《The Orphan Fox》Chapter 55: Ray of Light
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It's raining outside, it has been this way since yesterday. Well, it doesn't really matter, yet somehow I feel just like that, always in a somewhat rainy mood.
It has been three days since Uncle Black came to visit me, and since then I often catch myself thinking while staring into the sky outside. So many things are whirling around in my head, yet I can't make sense of it. I am scared sometimes, scared of what I saw, or that I would begin to hate Uncle Black for what he had done, even if there is absolutely no reason for it. Sometimes I hate myself for thinking of fleeing while everyone was in just as much trouble as me, and other times I just lose it, remembering the pressure from back then, only for fear to wash over me again.
I know I shouldn't fear anymore and Uncle Black already told me that it isn't coming back, yet it still lingers. Therefore, in order to distract myself, I began to paint again, allowing me to clear some of my thoughts, while also letting my wounds heal.
Actually, since Uncle Black's visit most of my wounds already healed, only one of my tails still hurts a bit every now and then, yet thanks to my healing-magic it shouldn't take long until that is fixed as well.
It's actually weird how different the healing-process is of my tails in comparison to the rest of the body.
However, those thoughts aside, as I pick up the ink and brush in order to draw something, I am stumped... what should I draw? Looking around the room, I can't find anything inspiring, and outside the window, there is nothing besides rain and dark clouds.
So while looking around, my thoughts once more drift back to the events back then, just before I passed out after the attack.
Back then, just before everything turned black, I witnessed how Uncle Black fought against the Phoenix. All the chaos, destruction and blood... I was scared. Especially that aura that was clouding Uncle Black back then. Red like blood, pressuring and filled with anger and hate... I never saw an aura that distinct and dark since that formation... and I was scared of it. I was scared of Uncle Black!
I know that Uncle Black is kind and I am even aware of the fact that he killed countless people after Mom's death… but, having reality placed in front of me like this, I didn't want to acknowledge it.
I was scared and confused, not knowing how I should act around Uncle Black from now on… I believe I even had a bud of fear in my heart. After the event, I even saw them again, those faces that were tortured within the formation, and it hurts! They were cursing at my weakness, and it hurt deep in my heart... Why won't they leave me alone! I was lost, crying while fighting with myself.
However, when I was down, he came to talk and listen to me. I was scared when he first sat down, not knowing what to do. However, as though trying to convince myself I asked a question, trying to cast away the doubts in my heart. And, he answered. He answered honestly, I was able to tell.
Yet, though I understood his reason, I couldn't fathom why he hid the real truth from me all this time, about me being strong. I asked, no, I pleaded for him to explain it to me, hoping for an answer that would shut up those awful voices.
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The answer I was given however wasn't the one I was expecting. It was an honest answer that came from Uncle Black's heart, and that hurt even more. I am strong, I got confirmed on that, but I am also weak...
I couldn't fully understand, so I ended up becoming confused. I asked again, only for him to console me, telling me to learn and experience more first. This time, however, I understood. Uncle Black wasn't as strong as he is now since he was born, he also had to learn and experience many things before he mastered his current power.
Yet, that realization also broke me down. I was weak and there was nothing I could have done! It was then that it came forward, that fear that was still gripping my heart reared its ugly head. I wanted some confirmation that I wasn't weak, but he only consoled me, telling me that I should stop trying to do everything myself and that he would always help me whenever necessary.
Yet as I cried, trying to free myself of the pressure, it was Uncle Black's hug that made me calm down. He held me and whispered encouraging things to me. Though there was one thing that shocked me...
While I was trying to talk to him about my fear, nearly choking on it, he told me that even he has fears, things he is scared of. I was taken aback for a moment because Uncle Black is so strong, what could he be scared of?! Yet there wasn't a single lie in what he said, I could tell.
If even someone like Uncle Black can feel fear, what about me? It was then that I finally let it out, my defenses breaking down as I cried, the voices in my head finally falling silent.
And so I stayed in father's… I mean Uncle Black's hug until my tired body gave in, sleep overpowering me.
It was only the next morning that I woke up again, cheerfully greeted by mom who immediately pulled me into her embrace.
It wasn't long after that I finally relaxed, finally talking with my family again, those nagging voices in my head remaining mute. I don't know what keeps them silent, yet I was thankful for it.
Mom, Saria, Sumi, Alice, and Anna all visited me every now and then, with even the royalties coming by once. Well, the younger brother was missing, his siblings telling me that he refused to leave his lab.
Well, even after all that slowly receded, I was still here, lost in thoughts about what happened and what I could have done, many "what ifs" floating through my head.
Thinking back, I noticed how unprepared and incomprehensible I acted. I was unable to fully display what I was taught, unable to think straight. Yet it was Saria who blew off that steam as well, telling me that it wasn't that bad and that I would just need to learn how to think in critical moments.
Well, I by far couldn't understand everything they talked about, so after reminiscing a bit more I picked myself of the chair and returned to bed, lying down while closing my eyes, trying to ignore everything that was still gnawing on my thoughts.
On the next morning, however, after breakfast I had a sudden visit, the girls suddenly storming my room. Why are they here? Slightly confused, I let myself be taken by the hand and guided outside, only to be greeted by a colorful field, with drops of water reflecting the sunlight above. Before me stood a colorful field of flowers...
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POV: Anna
Since the day Sir Aaron visited Arin, the latter calmed down a bit. He even talked with us again when we visited.
Yet, there was something that was greatly bothering me. Those eyes he had, I knew them too well and remember them from before. Even now that he was a fox-kin, those eyes just became more prominent as both his tails and ears now express it even more.
The usual smile was gone and instead, an empty gaze was plastered on his face, nearly breaking my heart. In fact, he already was in a similar state once for several weeks, a time that I would rather forget.
It was back when the doctor officially told him about the muscle-deficiency in his legs, causing Arin to be in a depressed state for several weeks, often taking to looking out through the windows while displaying those listless eyes.
Still, having seen him like that many of us tried to cheer him up, yet it took over two weeks until he at least regained some vigor. Luckily, here he has both a mother, friends and us, so I hope it won't take that long because it pains me to see him like this.
Especially now, where his mood is clearly shown even with his tails and ears, it becomes obvious how hurt he is. However, Alice, Sumi and me are also in shock from what we have seen, yet with Arin and his close connection to Sir Aaron, it must be several times worse for him.
For that reason, Alice, Sumi and I talked about what we could do to cheer him up, and after Sumi mentioned something about scenery, Alice came up with the idea to go flower-watching with him.
I heard that countless variations of herbs and flowers grow in the garden, and knowing how much Arin likes flowers we thought it might be a good idea.
Therefore, we now together entered Arin's room, causing the latter to look at us with surprise.
Before he could truly react, I took his hand and pulled him along, Alice beside me quickly grabbing onto the jacket and shoes beside his bed.
Without losing any time, the three of us walked towards the veranda where we helped him put on his shoes and jacket. Sumi wasn't here yet as she was preparing something we planned out.
Afterward, we pulled the confused Arin with us towards the gardens with quick steps.
Once in front of the entrance, Alice covered Arin's eyes with her hands before guiding him through the gate.
Inside, we noticed that Arin was getting nervous, his ears beginning to twitch every now and then. Yet before Arin started becoming too nervous, we guided him to the spot where one has the best view. Once there, Alice finally removed her hands.
Arin blinked at first to adjust before suddenly all his tails began to wave for a moment and an astonished sigh was released from his mouth.
With eyes wide open, Arin stared at the huge field in front of him. The flowers still had a bit of water on them, causing a glittering effect with the soft light of the sun, allowing for an astonishing scenery.
Arin was still dumbfounded, when suddenly Alice stepped forth, placing her hand on his head with a smile on her face.
"We are all fine and alive also thanks to you Arin, so don't stay down, okay? After all, isn't it us who should worry more about how we could barely do anything? Look, if you still struggle with it you will miss out on so much… so sometimes you just have to take action." Alice's voice was soft and caring, causing her to give off extreme older-sister like vibes.
Arin was looking up at her a bit lost before he nodded with slightly misty eyes. When he looked around, I also gave him a smile, letting him know that I am more worried about him than anything.
Though he did not cry, it did cause a small bit of light to return to his face, some of the clouds above his head dispersing.
Though the weather was still slightly gray from yesterday's rain, the sun that broke through the clouds gave one a refreshing feeling.
Alice then left Arin to me, instead going over to the wooden bench beside the garden as she dried it using her domain. Following which I sat Arin down on it together with us. However, as all three of us sat down, Arin looked around himself.
"Wasn't Sumi there too? Where is she?" Arin's question was justified, yet Alice and me only smiled at each other, knowing full well where she currently was.
And speaking of her, it took only another minute before she showed up, carrying a small tablet with some drinks on it. All of them were smoothies using local elven-fruits and products, causing one's mouth to water when seen. Sumi, in order to distract herself, asked Alice to teach her a bit about cooking, and for today she decided to prepare smoothies for us while we bring Arin out here.
Then, putting down the tablet Sumi gave each of us one of the smoothies, which are served in wooden cups. Besides those, she also brought a small bowl carrying some freshly cut fruits, their sweet scent wafting in the air.
Arin, having taken a sip in wonder quickly raised his head to look at Alice, only for her to shake her head and point towards Sumi.
"You'll have to thank Sumi for this treat, she is the one who made and prepared it for us." Alice had a smile on her face as she said that. Arin in response quickly turned towards Sumi with a small smile on his face.
"Thanks Sumi, it's delicious." Arin's honest praise left Sumi unable to answer, which was adorable since guessing by her tails, she was clearly excited. She only showed an embarrassed smile towards Arin with a silent 'You're welcome' following it.
Still, in our small round here all of us continued to enjoy the view on the countless flowers in the garden, watching as some of the trees around the garden even had flowers blossoming on them.
It is a beautiful sight, one that I won't forget any time soon. Additionally, seeing as Arin slowly regained his vigor while talking with us and enjoying the view, I felt my heart grow warmer.
This is the way it should be, and even though I lost so much, I still have my big sister, my little brother and many new friends.
After all, wasn't it Maria that always said: 'We live in the here and now, so make the best of it!'?
Well, I now know that she was right. We are still alive, and with those around me, I shall continue moving forward, towards a better future.
And maybe, just maybe, one filled with great fluffiness...
So Arin, my lovely little brother, please heal quickly in both heart and body. After all, cuddling your tails is so much better when you're lively!
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