Chapter 29

Okay, skin cancer it is. Call me crazy, but I think it’s the least harmful of both. Besides that, I’m not sold on the whole cancer part. It just seems unlikely that, after all this time, the upgrades suddenly are bad. Oh, right… the electric shock upgrade. Now I’m even more confused. Should I skip this one? Ugh… the investment was HUGE. I don’t want to miss out.

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“20”

“...”

“15”

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Alright, alright. Let’s get on with it.

“Skin cancer, it is.”

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/Select evolution path (selecting one will lock the other):

-Actinic keratosis

-Basal cell carcinoma

/Notice:

-Choice required

-Time left - 12

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I, wut, wat… Google translate, please? I don’t know what either of those mean! How am I supposed to decide based on some vague Latin phrasing? Fuck it, let’s pick the first one.

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/Selection made:

-Locking Basal cell carcinoma

/Upgrade conditions met:

-Advanced defence system – updated x1

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Hmm, this is a peculiar feeling. Not pain, per se, but a slight pressure on my skin. Quite similar to having a patch of dry skin, but the patch is the size of your whole body and you’re slowly becoming a dry grape. What did that even accomplish? Do I now have ‘defence against blunt weapons +5’? I need a mirror for this shit. I probably look like an old woman's mouth on a lemon diet. How do we test this out tho? Should I ram some stuff and check for damage? I can’t make comparison charts based on approximate feeling. Forget it, I’ll just assume it did something good. You heard it here first! Cancer – It, presumably, did something good!

Should I go for another upgrade? I still have one vespine molecule left. Should I save it? It might come in handy if I unlock more reliable stuff later. Nah, saving is for losers. We are speedrunning this shit. Cool kids, get cancer and die young. Let’s just go for it!

“Woah, what the…”

The “Advanced defence system” upgrade, now costs 10 vespine molecules. What’s with the price spike? Thankfully, the rest of the upgrades didn’t change and hover at 1. I guess it’s a system where every next upgrade in the same sector, gets progressively more expensive. Or someone might be screwing with me. It’s fifty-fifty at this point. Well, that’s a problem for the future me. My instant gratification monkey demands more sacrifices.

“Advanced movement system - BUY!”

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-Purchased ‘Advanced movement system’

/Notice:

-Player may choose from the following upgrades:

$

$E=====:

$=>----

/Notice:

-Warning, choice required. If nothing selected in 30 seconds. The upgrade materials will be lost.

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I figured out. IT feeds on my reactions. I’m sure of it. I won’t give in. You won’t even get a peep out of me. No more hate-filled comments. No outrage in general. I will be as calm as a lake.

“Second choice, final answer. Lock it in.”

I got a sudden urge to pee. Yes, it’s the best way to describe it. Only this body doesn’t have the necessary parts for the job. Ugh, I got to release it somewhere. Crap, it’s getting worse. Can’t I just open a hole in my body and let it out? How do I even do that?

Something’s happening! The pressure is rising and it’s starting to itch. Uh, oh - I’m getting bloated here.

*Puff*

In a burst of gore, the built-up pressure releases. My backside hurts like hell and a strange sensation overcomes my sensors. I try to focus on the new feelings, but my mind slips in and out of dizziness while I flail around like a maniac. Pain blossoms as I faceplant into the nearby wall.

Okay, deep breaths...

I somehow manage to realign and reach out with my awesome space bending powers to remove the dirt in front of the cave entrance. Bringing my body outside of the cave, I feel some part of me dragging along the cavern walls.

Vision - check. Sense of touch – dulled a bit, but still working. I don’t see anything wrong. The things I’d give for a mirror. Scratch that, I don’t want to see my grotesque form. As far as I can tell, I’m now a cancer blob. I remember people saying that looks aren’t everything when searching for a partner. I hope those same people keep to their world views, because, oh boy, I’m all about that personality.

I swim toward the nearby seaweed and another impact greets me.

“How the...?

For a split second my mind wanders towards the possibility of high-speed moving plant, but in reality, I just grew a tail.

That was the only explanation I could come up with, and until I finally see my form, it’s the explanation in sticking with. Now I only need to learn to operate it better, before I break my proverbial neck.