Bandit God himself, Drake Knell.

There were many close-minded fools in my home village who laughed at my ambitions. My idiot parents were completely opposed to the idea of even trying. So, I made sure of something when I left. I killed every last one of them. People who can’t see my greatness do not deserve to stain my world with their presence.

I left that town in the night and joined a bandit syndicate at the young age of 13. It’s been about 2 years, and I have a few underlings and subordinates within the camp. Once I get enough cash, I can overthrow the whole camp, and the Bandit Leader will become me. I slaved away under that moron leader for long enough, it’s the least she can do to die for me and let me fulfill my destiny.

The encampment is several miles east of here, if you follow the river, and while I was on a scouting mission I found this grove. I small island in the middle of a large pond, with an enormous gem on a pedestal. It glowed a beautiful pink, and I could hear it calling me. My destiny that is.

This was exactly what I needed to launch my own bandit kingdom. Gems that had odd colors like this were especially rare. And I could feel that there was something, almost magical, about it. Of course, a lone gem in the middle of the forest looks far too suspicious, and I’m not an idiot, I’m going to be a God after all.

I returned to camp with the report that “there was nothing of note up the river.” I then decided to take my most reliable subordinate with me and get the gem. He’s not the most stable of underlings I have, but he’s strong enough to be worth keeping around. He respects me and only desires to rape and mutilate women. It has something to do with the fact that he felt betrayed by some childhood friend that promised to marry him when he was young, but then he grew up into the ugly, hunchbacked mess I know today.

Anybody would reject him then. But unfortunately for her, he lost his mind at her ‘betrayal’ and decided to rape and murder her before having to run away. He’s a real degenerate, but his knife skills are the real deal, so I put up with him. He’s never told anyone his real name, but he goes by “The Cruelty,” because “true cruelty is truly ugly.”

He’s an imbecile.

By the time we reached the pond, it was already well into the morning. I ordered the idiot, “Keep watch at the entrance here, make sure nothing and no one has followed us. If you spot anything, kill it. I’m gonna cross the pond here and grab the gem. Then we leave. Got it?”

“K big bro… will we really make it big wit dis?”

“That rock there is enormous, my deformed friend,” I pointed to it, enamored, “once we take it for ourselves, we’ll be the leaders of our own bandit crew!”

“T-then I can have girls, right?”

“Yeah, you’ll have as many girls as you want! As long as they aren’t mine!”

“O-ok big bro… I’ll keep watch.”

“Good, and start calling me boss from now on.”

I began moving through the pond. It didn’t matter if he came with me, as long as he could assist me later, or even give up his life for mine, it was fine. I’m sure I could find lots of strong subordinates later.

I was about half-way to the island when I began hearing grunting behind me. What was that hunchback doing?

“Cruelty, I told you to keep watch you moron! You better not be jackin’ it back there!” I spun around, fury in my eyes. I’m not going to tolerate some idiot ruining my moment of greatness!

There, at the entrance to the grove, I saw a lone skeleton squaring off with Cruelty. In one hand, the undead wielded a medium sized branch. My own subordinate is struggling against this low-level mob? I would understand if it was any type of higher skeleton, since they have some kind of intelligence, but Cruelty should not be struggling against this conglomerate of bones. But if this is all the trap is, I’m a little relieved.

I began wading back towards the entrance to dispose of the trap, assured of my victory. I’d rather not waste a subordinate if I did not have to.

“Cruelty jus’ kill it already!” I shouted.

“Mmmmm boss, I-I can’t stab him though…” Cruelty despondently replied.

“Jus’ bash his head in. None of these things are very tough!”

“O-Ok boss.”

He lifted up the hilt of his knife and brought it back down again quickly towards the skull of the enemy. The skeleton knew it was coming, but still couldn’t beat his opponents speed, and only managed to narrowly dodge the blow to his head. As a result, however, the blow decimated most of his shoulder.

Just as the butt of the knife came down, the skeleton threw a punch of his own, hitting Cruelty squarely in the temple. Cruelty let out a groan, stumbled, and collapsed on to the ground, his head bleeding hard.

“Wha..?” I was dumbfounded. Skeletons were weak, there’s no way this thing has enough strength to cause bleeding with a punch. Maybe some of his bones were cracked and sharp? I hastened my pace toward the shore. I wasn’t going to let that idiot die on me yet. Not when there is no need for him to do so, anyways. I drew my sword and walked out of the pond.

Seeing that its left arm was mostly useless at this point, it threw its stick in my direction. I simply deflected it. A pathetic attack like that will have no effect on me. I began to charge in earnest when I suddenly felt a sharp pain on my forehead.

I looked down onto the ground and noticed what it had thrown at me. A stone, a smooth gray stone with red flecks on it had hit me square in the head. I realized that this was what it had used to stagger Cruelty earlier.

This bastard. He dares insult me like this. I will not tolerate anyone attempting to stop or harm the great me. I won’t even let this undead die. I’m going to enjoy pulling his bones apart piece by piece.

He may have irritated me by throwing something unexpected, but the bones no longer have any ammunition. He is finished. I charge once more, sword raised high. The skeleton doesn’t even attempt to run. What a fool. I have won.

Just as I get into range, my eyes begin to sting. I close them out of pain, and I feel my sword miss its target.

I jump back quickly, unnerved at my sudden blindness, and work to get whatever is in my eye, out. I manage to pry my eyes open and realize that blood from my forehead is what is obstructing my view. I back away while rubbing the blood away from my face. I finally clear my sight, but when I look for the skeleton, he has already close the gap and is close to grabbing me.

I throw a quick punch to regain my range advantage. The monster has to strangle me to death now, as long as I am farther than arms reach away, he cannot touch me. My punch connects, and the nuisance is forced to back away a bit.

I back just a bit more to get into an appropriate stance, and I slip. Before I had realized it, the pond was directly behind me again. I fell into the water with a splash, and the skeleton did not miss his chance. He leapt on me and wrapped his hand around my neck.

As I was about to slash back, he suddenly got off of me and started walking towards Cruelty. I tried to stand up and attack his exposed back, but I suddenly found myself unable to move. The water began warming up around me, and began to turn red. I struggled to breathe, my vision was going dark. What happened? Am I dying? How could this happen? I was destined for greatness! I was going to be the next Bandit God! The gateway was just within my reach!

Why? Why? Why…? Why…….? W…….

With neck slit and a baffled expression, so ended the tale of the bandit who dared to call himself a god, before he even ran his own bandit syndicate. So, ended the tale of Drake Knell.