** Alice and Company **

“Wait, Janet! Wait! I got another good one! How do you tell if a necromancer is racist or not?”, Derk ecitely asked.

Alice rolled her eyes at Derk’s antics. He had constantly been bring up terrible jokes the entire day in the dungeon. Every few minutes he would appear to have remembered a joke and would share it specifically with Alice. Despite the numerous jokes she had not laughed once. Valerie, the Archer would giggle a little each time. Meanwhile, Isadora, the healer, would be on the ground in stitches from laughing. Her laugh was nearly as bad as the jokes.

It was only her and the mage, Ralph, who were unamused. The were after all in a dungeon. A dangerous location where any minute could leave them dead or mutilated. Bad jokes in the wrong place. He just wouldn't stop either. She thought it was inappropriate along with not being funny to begin with.

Derk appeared to have remembered another joke and began half laughing as he swung his axe and said,” I don’t know why everyone gets upset when all Necromancers are trying to do is raise a family.”

There was no variation in the subject of the jokes. This was probably the worst aspect of them. It was always about necromancers.

Did he specifically buy a book on necromancer jokes?

The were just finishing up cleaning up the troll squirrels with one more to go. They had passed through all the seven trails and according to the directions in the dungeon they had to pass through five more challenges before they could fight the floor boss. The first challenge was fighting these five troll squirrels.

This challenge was truly… too easy. Troll Squirrels were some of the dumbest things. Besides some strength and moderate defense they were pretty easy to deal with. The common blood foxes in the dungeon were harder to deal with then the Troll squirrels. Ralph even said that from his analysis that these creatures might have the lowest intelligence in existence.

Focusing back on the last enemy Alice charged forward with her spear. Derk was in front of her with his axe. The beast swung at Derk and Alice swore she saw a gleam in Derk’s eye when he failed to dodge the extremely slow attack, which clipped him in the side sending him sprawling to the ground. Alice finished the monster off with her spear blad thrusting forward and into the creatures right eye dealing an instant death blow.

Derk groaned on the ground as he called out,” Healer! Healer! Isadora hurry up!”

Their healer rushed over to heal using both magical and non-magical means. She cast a healing spell and began to wrap the wound as well. While she was wrapping up the injury in linens, derk said with a smile, “Whew if you cast your healing magic any later you would have been a necromancer. Of course then you wouldn't need us. You could raise your own party.”

That piece of shit deliberately got hit on purpose for the sake of a joke!

Isadora stopped dressing the wound as she began laughing. Derk had a bright smile on his face that lasted all of 5 seconds before Alice smashed the butt-end of her spear unto his head as she spoke, “This isn't a goddess damn game Derk. Another joke from you and I will find another close combat fighter for the party.”

Alice stormed off to the door that held the next challenge on it. The only thing on the door was lyrics from a common, but rather morbid song. Valerie and Ralph joined up with her followed by Isadora and Derk a few seconds later. They stared at the door in confusion.

Why are all these instructions so vague? Are we supposed to pick out a clue from this?

They began to go through the limerick and pulled out the possible clues. Everything he did led to his death. They agreed that they should avoid what the adventurer in the story did. Alice muttered out loud going through all the clues that might have significant meaning, “He left the town, he rode a horse, he went west, weapons on his back, fought the dragon.”

“...dragon kind in its very nest, they didn’t like his company he was no welcome guest, now he’s bit in half, bleeded out, and now will lie in rest,” Valerie began to sing the rest of the song.

Everyone took one more large breath before they steeled their will and opened the door preparing for the worst.

*Shink, Sh-shink, Shink, Sh-shink, Shink, Sh-shink, Shink*

Large axes and blades connected to the ceiling and wall divided the room and rhythmically rang out in sequence. Valerie who had her bow drawn looked around the room before she threw her bone down and yelled, “ Great so basically the challenge is to get cut in half and bleed out?!”

She began to try to solve the problem of getting across. Ralph began reading the book that she had often seen pulling out in moments of free time. Valerie and Isadora seemed to have given up, while Derk seemed bored.

Alice watched as the axes sliced horizontally and vertically. It didn’t seem to be impossible to make it across the room. There appeared to be the pattern to it, but she couldn’t quite grasp it until she began to hear Derk silently singing the song beside her, ”The adventurer left the town to go on an epic quest, he rode by horse and followed the sun far into the west..”

She glanced over to see Derk looking at the ground and nudging a rock around with his axe. She exclaimed, “Derk!”

Everyone else who had either given up or were deep in thought suddenly turned toward Derk. Meanwhile Derk looked up alarmed and shouted, ”It wasn’t me!”

Alice laughed for the first time today and said, “No! You solved it! The blades follow a pattern to the tune of the lymeric!”

They all swiveled their heads towards the blades as they began to hum the tune in their eyes and track the blades and axes. They began to see the tune and blades sync up. The looked on with trepidation as they began to prepare for the dance with the blades. Valerie picked her bow back up as she spoke, “They should have picked a tune with brighter lyrics, so who should go first?”

As she finished speaking Derk could be seen sprinting toward the mess of metallic terror, while singing the song as loudly as he could. Alice sped past him and jumped into the fray of death just before him as she began to move through the blades towards the exit.

Valerie, Ralph, and Isadora, watched with dull eyes as they saw the two weave in and out between the blades. The begrudgingly scooted closer to the blades as they began to hum the tune.

Besides a near miss when Derk began singing a different song throwing everyone else off beat, “Two men and a halfling are walking down the street for a bit, when the two men walk into a bar the hafling walks under it.”

The group of adventures all sat by the door for the third challenge catching their breaths from the insanity of the second challenge. There was no comparison in difficulty between the five troll squirrels and the room filled with blades. After going through the insanity of the tune dancing challenge they began to fear what was behind the third challenges door.

They apprehensively looked at the carvings on the third door. It showed a door knob with a skull on it. After opening the door they were met with a room with a single door in it. The one truly unique characteristic about the door was the dozens of door knobs embedded in it. Deciding it was impossible to solve Valerie blurted out, “Well this one is self explanatory. If we touch the wrong door knob we die! Time to head back for the day!”

Alice began to ponder what the right choice was in the situation. She wasn’t sure what the consequences of messing up were. Isadora began to double check on the injury Derk had received from the first challenge. Ralph had his book out once again. Valerie seemed to have just given up.

As Alice tried to decide on a plan of action she watched in horror as she saw Derk began to move forward to the door. Derk reached out his hand grabbed a door knob and twisted it. The door didn’t budge. Valerie stared at him in shock. Derk waited a few seconds to make sure and then shouted, “It’s a miracle I’m immune! Lets try another one!”

Together they all began turning the door Knobs to no avail until. Continuing to turn the door knobs didn’t seem to affect them negatively, but it also didn't seem to open the door. It wasn’t until they attempted their fifty-ninth attempt that they found success. After turning the door knob on the bottom left side of the door the door opened up to the fourth challenge.

They opened into a room with nothing but a small forge with a rod of metal stoking in the flames. The instructions for this challenge were not inscribed on the previous door due to the enormous door knobs which covered it. There was a plaque placed above the forge that had the words, ‘To prove your worth to Kitsune you must bear his mark on your skin,’ written upon it.

After gazing at the handless door at the end of the room they brought their gaze back the forge. Derk walked over to the door that would lead them to advance to the next challenge. He walked over and attempted to push, kick, and hack at the door in an attempt to open it.

Alice went over and investigated the metal rod, which had a handle in order to pick it up. After pulling the rod from the flame of the forge, a glowing image of fox could be seen. After considering it for a minute she called out to the rest, “Well it looks like we each must be branded in order to advance through this challenge. Who wants to volunteer to go first.”

Perking his ears up, Derk worked his way back over as the others began to discuss who should have the honor of going first. Valerie, Isadora were adamantly arguing for why they shouldn’t have to go first. Derk thought for a second before inquiring, “Isn’t branding what they do to livestock?”

Ralph who hadn’t mentioned anything replied to him, “ Its true that branding is a common practice for agriculture in order to keep track of their cattle. However some of the most famous warrior tribes are known to brand their best warriors. It’s considered quite the honor and shows their status and strength.”

After listening to this Valerie and Isadora began speaking to Derk, buttering him up with complements, “Derk you really are a great warrior! You should definitely go first!”

Isadora added, “Yeah Derk! You are the most fearless out of all of us! Go first!”

With slight hesitation, Derk nodded in agreement as he walked over to Alice, “They are right that I deserve to go first. Janet go ahead and brand me.”

He pulled his sleeve up to reveal his shoulder as he looked away. Isadora handed him a bit of leather to bite into to help prevent him from biting his tongue during the branding. He mentally began to prepare himself as he heard as he heard Alice begin to talk, “ Okay I will begin after a short count down. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...”

He took a deep breath as he began to prepare for the end of the count down. After hearing six he thought about asking her to stop and give him more time, but before she got to five he felt the heat and the deep painful pain of his flesh burning.

“Aiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!,” he screamed out while muffled by the leather in his mouth.

Alice then began to put the rod away, while Derk continued to yell and holler. Isadora helped alleviate the pain and apply ointments to help reduce the swelling. After Derk had recovered his wits from the pain, his eyes glared at Alice, “ Janet! What happened to the bloody count down?!”

Looking a her she could see mirthful eyes glittering playfully. Looking around at the other he could see them snickering as well. Sneerning as he glared around with hatred he said, “Well who wants to go next? I will even volunteer to be the one to brand you. So who’s next?”

The others began laughing out loud as they began to walk away from the forge. Derk furously shouted, “Where do you all think your going? You’re not getting out of this!”

Ralph turned around and answered, “The door opened right after you were branded. Turns out only one of us needed to bear the great honor. We thank you great warrior for taking on this honor!”

Looking over at the door in shock, Derk fell to his knees. His one chance for retribution… Gone… After the group called for him, insistently, to join them, he trudged over with them to the next challenge.

The fifth challenge presented itself in a similar way. This time there was two large stone chests, one of which had a plaques. The first chest read ‘To advance to Kitsune give him a worthy tribute.’ Meanwhile, the second chest, had no plaque on it. Alice raised her hand in order to stop the other’s from advancing. She felt a sense of unease from the second chest.

Since the dungeon seemed to follow the rules and explain things out well, she felt suspicious about the second chest. All the chests appeared after defeating a floor or in this case as a challenge. It seemed there would only need to be one chest for this challenge though. Which made it seem like there was no valid reason for the second chest to be in the room. With the strange occurrence it reminded her of a story she had heard from one of the cooks. She heard a rumor of adventurer getting his arm bitten off by a living chest.

As the others quietly argued that there was no reason to be so suspicious about treasure, she began to approach it with her spear out in front of her. She decided to treat this chest as a monster. After all better safe than sorry.

With the blade of her spear pointed at the second treasure chest she advanced. When her blade was within two feet of the chest it sprung to life! By unhinging its lid it used its momentum to propel itself forward in a lunge. Alice was caught off guard by the leap, but she was well prepared and thrust the spear into the opening of the living chest.

Upon impact of the spear the treasure chest burst apart into chunks of stone. The others in the group watched in horror as they saw the fanged chest leap forward. In their minds they imagined the horror if one of them their arms caught in the jaws of the chest. From the destroyed remains of the chest, potions and gems spawned. After collecting their thoughts they helped Alice collect the loot. They ended up gathering dozens of jewels and health potions.

They divided the spoils from the chest between each other before turning back to the challenge. As the others tried to decide what they could possibly use to satisfy the challenge. Derk decided to to throw the jewels he gathered into the chest. Well, after making sure it wasn’t a leaping fanged chest.

It only resulted in anguish as the jewels disappeared after closing the lid and the door remained closed. None of them had really brought anything into value into the dungeon. Most of their stuff was gear to help them survive. None of it was very high quality either, except for Alice’s spear, which had come from the dungeon. It wouldn’t even fit in the chest if she tried. Ralph decided it was time to read once again and brought out his book.

After a couple of minutes Derk exclaimed, “I have an Idea!”

He ran over to Ralph and snatched the book. Then ran to the chest and threw it in before he began to close the lid. Ralph moved the quickest that any of them had ever seen as he tried to get his book back as he yelled out, “NO, STOP!”

Before Derk could change his mind or Ralph could catch up, the chest was closed. Upon Ralph’s frantic reopening of the chest his face fell. In a depressed manner he muttered, “Its gone… Limited edition, gone. Just like that...”

Despite the loss of the Ralph’s the book, the door had opened. Feeling curious Alice asked Ralph about the book. He replied, “‘Goddess Ascending,’ a limited edition on theories of the Goddess…”

Still mad at Derk, Ralph had a sudden inspiration as he continued on the conversation with Alice as the trudged toward the door, “Hey Janet, do you know why you never see many Dwarfs in the city?”

Hearing this everyone began listening into what he had to say. Alice curious about what he had to say asked, “No, why is that?”

“Well,” he said, “it’s because they are a small minority.”

Valerie and Isadora began to giggle as Derk turned around after realizing it was some type of joke, “How is that funny?”

After Derk spoke Alice broke out laughing for the first time inside the dungeon. This caused Valerie and Isadora to began laughing as well, while Ralph also joined in. Soon they were all, including Derk, laughing hysterically. As they all began to calm down Derk asked, “Was it because they were Dwarfs?”

Everyone began laughing again until they finally collected themselves. Derk was still confused about why everyone laughed. He figured Dwarfs were just funny in general.

With everyone settled down, they entered the 3rd floors boss room. As they entered the room they encountered a the largest blood fox they had ever seen. An aura of blood and death surrounded the beast. Standing tall and majestic, it let out a growl sending waves of intimidation toward the party of adventures. Ralph began to prep his magic to support the team. Meanwhile, Valerie drew her bow and took aim. Isadora unsheathed her sword and shield, while stepping back to take cover. She rarely used her weapon, but even healers should have protection for when shit goes sideways. Alice readied her spear as Derk took three big steps forward. He ripped off his arm sleeve and shouted at the beast, “Look what you made me do?! Look at it! You made me brand my GODDESS DAMN ARM! DOES THIS MAKE YOU HAPPY?!”

Alice swore that the fox looked delighted at the brand. It merely sneezed in disdain at Derk as it began to prowl forward. As it began to move forward the whole groups tension rose as they began to prepare for the desperate fight. Just as the fox was about to leap forward it stopped as it’s large purple eyes began to widen in shock. As they were about to attack, the fox suddenly took off with great speed. Contrary to their expectation the fox ran away from them. The door opened up behind it as it bolted out of the room.

As Derk began to cheer about how his warriors spirit scared it off. A chest appeared as if they had defeated the floor boss. Alice in shock collected her thoughts as she gathered the loot in the chest and proceeded to the fourth floor.

In her mind thoughts of why the fox left swirled around. She wondered if that had been the same fox that had made a stand with her against the spiders during their exploration. She felt for sure it was. She remembered those amethyst-like eyes. While the rest of the group was full of joy, she was in doubt.

Why did it run?