PvP and PvE. Player vs. player, and player vs. environment.

If I had to characterize all of the adventures I’ve told you about up to this point, I would have to say that my journey was definitely a PvE one. Sure, there was some drama with the party. Sure, there were a few times when things got tense between us, but the lion’s share of my close calls with death still came from monsters.

However, my struggles weren’t meant to be against monsters forever. And looking back on it, this may have been the turning point…

---

I hadn’t recognized Gertrude because her voice sounded way less raspy than it used to, and I also didn’t expect to see her again. However, there was no mistaking her and her long red hair when I finally got to see her.

After getting over my shock, my brain kicked into gear. I popped back to my feet in a defensive position with my fists up.

Gertrude just snorted, planted her greataxe into the ground, and said, “Now, now, sonny. I ain’t gonna kill you again.”

I wasn’t convinced, and it must have shown.

She sighed. “Look. I was angry back then because I just wanted to go home and thought killing ya was the way to do it. I didn’t know that there would be such a paradise awaiting me after we got outta that cave!”

She gestured around at the barren ice plains filled with bodies. I kept quiet.

“But either way, lord of the fiends or whatever you are, I don’t see a reason to kill ya again.” Her eyes glinted. “In fact, I think we can come to an arrangement.”

I didn’t have enough confidence in my 36 remaining HP to turn down the crazed [Berserker] in front of me. “Alright,” I said reluctantly and dropped my hands to the side.

She gave a wide grin. “Good.” Then she called in a louder voice to the other [Berserkers] standing around. “Get all this stuff back on the double!”

She turned and started walking as the [Berserkers] all sprinted into motion. When I didn’t move, she looked back and nodded her head in the direction she was going. “Come on, Einstein. We ain’t got all day.”

I jogged to catch up with her. I was soon walking side-by-side with the [Berserker] who had ended my life once.

I noticed a few odd things immediately. First, Gertrude still had her greataxe on her shoulder. Second, instead of looting the bodies, the [Berserkers] were dragging or carrying them along with them.

I decided not to bring up the first one. “Uhh… Gertrude?” I started to ask.

“Yes, sonny?” she replied.

“Why don’t you just have them loot all of the bodies?”

“Pfft. And use that inventory thingamujig? I swear, it’s making you youngins soft! Back in my day, we didn’t even have an inventory!”

My brain took so long to process the sheer… Gertrudeness… of that statement that I actually stopped walking for a second. I jogged to catch up and then shook my head. I mean… She’s not wrong. “So, why aren’t you helping carry anything?”

“Because my poor old back can’t take it,” she said with a hint of sarcasm. Then she sighed. “Come on, Einstein! I thought you were supposed to be smart! I’m not helping with that because I’m the boss around here!”

I guess I should have gathered that much. That made me curious, though.

“How did you manage to become the boss of an entire tribe of [Berserkers]?” I asked.

“I’ll give ya a chance to redeem yourself. How do ya think I did it?”

“You…” I paused as I realized the only answer that would make sense. “You beat the snot out of all them, didn’t you?”

“Yessiree!” she said with a laugh. “They didn’t even put up much of a fight. I guess that was because I had nine of those level thingies, and they weren’t even [Berserkers] yet.”

“Weren’t even [Berserkers]?” I asked. “I thought that only people who went through the tutorial could be [Berserkers]?”

She shook her head. “Of course not. I don’t have any idea where that tutorial thingamujig is! So, I just took the natives, whipped ‘em into shape, and made ‘em [Berserkers].”

That was the biggest bomb she’d dropped on me yet. Wait. You can turn non-adventurers into adventurers? I’d been assuming that most of the [Berserker] population of the tutorial had just been unlucky enough to be teleported up to the frozen wastes. I didn’t realize that all those shirtless adventurers had been ordinary civilians before Gertrude had got there. Or at least, whatever passed for ordinary in an arctic wasteland.

I didn’t have too long to ruminate on that because we got attacked by a few more tundra wolves.

That battle was over in a heartbeat. I had enough stamina saved up to use it on [Fire Strikes], and Gertrude entered [Rage] and literally one-shot the beasts.

Our anticlimactic battle complete, Gertrude whistled and then called out, “Make sure to get these too!”

We turned and continued our walk, and she said, “That’s enough chit-chat about me. Where have you been all of this time?”

From there, I waffled a bit about how much I wanted to tell her. She already knows I’m the [Demon Lord], but… I think I should leave out the prophecy. So, I told her about my extended stay in the tutorial, and then I gave a very abbreviated and very abridged version of my travels.

I didn’t mention the prophecy, the earth dungeon, the zombies, or turning into the Demon Lord of Wrath. I also had to take several… liberties… with the reason that the party was no longer together.

When I was finished, Gertrude said, “There’s just one thing I don’t get, sonny.” She stopped, planted her greataxe back on the ground, and looked at me. “What the devil are you doing up here?”

“I already told you!” I replied. “We were traveling to the north and got split up. I’m planning on meeting up with them at our destination, and it’s all the way up here.” That deception had the benefit of technically being the truth. I was still planning on waiting for the party before claiming the dungeon. Combat mode was proving to be a major pain in the asp.

She leaned in closer to me and glared a bit. I backed but tried to meet her gaze.

She stood upright and sighed. “Sorry, sonny, but I ain’t born yesterday.” She hefted her axe. “So, let me ask you again. What are you doing in my land?”

I held up my hands, halfway between a “stop” and an “I surrender” gesture. “I didn’t lie to you, Gertrude.”

She snorted. “Ya, but that don’t mean you told me the truth neither! Harold used to pull the same tricks, that old snake oil salesman.” She put her axe up onto her shoulder. “Now, you tell me the full truth and nothing but the truth, or I may change my mind about keeping you alive after all.”

I could tell that she wasn’t bluffing.

“Okay, okay… Give me a second.” She looked at me a bit quizzically as I flipped through my status to the quest I was given by Admin. I flicked it over to her.

She was… Quiet. Which somehow felt even more unnerving than when she had been boisterous.

After what felt like an eternity, she spoke. “So… This… Demon portal you’re trying to open. What will it do?”

“I don’t know for sure.” I started. As she gave me a look, I continued. “But, my best guess is that it starts a demon invasion or something.”

She sighed. “So. That’s your big take over the world plan?”

“I don’t want to take over the world!” I snapped. “I… just want to go home and leave this miserable place behind.”

“And dang the consequences for everyone else you leave behind?” Gertrude asked. Her voice had a bit of an edge to it.

“I don’t get why you’re so against it,” I muttered. “I figured you’d be excited for the chance to fight demons.”

“I would be!” she snapped. “And so would the entire rest of the raiding party that just pulled your bacon outta fire. But all those civvies back in my village didn’t sign up for that!” She growled. “There ain’t no war without civvie casualties, and I ain’t about to let my people become that.” She turned away from me and strode off but called loud enough for me to hear. “So, tough luck, Titus, but it looks like you’re stuck here with the rest of us.”

I didn’t follow her, and she stopped when she was about a dozen paces away.

“Hurry it up, Titus! Or I’ll boot you along if I have to!”

“And if I don’t come with you?” I asked.

“Gonna run, eh?” she replied. “Then you best be ready to die tired because if you do, me and all my people will hunt you down.” She readied her axe again. “So, what’ll it be?”

I thought for a brief second, but I knew the only answer. “I’m coming,” I said with a sigh.

“Good. I knew you didn’t have the balls to do it.”

The talkative mood was obviously ruined at that point, and we didn’t say another word until we got back to her village. Meanwhile, I was trying to figure out how I would get out of the mess I got myself in.

I’m basically a prisoner. I’ll just have to go with it for now until I get some HP back.

I started making some plans for how I would break free without calling an entire horde of [Berserkers] onto my trail. None of them were great, but all of them at least started with the same thing. Get some resources back, and get some more information.

Then, we finally made it to “safety.”

System: Zone entered, Capital City Gert. Faction – Gert

System: Warning capital city zone detected. Monster wave spawning is disabled

I looked at the collection of igloos with the occasional stone building and had several questions. So… They’re Eskimo-Vikings. I guess that makes as much sense as anything else in this world.

The second one, I asked out loud. “Your city’s named Gert?”

She snorted. “Yup. Happened when I took over.”

Meanwhile, people were noticing us coming and calling out. The thing that surprised me the most was what people called her.

“Everyone! [Queen] Gertrude is back!” one villager yelled.

I heard several other people mention [Queen], and I cast a glance at Gertrude. If she saw it, she didn’t act like it.

“Yep! I’m back already!” she called out. “We have a huge haul comin’ in, so you better get to work, or I’ll crack the whip myself!”

When excitement finally died down, I whispered to Gertrude. “[Queen]. Really? I knew you were the boss, but I didn’t think…”

“Didn’t think I meant it?” she asked. “I don’t blame you. It’s not a role that I wanted. I just wanted to beat the tar outta anyone that I could.” She snorted. “It turns out, these are my kinda people, and they respect that. When I finally beat up their head honcho, they told me it was my job now. I tried to refuse, but they insisted, and next thing I knew them dang words that pop up occasionally told me that I was a [Queen].” She paused. “I guess it was more… System Blah blah blah. [Queen] blah blah blah dual-slot blah blah blah [Berserk Queen]. I don’t know what the dickens a [Berserk Queen] is supposed to be, but it did make me stronger than I was before.”

Dual-slot? Some type of unique class? I shook my head. It didn’t sound like she knew much more about her class than what she’d just said, so I didn’t want to press my luck. However, since we were apparently on speaking terms again for the moment, I had another question that was burning in the back of my mind.

“Is that when your voice changed?” I asked.

She shook her head. “No, that happened after. Even though my body was young, I had started aching all over, just like I did back on Earth. It got worse and worse until my 101st birthday.” She snorted. “The funny thing was that when everyone here heard that I was turning a hundred and one, they all stayed up until midnight. They were ready for a funeral and everything.”

She shrugged. “I guess in this world, people only die of old age on their birthday, and they were sure as all get out that I was gonna croak.” She laughed. “Not a single one of us expected my aches and pains to suddenly go away and for even my voice to get all patched up.”

“Wow. That’s incredible.” We walked in silence for a bit after that, and I finally decided to ask. “Where are we going anyway?”

She sighed. “I’m gonna talk to the council and figure out what we’re going to do with you.”

I raised an eyebrow. “But aren’t you the boss? Why do you have to ask them?”

“I may be the boss, but that don’t mean I run everything.” She shook her head. “I would run this place into the ground if I did. I don’t have a head for politics or for leading people in anything but battle. So, I’m gonna go explain the situation, and we’re gonna decide as a council what to do with you.”

I didn’t like the sound of that. “Wait. I thought you said that you had an arrangement that we could come to?”

“That was before I knew about your evil quest doohicky that’ll destroy the world.” She shook her head. “I’ll tell them about the arrangement, but whatever decision we come to is final.”

I stopped. “Even if it means killing me?”

“Yes,” she said with no hesitation. “I think we already covered that.” She turned and looked at me. “It ain’t anything personal, sonny. But these are my people, and I’ll be danged if I let anything endanger our civvies.”

I was about two seconds away from turning and running right then, middle of capital city or not, when she sighed. “But I’ll put in a good word for ya. I saw you run up and punch that big ole bear to death to help out some of my men.” She gave me a critical glare. “Though that doesn’t change the fact that it was your bacon we were pulling out of the fire in the first place, I think that along with me vouching for you, should convince them.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, and I let Gertrude lead me to our destination, a palace made out of ice.

When I asked how it was made, she didn’t have a clue, but she mentioned something about a [Shape Ice] skill from one of the “arts and crafts” classes. I could only speculate that there was a non-adventurer class like [Iceshaper] or something for the unique method of building that Gertrude’s people employed.

Once we arrived, I was bound with my hands behind my back and left with two glaring [Berserkers] while Gertrude went off to discuss things with her council. I decided to not raise a fuss because I finally had enough MP to summon a dave and break out if I needed to, and I still held out a little hope that Gertrude’s “arrangements” would work out.

Just a little hope, though. I was also thinking of plans for making my escape as soon as possible. However, “as soon as possible” still meant “not right now” in all of them. Daring escapes are usually better to make with full HP.

So, I stood there glaring at the [Berserkers] who glared right back. Meanwhile, we heard shouting and a fistfight in the other room, which may have been the normal debate process in Gert for all I know.

Eventually, the shouts stopped, and someone came out and told my guards to take me to the throne room.

I was walked to it, and it was an impressive sight. It was a large room, especially considering it was made entirely of ice, and it had steps leading up to its throne, which Gertrude was lackadaisically seated on.

I think it was the first time I saw her and thought she looked regal, though that requires a bit of explaining. Her posture didn’t seem royal. She still didn’t have a shirt or any sort of royal clothing on. She also had her axe out and resting by her, but if anything, that just sold the image more.

The [Berserk Queen], I thought as I stared.

One of the [Berserkers] hit me in the back and growled. “Kneel.”

The rational part of my brain agreed that was a good idea. I was in a foreign country with a battle-crazed [Berserker] as its leader, and I was currently disrespecting said leader.

However, an instinctual part of me recoiled at the mere thought. “No,” I said softly.

Another strike. “Kneel!”

“No!” I growled back.

He went to hit me again but stopped when Gertrude laughed.

“Go ahead,” she said. “Let ‘im stand.” She looked amused. “You don’t have much of a spine ‘til you’re backed into a corner, do ya, sonny?” I didn’t reply to that comment, and Gertrude sat up a bit straighter. “Now, as [Queen] of Gert…” She looked like she was concentrating for a moment and then shrugged. “Blah blah blah. [Trial].”

One of her court members, I had no idea what his title might be, who was standing at the bottom of the steps, looked appalled. “My [Queen]! You have to start the [Trial] correctly!”

She looked at him and quirked an eyebrow. “Says who?”

Looking much less sure of himself, he answered. “It’s… the law.”

“And who do I gotta beat up to change that? I ain’t got time to remember all of that fancy gobbledygook.”

The man wilted a bit. “We will… Uh… Get that changed shortly.”

“Good.” Gertrude nodded. “Now. We’re doin’ a [Trial], so untie him and give him the liar rock.”

My guards untied me as the same man walked over, pulled a truth stone out of his inventory, and then handed it to me.

“So, sonny. I just have one question for you. Are you trying to complete a quest thingamajig that could hurt or kill my people?”

Wow. Straight to the point. I took a second and tried to think of any mental gymnastics or vague phrasing I could use to buy me time.

Gertrude wasn’t having it. “Sonny, you already told me. Hurry it up and make it official, or I’m gonna get upset.”

I sighed. “I am.”

The truth stone confirmed it, and Gertrude nodded. “Good. Now, for the verdict.” I tensed up, and she snorted. “Don’t worry. We ain’t gonna kill ya.” She shook her head. “See, you’re too valuable and knew I could convince these knuckleheads of that.”

“How exactly am I valuable?” I asked with a minor bit of concern.

“Come on, Einstein. You ain’t figured it out?” When I didn’t reply, she spoke again. “Monsters. You attract all sorts of ‘em, and I don’t know if you noticed, but we can’t exactly grow vegetables around here.”

“So… You’re keeping me alive… to help you with your food shortage?”

She grunted. “If you wanna take it that way, sure. Whatever makes you feel better, sonny.”

Being a prisoner was better than being dead, but I thought it was time to try out plan A.

“And what if I don’t agree with the verdict?” I asked.

She snorted. “Tough luck then. I make the rules.”

“[Identify],” I cast quietly. Level 15. Higher than the [Hero]… She’s strong… But… I nodded. “You do make the rules… Unless I beat you in a fight, right?”

The grin that broke over Gertrude’s face was predatory. “So, you wanna try me, do ya?”

“Yup. Duel to 25% HP. If you win, I’ll be your prisoner and monster magnet. If I win, I walk free.”

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” the man who I assumed must be some type of [Advisor] said. “You don’t actually gain any-“

“You have a deal!” Gertrude cut him off.

She was ready to go then and there, but I convinced her it would be a better fight if she waited about 2 hours for me to get all of my HP back.

That wait was a bit boring on everyone’s part, though it did give the people some time to spread the word that someone had challenged Gertrude.

It also gave me time to plan how I would fight her, and I was confident I could win.

Pop quiz.

What is it called when you have a fear of being in pain? Answer: Algophobia.

What is it called when you have an excessive fear of death? Answer: Thanatophobia.

What is it called when you don’t want to challenge Gertrude, the crazed [Berserker] who has almost a century of experience getting in scraps of some form or another, to a fight? Answer: Common sense.

I think it’s safe to say that no psychiatrist would diagnose me with any of the above.

Anyway, the two hours passed, and Gertrude and I went outside the palace to a central plaza.

“Alright, sonny, give me your best shot,” Gertrude said.

Right after she said that, I got a message from the System.

System: You have been challenged to a duel by Gertrude

Victory condition: Reduce opponent to 25% HP, or make opponent surrender

On Gertrude Victory: Titus will become a prisoner of Gert

On Titus Victory: Titus will go free

“Looks good to me,” I replied.

The countdown started, and I got into a defensive stance.

Meanwhile, Gertrude surprised me by tossing her weapon over to one of the waiting [Berserkers]. “Watch that for me, will ya?”

The duel started, and we slowly started circling each other.

“You didn’t have to disarm on my account,” I said as I watched her warily. “With my skills, it’s still a fair fight even if you have an axe.”

She snorted. “I didn’t need my axe to take on any of these whippersnappers.” She grinned. “And you ain’t the only one with skills, sonny,” she said as she slammed her two fists together in what I immediately recognized as [Fire Strikes].

Well, frick. I thought as Gertrude had enough and charged me.

I blocked her first blow with my forearm, but I realized it was a [Fire Strike], so my block didn’t matter. With that in mind, I decided to press the attack.

We both belted each other with [Fire Strikes] for a few seconds, and it was the strangest feeling for me. Few things are weirder than getting decked in the face without any pain or injury.

Either way, I got 5 good hits in on her and could tell she was starting to catch on that she wasn’t damaging me.

Alright, time to use it then. I activated my wrath aura and pumped her with it. I expected her to immediately go berserk and double-down on her attack. I didn’t expect her to suddenly fall back and wipe her fist across her mouth.

“Sorry ‘bout this, sonny,” she said. “Looks like my skill activated on its own.” She yelled at the bystanders. “Get ready to hold me back after I beat the tar outta this young pup!”

I didn’t have long to contemplate how she was in [Rage] and still able to communicate, much less give orders, when she charged me again. This time it was with a battle cry.

She threw a hook. I was going to let it go and keep up our DPS race when I realized it was not a [Fire Strike]. I managed to block the [Earth Strike] at the last second.

However, block is a relative term.

I had never practiced [Elemental Strike] on Lindsey, even with all of our sparring, so I didn’t know how forearm blocks worked against them. It turns out that they don’t. At all.

System: You are staggered

I grunted in pain, even as her second punch was on the way. It hit me in the face, and my head snapped to the right.

Enough of this. I punched her in the chest with an [Air Strike] and got a bit of breathing room.

It wasn’t much as Gertrude immediately charged forward again.

Screw it. I still win this DPS check every time.

I switched over to [Earth Strikes] as well so that she wouldn’t end up beating me due to status effects, and our duel turned more and more into a drunken brawl. Neither of us focused on defense, and our swings grew a bit more erratic as the stagger built up.

We each landed about 10 blows, and I was sure I had to be close to winning.

Then, she surprised me.

She grabbed my slightly off-balance right hook, kicked my leg out from under me, and threw me heavily into the ground.

I had been tossed to the ground many a time by Lindsey. I was pretty used to that. However, I wasn’t used to it hurting.

I was still in shock when Gertrude went to the ground behind me, looped her left arm under mine, and then her right around my neck.

The System also helpfully informed me that I was grappled.

“Go ahead and give up now, sonny,” she grunted. “Ya put up a good fight.”

Against a typical adventurer, she would have had the fight there. I couldn’t breathe if I wanted to, and I couldn’t get more than a few glancing blows on her with some elbow strikes.

However, that meant that the situation was to my advantage. In fact, it was even enough time for my stagger to wear off.

“No, you can go ahead and give up,” I replied calmly as I hit her with weak [Fire Strikes] with my elbows.

If I had just kept my mouth shut, I would have won the duel. However, my completely nonchalant non-strangled reply told Gertrude something was up.

She disengaged her grapple by twisting and slamming me facedown into the ice.

I rolled to try to get some distance, but she was on top of me in a heartbeat.

She pinned my arms to the ice with her knees and punched my face over and over again with [Earth Strikes] while screaming like a madwoman.

My mind was brought back to our fight in the tutorial. The pain of her axe cutting into me again and again until I hit 0 HP.

By the time I managed to shake off that trauma and come back to myself, she had landed her 6th hit, and it was too late.

System: Duel Loss

System: Duel outcome – Titus will become a prisoner of Gert

I was slightly relieved. I thought it was all over.

It wasn’t.

The blows kept coming.

“Gertrude!” I yelled. “Stop! You won!”

3 hits after our duel was already over, and I was back to struggling to dismount the deranged [Berserker] who was going to kill me.

At 4 hits, the crowd was rushing forward to try to help.

At 5 hits, I got a message from the System that I was at critical HP and that wrath form was on cooldown.

At 6 hits, I realized that I needed to stop her [Rage].

At 7 hits, my snap echoed around the plaza.

Her fist stopped inches from my face, and she blinked a few times.

She stood up with a scowl. “I even told all you youngins to be ready to step in! Then what do you do? You sit back on your asps and watch as I almost beat our meal ticket to death!”

The crowd wilted under her glare, and I heard her mutter. “Idjits.”

Meanwhile, I was checking my status and having a mild panic attack.

2 HP. If that last hit had landed… I shook my head and then noticed that Gertrude was offering me a hand up.

I took it and regained my feet.

“Good fight, sonny,” she said with a nod. “Sorry about that bit after the duel. Sometimes that stupid anger skill just kicks in whenever it wants.”

“It’s… Okay,” I finally replied. I decided it wouldn’t be wise to mention that I’d used wrath aura to force her to activate it. I had one burning question that I had to ask. “How close was I to winning that duel?”

“Let me check my status.” She jumped as it opened. “Still gets me every time. Let’s see… Looks like I had 164 HP left.”

My heart fell. I was that far away.

“So, outta my 600 ya did pretty good.”

I blinked at that. 600. She has 100 more HP than I do? 3 levels under me? I shuddered. Got it. Don’t mess with the [Berserk Queen].

After yelling a bit more at her [Berserkers], she decided to escort me to prison personally. My hands were bound in front of me this time, and we were off.

We walked in silence for a bit, and then I finally asked. “By the way… How did you talk while you were in [Rage]? Most [Berserkers] just yell incoherently and try to hit things.”

She nodded. “Ah, yeah. That is the drawback of being a [Berserker], ain’t it? Anyway, I got one of them doohickeys when I became a [Berserk Queen].” She looked thoughtful. “Rational? Calm? What was the dang word.” She trailed off and then finally snapped her fingers. “Oh, right! It was [Level-headed Rage].”

“What?” I asked. “How could rage be level-headed?”

She snorted. “Don’t ask me, sonny. All I know is that it gives me a bit more control when that skill activates.”

We ended up talking a bit more about our respective classes after that. I admitted that I had [Fire Immunity] and that I didn’t need to breathe, but we were curious about how both of us had [Elemental Strike]. I explained how I got mine first, but then it was her turn.

“Well, sonny,” she said. “It was back just a few months ago. I got bored hunting all of those polar wolves with my axe, so I decided to try boxin’ a few of ‘em.”

Of course. Because that is what any sane, rational person would think. I shook my head. “I guess it went well?” I asked.

“I gotta admit, the first few fights didn’t go so hot. It took a lot of punches to kill those dang monsters. I tried chokin’ ‘em out after that, and it went a bit better.” She shook her head. “Still not great, but I guess that’s expected. Only an idjit would fight wolves with their bare hands back on Earth, wouldn’t they?”

She paused for a bit too long, so I prompted. “And?”

She looked a bit confused. “Where was I going with all that?”

“You were going to tell me about getting [Elemental Strike],” I said.

“Oh, right. Then all of a sudden, I get one of those accomplishments. ‘Sensei’ it called me.” She growled. “Dang japs. They couldn’t even leave this world alone, could they?”

I decided to not comment on that.

She continued. “Anyway, it said something about discovering a martial art… Way of the Brawling Berserker, I think it was?” She shrugged. “Anway, that gave me that [Heavy Throw] skill that I used on ya once or twice, and it let me buy that [Elemtental Strike] from the skill stone doohicky.”

“I was wondering about those throws,” I muttered.

I was eventually put inside a prison that was made of, you guessed it, ice.

Gertrude stayed and chatted with me until I had enough HP that I wouldn’t die to “a strong breeze.”

As soon as she left, I nodded. Okay. Time for plan B.

“Hey,” I called to one of the guards. “Could I get an extra blanket? It’s a bit cold in here.”

----

Gertrude was having a fantastic day. She’d gotten to fight more monsters than she usually did in a week, and then she even got to fight a duel that got her blood pumping.

She grinned as she thought about it. That duel had been close.

I wonder what he would’ve done as [King] of the [Berserkers]? Gertrude chuckled to herself. “Maybe this younger generation ain’t completely hopeless after all.”

After that, she got back to supervising her [Berserkers] that were bringing in bodies. There were a lot of them, and it was starting to get dark, so she was even toying with removing her rule against using the loot power.

Then she watched as one of the bodies that was being dragged along got back up.

The startled [Berserker] didn’t notice in time and was bit. He cried out in pain, but Gertrude was there in a flash with axe in hand.

2 heavy slashes ended the beast again, but Gertrude had a sinking feeling in her gut. And she didn’t live through WW2 without trusting her gut.

“Loot all the bodies you can, then get back to the village!” she shouted. She grabbed one [Berserker] at random. “You, get back to the stockpile and loot it!”

Then she took off running because there was one last thing that her gut was screaming at her to check on.

She burst into the prison and called out, “Titus!” When he didn’t respond, she yelled at the guard, “Open the cell!” The guard fumbled the keys but opened the door.

Gertrude strode in and immediately went to the form huddled in blankets in the corner.

She ripped off the blanket and saw only 3 lime-green monsters and a hole that led downward and then outside.

“That two-faced piece of sit!” she seethed. She wanted to give chase, but he was probably long gone by now. That, and she was sure she had a crisis on her hands.

“Titus, if you ever come back to any of my lands, you’re a dead man.”

Her empty threat, delivered to the air, was all she could do at the time because she had more pressing matters. She ran back outside to prepare for battle yet again.

----

I think I’m far enough. I let the extra blanket that I had wrapped around my body fall away, and I sighed in relief.

I’m just glad no one looked too closely at the weirdo with a blanket wrapped around him like a cloak. I was also pleased that it didn’t count as “equipping” it and that it didn’t phase through me.

Either way, with all of the talk about monsters coming back, it sounded like plan B, use daves and [Fire Strikes] to dig out of jail while the [Berserkers] deal with an undead heart, was a resounding success.

You really gotta let people loot bodies, Gertrude. I thought with a shake of my head.

After that, it was back to my search for the ice dungeon.

The search wasn’t exactly exciting. Though I did encounter many different and intriguing forms of subzero dihydrogen monoxide like …ice. Snow. Glaciers. Blizzards. Ice floes.

However, I eventually came to the one I was looking for, giant walls of ice as far as the eye could see… Not that “as far as the eye could see” was as impressive in Placeholder, but you get what I mean.

I initially tried to climb them like an idiot. That didn’t go well because [Fire Strike] made the ice slippery around where I punched, and [Earth Strike] caused it to crack.

After getting my head on straight and just tunneling through it like I had done with my jail cell, I was finally greeted with the message that told me I had done it.

System: Zone entered, The Great Northern Ice plains. Faction - Neutral

Whoever named that specific stretch of land the “great” ice plains must have done so ironically. It was small enough that as soon I got a good look around, I could already spot a large ice structure that I assumed was the dungeon.

I took off running towards it because I assumed I’d be swarmed by monsters any minute. However, I ended up being wrong about that. I only had one small monster attack before I made it inside.

“Weird,” I muttered to myself. “Well, I guess there weren’t that many monsters in the southern swamp either.” I shrugged and then took a look at the prompt that had shown up.

System: Demon Lord perk verified. Performing first-time elemental dungeon setup!

As for the setup itself, I decided to keep it very basic. I picked ice elementals because I figured I may as well keep it in line with the earth dungeon’s earth elementals, and I was surprised that I had 3 options instead of 2.

Lesser ice elemental, minor ice elemental, and ice elemental… Which one was weaker again? I was also worried that somehow the regular ice elemental would be weaker than the others.

“Screw it. Groups of three it is.”

After that, I made a bunch of rooms with sets of each type of ice elemental and then a locked door. The door was set to open when all of the elementals were killed.

I made a break room after each combat room so that the party could rest if they needed, and I added progressively more elementals until I finally reached the obelisk and made the boss room.

I stood and stared at the obelisk for a bit.

I could just claim it now and then hit the road. It would give me a head start to the next one.

I shook my head as if to dislodge that thought. “No. Not going there. There are people up here.” I paused. “Battle-crazed insane people, but people nonetheless.”

So, I walked back out to the entrance of my dungeon and wondered what I should do while I waited for the party to get there.

I was greeted by a chorus of howls and a large group of tundra wolves encircling the entrance to the dungeon.

“Oh, frick!” I prepared for them to charge me but was surprised when they all stood just outside. One or two of them hit me with an ice breath that did no damage, but that was it.

I thought back to Starry Forest, where the monsters had run off to fight the party as soon as I entered the dungeon.

“You really don’t like dungeons… Do you?”

Clearing them out was easy. I could still reach out and punt them with a [Fire Strike] kick as long as I stayed in the dungeon, and then I just sent a dave out afterward to clean up the bodies. That held true even for the occasional alpha or polar bear that spawned.

“And now… I wait.”

I’m not going to lie. That waiting was a dark time.

My mental health up to that point had been mostly predicated on “dealing with it later.” The fact of the matter was that it was now “later.” I had nothing to do but tweak the dungeon (adding light was a genius idea I almost forgot about), kick tundra wolves, summon daves, and think. And thinking took up the most time out of all of those.

There was a day or two where I finally just let myself cry about Megan. I let the monsters outside build up that entire time until I realized that it was dangerous if the party showed up.

I didn’t make any real progress towards stable mental health during that time. Pretty much the only things that I got out of it were that Placeholder was unbearable and that I hated AltSys with every fiber of my being.

I didn’t know how long I waited, but eventually, there was a break from my routine. The wolves outside started howling, which wasn’t unusual, and then got quieter as if they were running away.

I leaped to my feet and stowed Megan’s necklace back in my pocket.

“Is that them? Are they here?” I asked dave 128. The ball of slime didn’t reply, so I kept talking to myself. “It could be them, or it could be some of the [Berserkers] looking for me. If it’s just [Berserkers], then I can’t claim this yet.”

My ruminating was interrupted by a thunderclap that echoed across the plains. I poked my head out and looked at the clear sky.

“Yup. That’s them.”

That meant it was time to claim the dungeon and then get out of dodge. I sprinted through each of my eclectically decorated dungeon rooms while mentally complaining about making so many.

I reached the obelisk and touched it.

System: Dungeon obelisk is claimed by the Demon Lord faction but inactive. Activate?

“Yes.”

System: Zone, The Great Northern Ice Plains, has been claimed by the Demon Lord Faction

Like last time, a massive beam of light shot out of the obelisk and phased through the ceiling. The only difference was this beam was a cold blue instead of green.

System: The ice dungeon has been claimed by the Demon Lord! Only 2 elemental dungeons remain!

2 to go. I sighed.

System: Assign a dungeon boss and finish setup?

System: Warnings-

No mimic assigned

Very few dungeon traps detected

Very many dungeon monsters detected

“Yeah, that was kinda the point. Yes.”

System: Please design dungeon boss

“Ice elemental matriarch,” I said. “Unique trait is that it spawns weaker ice elementals and is immune while they’re alive. However, it takes extra damage than normal otherwise.”

That should be easy enough for him to [Sunder] to pieces…

System: Dungeon boss assigned. Teleport to entrance?

I held off on that for a second. “Upgrade.”

I flipped to skills first.

Skills Available for Purchase (10 points remaining):

Sneak - Toggle - 3 Skill Points

Survivor - Passive - 3 Skill Points

Flash Step - Active - 10 Skill Points (Price reduced)

I was a bit surprised to see [Sneak] on there, but I figured I must have technically “snuck” out of prison. However, I also saw the skill that AltSys had been pushing for me to get. I snapped it up immediately.

[Flash Step]. Good. I’ll need the mobility.

I went to spells next. I had enough for two [Summon Monsters], but a new attack spell was available for 10 points, so I pretty much had to choose that one.

That left it down to perk points.

Class Perks (14 points remaining):

Status Display - 3 Perk Points

Inventory - 4 Perk Points

Health Regen, Normal - 5 Perk Points

Skills, Normal - 5 Perk Points

Magic, All - 10 Perk Points

I picked [Inventory] before I could change my mind. I needed it in case I had to fight the party in the future. Also, it would stop the undead from being such a problem since I could actually loot the bodies.

That updated the listings to show the equipment perks.

Class Perks (10 points remaining):

Status Display - 3 Perk Points

Weapon Use - 5 Perk Points

Armor Use - 5 Perk Points

Health Regen, Normal - 5 Perk Points

Skills, Normal - 5 Perk Points

Magic, All - 10 Perk Points

I had tried to do most of my thinking beforehand, but I had also forgotten that [Magic, All] was on the table with the number of perk points I had. I debated it for half a second but then remembered that I didn’t have enough spell points to get anything good.

I debated [Skills, Normal] for a bit until I remembered that it probably just made it possible to increase my skill level cap above 5. Which also costs skill points. I passed on that one too.

I thought a bit more and eventually discarded [Health Regen, Normal] and [Status Display]. I figured actually getting some weapons or armor would help me to not need either of those perks. Not that [Weapon Use] or [Armor Use] would be of any help immediately either.

I’ll have to actually find civilization and buy some gear. Then I remembered that I was a [Demon Lord], and there were probably orders to apprehend or kill me on sight in most of the major cities. I’ll deal with that later.

I closed out of the upgrade menu and then finally accepted the teleport back to the dungeon entrance.

“You were right. There he is,” said a familiar voice.

My eyes adjusted to the harsh glare, and I sighed when I saw I was surrounded by a party of adventurers wearing grey fur.

“Heya, [Hero],” I said. “Nice new threads.”

“Thanks. We needed them because you dragged us all the way up here to the arctic,” Jake said flatly.

I shrugged. “Hey, I didn’t pick the location.” I looked around at all of them that had their weapons warily at the ready. “Don’t mind me. Dungeons ready.” I gestured at the opening behind me. “Lots of ice elementals. Take your time clearing it. I set up rooms that should be free of monsters in case you need to rest.” I made as if I was just going to walk past them. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

Each direction I turned, a party member stood in my way.

“Sorry, Titus,” Jake said. “We can’t just let you go to the next dungeon.”

“Oh? And what are you going to do to stop me?”

“Whatever I have to,” Jake said quietly.

“Please, Titus!” Sam shouted. “Just give up! I don’t want to fight you!”

I shook my head sadly. “And I didn’t want to fight any of you.”

I looked over at Jake and used [Disrupt]. As the party looked at each other in confusion, I knew that my plan had worked.

If [Disrupt] can stop the [Demon Lord] perk, why not [Enhanced Party]?

I had a brief moment to catch the party off-guard as we began our battle. However, our fight turned out less like a climactic struggle between good and evil and more like a circus act.

I knew I needed to get at Andrew ASAP. So I activated my new skill.

[Flash Step]! I thought to myself as I pushed off in his direction.

I imagined that I would appear right behind him. I could maybe even fire off a witty one-liner or something.

I didn’t expect to be teleported literally a foot forward from where I was and to lose my balance and fall over.

Short-range teleports are disorienting, okay?

Jake was the first to recover. “Attack! Andrew, hit him with it!”

That doesn’t sound good.

I regained my feet and charged towards Andrew even as he began chanting. “Grant to my ally…”

Lindsey was in my way, but I managed to juke around her.

She whispered something, and I got a message from the System.

System: You are taunted and can only attack the taunter

I was worried that the condition would send me into a blind rage and force me to attack her, but we were both shocked when I could continue forward to Andrew just fine.

I guess it’s because I’m not trying to attack Andrew yet.

That also gave me an idea. I bet that I could target Andrew as long as it was AOE and included Lindsey. I tried to cast my new spell at a location that I thought would hit both Andrew and Lindsey.

“{Heck Blaze]!” I shouted as the spell fizzled, and two tiny licks of flame came out of my hand. Really!? I can’t cast this gosh darn spell because it has heck in the name!?

That gave Andrew plenty of time to finish his spell. “… swiftness and increased speed. [Haste]!”

His spell flew towards me, and I felt… Faster?

“Did you just buff my speed?” I asked incredulously.

However, the rest of the party wasn’t sitting idle. Emilia and Tim must have decided they had a clear shot because an arrow and an [Air Bolt] were sent my way.

I ducked and sidestepped out of the way, though I did stumble a bit when I did. The extra speed required a bit of compensating.

“It’s not working on him!” Andrew said frantically.

System: You are no longer taunted

I grinned. “No, it seems to be working fine.” I started peppering the helpless [Cleric] with [Fire Strikes]. “I spent 6 months going back and forth between level 1 and 3 [Hero]! A little extra speed won’t stop me!”

More arrows and spells were sent my way, but they were easy enough to dodge. Lindsey also approached and tried to take a swing at me, but I just kicked her away with an [Air Strike].

Meanwhile, Andrew was taking quite the beating. He would have gone down already, but he had the presence of mind to [Heal] and [Cure] himself, even while I was attacking.

“Lindsey! [Guard], Andrew!” Jake shouted as he tried to maneuver around his party members to get to me.

My next strike was blocked by Lindsey’s shield, but that wasn’t a problem. I doubled down and threw strikes everywhere at him. I even took an [Air Bolt] to the face and kept going.

Why? Because everywhere I tried to attack, Lindsey’s [Guard] skill forced her to jerk around and block it. She couldn’t mount any sort of counterattack, and I moved her in the way of Garrett and Jake when they got in range to try to help.

… I’m not going to lie. The jerking and flailing that the [Guard] skill made her do also looked completely ridiculous.

Eventually, the blocks stopped, and Lindsey stood there panting.

Out of stamina, eh?

I kicked her away with an [Air Strike].

Main tank down. [Cleric] next.

However, that was easier said than done. Garrett and Jake were now in range to flank me. Fortunately, I had an out there. Jake didn’t have his aura up.

I sent a pulse of wrath aura at Garrett, and he immediately began screaming. He charged me and almost knocked Jake out of his way.

The [Berserkers] wide swings were easy to dodge in comparison, and he also took an arrow or two that I baited him into. Meanwhile, my latest [Fire Strike] took Andrew to the ground.

5 to go.

I peppered Garrett with [Fire Strikes] while also keeping him between Jake and me. Eventually, the big lug went down.

It was just Jake and the ranged attackers left.

“Sam! Quit gawking and help!” Jake called.

“Oh, fine!” she grimaced. “Titus, I’m sorry! [Dual cast]! [Quick Cast]!”

Bolts of all kinds flew at me, even [Fire Bolts]. I dodged most of them, but that left me open for the main threat. Jake.

I was off balance and couldn’t dodge, so I tried to block it with an [Earth Strike] instead.

I promptly screamed in pain as there was no clang of attack hitting attack, and his sword instead just sliced through my hand and devastated my HP.

He blinked in surprise. “Did you just try to punch my sword?” he asked.

I chuckled mirthlessly. “Maybe.”

From there, I was reduced to dodging and occasionally getting hit by a bolt spell. [Haste] had worn off, and I couldn’t afford to take another strike from the [Hero] and his OP sword.

I tried to also get Jake with a dave or two, but a single hit still killed the poor slimeballs.

“Give it up, Titus!” Jake called. “All you can do is stall!”

“Yup,” I replied with a smirk.

Jake’s eyes narrowed. “How could stalling possibly help you here?” he asked.

Wolf howls timed it better than I could have possibly hoped for.

“Like that,” I replied. Jake lost focus on me for a split-second on a vertical slash, and I had him.

I sidestepped the attack and stepped in closer to Jake. Then I grabbed the crossguard of his sword with my left hand while elbowing him with my right as an [Air Strike].

I expected for me to yank the sword from his hands and for him to be sent flying a few feet by the attack.

I forgot how grapples work.

Jake and I both went flying 3 feet forward and landed in a heap. However, I managed to yank the sword from his hands and put it into my inventory afterward.

Jake looked at me with shock as he realized what that meant.

“I win, [Hero],” I said simply as I stood up.

Emilia shot me with an arrow right after I said that, but I guess I should have expected that.

“Stand down!” I snapped.

Emilia nocked another arrow.

Jake held up a hand. “He’s right. Stop,” Jake called. “If he goes into his other form when I don’t have my sword, we’re all dead.”

I calmed a bit and then said. “We also have monsters on my side coming. So, you can either get your entire party into the dungeon right now, or you can try to face me and the oncoming monsters without half your party.”

Jake stood up and sighed. “Not a single point of damage on me, but I guess I have to surrender, don’t I?”

I nodded. “Yup. Unless you spontaneously picked up a [Martial Arts] skill.”

Then the monsters arrived. All tundra wolves. I corraled them into an army and then ordered them to not attack any of the party.

Jake convinced the rest of the party to stand down, and I just stood back and watched.

They used a potion on Andrew and got him back up to his feet, and I was glad that Jake’s [Survivalist Party] perk had worked as advertised. Andrew hadn’t bled off any HP after going down, so he had been in no danger of dying for real.

He [Healed] Garrett up, and then all of them went into the dungeon with my “army” and I watching over them.

The last one to enter was Sam. She had run over and picked up a dave and placed it on her shoulder.

“You still have that dave?” I asked as she walked by.

“Yes. David Junior was given to me by a dear friend,” she said. “And I’m still hoping he’ll come to his senses.”

I tried not to let it show, but that comment stung.

After a quick order to the daves to not attack, we were stuck in a stalemate.

“What now?” Jake asked. “Wounded, disarmed, half-dead party under a sea of slimes. What’re you going to do with us?”

“I’m going to let you go and clear the dungeon,” I said. “After I figure out how to give you your sword back in a way that you won’t immediately lop my head off.”

“I promise I won’t?” Jake offered.

I snorted. I looked down at the tundra wolves next to me and then up at the sea of daves.

I backed a bit away from the entrance and called one of the wolves to me. Then I pulled out the Hero’s Sword. “Can you drag this over there?” I asked.

The wolf dutifully obeyed and dragged the sword over by the hilt. I nodded.

Good enough.

I put the sword away and walked back over to the dungeon.

“Okay, [Hero],” I said. “I’m going to send a wolf back to you with your sword once I’ve left the zone.”

“And I’m just supposed to trust you?” he asked.

I shrugged. “You aren’t exactly in a position to bargain, so yeah.” I paused. “Also, I’ll do one better for you.” I turned my attention to the slimeballs. “Daves! When this wolf shows up with a sword in its mouth, attack all of the wolves outside!”

I could tell my army didn’t like that one bit, but I just growled at them. “You will do what I command and keep guarding this entrance until then.” The dissension died down, and I nodded.

I turned back to Jake. “Well then, [Hero]. See you at the fire dungeon.”

He paused and then said. “Yeah… Uh... See you then.”

He looked a bit distracted, and something felt off, but I turned and marched on my way. I had another dungeon to go set up.

----

Jake watched as Titus left. True to his word, hours later, a wolf came back with a sword in its mouth.

Not all of the daves attacked, but all of the ones closest to the entrance did. Jake almost felt sorry for the poor wolves as a sea of acid rained on them.

However, he just shook his head, retrieved his sword, and then looted the bodies.

“We are already lagging behind for the fire dungeon,” Tim complained. “At the current rate, he will beat us to both the fire and the air dungeons. Is our undertaking hopeless? Will we be forced to kill Titus if we wish to safeguard this world?”

Jake shook his head and addressed the party. “No. Because we’ve got one last card to play.” He paused. “I lied to Titus. We’re skipping the fire dungeon. After we clear ice, we’re headed straight to air.”