Episode: 4.12

--- Sol ---

He stepped into Bones’ speakeasy, a place that had many names depending on where, when, and why you were introduced to the place. Though the more frequent visitors simply called it ‘Bones’ Bar’ despite the Deadman not actually owning the place.

The odd speakeasy hadn’t changed much over the years he’d been passing through. Still possessing some gothic charm, that gave the building both an off putting and welcoming atmosphere. An odd duality that somehow managed to win over a fair number of regulars, the moment it grew on them.

(Though I’m sure the interdimensional aspect is what keep this place afloat.)

He glanced around the room, appreciating the fact that no one seemed to be present within the bar today.

Walking through the building, he tapped on what appeared to be a decorative skull as he made his way to the main bar counter.

He had to wait all of five seconds before the Bone Daddy himself stepped out from under a thick curtain with a spiderweb pattern and leading into the back of the bar, a place that was veritable maze to those unfamiliar.

“So, what’re you havin’?” Bones asked, stepping up to the counter.

“The usual.” He answered; glad Bones hadn’t chosen tonight to practice one of his ‘performances’. “Have a meeting tonight, remember?”

“Right.” The Deadman nodded, pulling a bottle out from behind the counter. “Still can’t tell if the game you’re playin’ is a good idea or a bad idea.”

He rolled his eyes as Bones poured him a drink. “Then don’t judge me on it.”

“Fine, though I will judge you for not datin’ that fine Deadwoman who’s been after you.”

He froze as he immediately realized where this was going.

(Fuck, I caught him and Brigette on one of their lover kicks.)

“Please, don’t…” He half pleaded with the love obsessed Deadman.

“Now, I’ll be the first to admit you’re a bit of a fixer upper, but I’m sure with a bit of effort you can easily get the girl.”

“What does this even have to do with anything?” He asked, hoping for some semi-logical answer.

“You’re my friend, and I want you to be happy.” Bones explained simply enough. “And I know that woman can make you happy.”

“Look, I get that romantic love is one of your end all be all’s, but please don’t project onto me.”

“Nonsense.” Bones waved him off. “You just need to settle down and find the right gal for you, and no matter what you say Anna is a nice gal.”

Sol sighed, knowing better than to try and argue with a Deadman on the subject of their obsession. (If I just ignore him maybe he’ll drop it?)

When he didn’t respond, Bones watched him for a moment, before shaking his head.

“Okay, I’m goin’ to be blunt, if this is about that myth where your penis falls off, it is complete bullshit. I mean yes, Deadmen are mildly radioactive… but so are bananas and it takes like thirty-five million of those little fuckers to kill you. I mean sure, we’re like passively a thousand times more radioactive than a banana, but that’s still nowhere near enough to cause permanent damage… Unless you, I don’t know, ‘bathe in our blood’ or some shit. Then yeah, of course you run the risk of your dick fallin’ off.”

He stared at Bones for a moment… a very long moment.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Bones blinked. “Uh… weren’t we talkin' about that milf that’s always hittin’ on you?”

“I…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, because technically that was what the Deadman was talking about, at least until he went on that odd and somewhat disturbing tangent. “Should you really be talking about a… a mother you’d like to sleep with, if you’re married?”

Now Bones stared at him for a long moment before turning to the side. “Brigette, luv!”

A pale red head with sunken green eyes and a smattering of freckles, peeked through a set of web-like curtains leading to the back. “Yeah, hon’?”

“Me and Sol here was just talkin’ about his non-existent sex life with that milf Anna.”

Brigette blinked. “Who?”

“Anna the milf.” Bones explained, before going into detail. “Pale, long dark hair, Deadwoman with Tallman’s starry eyes?” Bones watched his wife for a moment before adding, “C-cup, with long pale legs that make you wanna just, mmm.”

“Oh, her.” Brigette nodded in revelation. “Yeah, I’m goin’ be honest hon’, if I thought she had a single gay bone in her body, I’d be cheatin’ on you with her every day of the week.” She turned towards Sol. “So, Sol sweetie start tappin’ that ass before someone else does.”

Bones nodded, before turning back to him. “See it’s all cool.”

He ran a hand down his face with a sigh, knowing full well that neither of his friends would even consider letting someone else come between them, (not even death.) They were just teasing him, as they did everyone who didn’t openly obsess about their love lives.

(Wonder if that’s because their love makes up half their obsessions? Or is it because they take insult to a denial of love, when their own was denied to them?)

Deciding to ignore that trail of thought, and to stop trying to profile his few friends, he shook his head and threw out some half-formed joke. “You know, this is why I consider you two my secondary best friends.”

“That hurts me right in the heart.” Bones patted his chest with a frown and sniff, playing it up like the performer he was.

“You don’t have a heart.”

The Deadman rolled his eye. “I didn’t mean literally.”

“He probably meant figuratively as well.” A new voice cut in.

Bones frowned for a moment before giving a skeletal grin to the newcomer. “Hey, if ain’t Mr. Hissy.”

“You knew I was coming Deadman.” The green lizard scowled at Bones, before turning his attention towards Sol. “Solaris.”

“Scaleian.” He nodded back.

“I believe you have something of mine?” The Reptilian began, his hiss far less prominent than whenever he fought Luna and Ellie, before sticking his clawed hand out.

Sol dropped a bag of coins on the counter. The currency was worth little more than the metal it was made from on earth, in contrast to the Reptilian’s home in the Badlands where it was worth almost thrice that.

Scaleian eyed the bag for a moment, “I meant the fang your daughters stole from me.”

Sol nodded pulling out the tooth Ellie gave him the day before. “Was honestly wondering if this thing was important enough for you to want back.” He tossed Scaleian the tooth, after all he did say he’d return it to its rightful owner.

“It’s my deceased husband’s wedding fang.” Scaleian admitted, running a clawed thumb over the tooth. “Honestly would’ve fought to get it back if I didn’t spot you on the sidelines.”

“Thought most of the Reptilian tribes had issues with mammals?”

“They do, though they had a bigger issue with me being gay. So, fuck ‘em.” Scaleian shrugged as if that was all the thought the subject needed.

(Meaning the Reptilian aren’t why his husband died… or he thoroughly slaughtered the tribe responsible.)

“Fuck ‘em.” Sol toasted, keeping his profile to himself as he downed another shot of his drink.

It was more for show than anything. He hated drinking, and anytime he had to make it look like he was drinking, he’d have Bones give him a glass of water. Usually a few spilled shots of liquor on the counter beforehand was enough to cover up the scent with those who could smell the difference in glass content.

Such as a Reptilian capable of tasting the air with ease. Though he was luckily distracted by his own drink as Bones poured him a shot of some cactus-and-scorpion-venom-based liquor.

“If you don’t mind me asking…” He began deciding to shift the conversation towards a more relevant topic. “How’d they manage to steal something that important, anyway?”

“Set it up so your girls would have the opportunity to sabotage my crew’s next ‘raid’ on the hills.” The mercenary used air quotes to show his thoughts on that. “They caused a fair amount of trouble, but unfortunately they wandered into a real portion of our camp and destroyed a few important facilities, namely my tent.”

Scaleian sighed. “For the most part I’m willing to take my losses on training ops and would’ve let them escape… but when I discovered my husband’s fang missing…” Scaleian shook his head before downing his first shot.

“You followed them back through the rift.” He finished for the mercenary, downing his own shot of water. “Surprised you didn’t break character trying to get the fang back.”

“I’m professional.” Scaleian waved him off, before frowning as he continued. “Even if it means acting unprofessional.”

“The hissing thing sells it.”

The Reptilian scowled at him. “It’s racist.”

He shrugged. “Blame Saturday morning cartoons, they always give the villains weird speech patterns.”

Scaleian blinked before glaring. “Are you basing this entire training op on children’s entertainment?!”

“No,” He shook his head, ignoring Bones’ rattling laughter in the background. “I’m tricking you into basing your operations on children’s entertainment.”

Scaleian glared at him, before turning said glare on the still laughing bones, as he slowly reached towards the coin bag and pulled out low value coin. “Can it.” The mercenary ordered throwing the coin straight into the Deadman’s empty eye socket.

“Ah, fuck!” Bones cursed scratching at his empty eye. “Do you realize how hard it is to get somethin’ out of there?”

“No, and all things considered I don’t really care.” Scaleian admitted pouring his own shot, before downing it.

Sol rolled his eyes, “Just go have Brigette get it out.”

“Fine.” Bones scowled, his one eye flashing a ghastly green as he glared at the Reptilian. “Just make sure this slimy snake doesn’t steal anythin’.”

“I am neither a snake nor a thief.” Scaleian hissed after another shot.

“Right…” He drawled, as Bones went into the back to find Brigette, before not so subtly forcing things back on topic. “All things considered; how do you think the girls are holding up?”

The mercenary snorted derisively, even if he was more than happy to get back to business. “You’ve enough experience to see how their growing on your own.”

He gave Scaleian a look, before glancing at the bag of coins on the counter, and back to the Reptilian mercenary.

The Reptilian rolled his eyes. “Fine, you’re the customer.”

“The warrior is strong, but she can’t focus for shit. Honestly, if she couldn’t tank a battle axe, I’d have to tell my men to pull their punches beyond, ‘Don’t kill the client’.” Scaleian picked up his glass and downed it in a single go. “That said while she lacks skill and anything resembling a proper defense, the girl knows how to brawl, and she’s finally begun learning how to fight dirty. Going off the Nexus Rankings… at the rate she’s going, she won’t ever be a true Guardian, but regardless of that she’ll make one hell of a Bruiser / Scrapper combo. Don’t see her going past (B-)-Rank unless she learns how to focus though.”

He’d figured as much but when it comes to critiquing his kids, (it’s better to have someone else say it first.) Letting other people point it out made him feel less like a drill sergeant to his kids whenever he had to talk to his kids about their issues.

“And Luna?”

Scaleian paused to think about it for a moment, before shaking his head. “She doesn’t use her dolls enough in a fight. It’s a real shame, because when she uses them for tactical strikes during the infiltration, she was (B)-Rank at minimum in both Puppeteering and as a Tactician, but then when actual combat hits…”

“She avoids using them…” He sighed.

He understood where Luna was coming from, to her each and every doll was as good as family, so of course she wouldn’t want them getting hurt. At the same time however, the dolls made up more than half-her arsenal. Refusing to use them crippled her in a way he wasn’t entirely comfortable with given her and Ellie’s intentions to become Hunters, or Heroes (blegh).

“She switches to a pure Blaster,” Scaleian sighed in disappointment, just thinking about the fight Luna’s Ragdolls could give his crew. “That wouldn’t be so bad if she could throw something other than those fireballs…”

“Honestly, she’s better at Enchanting than actually fighting.” He admitted, really wishing his girls would choose a different profession when they got older.

Luna was probably the only kid her age with a (C+) certification within the Arcane Association, something a number of the more scholarly Arcane considered prodigious to the point of trying to get her to become their apprentice. An idea he shut down with no uncertainty, given some of the things he knew those same Arcane were involved in.

Hell, he barely trusted Allister to teach her as much as he was, (and that’s only because he’d sooner raze a city to the ground than allow true harm to a child.)

Running a hand down his face he asked the question that really mattered. “How well do you think the two would hold up if an actual threat came through a rift?”

“Depends…” Scaleian stretched out a bit. “The hills are connected to how many worlds?”

“A weak connection to the Deadlands. A medium connection to the Badlands and Terra. And a strong one to the Spirit lands.”

“Spirit lands are harmless, and Terra from what I recall would turn this place into a tourist trap.”

“I’m not worried about them, Nico plays around with both a lot, and I’ve got a good idea where we overlap.”

“Good, then your main concerns are the Deadlands and the Badlands?”

“We connect to the Boneyard.”

Scaleian frowned. “Didn’t think this place, had the right… atmosphere for that.”

He gestured to the building around them. “Whose bar are we in?”

Scaleian nodded in understanding. “Pulled a favor with the Bone Daddy then… which means the Boneyard is harmless to you lot.” The Reptilian chuckled at something. “Then again they’re pretty much harmless to everyone.”

Ignoring the jab at Bones’ fellow Deadmen, he continued the conversation. “That leaves the Badlands… how are things on your side of the Rift?”

Scaleian frowned a little more thoughtfully than before. “Not bad, but definitely not good either. The job training your kids is enough to help us get by, but we still need to go on the occasional job for the other tribes. Which wouldn’t be so bad if we could keep moving around.”

“Which you can’t without leaving the Rift unguarded.”

“Exactly.” The mercenary leader nodded, before downing another shot. “An’ given the local Khan on our side… I’m not comfortable making that gamble.”

“Hm?” he glanced at the poison resistant Reptilian who while not slurring his speech, was beginning to show signs of the alcohol in his system.

“The local Khan has a, a thing with the Mammalian tribes… and given how humans are mammals…” This time Scaleian drank several shots straight from the bottle, before shaking his head. “It wouldn’t end well…”

“I see…”

(So that’s why…)

He ran a hand down his face thinking things over, before nodding to himself and standing.

“Take next week off, and secure things on your side.”

“Aren’t you supposed to watch me?” Scaleian asked sarcastically.

He nodded towards a nearby skull with what looked to be a set of blue flamed candles inside. “Bones has eyes all over this place, the moment anyone tries something they’ll either be warped out or impaled.”

The mercenary looked around able to spot a good eight of the dozen skulls looking at him, even half drunk. “Heh, almost forgot why they fear the Bone Daddy…”

“Don’t forget, and he won’t make you remember.” He warned the Reptilian with a pat on the shoulder, before turning to leave the bar. “See you on Monday Bones.” He waved to a nearby skull, its blue candles flashing green in response.

Stepping out of the bar, he found it raining, unlike it had been when he’d entered the bar. Hence his lack of an umbrella, or even a jacket.

“At least I actually like the rain.” He sighed, stepping into the rain as he thought about everything, he’d picked up over the last few days, and the mess Scaleian told him about.

Given what he now knew, he wasn’t entirely sure how much of a difference having Scaleian and his tribe training Luna and Ellie. Whatever progress they’d been making over the year had begun to plateau, and Ellie was starting to get overconfident, (something dangerous.) Both signs that it might be time for him to figure something else out for Luna and Ellie, especially if the Khan Scaleian was worried about really was starting to make waves.

Nico and Sophie were an entirely different matter, both because of their personalities and their abilities. Unlike their younger sisters, both of them were skilled enough to handle whatever the world could throw at them.

(Outside of the standard teenage drama anyway.)

As is, he was kind of surprised neither of them had called him out on paying mercenaries to help train the girls and keep an eye on the rift. Though they may’ve only been assuming the second part given his actual job, rather than realizing the first.

Regardless though, even if he couldn’t do a lot to help his kids as he was, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t do what he could.

After all, no matter what, (no one fucks with my family.)