《Lost Magic》Chapter Seventy-Four

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"An elf," Cross repeated.

Misa nodded.

"Well," Cross sighed as his hand moved up to his temple before dragging down his face, "why not?"

"You are not overly surprised," Misa said. "Yet you still do not remember me, do you?"

"Yeah well, considering the year I've had, nothing is really shocking anymore," Cross mumbled. He fell into one of the large leaf-chairs that Misa grew from the floor. Misa sat down with a decidedly more graceful movement. Cross glanced over at her. "So elves aren't extinct?"

"Not completely. When humans lost their connection to magic, we were the first you turned on," Misa spoke quietly and kept her tone even, but Cross could feel the venom in her voice. "Our people do not breed like humans. Even with our magic we were overwhelmed by your numbers."

"So there are others?"

"There are a handful of small cities remaining, but they are hidden away by powerful magic. The largest of these resides in the mountains of Gorin. Guarded by stone and magic, it would be nearly impossible for humans to ever find it. If they did, it would not bode well for them," Misa said darkly. "Even before humans began their hostilities, the Elves of Gorin rarely made contact with the humans. They did not trust them and urged the others to do that same. Sadly, few listened."

Cross couldn't argue that. Nothing Misa said had been wrong. When the magic reserves ran dry and the riots began, the more cunning of the nobility had turned the violent attention of the populace on the elves. The fact that the elves continued to use magic freely was more than enough proof of their ‘guilt’.

Blame had turned to distrust, distrust to hatred, and hatred to war.

"There were cities in Verla as well, but they were… destroyed. Long before magic began to wane," Misa said. "We should have known then, that humans were not to be trusted."

"Jerrah.”

"Jerrah." Misa nodded. "Even with our remaining strongholds, our population is nowhere near where it once was. It may never be. It is best for us to stay in hiding and to keep our distance from humans.”

Cross frowned. "That's why you attack anyone who enters the forest?"

"Humans do not belong here."

"I'm here."

Misa stared at him for a long time before she reached out and grabbed his hand. With her other hand she pushed Cross's sleeve back to expose his bracer. "Where did you get this? You did not have it the last time you entered the forest."

"They were a gift.”

"From who?"

"The Mistress of my guild. She gave them to me while my wrists were healing. From when you shot me. Twice.”

"Where did she get them?"

"The Master of the guild. He has a pretty large hoard. He allowed me to borrow them for the time being."

Misa slowly rotated his wrist and looked at the small barrel and accompanying firing mechanism that had been attached to the underside. "You added this?"

Cross nodded.

"These are elven made. Pieces of a full set,” Misa said after a few more minutes of inspection. "If your master has them, he either was part of a raiding party and took them as trophy… or they were given as a gift."

"I doubt he was part of a raiding party," Cross said with a half smile.

Misa looked up at him. "As do I. these are very old. Older than the last Elvin war. Perhaps even older than the war before that. It seems that your Master was a friend to the Elves. They would not part with a treasure such as this without cause."

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"Good to know," Cross said. He looked down at his hand that was still firmly in Misa's grasp. His fingers twitched and he felt a memory scratch against the surface of his conscious. Someone had held his hand like this before, in this forest. They had been looking down at him with those same green eyes. But it wasn't Misa, it was…

"Misa…" Cross said slowly. She gave him a questioning gaze. "Where is your mother?"

Misa's hand immediately slipped from his and she stood up.

"We have talked enough. It is time to resume your training," Misa said. Her face remained passive as ever, but there was a waver to her voice. Cross didn't press the issue and allowed her to lead him back out into the rain. The branch had grown wider under Misa's influence and Cross felt slightly more secure.

Slightly.

With a hand covering his eyes from the rain, Cross looked up towards the sky. Through the thick canopy he could only make out tiny pinpricks of light. They glittered off the falling raindrops, scattering into thousands of fragments that shone like gems.

"I don't know what you want, Misa, but I'm not going to enter the Void again," Cross called out as Misa made her way to the end of the branch. Her bare feet hung precariously over the edge.

She looked over her shoulder to stare at him. "I will not force you. Not this time."

The way she said it let a feeling of unease in Cross's stomach. Questions that he had failed to ask earlier suddenly roared to life inside his mind. "Why?"

"Why what?" Misa said, turning back to the forest.

"Why did you make me enter the Void? What was the point?"

"I needed to know the full extent of your abilities," Misa said after a long wait. "I could not do that without a physical connection."

"Did you find out what you needed?"

"Yes," Misa said. The answer did not satisfy Cross, but he could feel that Misa was done talking for the time being. Frowning, he pushed his wet hair from his face.

"I hope this lets up soon," he said, more to himself than Misa.

"Why hope?" Misa said.

"What?" Not expecting an answer, Cross looked over at Misa in surprise. She was drenched, with her rain-soaked hair sticking against her face, exposing her long, pointed ears.

"Why hope?" Misa repeated. "Why not see? Look into the Void and see when the rain will stop."

"It's not that simple," Cross sighed.

"Magic is far simpler than you believe, if you wish it to be so."

"Maybe I don't wish it to be so." Cross said. He could see where this conversation was heading and it wasn't a path he wanted to traverse, especially while standing on a tree branch high above the ground in the pouring rain.

"I felt your trepidation when you entered the Void." Misa took a step towards him. "I felt your fear. There is no reason to be afraid of it. It is the magic that runs through your veins. It is a gift that few have."

"A gift?" Cross snorted. "You think being a Void Walker is a gift? Can you even begin to understand what it is like to be connected to the Void like I am? The things I've seen people do… the things I've seen myself do?"

He clenched his teeth. He needed to calm down. He wanted to turn away from Misa, but he didn’t.

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He couldn’t.

“You asked me why I don’t carry a weapon? You know, don’t you? You know what happens to people like me. I don’t…feel the way I should. It took so long for me to even realize, to believe, something was wrong with me. I had to hurt someone, someone who didn’t deserve it to even see who I was becoming, what I could become. If I go further down that path… hurting people, killing them…”

Killing will come easy to you. Hurting people will be nothing more than an afterthought, if it is even a thought. You will lose yourself to the darkness, true darkness.

Misa stared at him. "You lack control. That is why you are afraid."

"Control?" A bitter laugh escaped Cross's lips before he could stop it. "You can't control the Void."

"Not the Void. Yourself," Misa said. She moved even closer still. "Once you can control yourself, the Void's sway over you will lessen. Once you truly learn to use your Sight."

"Even if I don’t lose myself to the darkness, it doesn’t matter. I know what happened to the other Walkers. The ones who knew how to use their magic." Cross glared at her and she stared back with her own grim expression. "They grew addicted to it, the power of the Void. It ate away at them until they were nothing more than husks. Until they had nothing left to live for but some elusive truth that they were never going to find. I won't end up like that."

"If you continue to be as you are now that is exactly what you will end up as," Misa said. It was infuriating how she could remain so calm while he couldn’t seem to calm his rising temper. "You believe you can simply waver with your indifference forever?"

"The more I use my Sight, the more I rely on the power of the Void, the stronger its pull on me becomes. I feel it, always. I've felt it for so long, I don't even think about it anymore. It's just another constant in my life and I know, I know, that it’s growing stronger.” The words, a truth that Cross had down his best to keep locked away in a darkened part of his mind, tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Yet you used your Sight when you entered this forest, did you not? To anticipate my attacks?" Misa countered. "And you've used it before."

"That's… that's different.” Cross wanted to scream, but Misa's even tone made his rising voice catch in his throat.

"You let me push you into the Void," Misa pressed.

"I didn't know you were going to do that," Cross snarled. His temper was flaring and he couldn't stop it.

He didn't want to stop it.

He wanted to see her façade break. He wanted her to know. She was so close. So close to understanding. Finally. Finally, there was someone… someone real. Someone who could understand it. All of it.

Why did it have to be her?

How could she be so calm? Did she truly not understand?

Why wouldn’t she understand?

He could feel tears start to well up in his eyes and he furiously rubbed them away, unsure if they were from anger, shame, or sadness.

He didn’t even know if he cared.

"I pulled you free from the Void." Misa walked towards him as she spoke. "I anchored you in this world and I gave you the choice. You could have stopped. You could have stepped away, but you went back. That was your choice, not mine."

Misa's matter-of-fact way of speaking was setting his blood on fire.

"You, you have no idea, do you?" Cross's heart hammered in his chest. "What I do, it’s nothing more than glancing out of the corner of my eye. I never look at it full on. But gods I want to. But I can’t. Do you know what will happen to me if I mess up? If I let the Void take me? I have no power there. It can push or pull me any way it wants. I am subject to its whims. If I succumb to it, I will be lost. Forever."

"Then why did you let me push you?" Misa was directly in front of him. "Why did you go to the Void? Why Cross? Tell me."

"I…" Cross's head throbbed and he took an unsteady step back. He didn't want to answer. He didn't have an answer. "I…"

"You are scared. I understand that," Misa said softly. She reached up and took his face in her hands, forcing him to reluctantly meet her eyes. "There is not one being that has ever lived, or will ever live, that does not feel fear. But there is a difference between prudence and fear, Cross. Do not claim the former when you know it is the latter."

The piercing gaze of her emerald eyes deflated the last of Cross's anger and he felt his knees grow weak and his body grow heavy. Slowly, he dropped down to his knees, slipping free of Misa's grasp.

"What do you want?" he said, voice a whisper.

"I want you to make a decision, Cross." Misa knelt down to his level. "You either accept the magic of the Void as part of yourself, or you do not. I will not allow you walk this line of indecision any longer."

"Why do you care?" Cross asked.

It was a petty question. A pathetic attempt to keep her from pushing him further. He hated himself for even voicing it.

Misa's hand came up and slapped him across the face so fast Cross never even saw her move. The blow wasn't particularly hard, but it was enough to stun Cross and knock him off balance. Misa grabbed him by the front of his shirt and kept him from moving back too far.

"Do not try and avoid the question, Cross," Misa's face was dangerously close to his. "I only want your answer, nothing more. Do you accept your magic, or do you not?"

"If I do?"

"Then I will train you. I will quell the fear that has grown so strong within you. I will give you the strength you lack," Misa said. There was almost a tenderness to her words.

"And if I don't?" He half expected another slap, but Misa only reached up and rested her hand on his head.

"If you don't," Misa's hand slowly traveled to the thread that connected him to the Void. Cross flinched at her touch, but she did not strum the cord, only held it gently between her fingers. "If you don't, I shall free you from your burden."

"Free me?"

"I will sever your connection to the Void," Misa said. "Your connection to magic, the Void, all of it, will be gone, forever. You will be free."

The forest was alive with sound. Birds sung sleepily in their nests. Insects buzzed. The wind hissed through the trees. The thunder and lightning crackled through the sky and rain slapped loudly against the leaves.

In that moment Cross could hear none of it.

He could hear nothing but his own heartbeat and the echo of Misa's words.

Thump

Free.

Thump

Free from magic.

Thump

Free from the weight of the Void, constantly pushing down on him.

Thump

Free from all of it.

Thump

Forever.

Thump

Even Kosu…

The world stopped.

There was no sound.

Not the rain.

Not the thunder.

Not even the beat of his own heart.

There was nothing.

Kosu…

She was annoying, maddening, irritating, and completely devoid of manners. She caused him no end of trouble, constantly popping in and out whenever she pleased, more often than not just because she could.

She was his savior. His anchor. The only thing that had kept him from falling further than he had.

She was…

She was…

An overwhelming tightness constricted his chest and he crossed his arms around his body, falling forward. His head pressed against the ground, slowly rocking from side to side as pressure began to build in his temple.

The Void had brought them together. Without it, he never would have met her. Never would have met Lexi, or Banksy, or Romeo.

He never would have found Makina, and the Spirit Gods would have faded away.

The Void was a never-ending series of contradictions. It was an infinite timeline with infinite possibilities that would, or would not, come to pass.

It was everything and nothing.

His life, as it was now, had been defined by the choices he had made in relation to that absolutely chaotic, uncontrollable, unreliable source.

To lose that, to sever it entirely…

"Please." The word slipped over Cross's numb lips as the world came roaring back to life. It was nearly deafening, but still he could hear Misa clearly.

"Please?" Misa tightened her grip around his thread, pulling it taunt. "Please, what?"

"Don't sever it," Cross's voice was a breathless plea. "Please, don't sever it."

Misa stared down at him. "Tell me your answer, Cross."

"I… I accept it. I accept the magic of the Void," Cross said shakily. “All of it. Everything, and nothing.”

He had expected the words to feel like chains, for the choice to weigh him down and crush him with its enormity. Instead, he only felt a sense of peace as Misa released him and took a step back.

"Then truly, we can begin," Misa said, extending a hand down to him.

He accepted her hand with shaking fingers, finding comfort in her steady grip as he rose back to his feet.

Even now, Cross felt the ever-constant pull of the Void. Taking in a deep breath, he reached out and grabbed hold of it, gripping tight as he could. He felt the nothingness push and pull before settling in a silence for the time being.

He already knew it would not last. It never did. He was still far from sure it ever could.

But still…

But still, it was a start.

"We can begin," Cross echoed, his fingers tightening around Misa’s.

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