Honestly, it was just a joke.

He should've known better than to tempt fate though because NYC was utterly disgusting in the blatantly casual occurrence of crimes and gangs. He had gone out for his nightly jog and idiots were practically throwing themselves at him.

It was ridiculous!

It wasn't even that late, barely a bit past 9, he even remembered to transform this time! You would think people would pick someone besides the 6'2 walking slate of muscles to pick a fight with.

"Thank you so much!"

"Don't worry about it miss, be careful on your way home now."

He waved off the girl's comment as he crouched down and rummaged through the two currently unconscious thugs that tried to steal her purse. Having people recognize him for his efforts was all well and nice, especially when they were pretty girls, but he was a bit tired of it these past weeks. This was the third crime he stopped tonight and he had barely walked two blocks.

Utterly ridiculous.

With a small shout of joy, he managed to find two beaten wallets, slender too, unfortunately. Still, 40 bucks was 40 bucks. The girl gave him a weird look at his obvious thievery but decided not to call her savior out on it as they bid each other good night and parted ways. He had another half hour or so until curfew so he decided to make another round trip, using the less desirable elements of society to help him practice with his powers. Having bullets harmlessly pass through him and healing the wound was easy enough, but he wanted to see if he could make himself actually bulletproof.

"Good morning, Andrew."

"Good morning, Professor."

He waved a brief greeting as he focused his attention on the sizzling bacon. It wouldn't do to accidentally burn them again like last time. He had taken to doing some chores around the mansion such as cooking and cleaning. He felt bad basically mooching off the man, especially considering said man was also taking a lot of time and efforting helping him and Jean.

A muffled "Mornin," came from the resident red-headed telepath as she stumbled into the kitchen with her eyes still closed, a small pudgy fist rubbing the sleep out of them as she flopped bonelessly onto a chair and slumped over the table.

"Well, aren't you just a bundle of sunshine today?" He didn't look back, too busy transferring the eggs and bacon onto plates, but he could hear her distinct voice mumbling and giving out a soft muffled whine regardless.

"-hy do we have to wake up so early? It is Saturday~!"

"Well, you know what they say, the early bird gets the worm and all that jazz. Cmon chin up! As soon as you finish breakfast we can get ready for our trip."

And like magic, she perked up instantly before schooling her features.

"...Seriously? I'm not 5, you're so silly, Andy!" She gave a small laugh as she finally lifted her head only to see her breakfast smiling at her. Two sunny-side-up eggs for eyes and a couple of strips of bacon forming a wriggly smile all piled on top of a stack of fresh organic blueberry pancakes, her favorite.

"Says the girl demolishing poor Mr. Smiley's face. You know you love it." Andrew gave her a cocky smirk and pointed a wooden spoon full of blueberry jam at her nose, getting a large dollop onto her nose and prompting another series of giggles after a half-hearted protest. Jean crinkled her small nose for a moment before sticking her tongue out, eyebrows scrunched in concentration. She only managed to get half of it off before giving up and using a napkin.

"Hm... Yum!" She gave a small cheer at the sweetness on her now blue lips. It only took moments before she finished digging into her poor defenseless meal, giving a small satisfied burp. Andrew was glad to see it jointed the "Clean Plate Club" as one of his favorite Youtuber used to say.

He worked really hard on those! Learning to cook wasn't as easy as all the videos on youtube and cooking channels made it seem, but it was fun. Even more so when he could use his powers to instantly clean up the pots and dishes and even if he messed up, Consuming stuff ensured he didn't need to actually taste anything he fucked up but didn't want to waste and throw away.

Professor X seemed content watching the byplay as he read the morning paper. His eyes widened slightly with mirth as he noticed that his own breakfast had a quite... Unique formation. Thick long eyebrows made of turkey sausage, a whipped cream beard, and glazed strawberry sideburns. His own eggs were scrambled on another plate with a side of toast. The triangular slices of bread formed what appeared to be ears while two sliced cherry tomatoes formed eyes of the... Bat..? Creature. Some spinach formed its mouth. It wasn't particularly well-formed, but he appreciated the time and effort.

"Thank you for the wonderful meal, Andrew, and I must say you're getting very creative in your use of culinary art."

Honestly, he wasn't sure what to make of the boy when he first arrived those few months, but now he was glad the other had sought him out. The Mansion was far too large for just himself and Jean before, and now the halls were rarely ever empty and cold as it used to be, filled with laughter and joy more often than not. He was also a positive influence on his other young charge, the girl really coming out of her shell more after the accident.

Yes, perhaps it was time he sped up his plans for the X-men... It would do them both a load of good to be surrounded by more people like them, especially of their age. His mind made up, the older mutant determined to get into contact with some old friends and finish a certain pet project of his that would do wonders in finding others of his kind. He just hoped they'd accept his invitation this time.

"No problem! Anyways, just a reminder, but Jean and I will be heading out into town today. We'll be back around 3 after lunch!"

"Have fun you two, remember to stay safe."

Hearing about their planned outing had Jean practically bouncing in her seat as she scarfed down her meal as quickly as she could, almost choking as she inhaled everything. Today would be her first "unsupervised" trip outside of the mansion. She normally spent her days cooped inside, whether it was refining her control in the Mansion or within the walls of the "special" classes in school. Finally, for the first time since she got her powers, she'd be able to go outside and have fun like a normal person!

She couldn't wait.

They didn't do much, to be honest. A simple stroll around the park. Nice, calming, and more importantly few people to see in case either of them fucked up and revealed their powers. Mutants and superpowers weren't widely acknowledged yet, with Captain America being more of a myth and legend and the Fantastic Four being explained as a rare freak accident. Mutants were a slowly emerging and still fairly hidden race, and as far as Professor X and Andrew were concerned it was better that way for now.

Co-existence and peace will come after understanding, and if they don't even understand themselves and their powers... Well, there's a reason why people fear the dark and unknown.

Still, he was glad to see little Jean so happy simply being outside even if they were for all intents and purposes doing nothing. It was a nice day with clear blue skies and after playing catch in the park they sat themselves down upon a bench and was enjoying some food, a light snack really.

Five large hotdogs, three cheeseburgers with extra cheese and mushrooms, one fish taco, a watermelon slushie, and two mango smoothies.

Yup, a pretty light snack overall. Say what you will about the shitty attitude of the average New Yorker and the rampant crime, NYC had some pretty great food. Pricey, but soo good. Just as he finished devouring his 4th hotdog and was considering on getting seconds, a voice caught his attention.

"Say, Andrew?"

"Hmm," He washed down his bite with his smoothie as he turned towards Jean. She also took a long sip of her slushie as she contemplated something, her eyebrows scrunched together slightly in confusion "Yeah, Red? What's up?"

"Where do you even get the money for all of this? There's no way that the Professor's monthly allowance would be enough to cover the way you eat, plus you're always buying stuff for me too." She said the latter part shyly, a blush growing across her face.

"...? You're seriously only going to ask that now?" He put down his half-eaten hotdog to stare at her, one brow raised and a deadpan look in his eyes. This girl... Questioning Andrew after blackmailing him and all but demanding ice cream and snacks for 2 months straight. She at least had the decency to look sheepish as she quietly sipped away at her blueberry slush. He gave a laugh before ruffling her hair, "Anyways, don't worry about it."

"What do you mean, "Don't worry about it", now I'm really curious."

"It means I have my methods, and nosey little girls won't get any treats from me once we go to the Bakery before returning."

Because telling a young impressionable girl that the money in his wallet, and the wallet itself now that he thought about it, wasn't his sounded like a terrible idea. He didn't want to turn her into a delinquent, although maybe teaching her to pull pranks would be a fun idea?

He could picture it already. Meeting Wolverine. Telling the man his shoes were untied. Watching his reaction (which was probably to ignore his "kind" warning) and then having Jean mess with the grumpy man. If he checked and finds his shoes are fine, then he'll just walk away only for Jean to tie his shoelaces together, if he didn't then same thing. It was a win-win situation! Or maybe something more classic?

Giving people invisible wedgies!

So many ideas, each increasingly devious ran through his mind. From boring bookworm to prankster extraordinaire, anyone? Man, he can't wait to meet Nightcrawler!

Ding Dong Ditch has never been easier.

"Alright then, keep your secrets." She gave a tiny huff and crossed her arms, ignoring him while she finished her meal. The only sound to be heard was his laughter and the loud and intentionally obnoxious slurping of a slushie.

Oh, Frodo, if only you were here.

A loud scream was heard through the night before it suddenly ended, cut off midway as it was replaced by a wet gurgling. It's kind of hard to scream when someone was crushing your throat really. They were the Iron Pipe gang, small-time crooks really, unfortunately, tonight just wasn't their night.

They were just going to sell some merchandise to this kid when all of a sudden the strangest fucking thing happened.

They were attacked by an honest to God turkey of all things! Now, normally that would've made for a great joke, perhaps a funny story to tell in a bar over some drinks with friends, but this wasn't a normal situation by any means. The damn thing was fucking crazy!

It was large and meaty, its muscles obvious even beneath its thick plumage, and they were caught off caught when it suddenly charged straight at them.

Barney ran like the little bitch that he was, while John just took their namesake and tried to punt the damn thing like an oversized football across the street. It was a terrible terrible mistake because the football was apparently smarter than his dumb as a brick friend and dodged the blow.

Left surprised and unbalanced, he quickly got knocked over when the large bird slammed into his gut. Fun fact, apparently birds, especially large predatory ones like wild turkeys have really big and sharp talons. He didn't know that this particular turkey was genetically enhanced via a sentient virus to have three-inch thick razor-sharp claws for feet, and a beak that could puncture a sheet of steel.

Andrew had decided to take a page out of a certain Doom Patrol and Teen Titan member and learn how to use his animal transformation capabilities. After all, an outlandish story about being attacked by wild animals was far less to raise any red flags than an unknown superhuman beating up thugs at night.

Call him paranoid but he wasn't going to fuck around and take any chances with Hydra or S.H.I.E.L.D or weapon X or any of the other bullshit numbers of hidden organizations out there just ready to rip him apart molecule by molecule to find out what made him tick. Besides, he thought it was funny.

The struggling thug underneath him brought back his attention as an iron pipe slammed into the side of his head. It was pathetic all things considered, although to be fair this was a super-powered turkey that could survive getting run over by a tank.

Still, d00de was getting his ass whooped by an overgrown bird and it was hilarious, and Andrew would be lying if he said he didn't take a small amount of sadistic glee from watching the thug squirm underneath him. Years of bullying and suppressed rage was slowly being unleashed upon the poor criminals Andrew could find, and he didn't feel too torn up over giving lowlife punks meleagrisphobia- Fear of Turkeys.

...I can't believe I even fucking know that word, gosh darn it, Jean!

The thoughts of the small girl that seemed to look up to him made his pride over beating up the man deflate like a balloon. Why was being a hero and role model so hard? Now he can't even go around beating up assholes without feeling a vague sense of guilt and being the better man. This sucked.

A claw foot slammed into the man's head and ended his struggles. He was knocked out cold, but at least he would wake up tomorrow with nothing more than some light scratches and a bruised head. Oh, and ego, that too.

Barney made a mistake in turning his head back once he heard the noise die down, and there standing on top of his unconscious friend was the demon bird, Tom who was standing dumbfounded was somehow lying on top of a dumpster 10 feet away. Human and avian made brief eye contact and somehow someway he just knew, that the damned thing was smiling at him even as it watched him run.

He didn't get very far.

Gobble gobble motherfucker.

Within the week numerous reports of wild animal attacks ranging from a "Turkey on steroids", "Hell Hound", "Rabid rats", and "a fuckton of chickens!" would send news reporters and animal control personnel alike scrambling around town in a wild goose chase. Not that they found any trace of him.

He made sure that not even a single strand of fur could be found, and on the rare occasion when he was actually injured usually involved him getting caught by surprise or some punk pulling out a gun. Any part of him form hair to blood was still fundamentally connected to him as he was the Blacklight Virus itself so he could always find and eliminate all the traces.

He was so not going to deal with any clone bullshit like Peter Parker or a dozen other superheroes have had to deal with, that was one headache he would like to avoid at all cost.

Speaking of cost, what the hell? Whoever said crime doesn't pay obviously wasn't very good at it because he's made a couple of hundred bucks in the past half week. Drug dealers tended to be loaded since they almost always have a lot of cash on hand he's quickly learning.